At a birthday party in NYC the other night, Precious herself, Gabby Sidibe, cuddled up to the most glamorous being on every planet in the universe, Joan Collins. Since Joan is a professor of glamour, the tips of her wig and her sparkly diamonds probably broke into a sweat when she saw Gabby's puffy vest (with FAKE FUR!). But Joan kept her comments to herself and instead they talked about diamonds, gold, champagne, caviar, corporate takeovers, Persian kittens, bubble baths and how Joan was in talks for the Mo'Nique role in Precious. Hopefully, they also discussed the possibility of working together in a remake of Big Business. That is exactly what the world needs right.

Here's more pictures of Precious and Alexis along with something called a Nikki Haskell who tried to turn that party for two into a threesome.

I also threw in some pictures of Gabby at the Me & Orson Welles premiere with purdy purdy Zac Efron. Fun fact: Whenever Zac Efron says the word, "precious," a peen learns how to pucker.

Lisa Rinna's face is usually covered with ten shades of lead paint, Spackle, plaster of Paris, resin and adobe mud, so she decided to Tweet a picture of herself in her natural state before the team from Extreme Facemakover arrived to work their magic on her. Lisa wrote:

"This is what it looks like before beauty team arrives. Just keepin it real ppl!"

Lisa Rinna in all her painted glory looks like she's about to get her wig snatched by a really hot Miss Gay Brazil contestant. And Lisa Rinna SANS FARDS looks like a zombie who just woke up after being frozen for 100 years. I'll say she looks better SANS FARDS since her lips don't totally look like they are filled with anal gland fluid like they do when she's got them painted up.

But honestly, this post was just an excuse to use "SANS FARDS" again.

via Jezebel

Dreamboat Doherty was forced to cancel a few gigs last month, because he was in the hospital for "exhaustion" and "breathing difficulties." Well, it seems that his heart was the bitch who had the tireds in a major way, because it grabbed a body pillow and took a long nap!

Dreamy tells NME (via The Sun) that his heart stopped beating and he had to be put on life support. You're probably peeling yourself off the floor right now after reading that Dreamy still has a semi-working heart. Yeah, we all figured his heart busted out of there a while ago and is sunning its ass cheeks on a beach in Thailand somewhere.

Dreamy explained, "If I hadn't been on a life support machine I'd have been in Ireland. But my heart stopped. It was a really strange turn of events. Obviously, the doctors' immediate thought was that it was to do with drugs but it wasn't - it was some kind of poisoning.

What happened? Well, I don't know, I don't remember. At the time I thought I was a taxi driver offering to take everyone to Elephant And Castle. I was running into the walls, making steering wheel signs with my hands. And then I just... stopped. My body just stopped.

I've always had a slight dickie heart, I was born with it. I'm fragile in there, you know?"

A DICKIE HEART?!!!? Is it hung? Does it pre-cum alot? Give it my number. It can find it in any stall at any men's rest stop bathroom from here to Gibraltar.

Dreamy swears he's not on the wrong stuff, but that "running into the walls" and "making steering wheel signs" behavior is shit my mom's cat does all the time. And that cat hits the pipe like it's part of his religion. But whatever you fart, Dreamy.

And really, it's okay to admit that the picture of Dreamy gave you the drips a little. Yes, the drips are probably your body's way of cleansing itself of seeing Dreamy in all his gory, but you still got the drips!

Over the weekend, Katie Price's cage fighting, cock tucking, cross-dressing sweetheart Alex Reid (Roxanne if you love it with lace) told the News of the World that he was going to travel to Australia to propose marriage to her. Well, I hope that sparkly engagement ring can easily be turned into a cock ring, because Katie Price quit Alex during her live exit interview for I'm A Blah Blah Blah....Get Me Blah Blah Blah.

Just as Roxanne was sashaying through an Australian airport on his way to the jungle, Katie Price said this: "I'd done a lot of reflecting. I've realized that I want to be on my own. I don't want to be in a relationship. I hope that we can remain friends. I'm not with him, no."

At that moment, Harvey Price got a jolt of the fever in him and jumped up, did the splits, jumped back up, did the moonwalk, swirled to the right, swirled to the left, did the Cabbage Patch and then shouted, "FUCKITY FUCK FUCK YES!"

Since Roxanne, like Katie, is a famewhore who just doesn't quit, he immediately queefed out this statement: "Following yesterday's surprise revelations that Alex Reid's relationship with Katie Price has apparently ended, Cage Fighter Films Ltd, with whom Alex has contractual obligations and responsibilities, would like to make it clear that he will continue with his business meetings associated with the film Cage Rage at undisclosed locations in Australia. Naturally there are ongoing telephone conversation between the couple, but Alex has no further comment to make at this time regarding the state of their relationship."

Business meetings?! ROXY STOP! Getting your prostate massaged by a ladyboy's dick doesn't count as a "business meeting." We're all adults here.

And start your watches, because it won't be long before a gorgeous-looking Roxanne (wearing the outfit above) and Peter Andre are holding hands on the cover of OK! Magazine with the headline: "Our mutual hate for Katie brought us together!"

Below is Katie's interview from last night. Skip to the 5:45 mark to watch her dump a bitch on live television:

Proof that homewrecking is genetic... whenever Sienna Miller's mum came to visit, the wives of the village put their husbands on ice. - magdalene

Runners-up:

After overcoming Tom's couch jumping incident and endless speculation over Suri's paternity, Katie's next hurdle is to explain to her daughter where Scientology babies come from. - ISprainedMyUvula

At Glamberace's Market, we offer a wide variety of fruits and meats - vermonster

A revamped Deal or No Deal has been picked up by Bravo - loozer

(Thanks Dan)

Nancy Zieman, host and executive producer of Sewing with Nancy!

Not only has Nancy hosted her sewing show since 1982, but she also has written ten million books on the subject and founded Nancy's Notions, a mail order catalog that sells........what else? Sewing shit, of course! Seriously, Nancy is hardcore when it comes to sewing. Don't fuck with her or she could sew your ass up. No, I'm serious. She could literally sew your asshole up with a fancy stitch and everything.

Linda Tripp (60)
Katherine Heigl (31)
Colin Hanks (32)
Shirley Henderson (44)
Ruben Santiago-Hudson (53)
Lee Michaels (64)
Billy Connolly (67)

Entertainment Tonight says that Janet Jackson and Colin Farrell had an "intimate" dinner together at the Polo Lounge in Beverly Hills last week. Colin and Janet were sitting side-by-side in a booth.

No, Janet was not using Colin's pubes to floss her teeth after their meal. No, Colin was not hitting Janet from the back while she was bent over the table. No, Janet was not dipping Colin's peen into blue cheese dressing and smothering it all over her lips. They were just having dinner. But obviously they must be swapping genital jelly, because celebwhores cannot have dinner together unless they are doing sex to each other. Factual.

And Colin's Polish girlfriend just had a baby! Colin should be at home burping babies, not running around town burping vaginas.

Birthday: March 15, 1933
Age: 76
Birth Name: Miguel de Mairena

Original Date of HS of the Day: November 22, 2009
Claim to Fame: Carmen is Spain's official tranny legend. Carmen is a TV star, a chanteuse and has also been known to get down in porn movies.

Where is she now? Carmen is either wrestling tarantulas in her backyard to glue onto her eyelids or she's injecting garden slugs into her lips.
Why is she HS of the Week? Because all of us secretly wish we will be plastic-faced tranny porn stars when we're 76 years-old. It's the truth.

Gawker took us back to 2006 by posting these pictures from someone's Facebook account of Katie Couric celebrating her new job as the anchor of the CBS Evening News by getting all messy on the dance floor. I've always known that Dan Rather could smash lights with his crotch thrusts, but who knew Katie Couric could pop that asshole like it's Groundhog Day!?

Katie is giving FACE, BOOTY, SPAKLE, FACE in all of these pictures. Homegirl definitely has the sweet nectar running through her veins. AND HOW!

I love how she's just backing her junk up to anything in her way. Make it rain dollars, Katie!