Friday, November 20th 2009

Why Can't They Just Let The Rainbow Be Great?

In case you're just joining us, you should know that Aerosmith is a wreck. And if you ask the band, most of them will say that the thorn in all of their colostomy bags is Steven Tyler (aka Motherfucker, The Rainbow).

Joe Perry already said that Aerosmith plans to go on with the show without Steven Tyler. But last week, Steven crashed one of Joe's concert and declared that he wasn't going anywhere. Well, Joe and the rest of the pepaws think Steven should go far away. Preferably to a little place where they make you talk about your emotions while drinking black coffee. Basically, they think he needs rehab.

Joey Kramer, the band's drummer, told People, "I think that he needs help and that attention needs to be put to his health. He's got some bad influences in his life right now and he's making poor choices." Joey hinted that he thinks Steven is on that narcotic again.

Aerosmith's guitarist Brad Whitford added, "His behavior is spinning out of control. I don't know where he is and what he's doing."

Steven's spokeswhore said that they don't need to worry about The Rainbow! He's simply taking some time off from the band to record his solo album, work on a book and smoke up a lot of heroin. I made that last part up! The Rainbow claims he's as sober as a baby bunny. Actually, I don't know how sober baby bunnies are. Those bitches are always winking and jumping around like a crackhead at midnight. They got that junkie twitch. Hmm...I wonder what's in their food? Now I know what I'm going to put in my bong this weekend.

Personally, I think Steven is just one of those natural crackheads. You know, those hos who act strung out, but aren't. They are primarily known as "Born-Again Christians."

But the pepaws of Aerosmith know Steven better than we do, so if they think he needs to marinate in the tank for a few, then I'll take their word for it. However, they shouldn't even entertain the idea of replacing Steven! THE RAINBOW is Aerosmith.

Posted by: Michael K


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,mnbbv

true god of rock....let steven tyler perform next to any other rock performer...they might as well stand still...he is the rainbow

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Mrs.Kravitz's picture

Wait...who is this dude?
Dude look like a lady.

-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
Um, um, Look to the cookie Elaine. Look to the cookie.

There must be some envy going around in that band. Not a big Aerosmith fan, but know Steven Tyler is the band. Fact is, he's sober. And works really hard at it.

What's up with the lynch mob of mediocre talent? They'd be rehearsing in a garage if it were not for him.

And, I'd like point out that the guy's an exceptionally well-behaved rock star. Twenty-five years ago when he was on the suicide train of addiction, temptation, and accidental death, it was cool to have a raging addict self-immolate publicaly (Keith Richards is another unfortunate victim of this drug cluster fuck).

Now, that he's sincerely dedicated to staying on the beam (we all fall off here and there; and being a rock god makes it that much harder to keep it simple); his band of bitches (don't even know who they are) is giving him the limp elbow.

No doubt record company has blown smoke up their ass, playing on their borderline retarded arrogance. Dudes, check your egos, even as a non-fan I know that Aerosmith is nothing without Steven Tyler.

I'll happily attend the "new" band's gigs at venues like a half empty Nokia Theatre and laugh my ass off. And next year, it'll be venues in the outer boroughs (also half empty). Within 5 years you'll be just like the Rascals. A has-been cover band.

Keep your crown jewel, however difficult he might be. You'll be pulling a leg off to kick yourself in the head if you don't.

Friend of Steven T.

z-listed's picture

SAY IT AGAIN:
However, they shouldn't even entertain the idea of replacing Steven! THE RAINBOW is Aerosmith.

**************************************************

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cprincess's picture

"Submitted by the Blinding on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 11:09am.except that Keith Richards was telling Amy Winehouse to get her shit together and get off the drugs last year. they're all hypocrites the minute they have 30 days under their belts. heroin addiction is ROUGH though. its not like getting off of coke or meth. the withdrawal is a week long and the whole time, your brain is trying to convince the rest of your body you're going to DIE if you don't get that last fix. God speed, Tyler! stick to the herb, mate."

Oh dear-another know it all about the effects of different drugs...
As someone who is a sober addict-let me tell you that it is NOT just about the physical craving and then the kicking from heroin-if that were the case then the medical withdrawal( where they knock you out and withdraw you chemically in a hospital) would be working for everyone when in fact the sucess rate is low with that method...
Quite simply if an addict( be they coke,crack,crystal or booze) dosent find something else to fill the void then they will be back at the straw, pipe or needle eventually.
Its a spiritual solution dude....

"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"

Winnyfranfran's picture

Are we sure he is just not getting senile?

Whamo's picture

Most people couldn't even name one other person in the band! He is Aerosmith!
After listening to that Jlo song it makes you realize have fucked the music industry really is.

Long live Steven...Long live rock!!!!!!!!

Few Words's picture

a chamois & leather conditioner
will work wonders on him
finish if off with Armor All

SilentWitness's picture

Hate him already.

Centaurious's picture

He has, like, Hohan hair...mid-morph.

________________________________
"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."

jonnobaas_sea's picture

Steven Tyler is dead. He is a dried apricot in a bag you will eat over Thanksgiving.

"You cross me again Rosie & I'll make a handbag out of you."

Big Bertha's picture

i heard/read somewhere a long time ago that people that wear lots of rings are emotionally unbalanced.

Wren's picture

Personally, I think Steven is just one of those natural crackheads. You know, those hos who act strung out, but aren't. They are primarily known as "Born-Again Christians."

And I found my signature. Lol!

Mrs Patrick Campbell's picture

We thought it was an ugly old fish!!!!

What on earth has Steven done to his face?

Is Steven a Friend of Dorothy?

Discuss!

M.E.'s picture

After all these years, he's back to the bad shit? At what age do you finally say, I'm too old for this shit?

the Blinding's picture

Submitted by Deb on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 10:12am.
Hear! Hear! Ironically, Tyler is known as a poor man's Mick Jagger.
At least Keith Richards owns his fuck-upedness. He never preached and demanded that others around him stay clean and sober because HE couldn't handle temptation, like Mr. Tallarico here.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

except that Keith Richards was telling Amy Winehouse to get her shit together and get off the drugs last year. they're all hypocrites the minute they have 30 days under their belts. heroin addiction is ROUGH though. its not like getting off of coke or meth. the withdrawal is a week long and the whole time, your brain is trying to convince the rest of your body you're going to DIE if you don't get that last fix. God speed, Tyler! stick to the herb, mate.

Deb's picture

Submitted by Centaurious on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 10:03am.
The only one who can pull off this look is Keith Richards.

Anyone else looks like...well, Steven Tyler.

Hear! Hear! Ironically, Tyler is known as a poor man's Mick Jagger.
At least Keith Richards owns his fuck-upedness. He never preached and demanded that others around him stay clean and sober because HE couldn't handle temptation, like Mr. Tallarico here.

I say fuck it. All the members of Aerosmith are richer than God and nearly as old. They should hang it up. Let Steven party his ass off 'til he croaks. He can afford staff to clean up the puke or call 911 for his nasty old ass.

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

tommyboy's picture

The irrelevant members of Aerosmith need to all kneel and kiss the asshole of STEVEN TYLER,they are nothing without Him. He belongs on a golden throne with his feet resting on pillows made from the shed feathers of archangels wings while all the rainbows that are,ever were ,or ever will be,surround his head like a brilliant magical aura. Let time stand still and wait the next move of St. Steven.

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Diamond Dung's picture

The Rainbow looks as though he's half a chromosome away from being a fucking baboon.

dreadpiratecuervo's picture

Pepaws don't need any of the bad shit or the worst shit. Have some chamomile tea & hit a meeting, Dude Looks Like A Lady.

you're about as useful as a cock-flavored lollipop - Patches O'Houlihan

Centaurious's picture

The only one who can pull off this look is Keith Richards.

Anyone else looks like...well, Steven Tyler.

________________________________
"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."

EvilShoe's picture

You know, I sort of understand why they hang around, they're probably trying to save us all from the shit music of today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Christmas is around the corner!

Submitted by Bowchickawawa on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:36am.

Of course, the Grateful Dead were the original jam band with absolutely no talent for singing. (No wonder you had to take drugs to listen)

__________________________________________________

Oh jazzfish_77, that is so not true. Some of the somes were sungs poorly but the lyrics, especially those written by Robert Hunter, are beautiful. Once you pay attention and listen to them, it doesn't bother you that Jerry's voice is/was a bit nasaly. I've been to coutless GD shows and shows put on by the surviving members since Jerry's death, completely straight and it's great. As a matter of fact, it is the younguns that show up high and drunk. Us older Dead Heads usually can't afford to get wasted because we have too many responsibilities the next day. Not to say drugs aren't a strong presence in that scene because they are it's just that the majority of the fans aren't on them. It's a common misconception that is cleared once you go to a show.
====
I've been to many Dead shows. Bob Dylan is nasally. Jerry is off key, Bobby constantly sings flat, Phil is hopeless, Donna is screechy, and Pigpen and Brent had soul. I understand there is a huge appeal for the Dead, but as far as singing goes - in general, they can't.

Supertramp's picture

Aerosmith made 2 good albums Dream On & Toys in the Attic.
After that, everything sounds recycled. I agree that Steven Tyler (and the entire band while we're at it) need to call it a day and enjoy their royalty checks.

angel_i's picture

Submitted by Bowchickawawa on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:36am.

Of course, the Grateful Dead were the original jam band with absolutely no talent for singing. (No wonder you had to take drugs to listen)

__________________________________________________

Oh jazzfish_77, that is so not true. Some of the somes were sungs poorly but the lyrics, especially those written by Robert Hunter, are beautiful.
********************************

O - I think he knows the lyrics are good. It's the SINGING. That being said - they tried singing some pretty complicated harmonies and could actually do it sometimes! I've heard tracks.

♥ Threadkilla!
"This piece of art caused me to have an emotional reaction. Is that normal?!" ~ Tom Haverford: Parks and Recreation.

Webberbear's picture

I think it started in 2005, when Steven's wife of almost 20 years left him for the contractor they hired to do repairs on their house. Steven had throat surgery in 2006, multiple leg surgeries in 2008, also lost his mom in 2008, and the icing was this summer's broken shoulder. Getting old and life's roadbumps suck, even when you've got millions.....

snowpiece's picture

LOL TV

****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown

Bowchickawawa's picture

Of course, the Grateful Dead were the original jam band with absolutely no talent for singing. (No wonder you had to take drugs to listen)

__________________________________________________

Oh jazzfish_77, that is so not true. Some of the somes were sungs poorly but the lyrics, especially those written by Robert Hunter, are beautiful. Once you pay attention and listen to them, it doesn't bother you that Jerry's voice is/was a bit nasaly. I've been to coutless GD shows and shows put on by the surviving members since Jerry's death, completely straight and it's great. As a matter of fact, it is the younguns that show up high and drunk. Us older Dead Heads usually can't afford to get wasted because we have too many responsibilities the next day. Not to say drugs aren't a strong presence in that scene because they are it's just that the majority of the fans aren't on them. It's a common misconception that is cleared once you go to a show.

Flatbush Hooker IS BACK's picture

He makes amazing music and his kids are gorgeous
but wtf is he trying to purposely ruin his already "bad grandpa" image by generating all The negative press??? Does Aerosmith really need to sink that low to get new fanbase? Just retire already!

<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>
I doubt anyone would want to motorboat in Kim Kardashians bush garden
but no doubt some would want to swim in Paris Hilton's crab buffet

TheBreakdown's picture

No!

Steven Tyler should die on stage!

And he is getting close!

Let this old ho have his day!

***************************************

http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:

xadesmultimedia@gmail.com

Submitted by xerquina on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:25am.

Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:21am.

Submitted by Team Valtrex on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:16am.

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:06am.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 8:58am.
well there is Twilight. do fat slutty teens count?
====
If you are drunk then yes, yes they do.

mike's picture

They just need to fucking retire. Do they or any of their fans really think that their best work is ahead of them?

I'm sure if you asked the band, you'd get the "loving what we do" bullshit. I'm also sure the reality is that they did a piss-poor job of managing their money, so that now, if they want to maintain the lifestyle to which they're accustomed, they have no choice BUT to continue working.

Team Valtrex's picture

Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:21am.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:16am.

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:06am.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 8:58am.
Sure, a legendary band like Aerosmith has to break up, yet we can't get the Jonas Brothers to die in a fiery plane crash.
-----------------------------------

for the right price, it could happen... just sayin'
***********************************************

How much for a commando raid on the Disney "music" recording studio? We can advance the artform by leaps and bounds inside of ten minutes.
=====

I'm in! But first we have to figure out where teen-aged sluts will come from if we close down Disney.
************************************************

New Jersey

***********************************************
"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"

EveryStrangersEyes's picture

Submitted by Team Valtrex on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:16am.
How much for a commando raid on the Disney "music" recording studio?

hold on a sec...*clears throat*... *makes best Earl Shive impression*... $39.99!

-----------------------------
"And if I ever lose my eyes
If my colors all run dry
Yes, if I ever lose my eyes
Oh, if... I won't have to cry no more"

xerquina's picture

Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:21am.

Submitted by Team Valtrex on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:16am.

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:06am.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 8:58am.
well there is Twilight. do fat slutty teens count?

Submitted by Team Valtrex on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:16am.

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:06am.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 8:58am.
Sure, a legendary band like Aerosmith has to break up, yet we can't get the Jonas Brothers to die in a fiery plane crash.
-----------------------------------

for the right price, it could happen... just sayin'
***********************************************

How much for a commando raid on the Disney "music" recording studio? We can advance the artform by leaps and bounds inside of ten minutes.
=====

I'm in! But first we have to figure out where teen-aged sluts will come from if we close down Disney.

hotmess119's picture

What did THE RAINBOW think was gonna happen? He has obviously had facelifts, etc. I think he got hooked on the good-time pills they prescribed him for pain, and of course that just led right back to the smack.
I hate rich people who just get to sit around and be high all day. I have to worry about shit like cleaning the cat litter box and cleaning boogs out of my kids' noses.
Aerosmithhas had their day, just waddle off into the sunset, boys. If Steven wants to go out in a big blaze of rainbows and sequined scarves, well, that is his right as a GD AMERICAN.
Shit. It took me 4 tries to spell American correctly. Goodbye.

babybunny's picture

speaking on behalfof baby bunnies..I am high on reproducing, and lettuce, man...all natural stuff! Thought I would throw that in since I represent the bun-buns... all joking aside, I never really believed Steven was sober....he is just to whacked out...anytime I see him to believe that shit. Most people who are sober get mellower with age, not the opposite. Anyhow, I have a purring machine in my lap, making it impossible to type...have a good day sluts!

Team Valtrex's picture

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:06am.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 8:58am.
Sure, a legendary band like Aerosmith has to break up, yet we can't get the Jonas Brothers to die in a fiery plane crash.
-----------------------------------

for the right price, it could happen... just sayin'
***********************************************

How much for a commando raid on the Disney "music" recording studio? We can advance the artform by leaps and bounds inside of ten minutes.

***********************************************
"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"

Submitted by xerquina on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:13am.

Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:11am.
are you sure we're talking about a ape here or
did your son run you off? ;p
=====

Ape.

*wraps impotent peen around xerquina's neck*

Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:08am.

Submitted by DonkeyPunched on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:05am.

I like solos, but I NEED lyrics. Otherwise I feel like Im some fucked up trance/rave party.
**************************************

I think that's what I mean, achally. Now, it's like you get one or the other. We used to mix them, man! I was just listening to old tunes the other day and thinking - yeah, I can really get into the EMOTION of this song and one of the reasons is that they stop just to play with the music off and on...it gives the lyrics so much more power, IM(ns)HO.
====

Seriously. I usually favor the music over the lyrics, but everytime someone tries to turn me onto some jam band, I am shocked at how bad the singing is. Of course, the Grateful Dead were the original jam band with absolutely no talent for singing. (No wonder you had to take drugs to listen)

angel_i's picture

Submitted by DonkeyPunched on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:10am.

Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:08am.

I see what you are saying and I agree...

Are we old now?

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Yes. We are old. I realized that when it occurred to me that I could have feasibly birthed Hef's girlfriends.

♥ Threadkilla!
"This piece of art caused me to have an emotional reaction. Is that normal?!" ~ Tom Haverford: Parks and Recreation.