At Least Ojani Noa Still His Calendar
Sad Ojani Noa is sad, because a judge has once again shat on his plans to use an 11-hour "sexy tape" he made with his ex-wife JLo for a mockumentary about his life. The judge officially blocked Ojani from releasing the tape and said he will go to jail if he releases even a second of it. JLo's lawyers will return to court to make the injunction permanent.
After the judge dick slapped him in the face again, Ojani Noa shuffled out of the courtroom with his thumb in his ass and tears on his sasquatch brows. Ojani cried to the reporters outside of the court house, "They're trying to stop me from making my documentary and I'm fighting for my rights. They're not being fair. It's not about the money. It's about my life." Ojani says he plans to continue with his $100 million against JLo. In the meantime....
Ojani whipped out a calendar he made using the second best disposable camera on the market and the finest paper Kinko offers. Apparently, he's going to try to sell that shit next week. Unfortunately, the proceeds will not go towards the "Get This Hairy Bitch Some Hot Tweezers Fund." Ojani is selling it, because his checking account has flatlined.
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Michael K! Bitch pleeze!! You know you would hit this hairy catepillar all day and all night! He sort of looks like a more latin version of Will from Will and Grace...aye! aye! aye! I bet he has a big chorizo in his pants :)
HOw come all these other celebs....term used loosely...like Kim K, Pam Anderson, Eric Dane can have photos/videos released and this guy can't touch her w a 10 ft pole???
Ride the spiral to the end you may just go where no ones been. SPIRAL OUT
of all JLow's husbands, Skeletor included, Chris Judd was the nicest and hottest...all these others, I have to wonder what the hell this fat ugly no talent JLow was thinking... I mean for realz....this unibrow disaster, to Skeletor, her dancer was really the best looking and most normal..she should have stuck with him. Skeletor is just as bad a nightmare as this hairy one is...
Can't get past this guy's brows or general hairiness.
I do wish they had allowed that boring ass tape of JHo to be used - I love to laugh at that bitch.
Good lord is that hair growing around his back and on his shoulders? What a putz.
You guys are hilarious! "The calendar will be a best seller in all the gay bookstores in Iraq."
This guy needs to hook up with Michael Lohan and get a spot in his ex husband pathetic show. He's not even in Jon Gosslin territory. How freaking pathetic is that?
At least Chris Judd scored some reality show gig after his divorce because he was such a victim of JLo's greedy ass.
This guy needs to get himself a real job.
Starbucks is always hiring!
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"Let's unleash the defense lawyers." Nancy Grace.
All I can say is that Ojani is a parasite. I met the guy back in the days when he was just a waiter at Gloria Estefan's restaurant in South Beach. After he met Jlo and she did Selena and pretty much launched her career, the guy became a "Model" thx to her.
She still took care of him after they divorced giving him a job at Madres, but he got fired, and the restaurant I believed is closed now.
How come you don't see Chris Judd doing this shit? no, because the guy actually works.
I don't like Jennifer Lopez, but no one deserves to have a parasite living out one's earned money, beside they been divorced for a long time, and everything was provided by her, he is just mad he lost his lottery ticket and living the good life.
"Canta y Encanta a tu Pueblo Tigresa"
mother superior !!!!!!!!!
i am behaving !
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FUCK YEAH MEMEBON !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/peaches2709/
http://fuckyeahmemebon.tumblr.com/
Watch me, watch me. Pay me attention!
Meh....
This story is useless without full frontal nude photos of Ojani.
JLo should have this broke bitch 'taken care of'.
No one would miss him or his brow.
And he totally took these photos from 1999 when he probably was looking like that and just now decides to sell this calendar?
Talk about recycling!
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http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:
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Yanno, my ex-husband was so non-hairy, he had nothing from the waist up (TMI? Sorry!). It was bland. My current boyfriend can have sexy stubble, looks like a MAN, and is total yum. And even though he's from Chile, he looks a lot like this Cuban guy. If my man's brows ever become a unibrow, I would slip some tweezers in his Christmas stocking. Until then, I'm enjoying the change from my ex, who seriously could NOT grow facial hair, other than a goatee and a soul patch. And I've seen a lot worse than Ojani's brows on other people, being a former cosmetology student who had to do waxing! So, though I don't have much to say about this guy as a character, I think he's pretty hot.
Oh, also when he gets older I may have to do something, because eyebrows tend to get very VERY unruly as you age. My mom has to keep my dad's eyebrows in check! It's insane!!!!
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"Christmas is around the corner." Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!!
I wouldn't marry him, but I would totally fuck his brains out.
Wad? Now he tries to cash in on her.
Whoever said it is right. He has been selling his stupid calendars for the last 10 years and he hasn't sold any. Kinko's spiral bound crap.
A SPIRAL BOUND calendar? Kinko's is right. As Bubble would say, how very common.
Submitted by smokeybaconflavour on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 12:43am.
I'd still hit it. That's the kind of guy you bang a few times and move on, not marry. JLo is a dumb ass.
In his defense, he was the first cock she rode out of poverty and into fame. Next was Diddy's.
Karma is a bigger bitch than she is.
I'd still hit it. That's the kind of guy you bang a few times and move on, not marry. JLo is a dumb ass.
P.S. Why is he crawling out of the wood work now that JLo has become irrelevant? He should have done this 9 years ago.
i'm really serious about this calendar..screw you all...wanted to give .20% atleast to some...lol
Coma Caca!!
Is porn really beneath him? I mean, a calendar?
He should do a porn reenactment of the allegedly "JLo: Nalga-2-Nalga" 11-hour marathon and cash in while he is ridding the gossip filler wave.
Submitted by salacious on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 12:06am.
As for the brow situation, us men should be plucking them unless we got a case of the unibrow. His is perfectly acceptable. You don't fuck his brows, nor do they give you head, so what gives?
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AMEN!!!
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"Christmas is around the corner." Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!!
Couldn't he pay somebody five bucks to raid his home and "steal" the tape? Shiiii.
I'm no fan of drama-queen rich-bitch JLoad (Jennie from the block; are you fucking kidding me?), but I've got to ask: is this dude trying to win "Douchebag of the Year"? He's got strong competition from michael lohan & jon gosselin. He's gonna have to take it to the next level, or he's toast.
What do you want to bet his tape gets "stolen" and ends up in the public domain somehow? That way, he'll be able to use it anyway he wants, and there's not a damn thing she can do about it. Tape being "stolen" in 3...2...1...NOW!
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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits
pull my nipples!!
Coma Caca!!
As for the brow situation, us men should be plucking them unless we got a case of the unibrow. His is perfectly acceptable. You don't fuck his brows, nor do they give you head, so what gives?
I hate when all these reggaeton posers try to pass for tough guys while sporting a manicured brow, I go "chola, please". And what about these girlie boys such as the Zermafrodon? Ugh.
Submitted by salacious on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 11:58pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 11:22pm.
Marry me? Our souls are already one...in an entirely DListed sort of way, of course...
I can't deny the connection with fellow Dlisters... but marriage? I need bigger eyebrows for that, or sharpie-thin ones. And divorce should be fun when we try to sell each other out with sex tapes. That would be the Dlisted way.
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Sex tapes for everybody! Yay!
♥ Threadkilla!
"I told him to tell her to be herself. I think he did and now she's bein a whore!"
~ david Letterman - Staff Fucker
http://www.bestofthe2000s.com/media5.html
"piggy is listed and dlisted isn't! Fuckers." ~ TITS VOTE!
Sheeeiit. Chester the rabbit has nicer teefs than this putz.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ml7615009kc
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 11:22pm.
Marry me? Our souls are already one...in an entirely DListed sort of way, of course...
I can't deny the connection with fellow Dlisters... but marriage? I need bigger eyebrows for that, or sharpie-thin ones. And divorce should be fun when we try to sell each other out with sex tapes. That would be the Dlisted way.
I would hit that with gusto--with open arms and with wide opened legs! There is no accounting for taste; and according to gay nazis, I have none! So why fight a losing battle--go with what I know and with what I like. And let me tell you--I likey him! Hairy--MMM!
Wow. This shit is all kinds of fucked up - from the teeth to the calendar to the brows to the suit...
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It really was love at first hate. ~ MK
Again, gotta say it. I'm obviously in the minority, but this guy looks so much like my chilean boyfriend, and I think he's pretty hot. My boyfriend, that is. But this guy isn't bad if I just said he looked him. My boyfriend is respected, though, and that's even hotter.
To each his/her own.
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"Christmas is around the corner." Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!!
Submitted by salacious on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 11:17pm.
What is wrong with the world? Don't they know that this high ridin' cunt deserves the humiliation? Hell, he knows this is not worth a $100 million, it's simply priceless.
Please, someone give this judge a blowjob to make this happen. In these dark times , the world needs a feel good story.
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Marry me? Our souls are already one...in an entirely DListed sort of way, of course....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
What is wrong with the world? Don't they know that this high ridin' cunt deserves the humiliation? Hell, he knows this is not worth a $100 million, it's simply priceless.
Please, someone give this judge a blowjob to make this happen. In these dark times , the world needs a feel good story.
eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww
No money and he looks like Burt or Ernie. YET he still is hotter than Marc Anthony.
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@Team Valtrax -Where else can you go to school and have such easy access to crack?
Could you believe I was clean the whole time. No weed, just beer...I hated being there and couldn't wait to get the fuck out to 287 and not kill the homeless dude in his wheelchair. And where I living at the time? THE JERSEY SHORE!! I saw those freaks and weirdos constantly getting arrest for pissin' in parking lots., etc, etc, We called it the Shore "The International Destination for Bennies". Its like these people don't know any better.
Done ranting. Mr. Skull made me watch promos for this MTV bullshit which made me feel stabby.
'Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder? "
Sadly, I find Ohelltotheno hot as f***. I'd fall for him faster and harder than his ex on stage at an awards show.
Of course I'd have to first crumple up that ghetto calendar he made and shove it in his piehole to keep him from talking.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 10:26pm.
After landing on her ass at that awards show, even JoLo deserves a good lawyer. It reminded me of the end of Paula Abdul's career when she made a similar appearance in a song and dance looking chunky and someone took the tape and dubbed hundreds of farts into it.
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hahahha texn you funnee fucker!
that's just what her 'performance' needs - some walking farts.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
A Dlisted Public Service Announcement: http://www.paris-kim.com/potholes/munch.htm
http://bit.ly/1rcnEc
http://www.wired.co.uk/news/archive/2009-03/24/reports-of-my-death.aspx?...
It's not about the money? Bullshit. You can tell he's lying, it's written in his brows.
JHo has absolutely no standards. Imagine that your best piece ever looked like Ben Affleck. Sad.
Submitted by karmaskull on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 10:47pm.
Where else can you go to school and have such easy access to crack?
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
@Team Valtrex - Newark! You're giving me Rutgers flashbacks to going to school in the ghetto.
Yeah, Jello is an asshat, but this guy is like my ugly first boyfriend. You know, you just look at the pictures and cringe. She has at least upgraded up the fame pyramid a few times.
While she & Skeletor can't be getting too warm in their coffin, but this dude just seems pathetic & creepy.
"Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder? "
This d-bag is doing everything he can to bring J.Lo down...and I support that.
Ok - so the guy wants to make a video to help Cuban refugees cuz he was a Cuban refugee (or something)? But he simply can NOT make this video if it doesn't include sex scenes with JLo? Does he take his advice from Caitlin Upton (Miss Such As)?
♥ Threadkilla!
"I told him to tell her to be herself. I think he did and now she's bein a whore!"
~ david Letterman - Staff Fucker
http://www.bestofthe2000s.com/media5.html
"piggy is listed and dlisted isn't! Fuckers." ~ TITS VOTE!
OOOOh I wanna make a calendar....hmmm
Coma Caca!!
Crazy aside, I'd fuck the shit out of him and lick his eyebrows for hours.
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Submitted by xerquina on Thu, 11/12/2009 - 1:59pm.
suckandfuck you are by far the most vile person here
Team V.,
That's not a sexual euphemism, is it?
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ASUUU MADREEE!!!!!
The calendar will be a best seller in all the gay bookstores in Iraq.
Submitted by blueangel on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 10:29pm.
It's not about the money, it's about his life? This fool was only married to JLo for a year and that was probably 10 years ago. What has he been doing since then? Trying to sell a calendar?
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I think he tried to sell me a bag of oranges at Exit 13a in Newark, NJ last month.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 10:29pm.
Submitted by Pearl_Necklace on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 10:27pm.
I want JLo crying dammit. He needs to have his house "broken into" and the tape "stolen." Yeah, he won't make any money, but he'll make my heart glow. Come on, Mupped Brows, give Lindsey's burglars a call.
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I can make this happen. I mean, how secure can an old refrigerator box under a freeway overpass really be?
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lol! Depends -- if he's subleased the frige to a crackhead. Them mofos can be VICIOUS about their overpass territory ;D