But What Does Suri Get?!
In the new issue of OK! Magazine, they claim Stepford Katie has agreed to get sexy with a turkey baster filled with L. Ron Hubbard's frozen sperm as long as Tommy Girl puts $75 million in her piggy bank. Yeah, I don't know why the Scientology scientists have yet to find a way for Tommy Girl to carry his own spawn. I mean, he has the tits for it. But whatever.
According to some source, Stepford Katie plans to give Tommy a Scientology golden child sometime next year. The source went on to say a bunch of shit that really doesn't make sense, “She no longer feels like she’s just Mrs. Cruise. She’s her own person again. She and Tom have their disagreements, but deep down they love each other very much. That’s what is important.”
No, what's important is that he's giving her $75 million so that one day she can cleanse herself of his craziness in a tub full of liquid gold. You know what else is important? The fact that Suri isn't even mentioned in this article! Suri is the one who is sacrificing the most!
A baby will disturb Suri's beauty sleep, gnaw on her prized kitten heels, slobber all over her favorite lipsticks and steal from her stash of booze. Suri is the one who should be getting $75 million, because a stupid baby is going to RUIN HER LIFE!
P.S. - Nicole Kidman needs to stop. We don't care that the burrito she ate is giving her the farts.
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I don't care about TomKat anymore.
what ever happened to Nicole and Tom's kids??????
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Katie is a fool. Tom is a person who seems to want to control everything and everybody around him, whether or not its on the set of a movie or at home. She'll never be an equal partner and will always be Mrs. Tom Cruise the Stepford Wife.
Tom Cruise has got to be the saddest homo in history. Yes, he is rich, but his entire life is a lie. The worst part about it is that most people know he is a fraud and he still thinks he is getting away with it. I guess his boyfriend will have to blow him again and them spit between Katie's legs. Time for a new baby!
This is sick and sad and totally fucked up on so many levels that I I do not care to even delve further into this bullshit!
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We feel Tammy will come to a very bad end - suicide? murder-suicide?
Discuss!
Does Tammy really HAVE $75 million to drop on this?
We understand that - at least as of about 5 years go - Tammy would normally pay $5000 to have a very hot str8 number corn-hole her.
So with inflatia being what it is she needs to watch her pennies so she will be able to keep herself supplied with meat in her golden years.
What's up with Katie trying to make herself look as ugly as possible? Does Xenu has something against beauty too?
Oh, so THAT's the going rate for selling your child to the devil these days IN THIS ECONOMY.
Good to know :\
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Submitted by bourgie on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 9:44pm.
. . . My thinking is how did he make Suri? The cynic in me says yeah it's L. Ron Hubbard's sperm but could medicine have advanced since way back then where they could have removed the problem of Tom's sterility?
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I know a little something about this. I was engaged to a guy who had had mumps when he was 13 and he was sterile. He went to some of the best fertility docs to see if there was anything the docs could do for them and the short answer was no. We were told our best bet was to find a sperm donor-maybe one of his younger brothers if they would agree to it. Oh, and this was back in 2001 so unless they have made a huge leap in the area of male fertility treatments I would bet the technology that is out there would not help Tommy Girl if indeed he is sterile due to mumps as it is rumored.
This makes me think of what a friend once said about being offered a job at McMurdo Station in Antarctica. Sure, the money is good, that's because you can't go anywhere and spend it.
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Really don't mind if you sit this one out
My words but a whisper, your deafness a shout
--Jethro Tull
Suri is gonna throw a bitchfit when she finds out that a bebe isn't just a doll, and that it means that Mommy, Mommy 2, and the COS slaves won't have just her to spoil rotten anymore.
Good for her! If she is going to have her pussy stretched, she might as well get paid for it!
Submitted by fuzzyslippers on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 9:33pm.
Submitted by AmberChella on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 8:44pm.
I love that OK! Magazine costs 50 cents. How can anyone put creed in a publication that costs less than a travel packet of kleenex.
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Don't be fooled! Those motherfuckers make it look like it's only $.50, but look closer!!
"FIFTY CENTS!!!...
less than us weekly!"
Bastards. That's how they get you.
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OMG! I was dlisting on my BB...the image was teeny-tiny. Haha! I never buy this kind of thing, just swipe them from people's desks or waiting rooms!
You know that's why I could not believe that Suri is Tommy's. I remember the sterile thing from waaaay back. That's why he and Nicole adopted. When she got preggers he knew it wasn't his so he dumped her just in time before their 10 year mark where he would have had to give boucoup dollars for a divorce. My thinking is how did he make Suri? The cynic in me says yeah it's L. Ron Hubbard's sperm but could medicine have advanced since way back then where they could have removed the problem of Tom's sterility?
Submitted by AmberChella on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 8:44pm.
I love that OK! Magazine costs 50 cents. How can anyone put creed in a publication that costs less than a travel packet of kleenex.
&&&
Don't be fooled! Those motherfuckers make it look like it's only $.50, but look closer!!
"FIFTY CENTS!!!...
less than us weekly!"
Bastards. That's how they get you.
What the hell kind of a dress is Nicole Kidman wearing ? It looks like a shower curtain
Dude, I love your site. You're the funniest. I just want to say thanks for the laughs. The way you express things is hysterical. Your site is my favorite. If I ever need a laugh, I know where to go.
Submitted by PoodleLover on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 7:40pm.
Also, am I the only person who thinks that Suri is really Tom and KT's kid? She looks like a cross between both of them.
No. At first she looked a lot like katiebot but Suri is sporting a mix between that crazy-looking/absent mind gene that christian bale was talking about, and mom's nose.
I don't know but if katiebot is getting all of this money and is getting her way with other things (like what private school suri will go to) bitch must have something good and dirty on him, and well, as MK would say, IN THIS ECONOMY a robot needs money to afford all the wd-40 possible. she might as well get something out of it while being miserable.
Submitted by AmberChella on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 8:44pm.
I love that OK! Magazine costs 50 cents. How can anyone put creed in a publication that costs less than a travel packet of kleenex.
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Wait...you mean OK! Magazine is NOT a packet of Kleenex???? Oy Vey...You don't even want to know what I've been doing with Life&Style....*shaking clean tiger ass for all to see*....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I love that OK! Magazine costs 50 cents. How can anyone put creed in a publication that costs less than a travel packet of kleenex.
"Mommy, where do babies come from?"
"Well darling, they come from your mommy agreeing to a large amount of cash to stick a tube up her vagina. It is very romantic and done out of love."
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Submitted by Tatiana on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 7:02pm.
I am a materialistic person who is flat broke and I still wouldn't have Tom Cruise's baby for $75 million. The baby would end up raised in this creepy cult and I could not ever do that to my child.
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Sadly, I agree. Those people seem stupid, aggressive and insane. Bad combo. And the cult seems SO involved with the vitamins, the saunas, the courses and the auditing. And insular (duh, it's a cult!).
I kind of believe this rumor because it's so random. Who cares about this old boring married couple? Isn't TC infamous for sending out his attack dog lawyer and using certain private investigators for phone taps? Or does he not care as long as his daughter is getting press? Gee whiz...
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It really was love at first hate. ~ MK
That's my theory...unless that kid is Josh Hartnett's (it looks nothing like Klein) it's the work of Tommy Girl's cuz for reals...
Oh and I remember about the Mimi/Tommy Girl divorce that the spin from Tommy Girl's camp was that he 'wanted to play the field, but wanted to do the right thing and not cheat on Mimi' pssht...feild of peens...Mimi was the one that got his azz into that crazy CO$ cult, though...I think when Tommy Girl realized he'd be on a peen diet as a result (Mimi once said he had the sex drive of a monk...then later recanted), he done lost his kielbasa lovin' mind, and divorced her azz...but it was too late, the 'church' knew he loved CRUISIN' down the Hershey Highway and used it against him and there we go....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by nunya_bizness on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 7:36pm.
Cruise is sterile? Wasn't Kidman pregnant when they divorced? oooooo, suki, suki now.
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Yeah, she was. Read between the lines. . .
I think William Mopather could have been the sperm donor. Suri and he have the same eyes and asymmetrical face.
I think that Suri could be the result of a sperm donation by cousin William Mapother.
I can't believe I'm saying this but KT needs a weave.
Also, am I the only person who thinks that Suri is really Tom and KT's kid? She looks like a cross between both of them.
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The times are permanently bad. - Henry Miller
Cruise is sterile? Wasn't Kidman pregnant when they divorced? oooooo, suki, suki now.
The question is, will Suri share her blanket? And if so, will The Cruises spring for a real winter jacket for her?
Submitted by fishsticksfan on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 6:59pm.
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 6:24pm.
Bitch needs some fat in her diet, fersure.
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Oh, I meant her mullet.
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I betcha it wouldn't look like a mullet if her hair wasn't dying of starvation.
♥ Threadkilla!
"I told him to tell her to be herself. I think he did and now she's bein a whore!"
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"piggy is listed and dlisted isn't! Fuckers." ~ TITS VOTE!
That fucking sucks that you put a price tag on your baby's head. Though I guess people have done worse for less. Ew. Crazy world.
I love Stepford Katie's lesbian truckdriver mullet. . .
Re: Mimi Rogers-I think it's funny that she went on to have two kids over 40 and Nicole Kidman was 41 when she had her kid with Keith Urban. Former CO$ members have claimed that Tommy Girl is sterile. Apparently, they keep files on their members when they are being audited. I believe it. Suri was either a result of a fling Katie Bot had prior to signing up as his beard or is a baster baby. That's my theory!
Can you imagine searching on your parents in google and finding out that your mother agreed to have you for cash?
If this is true - sheesh.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
A Dlisted Public Service Announcement: http://www.paris-kim.com/potholes/munch.htm
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How much does Chris Klein get this time?
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Champion fist-pumper and true inventor of the friggin' pouf.
Can you picture Suri with a sibling? I have a feeling she won't like having to compete for Mom and "Dad"'s attention!
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"Watch the face, Asshole!" -BK
I am a materialistic person who is flat broke and I still wouldn't have Tom Cruise's baby for $75 million. The baby would end up raised in this creepy cult and I could not ever do that to my child.
Side note: Katie has such disgusting grungy stringy hair. It grosses me out.
Kate773 -- is that your kitty in your avatar? I'm in LOVE!
I remember Tommy's mom spewing about Mimi. Mimi was first in a line of many beards for Tommy Girl.
How much money does Tom Cruise has to afford all that money to her. Is he going back to make miX. Does he get to keep the kid when they divorce? Will it be a boy to certify that his doucheyness will continue after he's gone? If he's gay I would certainly play the part of a loving wife for that type of money. He can make me watch a live homo party, cater the homo party, call the homos myself, pick up them up myself, buy all the neccasary party favors. Condoms, lube, the playboy foam thing so they can be in the upright, down, face up, leather hammock, masks, party themes... Whatever tommy wants he will get with a smile on my face too.
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 6:24pm.
Bitch needs some fat in her diet, fersure.
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Oh, I meant her mullet.
Submitted by Bhc62 on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 6:53pm.
Doesn't anyone remember when Tom was married to Mimi and then all of a sudden they were divorcing? Tommyetta's mom came out and said that she was hating on Mimi because supposedly Mimi was dumping him because he was sterile from the mumps when he was an older child. I specifically remember his mom saying that they could adopt (AHEM!) and love that baby just as much but that Mimi wanted her "own" baby and so she was kicking the Tom-tom to the curb. Tom's mom spun a lot of spew toward Mimi but by then it was all over between them. Anyone else remember this?
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Who is Mimi? Mimi Driver?
Off-topic, sorta: How many MORE times do we have to read a Kendra baby update?! Christ almighty. I actually read her latest People/Us (can't remember which) profile, and she was talking about the kid like it's gonna be a fun new toy or party trick. She's never changed a diaper or even held a baby, she said proudly, and she "can't wait for him to pee in (the husband's) face!" WTF?! I know so many smart, stable, decent people who can't have children. But this one, and that Kardashian dope are knocked up? Where's the justice?!
Doesn't anyone remember when Tom was married to Mimi and then all of a sudden they were divorcing? Tommyetta's mom came out and said that she was hating on Mimi because supposedly Mimi was dumping him because he was sterile from the mumps when he was an older child. I specifically remember his mom saying that they could adopt (AHEM!) and love that baby just as much but that Mimi wanted her "own" baby and so she was kicking the Tom-tom to the curb. Tom's mom spun a lot of spew toward Mimi but by then it was all over between them. Anyone else remember this?
Yeah, they love each other so much she won't have another one of his spawns without a buttload of money.
I want Katie's job -- I'd get to spend all his money (which I'm really good at), I'd be famous & I wouldn't have to fuck him & his sissy ass. Life would be perfect, well, except for that CO$ shit & drinking barley water all the time. Aside from that, it's a great gig! I bet money Suri is going to be a holy terror when she gets older.
I'm really happy for them. All lesbian couples should have the right to make kids.
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Kadooze, OK! on the portrayal of TomKat in all their alien-style world domination glory.
♥ Threadkilla!
"I told him to tell her to be herself. I think he did and now she's bein a whore!"
~ david Letterman - Staff Fucker
http://www.bestofthe2000s.com/media5.html
"piggy is listed and dlisted isn't! Fuckers." ~ TITS VOTE!
Submitted by fishsticksfan on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 6:21pm.
Katie's hair is FUCKED.
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Bitch needs some fat in her diet, fersure.
♥ Threadkilla!
"I told him to tell her to be herself. I think he did and now she's bein a whore!"
~ david Letterman - Staff Fucker
http://www.bestofthe2000s.com/media5.html
"piggy is listed and dlisted isn't! Fuckers." ~ TITS VOTE!
What's the point of TomKat continuing this fuckery? The cat's out of the bag and everyone know Stepford Katie is a paid beard. If he wants more kids, then hire a surrogate or get CO$ to get him some more. That's how he got the first 2.
<3
"And agrees to another baby with Tom"
Haaaahaaaahaaahaaaa.
Yea right, like they touch privates. More like she agrees to a turkey baster.
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