Rachel Uchitel Is Ready To Tell The Truth (In A Press Conference)
Rachel Uchitel, the first mistress whore in the Ballad of Tiger Woods' Wandering Penis, will hold a press conference today with famewhore lawyer Gloria Allred. Rachel will most likely come clean about having an affair with Tiger. TMZ says that Rachel initially lied about fucking with Tiger on the down low, because she wanted to protect him. When the National Enquirer first broke the story, Rachel put on her black bob wig and became the Queen of Denial. But now Rachel is ready to admit that she's been carrying on with Tiger for some time now.
Hopefully, NeNe Leakes from The Real Broke Housewives of Atlanta will be on hand to tell Rachel to "close her legs to married men, trash box." When you hear those words from NeNe, that means you're officially a member of The Homewreckers Club and President Sienna Miller will be sending you a welcome package (containing a pre-paid cell phone, a list of all motels that charge by the hour and a voice changer) in the mail very soon. And THERE'S MORE!
TMZ also says that a text message from Rachel is what started the fight between Tiger and his wife Elin Nordegren. A source told them that about an hour before Tiger savagely murdered a sad fire hydrant, he was text messaging with Rachel. Elin caught him in the act, grabbed his phone and called Rachel to verbally beat her ass with a 5 iron. This led to Tiger and Elin getting into it. After all was said and done, Tiger's phone was broken and there was damage to his entryway. This is why Tiger didn't let the officers into his house for questioning. Tiger didn't want them to see that Elin pulled a Naomi Campbell by busting walls and lamps with a Blackberry. Elin is not the one. Really. She isn't.
Tiger really needs more people, because who the hell texts with their mistress whore while their wife is in the next room?! That's what a trip to the store "to get milk" is for. Tiger must as well have beat himself with the golf club, because bitch had it coming.
And this press conference is going to be a wreck! Rachel thinks she's the next Jessica Hahn. BITCH DON'T! Jessica Hahn was classy enough to tell her side of the story to PLAYBOY. That's how real hos do it.
• 
Tiger likes ugly chicks. Not only did he cheat on her, he had to do it with bad tranny looking bitches.
My mom just quit watching golf.
LMAO@ChasingSatanAway...he DOES look like Marge Simpson!
Submitted by ChasingSatanAway on Thu, 12/03/2009 - 2:22pm.
He looks like Marge Simpson..
________________________________
Just reinforces what women already know: It DOESN'T MATTER if a man is married/dating/fucking the finest piece in the galaxy...he'll still spring for some strange!
I really can't understand some women (yes I have a vag), it's no wonder men don't understand them.
Women who enjoy and have no remorse over fucking a married man must have an inferiority complex. But much as society makes us believe, humans overall are not monogamous (thank u capt'n obvious).
What will be interesting to see is if people will not be as crazy to root for him during games, have less air time, lose most of his endorsements, or will things remain the same? It's happened all before.
--------------------------------------------------------------
I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum..
He looks like Marge Simpson..
_______________________________________
Chasing satan away all day is not easy...
http://chasingsatanaway.net
I remember when tiger married his wife he paraded her around like a prize cow..perfect and blonde and lovely...and now...women are horrible...these trashy sluts simply live to destroy other women....it has nothing to do with love, it has to do with power over men and their delight at stealing another woman's man..cocktail waitress indeed...emphasis on cock...most waitresses are in it for the men and the tips and the tips of the men...whores...shame on women...as for tiger...i wish your wife had split your arrogant face open with your favourite golf club...trashy, useless man...his late father should have worked as hard on his son's morality as his golf game..
So, it appears Tiger will be giving the tramp $1million 2 keep quiet. This idiot is gonna accept only $1mill?! (Which I'm sure Allred we get quite a large amnt of.) Are u fucking kidding me? Not only is that chump change 2 that fool but allow us 2 keep in mind he just renegotiated the prenup w Elin. The new prenup takes her from 10yrs = $20mill to signing bonus of $5mill & 7yrs=$55mill. So, Fakechel could have easily gotten at least $2mill out of his desperate & scared ass. Estupida.
KobeLover:
Maybe your man's wife can give Elin some pointers on how to maximize her potential in a sitch like this.
And if I were Elin, I would divorce his ass, move back to Sweden, raise my kids, and marry again.
Now if she stays she looks exactly what she was trying not to appear like...
the trophy wife.
And hos like Cuchitel can't ever keep any of their lips closed, which is always their undoing and everyone around them.
***************************************
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:
xadesmultimedia@gmail.com
Tiger is lucky to have a hot ass bitch like Elin who seems to have a combo of brains, tits and hotness, and he had to go and fuck a diseased, old, tranny looking bitch on the side.
****************************
This I cannot understand. Except that it's like he married for his family but he really prefers them trashy. Ick. Nast.
♥ Threadkilla!
"I told him to tell her to be herself. I think he did and now she's bein a whore!"
~ david Letterman - Staff Fucker
http://www.bestofthe2000s.com/media5.html
"piggy is listed and dlisted isn't! Fuckers." ~ TITS VOTE!
@ THEBREAKDOWN---Your posts are entertaining as usual! He's constipated!! LOL
Here's my question---Did Elin get through to Rachel? That's what I want to know!
I dont understand cheaters. I told my If he ever begins to have feelings for someone else, or is tempted to cheat he should tell me so we could either: A) we could work on our relationship or B) we can break up and screw who ever he wants. I understand it would be painful to hear that from him but I preffer that he is honest with me than to cheat on me. I think cheating is so disrespectful and such a slap to the face.
Urchins lips look nast.
People are acting like Tiger Woods ran over a group of nuns and orphans carrying kittens and puppies on their way to feed the homeless. He fucked around. So What?? His wife is probably on the phone to Tiffany's ordering up THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!!
"Jesus and God really need to file a joint lawsuit against bitches for dragging their good names into unadulterated fuckery!" MK 2/15/09
I remember reading that the crash happened at 2:30am...so he was texting at 1:30am to another woman? He was probably in bed with is wife, angling the screen so she couldn't see. How lame. Grow up adulterers and stop acting like horny teenagers when you have a partner who can satisfy those needs.
It looks like Elin sold out too. According to the Chicago Sun Times, Elin is demanding that tiger pays her millions into an account she controls and the prenup rewritten - to keep the golf clubs in the bag and her mouth shut. Who says you can't buy love?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34243626/ns/entertainment-gossip/
Isn't that Jessica trick OctoMom with a brown wig?
They have the same face and fish lips.
We're all lesbians when the right man is not around - Karen Walker
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Thu, 12/03/2009 - 12:13pm.
We exist to stick things in holes. We're not picky.
--------------------------------------------------
And for some guys, particularly when the mistress is willing to do things their wife is not.
Submitted by Emmatrude on Thu, 12/03/2009 - 12:09pm.
Tiger is lucky to have a hot ass bitch like Elin who seems to have a combo of brains, tits and hotness, and he had to go and fuck a diseased, old, tranny looking bitch on the side. Because fish lipped 40-something Vegas skanks who have to tuck their vagina lips into their thong straps are SO desirable? SOMEBODY EXPLAIN MEN TO ME.
====
We exist to stick things in holes. We're not picky.
Tiger is such a damn constipated nerd!
All that money and he cannot have someone on his payroll that goes to the ho stroll for him?
His wife needs to get into the swing of things!
***************************************
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:
xadesmultimedia@gmail.com
shimmr469 posted an interesting link to an article about Elin http://www.golf.com/golf/tours_news/article/0,28136,1943325-1,00.html).
TEAM ELIN!
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
Damn! Thanks for making me lol with the Sienna Miller comment, Michael K. Too funny!
Tiger is lucky to have a hot ass bitch like Elin who seems to have a combo of brains, tits and hotness, and he had to go and fuck a diseased, old, tranny looking bitch on the side. Because fish lipped 40-something Vegas skanks who have to tuck their vagina lips into their thong straps are SO desirable? SOMEBODY EXPLAIN MEN TO ME.
the story should be the "sisterhood of the traveling tiger woods dick" cause you know theres like at least five of them and with his money im sure they made it fit everytime.
I'm so sick of that duckface shit. It looks disgusting. What is she, his golf ball cleaner with those things? I can only imagine the sexy text messaging.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-PjStupNWs
"After all was said and done, Tiger's phone was broken and there was damage to his entryway."
OK MK which 'entryway' are we talking bout? I hope it's his penile entryway for maximum painful effect. bwaha you and your freudian slips!! :P Personally I would've given Tiger's anal entryway a good fucking working over with a 460cc driver head but that's me.
"I told the troot, and I have fate the troot will prevail."
Submitted by Fred Flintstone on Thu, 12/03/2009 - 11:51am.
Shit I don't know folks, Elin is a hot piece but this Rachel chick has a banging body!! I'm just saying that if she rubbed me the right way ----------!
===
You'd be a genie in a bottle?
Shit I don't know folks, Elin is a hot piece but this Rachel chick has a banging body!! I'm just saying that if she rubbed me the right way ----------!
1. Release statement that you lied about your original statement and that you'd like to make a new statement that contradicts your earlier statement.
2. Pick up phone to discuss a settlement fee.
These women make hookers look classy. Not to mention great value.
--thanks awfully--
Elin's mother, Barbro, is the former minister of immigration in Sweden. Her father, Thomas, has for a long time been the host of a radioprogram called "Nordegren". It's still airing.
They are nice people.
Police asked Elin how many times she hit him with the golf club she said" I dunno but put me down for a five"
haahhahahahahahahahaha
Elin doesn't deserve this.
Neither does poor little Sam.
Tiger is such a loser and idiot.
Norwaygirl:
That was hot. I think I just secreted!
More more more!
*taking notes*
***************************************
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:
xadesmultimedia@gmail.com
Rachel's truth is this: The only time her name has been in the press has been to the detriment of 2 marriages. That my dear, makes her a professional. Her mother must be uber proud. Yes, Rachel, you are a 5 star hose bag. Isn't that special.
Police asked Elin how many times she hit him with the golf club she said" I dunno but put me down for a five"
"She gets on the phone and uses Norwegian swear words that would make Jesus cry.."
Like these..?
"Faen i helvete din jævla drittsekk, jeg skal drepe deg og den stygge hora di!"
Translation:
To hell with you, you fucking scumbag, I will kill both you and your ugly whore.
That Rachel skank's hemorrhoid lips make me want to punch her in them.
There is no fucking SHAME anymore.
"WHO ORDERED THE HAMBURGER WITH AIDS?"
I think he's just another one of those rich guys who has women throw themselves at him and he can't resist. I'm glad Elin beat his ass with a golf club. The lyin' cheatin' scumbag deserved it.
www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
www.petfinder.com - Enter your zip code & find pets available in your area for adoption.
This fucking cunt shouldn't get a press conference. What the fuck is wrong with this society? Instead of condemning or just plain ignoring these whores, we enable them by giving them airtime and attention. I'm contributing to the problem by posting this, but I just had to say it.
In an ideal world, no one would cheat, but since he did, Tiger Wood should lose his sponsors and this whore should be ignored and labeled as trash.
Gloria Allred is a damn bitch too. Feminist lawyer my ass. She should have spit in this cunt's face for fucking with the sisterhood by sleeping with another's woman's man.
Oh snap! According to my local news (the lovely Susan Wornick), she's cancelled the press conference!
TEAM ELIN!!!!!!!
I freakin' LOVE Elin Nordegren.
Some wives find out, get upset and cry and ask for huge diamonds...not our Elin. She gets on the phone and uses Norwegian swear words that would make Jesus cry and then puts the ghetto beat down on her husband...chases him from the house and makes him crash his car.
WOW! I'm kind of embarrassed how much I want to bang her right this minute.
Elin is hawt! Tiger looks like a constipated California Raisin and his ho looks like two dollars!
TMZ says Allred *gasp* cancelled the press conference. I wonder if the whole press conference thing wasn't just a ruse to get him to shell out big bucks to make it go away.
The only bum note in this monumentally entertaining scandal is that cum dumpster dragging the execrable Gloria Allred into the mix.
Allred looks like a boiled rat in a cheap wig. She's always trying to cram her size 22 ass into a size 8 dress.
----------------------
Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts
Hot ashes for tress
Hot air for a cool breeze
Cold comfort for change.
Submitted by shimmr469 on Thu, 12/03/2009 - 10:28am.
Q: Why did Phil Mickelson call Elin Woods?
A: Because he wanted to find out how to beat Tiger.
I agree with your long ass post-Elin clearly is not some gold digging ho and seems to be a really nice unaffected girl who happened to marry good ol cheatin Tiger(unlike the women hes apparently been screwing!)
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
Rachel Cunt - nobody likes you, your 15min are over before they began.
What is up with these whores? When did women start thinking it's OK and dandy to fuck a married man and then hold a press conference telling the world about your sexy times? Shut your mouth bitches.
So I wonder what the cause of Tiger's roving peen is? Is he just a horny bastard who isn't satisfied with one woman? Did his wife turn into an ice queen after they married? Or is he just another famous rich guy who women throw themselves at and can't say no?
yeah I am dying to see what media is at the press conference. Anyone besides TMZ should be ashamed
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
What's up with this chicks lips. She certainly looks like a trashy whore.
How predictable these ho's are -as soon as the attention was taken off her by the other ho's coming out of the wood work-shes gonna hold a press conference-does this woman really think we all give a fuck????
What a piece of work-shes obviously got a thing for other womens men-get some more filler put in your lips dear-theres plenty more married men for you to suck dry(literally Im sure)...
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
The minute Gloria Allred drove the paparazzi over to meet Rachel at the airport I knew the trick was going full on famewhore starfucker. Unfortunately for Tiger this ho doesn't need money, she's strictly about getting to the Z-list via reality shows and Playboy.
__________________________________________________
I am not a pussy.
Submitted by little_rascal on Thu, 12/03/2009 - 10:39am.
So... correct me if I'm wrong, Tiger has a wife, 2 tiny babies and 3 (THREE!) mistresses - Rachel Uchitel, Jaimee Grubbs and Kalika from Vegas.
When did Tiger Woods have time to play golf???
---------------------------------------
hell, i wanna know when he had time to go to the bathroom!
-----------------------------
"Amidst the grass,
fresh air at last.
Wining, dining, biding his time."