Friday, December 4th 2009

Ambien Sex?

So, Radar is saying that Rachel Uchitel told friends that Tiger Woods was hooked on having "Ambien Sex" with her. Apparently, Rachel said, "You know you have crazier sex on Ambien - you get into that Ambien haze. We have crazy Ambien sex."

I feel like an innocent virgin again, because I have never heard of this shit before. My parts have been fucking with wrong bitches, I guess.

After doing some research (aka a ten second Google search and an IM conversation with one of my sluttier friends), I learned that when you're fucking in an Ambien haze, you will do some kinky shit that you wouldn't normally do when sober. When you wake up the next morning with a severed monkey paw in your anus and a butt plug in your mouth, you won't remember what you did the night before. Cut to Gerard Butler saying, "Welcome to my world."

The last time I took Ambien, the sexiest thing I did was hug my pillow really tight and slobber all over it. I need to ask my doctor for "that kind" of Ambien (wink wink).

Posted by: Michael K


DirtyWhoreMouth's picture

I used to take ambien and I wouldn't go to bed like the bottle told me to.. thenw hen I tried to go to my bedroom I'd miss the door and hit the wall.. yep. All kinds of sessy.
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"It's like I'm walking on sunshine."

TheBreakdown's picture

salacious:

I have never liked Roger Federer but I have never cared enough about him to even question his possible fairy dust.

But his handlers married him off quick enough.

Now we just have to wait for him to pull a little fast love action in the toilets of Wimbledon!

***************************************

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TT99's picture

Ambien? Really? Why do I feel like my 20's were wasted on mere alcohol and weed?
___________________________________________________________
"Welcome to the coalmine, canary." - Theodore Bagwell

TEE's picture

M.E. you were talking about Soma last week I got my little hands on it over the Thanksgiving weekend and BOY i was not expecting what occurred. I saw butterflies. I had to put my sunglasses on my eyes were barely peeking out of the lids. The hubby was like WTF is wrong with you why are u smiling so much!

On Topic: Tiger woods. Rachel Urkel

angel_i's picture

Pills scare the shit outta me. No drug scares me more than pill drugs. I'm gonna talk about Requiem for a Dream again cuz I just saw it last night. And that's EXACTLY how I imagine it. I was on speed for about a month or something when I was working in this record store a LONG time ago - one of my part-timers brought it in (man, I loved that guy, he was so fun to work with, drugs or no). It was fun (I was training in a burned-out mall at the time so my job was extra boring and those pills got me in trouble for redesigning the store too often) but I felt like my heart was gonna explode sometimes.

♥ Threadkilla!
"I told him to tell her to be herself. I think he did and now she's bein a whore!"
~ david Letterman - Staff Fucker
http://www.bestofthe2000s.com/media5.html
"piggy is listed and dlisted isn't! Fuckers." ~ TITS VOTE!

Rhoda's picture

I don't need ambien to do crazy things in bed. I would however need something significantly harder than ambien to climb into bed with Tigers skanky ass whores. They all look like Bratz dolls. Nast!

CeeCee's picture

The thing with Ambien is it isn't to make you sleepy. It's to stop you from thinking. Like if you're one of those people who has a million thoughts running through your mind at night even though you're exhausted, it's supposed to help you stop and quiet your thoughts.

Last time I took one I went on the Internet and ordered a dumb video game I would normally never play. I thought I dreamed it til I saw it on my credit card.

Mrs. Nordy's picture

Oh, and sometimes you don't remember what you said.

Chirio's picture

I'll stick to booze for any kinky weird situations thank you very much!

Coma Caca!!
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"You know you have crazier sex on Ambien - you get into that Ambien haze. We have crazy Ambien sex."
-Rachel U on Tiger sexual ways-

Aphid's picture

Hi Breakdown, M.E., snowpiece and all you other sluts!

OT: Wow. And I used to think doing it while stoned was a big deal. Now I really feel old.

Mopa's picture

Don't give my husband any ideas! He just started taking Ambien. He usually just takes Benedryl if he needs help sleeping (I do too, it's great), but his company makes Ambien and he found out you can get free prescriptions (no co-pay) for drugs his company makes so he asked his doctor for Ambien.

I have no idea how he could have sex with Ambien, unless it's really, really quick sex. Within five minutes of taking Ambien, he's asleep.

Centaurious's picture

Good morning Peach!, now i wanna know but i am too much of a chicken !
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Wanna know what? You don't remember anything!

Also, I stopped taking the Ambien and he told me he had been over often in the morning before work and I remembered him being there, like...maybe twice! God only knows what happened on the other times.

It's the ONLY time a guy has ever told me I was great in bed, but I can't remember anything, so who cares. :)

I mean, he could have sold tickets!

_________________________________
"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."

louise_brooks's picture

Submitted by Green Is Good on Fri, 12/04/2009 - 1:27pm.

Ha ha ha!! Oh, to live in that world....

```

I don't think you want to live in that world. It's full of hookers, rufies, dwarfs in latex, candle wax, superfluous third nipples, graham cracker crumbs, missing limbs, hair extensions, farm animals, farm implements, and John Mayer.

And it smells like beef jerky.

TEE's picture

Is Soma Sex the same? only YOU remember the next morning?

SickInTheHEad's picture

back in my crazy days i woud take xanax and have some crazy sex if i wouldnt fall asleep first, Now me and my dude pop some pain killers and it makes him hard for hours, now usuaslly i like my wam bam thank you mam type of sexy, but pain killers turn me into a beast????

~*~Looking at my own reflection
When suddenly it changes
Violently it changes
There is no turning back now
You've woken up the demon in me~*

salacious's picture

Submitted by zomay on Fri, 12/04/2009 - 1:18pm.

Wake me when Rachel announces Tiger would bring Roger F. into the bedroom. Now that would be hot.

HA! "The perfect swiss" is as fucked up as Tiger is. But R.F likes the peen, or so they say. Nike has marketed them as perfect people, just like they did with Jordan.

snowpiece's picture

*falls asleep on breakdown's huge peen pillow*

ok thanks M.E. for the 411

***************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown

Mrs. Nordy's picture

Yes, Ambien especially makes you SAY things you would NOT normally do.

Mama Moore's picture

No way can it be better than blotter acid sex.

SickInTheHEad's picture

back in my crazy days i woud take xanax and have some crazy sex if i wouldnt fall asleep first, Now me and my dude pop some pain killers and it makes him hard for hours, now usuaslly i like my wam bam thank you mam type of sexy, but pain killers turn me into a beast????

~*~Looking at my own reflection
When suddenly it changes
Violently it changes
There is no turning back now
You've woken up the demon in me~*

KD's picture

Submitted by Disraeli_Ears on Fri, 12/04/2009 - 1:19pm.

Yes, it can cause you to have strange and hallucinogenic feelings...sometimes, I would watch tv or read a magazine while waiting for it to kick in...and you would swear that those things would become 3-D...especially if you were in low light.
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That sounds awesome!
That reminds me, I had the strangest dream last night. I went to alaska and was on some kind of ship and at one point, there was some political thing going on on a closed section of the highway (not in alaska) and some chic choked O bama to death. It was very odd.

Gigi-A-GoGo's picture

Wow someone is really trying to take a hatchet to his career/family life.

you think it would improve your masturbation, too?

or would you fall asleep before you even got that monkey paw up your butt?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
all i wanna do is (BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM)
and a (KA CHING)
and take your money

angel_i's picture

Submitted by zomay on Fri, 12/04/2009 - 1:28pm.

angel_i on Fri, 12/04/2009 - 1:18pm.
ZOMAY DOESN'T CARE ABOUT D-LIST CELEBRITIES!

____________________________________

How can you say that to me Angel. You know me better than almost anyone here. You really know how to cut deep to the soul. Rachel is not D list. She is F list.

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*sigh* Ok - that's true. But what about Kim? You don't care about her either. I heard THAT. *chickenhead*

♥ Threadkilla!
"I told him to tell her to be herself. I think he did and now she's bein a whore!"
~ david Letterman - Staff Fucker
http://www.bestofthe2000s.com/media5.html
"piggy is listed and dlisted isn't! Fuckers." ~ TITS VOTE!

TheBreakdown's picture

I can count on my hand the times I have taken sleeping pills, because I am scared to take them often.

And God knows if hopiece slipped something in my drank I could end up tied to a pipe with a cucumber hanging out my ass.

Security!

***************************************

http://www.myspace.com/triston
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M.E.'s picture

Snowy - Soma is a muscle relaxer and it also helps you sleep. I do not take it every night. But have been since I hurt my shoulder a month ago.

snowpiece's picture

echobunny : have you heard yet that he's very sensitive about his small calves? It was on the news this morning

****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown

peaches80's picture

Submitted by Centaurious on Fri, 12/04/2009 - 1:29pm.
Great!

I took Ambien for a few months several years ago, and once my boyfriend mentioned to me how great the sex was that morning and I had no memory...none!

I didn't even remember him coming over that morning.

Now I'm thinking, what the hell did I do.
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WOW !
now i wanna know but i am too much of a chicken !
xoxoxoxoxo
centy !
___________________________________________________
FUCK YEAH MEMEBON !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/peaches2709/
http://fuckyeahmemebon.tumblr.com/

Madam Pince's picture

Ambien made me pass out when I was in the hospital six years ago, like I got hit in the head with a hammer. Immediately and with no sleepy interlude. When I woke up several hours later, the TV was on Fox News. So apparently I got up to some crazy shit while I was unconscious.

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"Are we pilgrims all of a sudden? ”

peaches80's picture

Submitted by loozer on Fri, 12/04/2009 - 1:21pm.
Help louisebrooks is tryin' to kill me.
I have to take medication for tachycardia and the last time I took nyquil my heart beat WAY too fast.
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take care ! xoxoxox
yeah i know i used to do nytol and it was really powerful , i mean it put me to dream and stuff , i don't know if i would ever try this one , or maybe is the same stuff with different name , dunno?
but naw sounds dangerous , yes i am a prude :(
hahahahahahahahaaha
___________________________________________________
FUCK YEAH MEMEBON !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/peaches2709/
http://fuckyeahmemebon.tumblr.com/

echobunny's picture

I'm learning stuff about Tiger Woods I NEVER wanted to know. Please let it stop. He cheated on his wife...let's just leave it at that.

Centaurious's picture

Great!

I took Ambien for a few months several years ago, and once my boyfriend mentioned to me how great the sex was that morning and I had no memory...none!

I didn't even remember him coming over that morning.

Now I'm thinking, what the hell did I do.

________________________________
"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."

snowpiece's picture

M.E. what was that Soma you were talking about the other day? Do you take it every night?

****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown

M.E.'s picture

snowy - PRESENT! What's up?

Green Is Good's picture

Cut to Gerard Butler saying, "Welcome to my world."

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Ha ha ha!! Oh, to live in that world....

M.E.'s picture

Bye bye GHB hello Ambien!?!?!?!?

snowpiece's picture

*slips breakdown a roofie*

M.E. are you here?

****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown

KD's picture

That sounds like great safe sex. How great can it be if you don't remember it? Maybe that is why he does it. He doesn't want the chic to remember how bad he is?? :P

zomay's picture

angel_i on Fri, 12/04/2009 - 1:18pm.
ZOMAY DOESN'T CARE ABOUT D-LIST CELEBRITIES!

____________________________________

How can you say that to me Angel. You know me better than almost anyone here. You really know how to cut deep to the soul. Rachel is not D list. She is F list.

Disraeli_Ears's picture

FYI - Ambien comes in generic form now. LOL!

Yeah, I think you should ONLY do this with someone you trust.

=================================================
And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, people do,” but I think the gun helps, you know?

NovaNightly's picture

Wait...Ambien helps you sleep, right? I already have enough trouble in the evening staying awake for sex...let alone taking a sleepy pill beforehand. lol...doesn't sound like fun to me.

^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^
All we are....is dust in the wind, dude.

-Ted "Theodore" Logan

Submitted by louise_brooks on Fri, 12/04/2009 - 1:15pm.
Couldn't us non-billionaires just take a whole bunch of Nyquil for the same effect? Then we could be half asleep and have clear nasal passages.
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HA! Too funny

TheBreakdown's picture

You pill poppin' sluts!

Now it all comes to the light!

I don't need any drugs like this to ramp up the skankery.

I'm a heauxfessional!

***************************************

http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:

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Megan_'s picture

"I feel like an innocent virgin again, because I have never heard of this shit before."

-----------------------------------------
This is how i feel whenever i read d-list comments :)

loozer's picture

Help louisebrooks is tryin' to kill me.
I have to take medication for tachycardia and the last time I took nyquil my heart beat WAY too fast.

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And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

BangoSkank's picture

I can tell you right now --from a dude who has tried it all at one time or another-- to be careful when playing with Ambien...

The key is to take it when you are not even remotely tired. But again, I would advise against it.

Shit you would have the common sense not to do while on a cocktail of LSD, blow, and Whiskey, might seem like a good idea when wrecked on Ambien and a couple of rum and cokes.

TellysWorld's picture

I learned about this after seeing "Role Models."

Give me back my goddamn HELMET!

suckandfuck's picture

VIVUHHHHHHH VIAGRA!!! :D

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Submitted by xerquina on Thu, 11/12/2009 - 1:59pm.
suckandfuck you are by far the most vile person here

Momus the Sarcastic's picture

Only the first thirty minutes of 10 mg Ambien will do this. After thirty minutes, ZZZZZZZZZZZ time. Also, the 20 mg Ambien knocks you out within ten minutes.

*the voice of experience speaks*

*no other information will be forthcoming*

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I never said that it was your fault. I said that I'm going to blame you.
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sexymixer81's picture

I've been using Ambien for about a year and I LOVE having sex with my boyfriend about 15 minutes after I take it!! It kind of feels euphoric and spacey. Also, your inhibitions are extremely lowered, so you do try some kinky shit you might otherwise think twice about!

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"All Those Who Wander Are Not Lost."