Welcome To The Jersey Shore (And The Greatest Show On Earth)
What is there to say about last night's 2-hour premiere of Jersey Shore on MTV? I was tempted to just post a picture of the orange puss that oozed out of my eye holes after watching this, because that pretty much sums it up. Seriously, Vinnie was right. Pink eye is THAT contagious.
It was like every season of Rock of Love rolled into two hours. I mean, there was barf (TWICE), a pierced peen, bottomless hot tubbing, skanks galore, a punch to the face, a game of Ring Around the Rosie, a cameo by The Bible, more booze than even The Hoff can handle, a million different kinds of SITUATIONS, snatch snatching, t-shirts with Geckos on them and A DUCK PHONE!
The truth is, I never knew that I have so much in common with Guidos and Guidoettes. It was almost like looking at my home movies or going to one of my family reunions. Here's the top 5 reasons on why Guidos and Guidoettes are just like US!
1: We both use trash bags as luggage: When Angelina strolled into the house with garbage bags as luggage, Vinnie shot his nose up at her because she didn't have a suitcase. But why waste weed money on something stupid like a suitcase when you can just go down to the McDonald's, and fish out a clean garbage bag from the bottom of a trash bin? Free luggage! My people have been doing this for years!
2: We both use ham and water as a substitute for sex : JWOWW (the extra "w" stands for welfare vagina) didn't want to keep cheating on her boyfriend by fucking on Pauly D at the club, so she went home to cool her coochie with some ham and water.
Whenever my Craigslist date doesn't show up, I simply whip out the silicone sausage and lube. That's kind of like ham and water. However, I wish JWOWW would've clarified exactly how ham and water is a substitute for sex. I'm sure she'll demonstrate that next year when she works the donkey show circuit in Tijuana.
3. We both wear satin thongs in the hot tub: When Snooki Snickers, the dingle of my berry, stripped down to her thong and panties to get into the hot tub, Angelina (yeah, the one with the luggage set made by HEFTY) said, "Wear a thong bikini. That's a little bit classier."
I don't think Angelina realized that Snooki's thong was made out of satin. That makes it more than classy. Whenever I hit the public pool, I make sure to keep it elegant by wearing a satin thong. Cotton is for trash.
4. We both respond to the word "whore": While Snooki Snickers was lying in her bed, Angelina was in the other room yelling about the whores the Guidos brought back to the house. Snooki got upset, because she assumed Angelina was talking about her.
This one goes without saying, but I don't even respond to the name "Michael" anymore.
5. We both have this top:
Okay, I'm lying about this one. Unfortunately, I don't have the grace, poise, or chesticles to pull off such a sophisticated look. Sigh.
And if you haven't seen Jersey Shore you really must. Just make sure you get an okay from your doctor first and immediately soak your eyes in a bowl of crushed Valtrex pills afterwards.
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i don't like this show, there is nothing extra.......!
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WTF!? None of these fools are even from NJ! They are mostly from Staten Island and one is from Rhode Island. Blasphemous!
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Hate all you want...but you can't break the girl who thinks nothing of you.
I waited for this post all day and I get in the car to drive 8 hours and it pops up! I'm just seeing it.. well better late than never..
I LOVE THIS SHOW.
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"It's like I'm walking on sunshine."
its bruce bitch...
and remember.. Vinney is the smaaaart one.. and Pauly D.. I apologize for calling you Tony D.. that was retaaaaaaaded!!!
and Michael K.. Snickerdoodle isn't the only one in that house who thinks it revolves around her.. angelina (whose "boyfriend" btw,I'm not sure he knows he is her "boyfriend")is just mad that the situation isn't givin her the attention she needs!!
its bruce bitch...
ok, I don't know if anyone else noticed, but when JWOWW and Tony D were totally having full out standing sex at Bamboo, some blonde was behind them completely getting nailed... this show has so much to offer... penis piercings, tanning.. and if you don't like it.. you may be jerkoff...
All the shaking and rolling you feel from California right now isn't an earthquake. It's the collective laughing and sigh of relief that someone has taken the "most horrifying stereotype that we all want to deny, but really can't" reality show trophy away from The Hills, Real Housewives of Orange County and all the various Paris Hilton projects.
Thank you New Jersey!! *fist pump - left coast style*
Submitted by HARLEYBITCHBARBIE on Sat, 12/05/2009 - 7:22pm.
I actually don't even know who it is myself, just a random pic save from a website researching psychos
Thanks Agent M for that term, btw--very clever.
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"God make me good. But not yet."
Um, yeah, I watched it... um, trainwreck, yeah, `'the situation is it's a trainwreck....' will I keep watching - probably! You just can't look away from this crap.
The guidettes are horrrrible, porn star wannabes... god help us if these are real people...
The guidos, I'd be surprised if there wasn't more then one closet case among them. My dirty very guilty pleasure is guys like this and I've had more then a few of them and they all liked to think they're str8. Yeah right.
Oscar Wilde, do they even know who that is? I would hazard a Wilde guess that they haven't even been allowed out of the country to see the statue. Wot stachoo? If this is the future of our country we are soooooo screwed and Taliban take me now!
Made a mistake in 2008, won't again in 2010! Beeches
love this show!
it is my new guilty pleasure.
watching this is like watching space aliens or even better yet, and ant farm. it is so captivating. i watch, sit and ponder, is this for real? can this be scripted? but no it is too spontaneously raw & bizarre. like a house of horrors or circus freak show.
pllleaze oh plleaze MTV make a reality show that follows those kids that are into ICP, those clownees or whatever they call themselves.
that would be tooo cool.
while they are at it, please do real cribs of compton ca, and show the chola glory we LOVE!!!
She said: "That's at least a little bit more classier, if you're gonna wear anything at all."
I'm from the south (obviously) but work in NYC. I have MANY NJ coworkers and they are all embarrassed by this. They constantly tell me that most of NJ is nothing like this and not to get the wrong impression. I always say as long as you don't think all Texans are cowboy hat wearing, gun-toting hicks then DEAL.
When and if they make a Housewives of Dallas it's going to be one big stereotype just like this crap.
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
OK, I have to give my two cents on this abomination.
I have lived at the Jersey Shore my entire life, and my last name ends in a vowel. I would really, really, really like MTV to stop confusing people and change the title to "Jersey Shore: This is What We Have to Put Up With Every Summer".
I have never been to the Jersey Shore, but MTV does make it seem like all the people who go there act like these idiots. I feel sorry for the locals who have to put up with these losers every summer.
Oscarwilde - I was thinking the SAME thing last night! Pauly Shore on 'roids, actually.
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"God make me good. But not yet."
Where do they find these morons?
The Situation = Guido Pauly Shore
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yn7VvZ0EZCY
True news: Dominos Pizza has just officially pulled out of being a sponsor for this show. They said "it doesn't fit their image". I haven't seen the show yet, but it must be really fucked up for Dominos to dump them...
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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits
http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2009/12/jersey_shore.html
Disgusting.
I went to MTV.com and watched a bit of this: what rocks for brains these people have!!
The guys think it's all about the bod even if their faces are misshapen.
The girls are just disgustingly cheap and sleazy.
Today's D is killing my tummy and eyes...
Someone really needs to relay the message to these trashy skanks that bolt-on titty balls are NOT the accessory to covet.
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Where do you all watch this? Is it on MTV website?
I want to see a bit of it.
dayum what a grotesque bunch of losers...more reasons to avoid MTV...I only watch VH1 reality shows for my skank fucktard fix...way classier..(I am joking about the classy party)...
I love how proud Pauly is of being "the hottest DJ" in Rhode Island.
Oh yes. Rhode Island. That hotbed of DJ'ing action.
damn, the water in this jacuzzi is the shizz.
LOLOL Oh how embarrassking! I have the same top in hunter green & neon pink.
:-( maybe it's a Jersey thing...
but my tiddays do sit up real nice in my tops *shrugs*
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Rihanna- I Just Gave You Herpes Video
Submitted by Bjork You on Sat, 12/05/2009 - 9:39am.
Ha ha, yes I will admit to having a bit of the Valley Girl accent at times.
For reference on the NJ accents - the following celebrities are from central NJ: Jon Bon Jovi, Bruce Springsteen, Jack Nicholson, Kevin Smith. None of them sound like those "Jersey Shore" kids.
snookie is my girl,hottest midget alive,heart of the party,the star of this series.
"Long Island teenagers and 20 somethings can afford to rent in your neighborhood, you can't in ours. Jus sayin. *fist bumps Suffolk n Nassau Counties*"
Um, I doubt that. You really don't know the Jersey Shore that well. A beach house in Seaside is not a beach house in Mantaloking.
Also, NJ has accents that are slightly flat (middle, the Shore) to slightly NY/New England up north (dropping of the R's), and sometimes a bit twangy (southern NJ). We also have Valley Girl sounding accents (the basic ones that are endemic to any people within a 10-mile radius of a mall), as well as surfer dude accents.
Ha! Most of the people in this show are New Yorkers who come to the Jersey Shore because NY beaches are too damned dirty. Plus, there are guido clubs down the shore especially designed for these meatheads to drop their money and keep Jersey's coast going strong. You wanna know where these people are from? try Staten Island, right over the Bayonne Bridge (unfortunately).
☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
"Now you see that evil will always triumph...because good is dumb."
Couldn't resist--the "Snatchuation"!
Somebody somewhere here is going to see that later this morning and start using it--one of our little *dirty* boys, I'm sure, like suckandfuck. I just know it.
Cuz he's dirty like that (which is why I love him).
Nite (again) y'all! ________________________________________________
"God make me good. But not yet."
Mary Higgins Clark lives (or used to) in Upper Saddle River. Very pretty town.
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George W. Bush has decided to become a motivational speaker, thereby putting his money where his foot usually is.
Born in Ridgewood, raised in Upper Saddle River. Very few people in northern NJ have this little class or education. Except for maybe Kimora Lee Simmons.
No one from N Jersey has this accent. None of these skanks is from anywhere that remotely represents NJ. The Snatchuation is about 40 and they each have a face that God intended for radio.
That said, I can't stop watching and have taken to calling my cousin Snooki.
Pauly D!
Fucking love that clown. All those girl's are horrible. lOVE IT!
@Peaches - 'Nitey-nite, babygrrl!________________________________________________
"God make me good. But not yet."
nighty luxy
LOL!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA
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FUCK YEAH MEMEBON !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/peaches2709/
http://fuckyeahmemebon.tumblr.com/
Peaches!
*queefs*
I REALLY have to go to bed. FUCK! Nite!
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"God make me good. But not yet."
OH WOW MANIMAL , YOU LOOK REAL SEXY AND STUFF
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FUCK YEAH MEMEBON !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/peaches2709/
http://fuckyeahmemebon.tumblr.com/
LUXEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
XOXOXOXOX
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FUCK YEAH MEMEBON !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/peaches2709/
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I had to re-watch that Jersey Shore thing thanks to some fucking fat-ass gamer-kid WOW drama going down here. Little fuckers.
Manimal, I wanna lick your avie.
Seriously though, NOW I'm going to bed. After I top myself off to Manimal's avie.
>; )
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"God make me good. But not yet."
OK, seriously...just only watched the intro and these are NOT Jersey people. They must be Staten Island or something. (no offense...but these are not Jersey kids)
What a bunch of fucking jokers.
I might actually like this show.
Submitted by jennagirl on Sat, 12/05/2009 - 12:35am.
For all the hoes on the East Coast with MTV, this shit is being replayed in about ten minutes at 1am. After reading this post, I admit I am kind of intrigued to watch just so I can laugh at these douchebags.
My ex was from N. New Jersey and none of his friends were like this. We even spent some time one summer IN Seaside Heights and I don't remember anything like this, at all. I just remember a lot of cute boys with tattoos who liked Jersey punk rock. Nothing like these twats.
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That's right!!!!!!
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
For all the hoes on the East Coast with MTV, this shit is being replayed in about ten minutes at 1am. After reading this post, I admit I am kind of intrigued to watch just so I can laugh at these douchebags.
My ex was from N. New Jersey and none of his friends were like this. We even spent some time one summer IN Seaside Heights and I don't remember anything like this, at all. I just remember a lot of cute boys with tattoos who liked Jersey punk rock. Nothing like these twats.
The Duck phone fits in nicely with the rest of the furniture that they found on the side of the road. That "End" table with the little tiles that the phone was placed on was once in my abuelita's house and so was the lamp and plastic covered sofa. They should make a new Emmy category for this shit. You've got to love the whole "Situation".