Snakes On A Poon
Usually, when a bitch tells you they want to do you with a long snake, you immediately grab the Saran Wrap and a tub of Crisco. But not in this case. In this case, you immediately slip on a pair of panties made out of snake repellent.
TMZ says that Rachel True, the chick from The Craft and Kathy Griffin's friend as seen on My Life on the D-List, took a restraining order out on some loontardian who threatened to "fuck her with a cobra." Please don't tell me the crazy's snake is named Riki Dicki Tavi.
According to the restraining order, the crazy bitch, who goes by the name of Elenora Redmon, has been stalking Rachel for over a year. Last month, Elenora was busted outside of Rachel's house after she showed up with a large "sex toy." Elenora claimed that Rachel had summoned her to her home. In addition to showing up on her door, Elenora has also sent Rachel countless e-mails like "Why did you shut your curtains?"
Um, I know you've got the crazies in your brains, Elenora, but Rachel shut her curtains because you want to take a snake to her snatch. Stupid bitch.
Elenora is currently in jail, but once she's released, she'll have to stay at least 150 yards away from Rachel. They should also add Richard Gere's name to that restraining order, because if Elenora's cobra smells the gerbil cemetery in his ass, it won't be a pretty sight.