SPOILER ALERT: The Truth About Santy Claus

Ha! Whatever happened to "Sure he does. He exists right. here." *points to heart*...?

♥ Threadkilla!
'Guidos' and 'guidettes' are good-looking people that, you know, like to make a scene and be center of attention and just take care of themselves."

I think i was around 7-8 when I was in school and they were BSing us at Christianity&religion course(yeah we have that here) about how Jesus was like this long haired cool magician dude guy who could turn fish into whine or some shit like that.I remember that moment I convinced myself to never believe what adults had to say about stuff that sounded like it was coming straight from their filthy asses and would never make sense.

I found out when I was about 7 I think- I just asked my mum and she told me. I acted like I didnt care but deep down was really disappointed, but also felt like a dick for being lied to for so long! I knew that it couldnt possibly be real the whole time, but my parents swore that it was and so I believed them in spite of my misgivings.

It was actually a good life lesson, if something sounds like bullshit it probably is.

My daughter is about to have her first christmas, she is too young for Santa but I am thinking about next year. I dont think I can all in good conscience lie to her, I dont want her to have that feeling of having been treated like an idiot that I had. I think that I will act Santa until she is old enough to question it, and then explain that he isnt really real, but its a fun game that parents like to play with their children to make Christmas more special, and if everyone plays along then it kind of makes him real. No doubt she will tell all the other kida and all the mums will hate me! But I think its important to tell kids the truth about the world.

Ugh, I can't stand those stupid little weiner kids who believe in Santa and have fucking teddy bears and shit.
I don't think I ever believed in Santa, and I'm not going to fill my kids up with that bullshit either.

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My mom felt that honesty was the best policy. There were some rumblings at school about Santa but I didnt believe them. I remember asking my mom one day after school, "does Santa really exist?" She didnt believe in lying so she told me "no he doesnt" and that my father and her were the ones that bought me Christmas gifts.
I was so pissed about the situation I went into my first grade class the next day and told ALL the kids there was no Santa. I think my mom got 55 angry calls that nite...

Those gossleins kids would be the bratty kids that tell the others kids there is no santa. They seem like spoiled brats to me.

My 8 yr old daughter still believes in Santa and I'm so glad she does! I tell my kids that Santa stays in a little house near us that is abandoned but it has a big Christmas tree decoration on the front of it. It's the cutest little abandoned house you've ever seen and my two kids think Santa stays there from Dec 1st till Christmas. The Santa in our town looks straight out of "Miracle on 34th Street" and even I believe he is the real deal! I tell my kids that Santa has only as much money to spend as the parents give him so that explains why some kids get a lot and some not as much. I have it down to a science but I must admit I will be sad when they figure it all out!

Aw, I'm so glad that for the longest time my parents (nevertheless divorced now) always wrapped everything the night of and only put them out on Christmas morning. For years I would always lay in bed for hours before I could go to sleep on Christmas Eve.

I really hate the "let's open a present the night before Christmas" kind of shit. I am all about the anticipation and excitement.

Submitted by Terri Belle on Fri, 12/11/2009 - 2:13am.
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sweety that's a sweet thought...but he has figured it out...that's how I said to give to others other than me on xmas when I knew something was not Kris..Father xmas..as I called him, for the presents. to this day...I give a lot..xmas or not to others..some of us are born givers..some of us human..receivers..you are lucky to have him as your son. off to sleep I go now. smile!!

Coma Caca!!
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"You know you have crazier sex on Ambien - you get into that Ambien haze. We have crazy Ambien sex."
-Rachel U on Tiger sexual ways-

For my wonderful Son, who is now eight we have all the presents we purchase online delivered to the Grandmotherly neighbor next door. When we go shopping we leave everything in her garage. Then between the two of us we get everything wrapped. She writes up the tags and then on Christmas Eve I run next door to get everything. I have loved having indulgent Christmas' in the past getting him everything on his list and more.

This year it has been tough figuring out what to buy him as he won't make a Christmas list. He hears the news reports and says "I don't really want to ask anything for Christmas because that would be greedy and there are so many people who are struggling, so Santa can bring things to them." and "I have the best Christmas present already because it is Jesus' birthday".

While I appreciate that he is a virtuous child, I would like him to tell me some things he would like so I can give him another magical Christmas before he figures it out.

My Santa Delusion sadly came to an end one year when my Mom went shopping with our older neighbor who had no children. When they came home I ran out to meet them in the driveway. I was happy to see my them, but my evil older brother (who has always been asshole of monumental proportions) wanted to see what they bought at the store. My brother saw there was a Twister game in the backseat, sticking out of a bag.

Being the asshole that he is, he told me about the Twister game, and said, I know there isn't a Santa Claus and you are getting a Twister game for Christmas. Having been his younger sister for seven years and knowing he was full of crap most of the time, I had a absolute need to prove him wrong. Knowing the Elves were busy making Twister games for lots of good boys and girls, even if I did get a Twister game that didn't prove anything, and as far as I was concerned my brother would still be full of crap.

I just knew I was right. There really was a Santa, and I knew how to prove it. From a magazine I cut out a Coca-Cola advertisement and left it with a pen next to the milk and cookies, along with a note asking Santa to sign his picture. The next morning, there were the presents under the tree, including the Twister game, along with Santa's signature on the picture. Sadly, I recognized it as my Daddy's handwriting. I never told anyone I knew it was Dad's writing, and let my parents continue to play Santa Claus for a few more years until my younger brother caught on.

i don't think i ever believed. i mean the tape and paper i saw in the shopping cart at k mart two weeks earlier were right there, staring at me. and the tape dispenser was usually left on the kitchen table, along with paper scraps in the waste bin.

Oh yeah, FUCK the Gosselin parents, but those kids are SUPERCUTE!

"Look to the cheesburger." Freebird

Oh yeah, FUCK the Gosselin parents, but those kids are SUPERCUTE!

"Look to the cheesburger." Freebird

I told the kid, I don't know if it's true, but I believe, when she asked me if Santa was real. I know for me, my dad was a nasty drunk and xmas eve was the only day he was nice. we got to open one present early because he couldn't wait til xmas. I think we are all entitled to believe what we want.

"Look to the cheesburger." Freebird

i fell asleep on the couch on xmas eve and caught my dad eating all the damn milk and cookies! LIIIIEEEEES!

Submitted by snideychick on Thu, 12/10/2009 - 10:15pm.
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awww, Snidey, sorry to hear that. The bratty/self-righteous JW kids in my school were the "elders" or whatever's children at the JW hall and the other JW kids were mostly just trying really hard not to get bullied/harassed about being JW if keeping their parents' religious affiliation secret didn't work. All were eventually found out when sooner or later their parents dragged them by threat of "the rod" to knock on fellow students' houses on Saturday or Sunday mornings :(

I take cues from my mother when it comes to playing Santa. You don't open a bag of candy and put SOME in a bag and leave the rest lieing around. You open the bag and put it ALL in the stocking and hide the candy bags. I by a special wrapping paper just for the Santa gifts and hide the paper so the kids don't see it. And I use a totally different handwriting on the Santa gifts. It's not that hard to hide it from them if you want to. And it's actually pretty easy to make it a really magical time for the little ones. That's what I try to do. They won't be little for long, after all.

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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK

I think the sextuplets were four when Mady and Cara blabbed about Santa to them. I would have punished the little brats for doing that. But since the sextuplets DO know, I would have made sure to tell them not to go blabbing that around at school. I mean, they are only five and in kindergarten. In my area, all kindergarteners believe in Santa and I wouldn't want some little brats spoiling it for them. I've always said that all eight of those kids are destined to be spoiled little brats. Sorry, but I have never seen anything cute or loveable about them. Yuck.

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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK

Snideychick sez:

I was raised Jehovah's Witness so we didn't believe in ANYTHING, let alone Christmas. Anything of "this world" was an abomination and akin to Devil worship.

That made the first day back to school rather awkward, so I'd ask my parents for a new toy or piece of clothing for Show & Tell. I'd say that I got it for Christmas and also some money. So many kids thought I was lucky to get cash as a present.

@ SpoiledGlamGirl: I love this story! I think it's the best way to handle it, then the little ones learn to be generous and aren't traumatized.

"The sextuplets are the ones at school who tell the other kids there's no Santa Claus."

That was the Jehovah's Witnesses brats' job at my elementary school. Jellus Xmas-tree deprived h8rs.

ESE,
Alright, alright, ALLLLLRIGHTTTTT!

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cross: /kros/ n: a thing they nail people to.

Submitted by Clarisse on Thu, 12/10/2009 - 9:55pm.
What the fuck?!?!? No Santa??? GREAT! Now who is going to pay my bills this month?

i'm sure we can work something out.

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"Amidst the grass,
fresh air at last.
Wining, dining, biding his time."

What the fuck?!?!? No Santa??? GREAT! Now who is going to pay my bills this month?

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cross: /kros/ n: a thing they nail people to.

angel_i,

I agree wholeheartedly... one of the best Dlisted threads ever! I love all of the cute and hilarious stories.

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ASUUU MADREEE!!!!!

I told my godmom about this thread a few hrs ago. and how I told her I knew she was the tooth fairy, and santa. She was shocked and said "you bitch". I told her I didnt want to hurt her feelings if I told her I KNEW!

Coma Caca!!
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"You know you have crazier sex on Ambien - you get into that Ambien haze. We have crazy Ambien sex."
-Rachel U on Tiger sexual ways-

hold

Coma Caca!!
-----------------
"You know you have crazier sex on Ambien - you get into that Ambien haze. We have crazy Ambien sex."
-Rachel U on Tiger sexual ways-

I'm too lazy to go back and read previous posts but am wondering if SuckandFuck posted his early memories?

These stories really are great. I have to say - this is one of my favourite threads ever.

♥ Threadkilla!
"I told him to tell her to be herself. I think he did and now she's bein a whore!"
~ david Letterman - Staff Fucker

BIg f'ing deal. I don't ever really believing, I always found the story suspicious especially since most people have gifts sitting under their tree before Christmas. The story might be more believable if we said Santa took two weeks out of the year to deliver gifts since one night wouldn't cut. Oh yeah and we all don't have chimneys!

We also celebrated 3 kings and I was not believing that 3 wise men and three camels were going to the Bronx and climbing up 4 flight of stairs and fitting into the tiny ass one bedroom apartment where I grew up w/o me noticing!

I found out around 7 when my lazy ass mom told me to wrap some presents for her. Then on Christmas morning those same presents that I wrapped myself (which now had tags that read "From Santa") were the ones I ended up opening. The bitch thought I would some how forget that I gift wrapped my own Glow Worm.

I started suspecting when I was 6; my mom told me that Santa or Papa Noel as we call him; because he lives in the North pole, he starts handing out toys in northamerica first, by the time he gets to Fucking Argentina (where i was born and raised) he does not have any more toys, sometimes he leaves candy..... Guess what I got that year??? Candy!!!!

....But that’s vulgar and gross to me: exploding assholes, exploding brains. And Christian sites are vulgar to me, too. Michael K

Sadly...in my house...I am Santa Claus or Santy as Grandma says.

here we do both, christmas and three kings day so i found out around 6 when my mom told me to get her something from her purse and the toys 'r us receipt with a lot of the presents was there but i have plenty of brothers so admitting that i knew would mean less presents so kept hush until i just cared for clothes that i wanted to buy rather than having her pick them for me.

A better answer: "WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? There's no SANTA?! mewr :( "

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"Kirsten suspected she might be knocked up when her monthly batch of menstrual berries weren't delivered to her vagina dock. " -- Michael K.

I was at my loathsome relatives house for Xmas when I was 9 or 10 and my despicable cousin Wendy told me on Xmas Eve. I was so distressed I wet the bed - HER bed - which we were sharing that night. She screamed bloody murder when she awoke and I just grinned, glad that I'd had that 'accident'. Yeah, accident...

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"Kirsten suspected she might be knocked up when her monthly batch of menstrual berries weren't delivered to her vagina dock. " -- Michael K.

I learned pretty early - maybe 7 or 8. I remember being more shocked when I learned that "funny smell" from Santa, during midnight mass, from my uncle's etc was really whiskey. Ah, good times!

I was about eight years old. While my Mom would always ask "Well, what do you think?" when I questioned her, I can remember her face falling when I said I didn't believe anymore. Then I ran into my room and bawled my eyes out for a good half hour.

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Shiitake happens...

I was suspicious about Santa so-called Claus from early on. I remember being six and noticing Santa had the same distinctive handwriting that my dad would use to label my schoolbag, lunchbox, jacket, etc. But willful ignorance is the only choice when you're getting a Barbie Styling Head, a mess of Legos, and a new puppy.

I chose to be in "denial" until I was sixteen. Why give up the extra gifts? Then my mother and I had our first Christmas fight and she cruelly decided to break the truth to me. Ha!

My sibs told me when I was 4 and opened our parents' closet door to show me the goods. Bitches!

Submitted by TT99 on Thu, 12/10/2009 - 5:36pm.
If I were those kids I wouldn't believe in Santa either. If I had to watch my dad manwhoring around wearing Ed Hardy, I too would lose faith in all things holy.
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Maybe they believe in Hardy Claus -- a fat greasy guy with a cz earring who wears a suit made of douchy "tattoo" pictures, and delivers Marlboro 100s & Absolut to underaged girls in Las Vegas.

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Champion fist-pumper and true inventor of the friggin' pouf.

LOL@AnonymousBastard. That's a good one! I should have done that to my little sister!

Submitted by Desert Rose on Thu, 12/10/2009 - 5:24pm.

Also, I'm in college and I STILL get presents that say "from santa". My mom is such a dork.

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And, altho she knows he's not real, my daughter still always looks for her Santa gifts anyway;)

♥ Threadkilla!
"I told him to tell her to be herself. I think he did and now she's bein a whore!"
~ david Letterman - Staff Fucker

Oh yes, I saw my mom's handwriting on the gifts from Santa, too. And there would always be opened bags of candy Christmas or Easter day on top of the microwave that were the same brand in our stocking or Easter basket.

I got slick with my kid. I collected scraps of wrapping paper from friends/neighbors so it wouldn't match ours and wrote in block letters on the tags or like a damn ransom note. I bought weird candy online we'd never have in the house, too.

I hate the brats that tell other kids there's no Santa! I fucking hate those kids. I cursed out the mother of a kid who did that to mine when she was six. Now I hate the Gosslin kids as much as the parents.

Since I'm a born cynic the whole Santa story didn't last long for me. When I was 4-5 I was rooting through the loot in my stocking and my mom forgot to remove the price stickers from a few items...everyone knows Santa gifts should be made by elves not purchased at Zody's!

Of course then the Easter bunny fell under suspicion...alas, my fears were confirmed when I heard from my bed the 'Easter Bunny' spill a whole bag of jelly beans on the tile floor and start loudly muttering 'shit-fuck' and 'christ on a cross I'll be finding these fucking things for weeks'

AnonymousBastard:

NO family should play together like THAT!

Security!

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Submitted by TheBreakdown on Thu, 12/10/2009 - 4:31pm.

I thought cats and dogs fucked and the females were cats and the males were dogs.

I thought the same thing.

My brother broke the news because I pissed him off. We would search the house looking for gifts every year. We had a system. Mom and Dad caught on when I asked them where the dildo they got me went. My brother told me what it was and told me it was for me. He's a fucking bastard but I always believed him. Apparently those weren't my gifts in that drawer.

If I were those kids I wouldn't believe in Santa either. If I had to watch my dad manwhoring around wearing Ed Hardy, I too would lose faith in all things holy.
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"I'll go unlock the kids and make us all breakfast." - Theodore Bagwell

My older brother told me but I already knew when I was like 7. Mom's handwriting on the gift tag gave it away. But, I had a friend whom was slightly younger than me, her name was Sora, yeah, yeah, I know. We are talkin about back water hillbilly New Hampshirans here. I told her that Santa wasn't real, she lost her marble about it, cried for days and refused any of the gifts offered to her. She just could not accept it and it was hilarious watching her mother squirm. Boy did I get into hot water cuz of that, all the adults were pissed off at me for "ruining" Sora's Xmas. She's probably still upset about it now. The spanking I got was worth it!