Thursday, December 24th 2009
Open Post: Hosted By Xenu Claus
Stepford Katie stepped out of her cage yesterday to buy a last-minute gift for Tommy Girl at Hermes in Beverly Hills. I didn't know Hermes sold vibrating butt plugs and anal probes. Good to know.
As usual, Katie looked like someone spit in her barley (all signs point so Suri). Seriously, isn't that the saddest L-Word extra you ever did see? Bitch looks like a lezzie after finding out that her ex-scissor sister stole her autographed Indigo Girls CD. Even that creepy wax-like Santa Claus/serial killer couldn't scare any life into Stepford Katie. Although, not much would scare you if you regularly saw Tommy Girl walk around pantless with only a "Scientologists Do It Better" half-shirt on.
• 
Jon Gosselin's apt in NYC got cut up to pieces. LITRALLY!
The damage to Jon Gosselin's apartment is far worse that we thought -- according to his attorney, a "butcher knife" wielding maniac sliced and diced the entire place into a million pieces.
Mark Heller tells TMZ ... when Jon entered his Manhattan apartment this afternoon, he found his "shoes, shirts, luggage, bed, curtain, rugs and other furnishings" had been slashed by a "sick perpetrator" -- and it doesn't stop there.
We're told Jon's "television, CD player, coffee maker, a Nintendo Wii game, dishes, pots and pans were burglarized from his apartment." Jon's attorney also says a "Ming vase, believed to be over 100 years old ... was smashed to pieces."
As for the note that was left behind ... it was "speared" to Jon's bedroom dresser with a butcher knife -- just like we first reported.
Heller says the NYPD fingerprinted and photographed the scene today ... and Jon wants felony charges brought against whoever is responsible.
http://www.tmz.com/
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I wouldn't put it past Kate to have done it....
Someone should interview the doorman....
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Sat, 12/26/2009 - 12:44am.
and yet another reason for me to hate this holiday...
i've know this guy since i was 4 years old, he's my oldest brother's best friend..
http://www.theday.com/article/20091225/NWS04/312259876
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Wow, ESE. I'm so sorry! Keep us posted. Everyone knows I are Catholic. Will include him in my rosaries. "...and please bless Every Stranger's Eye's brother's best friend @ Dlisted, whose name I don't know..."
Submitted by DiamondDawg on Sat, 12/26/2009 - 1:46pm.
Submitted by fuzzyslippers on Sat, 12/26/2009 - 1:32pm.
Submitted by DiamondDawg on Sat, 12/26/2009 - 1:19pm.
I LOVE AD TOO! Jason Bateman has THE juiciest ass ever. My favorite chicken dance is George Sr.'s: COO COO CA CHA! COO COO CA CHA! *dies laughing*
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*DIES*!!! I like it when "Gob" and Lindsay do it to Michael because he's too chicken to ask Rita, the MRF, out for a date!!!
Re:
When you split the 12 signs into the four categories, does that mean that the four categories are the people who get along? So if I'm a Virgo, I get along well with other Virgos, Taurus, and Capricorns?
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Generally, that's the idea, that certain ELEMENTS are more compatible with others. For example,
Water dampens Fire.
Earth grounds Air
Fire is fed by Air (bad when Sag and Aqu) fight
So, like for me, Cappies can bum me out, except that I'm a cusper. My bday is Dec. 20. Capricorn starts on Dec. 21 (or 22). Some astrolgers say that cusp ppl may have traits of both signs, or one sign dominates the personality for one half their life and the other sign dominates their life the other half of their life.
I was confused for quite awhile about whether I was a Sagittarius or Capricorn. I really think I'm half of both.
Susan Miller's forecasts are interesting.
http://www.astrologyzone.com/
there's a lot of info there - especially if you're partner hunting and interested in compatibility issues.
I'm sure there are astorological anomalies all over the place, cuz there's always the rising sign to consider.
I'm so way off topic, I expect this to be moved to yesterday's Open Post.
I will copy it over there right now, just in case anyone complains.
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 2:55pm.
stinkbutt- Ugh. Los Altos. I grew up not that far away and can barely stand going back.
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And you know what the sad part about this is? Nobody in the family can live near my parents, cause it's so damn expensive. So, they have to live their lives around these obnoxious conservatives.
Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 2:45pm.
Sorry Stinkbutt! Next time they ask, tell them you are an aspiring serial killer targeting dorks in Christmas attire! "motherfucker, I lick pits for a living." Submitted by suckandfuck 12/14/2009 - 3:05pm
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haaaa!!! oh, I will do that to them next year for sure!! Their eyes will get as big as dinner plates.
ESE, I’m very sorry about your friend’s accident. I hope he recovers from his head trauma. Stay strong.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Sat, 12/26/2009 - 1:08am.
thank you
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"Have yourself a merry merry Christmas.
Have yourself a good time.
But remember the kids who got nothin'
While you're drinkin' down your wine."
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Sat, 12/26/2009 - 12:44am.
You are probably gone but I just wanted to say I am so sorry. I hope he is going to be okay. <3
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
and yet another reason for me to hate this holiday...
i've know this guy since i was 4 years old, he's my oldest brother's best friend..
http://www.theday.com/article/20091225/NWS04/312259876
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"Have yourself a merry merry Christmas.
Have yourself a good time.
But remember the kids who got nothin'
While you're drinkin' down your wine."
YES! Survived the chaos which is my family whom I love dearly. Caught up on dlisted and now ready for some quiet time with a book and ambien.
Good night hors!
TRUE TV people nuttery is on t.v.
If the Snuggie fits, WEAR IT.
I DON'T HAVE ONE!!!!!!!!!
O, PLEEEEEEECO!!!! IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY!
♥ Threadkilla!
A long time ago, when the gays weren't all in your face about it...
~ Don't look at me! I didn't say that!
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 3:52pm.
I hear ya Hekki, think of it this way...if they weren't family most likely I would never even think of hanging out with any of these people.
Just try to make the best of it and take the bad with the good.
Crappy Crolidays.
My alcoholic father at least had the courtesy to call yesterday and tell me he wasn't going to come for dinner today. My irresponsible and probably alcoholic sister texted me to say she couldn't come because she got stuck in snow last night AND she's sick AND hungover AND has her period.
Mr. Hekki's family isn't perfect but they show up for everything. I'm embarassed by my family's assholery and dismayed that his family is better than mine in just about every way. And I'm appreciating them more every year.
Merry Christmas heaux. I am wearing a snuggie and drinking a Coors. I just lost my ass to some dude name Every Stranger Lies on online poker.
Merry Christmas snuggie wearing clowns
stinkbutt- Ugh. Los Altos. I grew up not that far away and can barely stand going back.
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Sorry Stinkbutt! Next time they ask, tell them you are an aspiring serial killer targeting dorks in Christmas attire! "motherfucker, I lick pits for a living." Submitted by suckandfuck 12/14/2009 - 3:05pm.
I can't stand my parents neighbors! They're all in their early 30s wearing Christmas sweaters with Santa Claus embroidered on them, and frosty the snowman socks with loafers, they dress like they're 60 years old. And they don't live in the mid states either, this is Los Altos, CA. but it's so damn conservative. And they always ask what I do for a fucking living...they know I'm a fucking musician, I tell them every f..ing year. And then they go on about how their medical practice is doing so well...blah, blah, blah I wish my parents would move.
Have fun, ESE!
* hands ESE eggnog *
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living." Submitted by suckandfuck 12/14/2009 - 3:05pm.
off to cook for the ungrateful, and introduce Lampoon's "Christmas Vacation" to the nephews!
Bob and Doug Mckenzie.. 12 days of Christmas...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2oPio60mK4
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"Have yourself a merry merry Christmas.
Have yourself a good time.
But remember the kids who got nothin'
While you're drinkin' down your wine."
Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 1:53pm.
ESE, an IOU is better than a DUI!
i think that was what the IOU was for!!... last time i offer to drive the sleigh!!.... wait.. there's some people with badges knocking on my door.. heehee!
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"Have yourself a merry merry Christmas.
Have yourself a good time.
But remember the kids who got nothin'
While you're drinkin' down your wine."
ESE, an IOU is better than a DUI!
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living." Submitted by suckandfuck 12/14/2009 - 3:05pm.
That's okay, ESE -- I'm worth it! ;-)
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
Submitted by dramaqueen365247 on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 1:29pm.
merry holiday, dq365247... geebus, i feel like i'm about to be charged 3.99 a minute for typing in the numbers!LOL!
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"Have yourself a merry merry Christmas.
Have yourself a good time.
But remember the kids who got nothin'
While you're drinkin' down your wine."
Happpy Christmas Times,
dlist ho dee-ho hos!!!
.
.
CA-CAH, CA, CAH... aaacckkkk!
*coughs up christmmas nut*
(that's what I get for laughing and eating at the same time, oynk)
.
.
Dogs 101 marathon on Animal Planet. Just decided that's how I am spending Xmas.
Merry Christmas, friends! I hope everyone is smiling with full stomachs & warm hearts.
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 1:15pm.
Merry Merry Christmas!
backatcha, Eileenie!
Hope Santy brought everyone everything they wanted!
sadly, i got an I.O.U... if i ever catch that fat bastid, he's gettin' a reindeer where the sun don't shine!
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"Have yourself a merry merry Christmas.
Have yourself a good time.
But remember the kids who got nothin'
While you're drinkin' down your wine."
Merry Merry Christmas! Hope Santy brought everyone everything they wanted!
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living." Submitted by suckandfuck 12/14/2009 - 3:05pm.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 1:11pm.
merry merry, Man5!!... *sets up shot*... all yours!... *clink*
Let's see I got 3 Shamwows a Slap Chop and a bottle of Baileys...I'm good.
Happy Holidays Bitchazzz!
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 1:08pm.
as long as ya washed 'em before i smooched them cashmere(see, i believe!) paws, we're all good... *picks Bozo fur out of teeth*... i have my doubts!LOL!
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Hee! Hee! *putting little sock monkey arms around ESE & hugging tight* *big kiss on cheek* For you, Mr. Man...me always use my lint roller before ya kiss my hand!! Luv ya! Xmas Smooches!
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
Submitted by DiamondDawg on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 1:10pm.
His nose really does look hog like...what a dork face!! Happy HO-lidays!
MERRY CHRISTMAS HORZE! ***************************************** This ho wouldn't know dignity if it fucked her in the ass.- Michael K http://lolavalentinos.etsy.com http://lolavalentinos.blogspot.com
merry merry, Man5!!... *sets up shot*... all yours!... *clink*
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"Have yourself a merry merry Christmas.
Have yourself a good time.
But remember the kids who got nothin'
While you're drinkin' down your wine."
Submitted by little_rascal on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 12:54pm.
To all the people who hate Piggez Hilton!
Enjoy :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7eQhTw5km4
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aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh haaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa, esp. the very last second: SHE'A A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 1:00pm.
...and a big neon-covered Merry Christmas from Vegas, where the ghost of Elvis past roams free!! Mr. Mercury wishes all his favorite Dlisters free cocktails served by thong-wearing showgirls with Christmas trees on their heads!
I'll take it!! Thanks and Merry Christmas to all my FWENDS!!!
Submitted by Sock-Monkey on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 1:04pm.
as long as ya washed 'em before i smooched them cashmere(see, i believe!) paws, we're all good... *picks Bozo fur out of teeth*... i have my doubts!LOL!
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"Have yourself a merry merry Christmas.
Have yourself a good time.
But remember the kids who got nothin'
While you're drinkin' down your wine."
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 12:53pm.
you did wash your hands afterwards, right?!LOL!
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Nope. Right after she saw the tree..she turned her up nose & me politely asked her to sit on my nice new sofa, went into my nice kitchen & brought out a nice glass of wine with some nice delicious Festive Focaccia (my special Xmas Hors D’oeuvres). *sneaky laugh* THEN...I washed my hands!
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
OMG, Piggez that was hilarious. What a dick.
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 12:58pm.
Home Hard, in theaters next Christmas.
*cues Don LaFontaine voice*... "In a world... where a kid is left home alone, and just won't stand for it any longer"
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"Have yourself a merry merry Christmas.
Have yourself a good time.
But remember the kids who got nothin'
While you're drinkin' down your wine."
...and a big neon-covered Merry Christmas from Vegas, where the ghost of Elvis past roams free!! Mr. Mercury wishes all his favorite Dlisters free cocktails served by thong-wearing showgirls with Christmas trees on their heads!
"Rhoda, we're all aware that you're an adroit liar"
I wonder if Debbie Harry ever got to dance with Harry Dean?
http://video.mail.ru/mail/sabrina_witch/blondie-video/282.html
I can't believe i had to find this video on a RUSSIAN website (at least it looks Cyrillic...)
ESE!!!
Yes, sappy shmaltzy Holiday flick while all PMS'y needed some blowed up stuff and shootin'!!!
Home Hard, in theaters next Christmas.
/\
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you.
SOCKMONKEYALINA!!!!
you just made snort laff!!!
CHRISTMAS PEEJAMMIES!!!!!
Double dipped in Winter Snow fabric softener i assume.
/\
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you.
Submitted by sushi on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 12:52pm.
We are watching Night at the Museum right now and damn, Carla Gugina (sp?)is so hot. In fact, I think she resembles Angelina in a way -- nice full lips, but she is so much sexier. Great boobs, curves but not fat. So in my view, even older than Angelina, she is much much hotter.
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She was the highlight of Sin City for my best male friend. I don't think anything after her nude scene was of any consequence to him. lol
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 12:37pm.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
MERRY CHRISTMAS
*running around in new dark gray Emu boots*
IIII GOT NEEEWWW BOOOOOTS
IIIII GOT NEEEWWWW BOOOOTS!!!!!
WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
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*running after Bradiful Bitch in xmas pjs & taking pics of new boots* Niiiice!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
Submitted by Sock-Monkey on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 12:48pm.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 12:43pm.
luv ya socky!... *smooch fuzzy paw*... hope you're roasting MIL over an open fire!
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Me spraypainted Bozo's coughed up hairballs and hung them on his wittle xmas twee!
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you did wash your hands afterwards, right?!LOL!
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"Have yourself a merry merry Christmas.
Have yourself a good time.
But remember the kids who got nothin'
While you're drinkin' down your wine."