Barf.
Kevin Jonas and former hairdresser (she should just change her name to that) Danielle Deleasa simultaneously queefed out all the gory details of their fairytale wedding to People Magazine and it's nauseating. The whole wedding sounded like one big promo (rhymes with homo) for Disney's Princess Collection.
Take this for instance, Kevin said that he chose the venue for their wedding because it looked like an enchanted castle. Kevin also got glass slippers made for Danielle, "I knew that my princess needed her glass slippers and her castle. I've never seen a more beautiful bride."
Danielle said she always wanted a princess wedding, "I couldn't have imagined this." Her father escorted her down the aisle to "Bella Note" from Lady and the Tramp.
See what I mean! Kevin talks about Danielle the same way I talk about my favorite bong! Yes, I keep my bong in a lucite slipper. Don't you? But seriously, why does Kevin keep bending over and making it look good for Mickey Mouse? Kevin got his prostate tapped, so he doesn't need to whore it out for Disney anymore. Free yourself, Kevin!
Hopefully, Kevin and Danielle's divorce proceedings are also filled with singing animals and magicalness. Also, Kevin should get those glass slippers in the divorce. They probably look more precious on him anyway.
And in case you're just joining us, I'm always this bitter.
• 
James Haven was at the wedding and can tell you that it was KEVIN that wore the glass slippers and NOT his bride!
Why do people fib? Why couldn't Kevin be comfortable in his manhood and speak out and say that he wore the glass slippers?
James Haven sometimes wears Angie's Jimmy Choo's and looks damn good in them! Even Fergie complimented James Haven on his thigh high Choo's.
Joe weeped as his brother danced with his bride. He told James Haven that he knows he is next. His publicist thinks it's a good idea for him to get married because there are rumors flying that he likes boys. James Haven suggested that he and Miley give it a whirl but Joe said Nick has already dipped his carrot in the dressing and Joe doesn't like sloppy seconds.
Things really got strange when the bride asked James Haven to join them on their honeymoon night. She said that she thought it was odd that Kevin asked his dad to join them and she wanted backup in case things got out of hand. James Haven declined cause he's not into weirdness at all!
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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So I guess this means she can change her name from Deleasa to Deboughta.
Who was the photographer for this bitch? Could you make two unattractive people more unattractive?
sorry, which one is the bride again?
How can a 23 year old be a former hairstylist so early in her career?
Why does she look over 30?
How come every spoiled female from New Jersey has Mariah Carey Infantile Syndrome???
He's always reminded me of an elf. I think he has pointy ears, too. Icing on the cake.
Well, ahem, what a handsome bride.
He's got to be gay.
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Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 12/29/2009 - 7:59pm.
I'm sure there's a history of helmet wearing and short bus riding up in there, but for one magical day she's a "princess"...Aw, go tard go!
Shit, I almost spit out my coffee on that one! LMAO
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"If I have to spend an eternity of eternities burning in hell, it's better than spending one good day in heaven WITH YOU!" --Brian Kinney, to his mother
Submitted by dementa on Tue, 12/29/2009 - 8:32pm.
I think I just went into diabetic shock over all that sugary Disney crap. I'm surprised he didn't add "trademark" after every mention.
...
i know, my pancreas exploded...
they may not even last 7 months...
"I've never seen a more beautiful bride."
He obviously didn't watch Prisoner Cell Block H then.
People are always queefing about how special their partners are, how they're the most beautiful thing in the world, blah blah blah.
In reality of course, the majority of people are skidding - hooves first - toward the left hand side of the bell-curve.
She looks a'ight. Nothing more. Arguably a lot less.
It's a good catch for a butterface, but let's not kid ourselves here. We take what we can get.
Very few people are able to bag somebody who could be thought of as objectively 'hot'.
Mediocrity sucks daddy dicks, but at least it's realistic.
It's for this reason that nobody cares about the sex lives of two less than average looking people.
So why the hell do they puke their sugary delusions over us?
Is it naivety, delusion, Pollyanna syndrome, reverse body dysmorphia?
Or are they just narcissistic, desperate attention whores?
WE'VE ALL SEEN WEDDINGS, WE'VE ALL HAD SEX, WE DON'T NEED TO KNOW ABOUT STRANGERS' ESPECIALLY FUG ONES!
Wake me up when that black model whose name I can't remember wants to blab about hog-tieing his wife and dribbling on his dick like a basketball.
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@ZiggyStardust:
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!- angel_i
Michael K
You are not always this bitter... you are usually worse. But look how much love dlisters have for you!!
Submitted by dreamhypnotique on Tue, 12/29/2009 - 11:59pm.
The photo looks like some freaky Wonder Years episode where Kevin Arnold marries a long-haired version of Paul Pfeiffer to the everlasting dismay of Winny Cooper.
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hahaha actually what is there to add to that? I wanted to say something about her nose but that post.. said it all.
and still, brittney murphey gets a mention, like disney barf wedding is news, i couldn've gone days without knowing that!
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"And I went through this whole thing; am I gay?! Am I straight?! And I realized: I'm just slutty." ~Margaret Cho
"This is supposed to be about delicious booze!" ~MK
too gross to comment... oh wait, i already did! i remember talking over a nice bowl if they were the jonas brothers or the naked brothers, or the naked jonas brothers?! noone knew. and that was okay. they all give me a headache. bore.
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"And I went through this whole thing; am I gay?! Am I straight?! And I realized: I'm just slutty." ~Margaret Cho
"This is supposed to be about delicious booze!" ~MK
_all I know is this chickie better put her golddigging skills to work pronto and get preggie before this dude decides on an annullment. ___________________________________________
what you gonna do? tell mom and dad I put your dick sucking list on facebook?” – "i love facebook like you love cock..."
The photo looks like some freaky Wonder Years episode where Kevin Arnold marries a long-haired version of Paul Pfeiffer to the everlasting dismay of Winny Cooper.
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I think sometimes people put more energy and passion into the actual ceremony than on actually putting the time in as to whether they'd enjoy being with this other person! Hey, as long as the wedding was expensive and grand, ugh!
Missy Jonas: gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay. Did I mention he was gay?
"Rhoda, we're all aware that you're an adroit liar"
That kid looks like he's perpetually smelling something...
For teen idols, I'd assume this is "jump the shark". Start counting back from 15:00.
Submitted by dementa on Tue, 12/29/2009 - 8:32pm.
I think I just went into diabetic shock over all that sugary Disney crap. I'm surprised he didn't add "trademark" after every mention.
I wonder if it's in their contracts that they have to include drippy Disney luv ballads at their weddings, or if they got extra commissions for that. Was her wedding dress a white copy of Belle's ballroom gown?
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I'm surprised these two idiots didn't spend their wedding night in the Disney Resort castle suite. I bet this Jonas brother even knows which princess this castle belongs to (I refuse to google it). Then their fairy tale wedding would have been truly special. *gags*
Goddammit I love fucking Virgins. The best part is when they cry and wonder if their Mommy will still love them.
i just pucked pickles and beer. don't ask.
I will go barf now.
awesome.
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Is Reno still the destination for quick divorces?
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I think I just went into diabetic shock over all that sugary Disney crap. I'm surprised he didn't add "trademark" after every mention.
I wonder if it's in their contracts that they have to include drippy Disney luv ballads at their weddings, or if they got extra commissions for that. Was her wedding dress a white copy of Belle's ballroom gown?
Oh and you know they'll be divorced in a couple years, because it's obviously all about the "fairy tale wedding" and not about the actual marriage. I doubt they've actually talked about any of the issues.
Tigerlilly on Tue, 12/29/2009 - 7:59pm.
She does look a little speshul...I'm sure there's a history of helmet wearing and short bus riding up in there, but for one magical day she's a "princess"...Aw, go tard go! Hopefully her parents are greedy enough to go after that Jonas money for her when he dumps her at some tard farm after hooking up with the pool boy...cuz that's just bound to happen in 5...4...3...2...
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Haaaaaaaahhaaaaaahaaaaaa.
Lol.
No wonder the wedding night sex was a letdown.
Submitted by Dr. Cornelia J.... on Tue, 12/29/2009 - 7:41pm.
Excuse me, but isn't she....cross-eyed? Seriously, are you looking at the same photo as me? She's cross-eyed, right? Ha ha whatever the problem is there, she sure is ugly!
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She does look a little speshul...I'm sure there's a history of helmet wearing and short bus riding up in there, but for one magical day she's a "princess"...Aw, go tard go! Hopefully her parents are greedy enough to go after that Jonas money for her when he dumps her at some tard farm after hooking up with the pool boy...cuz that's just bound to happen in 5...4...3...2...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I've always wanted to wear glass slippers. I bet they're just like Barbie shoes.
Will you look at how smug this bitch is? She's like the cat who caught the canary.
Gloat all you want, sweetheart. I don't want your shining example of manhood!
"I knew that my princess needed her glass slippers and her castle. I've never seen a more beautiful bride."
Go fuck yourself. You didn't cum, you pissed. Reality is going to be an eye opener for this one.
I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception- Groucho Marx
Looking at these two gives new meaning to the term "bumpin' uglies".
Can't wait until she gets knocked up by the gardener.
I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception- Groucho Marx
Apart from their bad taste in clothes and decor, I can't hate on them too much. They seem harmless. At least he went for a regular person rather than a Hollywood starlet type.
Excuse me, but isn't she....cross-eyed? Seriously, are you looking at the same photo as me? She's cross-eyed, right? Ha ha whatever the problem is there, she sure is ugly!
Seriously, how gay is this one? I mean, bitch broke my gaydometer...Even Bobby Trendy got a reading....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
And let's not forget, they talk about Brittany Murphy dying on the top of the magazine. Wow, what a classy magazine.
Of course, Plecostomus said it all.
"I knew that my princess needed her glass slippers and her castle. I've never seen a more beautiful bride."
I don't know what to say. I'm sure this is what you say at a wedding, but I feel like my nuts just fell off.
Since this is Disney...
Be our guest! Be our guest! Put our prenup to the test!
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I'm tired, I'm wasted, I love you darling.
Submitted by Auntie Mame on Tue, 12/29/2009 - 6:14pm.
Stores should supply a Pepto Bismal display next to this vomit inducing tripe. "Enchanted castle and glass slippers". Are these two idiots 6 years old???
Divorce in 3-2-1...
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ITA! The minute I hear "fairy tale wedding" I think juveniles with an unrealistic idea of marriage and too totally into the idea of WEDDING.
♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠
Santa said "Look, in the snow
A traveling bordello show
Nice little lookers
I counted three hookers
Which leads me to say: Ho Ho Ho!"
Stores should supply a Pepto Bismal display next to this vomit inducing tripe. "Enchanted castle and glass slippers". Are these two idiots 6 years old???
Divorce in 3-2-1...
"Jesus and God really need to file a joint lawsuit against bitches for dragging their good names into unadulterated fuckery!" MK 2/15/09
Gross, tacky, gross, gross. Nice show of boobs in her "virginal" dress.
Barf-arf-arf is right.
The song from Lady and The Tramp??? Why not I Love You, You Love Me from Barney?
Are these kids even old enough to get married??
Will they need Sex for Dummies on their honeymoon?
So many questions.
♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠
Santa said "Look, in the snow
A traveling bordello show
Nice little lookers
I counted three hookers
Which leads me to say: Ho Ho Ho!"
i hope this half wit signed a prenup
they'll last 7 months tops
Also, everyone I know who has had a "fairytale" wedding has ended up divorced within a few years. And the couples who head to Vegas or throw just a simple classic wedding are still growing strong.
I don't understand why people pose for pictures holding up their alcoholic drink. I see this in my friends photos too when they are out in a restaurant or a wedding. I don't get it. Nobody cares if your have a drink in your hand.
look, she has a cross eye!
WONK WONK!!!!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown