Hot Slut Of The Day!
Now your dog really can be man's best friend with the Bark4Beer collar, a dog collar and a beer opener in one! If you love dog slobber, bits of Puppy Chow and fleas (it's extra protein!) in your yeasty beverage, then this is the shit that'll make you pucker!
Two California geniuses came up with the idea one day when they were looking all around for a beer opener, "We had just a whole bucket of beers, Coronas. I remember a couple dogs and no openers and we said, 'I think that's a good idea. We should try that! You call your dog over...you open it up, you put it back on (the dog's collar) and that's it. Why wouldn't you want this? It's basically the four-legged bottle opener for the party animal, I mean it's perfect. what more could you ask for?"
You would think that hanging a bottle opener around your dog's neck would take 2 seconds to complete (maybe 5 after a few beers), but the inventors of the Bark4Beer took 6 years to come up with the perfect retractable design. The orders are pouring in, and the dudes are already trying to think up other inventions. OH SHIT! Hopefully, the twin second coming of Benjamin Franklin comes up with a simple way for my dog to light a joint with his farts.
But seriously, this is a genius invention and everything, but they really should have worked on coming up with a simple way to clone and mass produce my Uncle Jorge instead. That dude opens beers like it's his career! That man can open a Corona with a dog's ass, a remote control, a window sill, a long acrylic nail, a slightly crusty tampon (still in the vag)....ANYTHING! Shit, I think I witnessed him opening a Corona on a strong gust of wind before.
via Fark
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Totally wrong to use the puppy for this. Why not put a beer opener around your wife?
Fuck that. I just use my vagina to open beer bottles.
♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
Memories of the year that lies behind us
Wishes for the new year yet to come
And it stands to reason that good friends in season
Make you feel that life has just begun
My husband is like that too, he can open a beer bottle with just about anything...Its kind of cool. He taught me how to do it with a few handy items as well...Its surprisingly not THAT complicated.
This thing would be perfect if it could talk, drive and not preach.
One day, bitches...
I will invent the Charlie Bot™
It will perform said tasks, while being hilarious.
<3 Sibs
i am always prepared to drink because i have a bottle opener on my car keys. i've had that shit for like 6 years. right about the same time these guys thought this up. but mine is way better- stuck in a car no dog- got it on my key chain. at somebody's house, no dog- got it on my key chain. cannot tell you how many times that thing has saved my life. i am often with out my doggy, esp when drinking, but never without my keys. i have even opened a beer while driving with it before- however that turned out not to be such a good idea bc i accidentally turned my car OFF while going 70 on the hwy.
suffice to say- wasted time and $. who are the stupid people who don't just have a bottle opener on their keys?
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'fuck you guys. i'm goin' home.'
Cheap Beer Hall of Fame time.
My Entry: Hudy (aka Hu-Day, aka Hudepohl)
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/54/171071328_19bf11b8ce.jpg?v=1150780636
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If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown, Honey I'm still free, Take a chance on me
Beer is fattening. That is all.
*sips Zima*
My old roommate's dog was trained to open the fridge, retrieve a beer and bring it back to you. If only he had this collar, he would have been perfect.
Submitted by Jill-The-Ripper on Wed, 12/30/2009 - 10:36am.
I am thinking Jack either drinks Natty Ice or Milwaukee's Beast.
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LMAO. The Beeeeast. Not for the weak and made for the drunk. You made me laugh.
Snowy, it's like a boil.
DO NOT do a Google image search unless you are S&F looking for some JO material.
The guy was proud of it, said he got some sort of disease off his old lady.
Jill: what's a carbuncle?
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
Years ago one of my then hubby's biker friends came over. He did open a beer bottle with his teeth (man they were a mess too) and he brought his buddy with him, who had a huge carbuncle on one cheek.
I am thinking Jack either drinks Natty Ice or Milwaukee's Beast. Turdle guy probably still has Zima stored somewhere in his fallout shelter.
Why can't I invent something stupid and pointless that everyone will buy nonetheless that I can make for $.0000001 and sell for $19.95?????
*attempts to contact spirit of Ron Popeil*
♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
Memories of the year that lies behind us
Wishes for the new year yet to come
And it stands to reason that good friends in season
Make you feel that life has just begun
people, don't use your teeth
exhibit one *shows chipped back beer bottle opening teeth*
LMAO DON"T DO IT!!!!!!
and there is no way you can convince me Jack drinks his old milwaukee out a bottle!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
Sweet Babu LMAOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Team Don't Believe The Snuggie Hype
WTF, how are you supposed to walk around in that thing? it's for couch potatos with beer opening dogs!
plus it's not that warm
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
Still chortling over the Turdles.
ahahaha
Submitted by Snarkley on Wed, 12/30/2009 - 10:04am.
Submitted by Sweet Babu on Wed, 12/30/2009 - 10:01am.
LMFAO!!!
Damn, now I gotta go pee.
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Yeah, that's exactly what my brother said after he watched me go down.
the turdles.the shades.the shorts.HAHAAAAAAA!
People will buy anything, huh?
It doesn't suprise me that a group of men who drink Caronas couldn't find a way to drink it.
Submitted by Albatross on Wed, 12/30/2009 - 9:55am.
LAME. Poor dog thinks he's going to get some attention, but all you're doing is using him for his collar and then sending him away again. Stupid men.
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My sheltie would catch onto this lame act so fast if my friends kept calling her over to drunkenly wrestle with her collar opener while the little bitch gets nothing in return.
Submitted by Sweet Babu on Wed, 12/30/2009 - 10:01am.
LMFAO!!!
Damn, now I gotta go pee.
Speaking of opening beer, last night I tried on the new Snuggie my mom got me for x-mas, got up to open another beer, tripped on the damn thing & did a face plant into the fridge. And it turns out my fuzzy robe is way more snuggly warm then that damn snuggie.
Shit, I should put a beer opener on my cat's neck so I can just reach into my lap to pop open a new bottle.
Submitted by Albatross on Wed, 12/30/2009 - 9:55am.
LAME. Poor dog thinks he's going to get some attention, but all you're doing is using him for his collar and then sending him away again. Stupid men.
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO we lubz the dogggiiiiiiiiieeeeee
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" the lovely snowpiece 11/25/09
the turdles are a sellin like hwatkakes. shit.
and Jill - I use my lighter to open bottles... if no lighter, I use the edge of a counter. imma simple guy.
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" the lovely snowpiece 11/25/09
LAME. Poor dog thinks he's going to get some attention, but all you're doing is using him for his collar and then sending him away again. Stupid men.
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"If I have to spend an eternity of eternities burning in hell, it's better than spending one good day in heaven WITH YOU!" --Brian Kinney, to his mother
Are the turdles made from petrified dog poo? Or is it a simple case of poor spelling instead of a pitiful try at wit?
Hahahah @ Turdles.
Someone beat me to it about the teeth. Real men just use their teeth. I have seen someone open a beer using a cigarette lighter too.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Wed, 12/30/2009 - 9:38am.
I'll just use the Texas beer opener on my key chain. Thanks though.
Does that make me a hick?
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Exactly! You aint no hick, you're just normal. Why the hell invent some fancy dog-wearing contraption when the little key chain opener has been around for fucking ever? Those dudes thought way too much about this. Then again, they're gettin' rich off it while I'm sitting here a broke-ass little bunny.....
How is the Turdle business going Jack?
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If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown, Honey I'm still free, Take a chance on me
I'll just use the Texas beer opener on my key chain. Thanks though.
Does that make me a hick?
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
OMG loozer lmaoooooooooooooooooooooo!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
lmao at loozer...
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" the lovely snowpiece 11/25/09
Pshhh, whatever. Fools should just use their teeth, like me. It's a great party trick.
Loozer- LOL@ turdles!
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 12/30/2009 - 9:22am.
JACKO! where are you! this is what I am getting you for XMAS! But I don't think you have a dawg so I'm putting it around Sucky's neck!!!
Maybe he could attach it to his patch or the head band for his mullett? Yo-Ho-HO!
http://www.wattix.com/blog/chilligan/turdles.jpg
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If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown, Honey I'm still free, Take a chance on me
I'd like to personally thank these two gentlemen for their significant contribution to enhancing the joy of beer drinking. My hat's off.
*opens xmas stocking for snowy*
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" the lovely snowpiece 11/25/09
I wouldn't get that because my dog would for sure become an alcoholic then. He already drinks my stuff as soon as I turn around! Seriously, he does!
KD: I'm slow like that...
does it snap back in on that string? Ouch! wouldn't that hurt the widdle doggie fwiend? Can you use it on a Yorkie?
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
Back in the day, we could open a beer with a Bic lighter. You always had that handy.
Snowy- Xmas is so, like LAST WEEK. What're you thinking?
WOOF WOOF!
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Submitted by xerquina on Thu, 11/12/2009 - 1:59pm.
suckandfuck you are by far the most vile person here
I was without a bottle opener once and the guy who needed it ended up just prying the bottle top off somehow. Then, the next day I found a couple of random household objects that have bottle openers on them: my scissors and the can opener.
JACKO! where are you! this is what I am getting you for XMAS! But I don't think you have a dawg so I'm putting it around Sucky's neck!!!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown