Thursday, January 28th 2010
We Can All Go Home Now
Shut down your computers and pack your things, because nothing can outdo this. UsWeekly won the fight. CNN, HuffPo, TMZ, People, Radar and the rest can all take the day off and try again tomorrow. This is all the news we need to know today. Put your RSS feeds to bed.
If Billy Goat Brad shaved off his beard, left St. Angie and ran off to marry Jennifer Aniston in a ceremony officiated by Tiger Woods, it still wouldn't make a bigger story than this. Done and done.
• 
haha
-----
Proud love child of Oprah Winfrey & Bill Gates
Here's the t-shirt Jess needs:
http://failblog.org/2010/01/28/classy-fail/
She will from this day forward be known for her ass instead of her tits.
I bet Joe Simpson loved the smell of it.
Submitted by kanderso on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 11:42am.
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 11:37am.
******************
I KNOW, the footage of them taking her out was crazy. I guess she's supposed to be okay physically - in terms of, it looks like she's going to survive. Her leg is badly injured and she's dehydrated, etc., but she's responding well to fluids. She also was able to answer their questions, etc., so she hasn't totally lost her marbles. How hellish to be in there for two weeks. Poor woman, thank god she's out.
I saw that and it took me a minute to realize that you meant the girl in Haiti and not Jessica Simpson. I thought, "Damn, that must have been some fart." I'm sorry. Carry on.
There's coffee in that nebula...
LMAO @ Soultonic's list! I personally like "Ass Blast"!
Why are fat chicks always the one's with loud, loose farts? We had this girl in high school who let one rip during class and believe it or not she started laughing under her breath. Well her stifled laughter caused more farts and, honest to God, it sounded like fart-laughter. It was really weird and I'm sure some of her McD's was in her size 18's afterwards.
She looks like a cross between Sandra Bullock and Brit Brit in that pic. weird!
Do the crackheads at UsWeekly sit around all day making this stuff up? I have to give it to them, at least it's original.
talk about a slow news day
*slugs back beer*
Brangelina Forever
I like jess and really felt for her when she lost her dog. She's harmless and a kind soul.
Beef Clap.
After the windy incident Miss Simpson asked...are farts supposed to be lumpy? Jolie offended since she didn't think of this first, as usual.
Shouldn't this garner her Hot Slut of the Week honors?
even Britney doesn't talk about burping or farting, let alone fart in a meeting..
**********************************************
Brad should have known better since Billy Bob Thornton, a man who has a fear of antiques and only eats orange food, said that she had too many problems for him.
- Howard Stern
Chanel No. 2 OMG!!!!!!!HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
_____________________________________________
"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Gowd...Jessica Simpson is so irrelevant. She needs a new project or something. Dating the guy from SP, yeah, lame. She just looks so desperate it's pathetic. She's so ditzy, no wonder she can't keep a guy.
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:53pm.
WHATEVER LIMEY!
I've never been so insulted. Reported for Countryism. You Septic Tank.
Jessica Simpson has been brainstorming the perfect name for her new fragrance.
Here are some suggestions babe:
air biscuit
ass blast/flapper
backdoor trumpet
back draft
bottom burp/cough
brownster
butt bomb
carpet creeper
Chanel No. 2
chunder
crack rattler
eggy boff
grounds for divorce
guff
ponger
rattler
ripsnorter
silent but deadly
thunder below
trump
wet one
________________________________________________
*I'm a DLister - Don't hate us cause the party crashed on us.
WHATEVER LIMEY!
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
Submitted by El Bastardo on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:47pm.
I was teasing :)
I too like the new avie, btw!
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:42pm.
The best farts are the ALLI farts.
Those are grease jets.
Mother Inferior- I'm British not Brisish. Disrespectful misspelling of my homeys. Snowpiss will have to answer to that in the COURTS!
I avoid doing it in presence of other people, but some two years ago, I was visiting my then 87-year old abuelita. We were in her bedroom where she was resting. I couldn't hold it in, and let it out quietly.
She was all too happy talking to me about something and never took notice so I thought I was safe. Then my aunt walks in and says: "Mom! You farted in front of your grandson!? Shame on you!"
And to this day, they still think it was my abuelita who pulled out a ninja (silent but deadly kind).
"And Joe Perry, you are a man of many colors but I, motherfucker, am the rainbow!" -Steven Tyler
Brangelina Forever!
Submitted by TopTwitsBlog on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:30pm.
You've got a great blog there, hon.
The best farts are the ALLI farts.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:37pm.
ELB - Clarisse says HAI! And she loves the new Eddie avvie!
Tell her YO!
I had to change it to the new mature Eddie cos he aint gonna tranny it up again :(
Speaking of farting and sharting.....
Submitted by El Bastardo on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:39pm.
But you're not Brisish? :P
Submitted by Plecostomus on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:35pm.
I fart in the general direction of Jess Simpson.
Pleco, I feel compelled to say, "Fetchez la vache!"
It is appropos, considering this is Jessica Simpson.
The worst are yoga farts.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by Mother Superior on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:35pm.
Submitted by El Bastardo on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:34pm.
Where is you from??? :D
England. Home of Heroes.
ELB - Clarisse says HAI! And she loves the new Eddie avvie!
I fart in the general direction of Jess Simpson.
=========================
Bottom-feeder.
Gorge your eyes on Gorgeous Georgina : http://sites.google.com/site/gorgeousgeorginashow/home
Submitted by El Bastardo on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:34pm.
Where is you from??? :D
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:31pm.
don't go ELB I love the smell of your farts! So Brisish scented....
OK, just for you Cat. :o) ps- I'm not Brisish.
Don't leave El B. These are not tears from laughter, but empathy.
Well, maybe it is from laughter, but I feel your pain. Smelled it too, all the way across the pond.
************************************************
You smiled, you smiled,Oh and then the spell was cast and here we are in heaven for you are mine....At Last
*qweefs*
don't go ELB I love the smell of your farts! So Brisish scented....
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
Amazing reporting US Today.
Find out what Jessica tweets:
http://www.toptwitsblog.com/search/label/Jessica%20Simpson
http://www.TopTwitsBlog.com
All of the best celebrity tweets in one sarcastic package.
Great. For once i open up and post something upsetting and personal that happened to me and you laugh.
THANKS. I'm out. Goodbye 4evaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
PUSSY FARTS IMA JELLIS
Yes, the sneeze fart. You just PRAY that the fart is ordorless.
Submitted by El Bastardo on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:23pm.
I was in Church one sunday in my special Christian white suit and during 'Onward Christians Soldiers' i sharted violently...what a stench/mess...the music and singing stopped and everyone turned around and stared at me. :(
The Vicar screamed "BEGONE SON OF BEELZEBUB"..never been to church since :(
True story.
====
Ahhh, the birth of my ex-wife. I remember that day well.
Submitted by El Bastardo on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:23pm.
THAT WAS YOUUU???
I was third nun from the right. You looked hot in that suit.
ELB IS DARKSIDED!
NOT CHRISTIANNNNNNNNNN!
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:21pm.
i refreshed but i still see that one?
odd?
====
Sometimes it takes a few reloads for the change to take. You can always delete all your cookies and start again, but probably more trouble than it's worth.
I was in Church one sunday in my special Christian white suit and during 'Onward Christians Soldiers' i sharted violently...what a stench/mess...the music and singing stopped and everyone turned around and stared at me. :(
The Vicar screamed "BEGONE SON OF BEELZEBUB"..never been to church since :(
True story.
i refreshed but i still see that one?
odd?
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:18pm.
jazzy is your avie a goldfish in the toilet?
====
It was, but I changed it a little while ago.
jazzy is your avie a goldfish in the toilet?
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
Submitted by El Bastardo on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:13pm.
Submitted by Mother Superior on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:12pm.
*phhhrrrrrrrrp*
Was that a Chaffinch?
*****************
Nein, El B. Ziz is hao vee Dshermans get rid of the airz. Elegant leik ze birdz!
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 12:09pm.
I had the nastiest gas one night. Poor girlfriend had to keep opening the window to breathe and it was freezing outside. I seriously thought something was wrong with me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It must have been Wendy's Chipotle Sauce (since discontinued I believe)..it puts your sphincter on a 30 second fart timer. You fart every thirty second for like an hour. I only heard about this of course.