This Isn't Totally Good News
The highly-skilled engineers at Heinz have spent many years trying to redesign their 40-year-old ketchup packet to make it easier for hos who like to dip and drive. After trying out unsuccessful prototype after unsuccessful prototype, they finally walked into a McDonald's to soothe their frustrations with a 6-piece Chicken McNugget. The light bulb went off when they glanced down at the sweet & sour dipping pack that has been around for millions of years.
The VP of Heinz said that the new Heinz pack will feature 3 times more ketchup and won't take you 4 hours and 2 sets of teeth to open.
I need to point out two things. First of all, how in the name of government assistance am I supposed to fill my ketchup bottle at home with those things? Heinz is making it hard. Second of all, does this mean that ketchup bombing will slowly be replaced with horsey sauce bombing?
via Consumerist
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delicious
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Celebrity News
Took them long enuff.
...............
Back to Black.
It took them thıs long and probably mıllıons to fıgure out the paınfully obvıous.
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Wendy's Onion Ring sauce makes my knees go weak. That shit probably has crack in it.
Yo chica... Sriracha is incredible in cheesy tomato soup on a cold, snowy afternoon!
I'm gonna' have to go to Arby's just to score a Horsey Sauce packet.
Tyroan - my kindred soul, who understands the joy of a mouth ON FIRE! Lol. And what's more impressive - that I spelled these correctly or that *you know* I did?
THIS.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Dip and squeeze, bend and snap!
Aerobics with Legally Blonde and Heinz.
Whatever, I don't use ketchup packets.
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Memories of the year that lies behind us
Wishes for the new year yet to come
And it stands to reason that good friends in season
Make you feel that life has just begun
Submitted by urmomma on Fri, 02/05/2010 - 2:12pm.
Yes.
Yes there is, but I am not allowed to tell you what it is exactly. MUWHAHAHAHAHHHAAAA!
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Damn! Not fair.
I'm going to choose to assume it's due to my choice of condiments.
Team Honey Mustard.
chica robotica you're my sauce-preference doppelgänger!
...and the fact that you spelled them all correctly makes me weak in the knees.
Wake me when they put Taco Bell Fire Sauce in those new packets.
Submitted by HollyG on Fri, 02/05/2010 - 2:38pm.
Team BBQ sauce everything! Oh and you people who put fucking ranch dressing on pizza and tell me it's amazing? I can't with you.
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My husband puts ranch in leftover spaghetti to re-wet it. Ugh, it's the grossest shade of vomitous pink and the sound it makes when he stirs it-
OMG. I literally just puked in my mouth a little. Ugh.
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I ALMOST threw up my grilled cheese sandwich but with Jesus in your life, you can overcome anything. - boobxqueen on Octomom's Star cover
So you can dip it *or* squeeze it? Hm.
I love tabasco or cholula or tapatio in my ketchup. I actually find it pretty plain otherwise. Cannot do without. Luckily, most restaurants seem to come out with the mustard, ketchup and at least tabasco at the same time these days.
Other than that, it's really about the spicy mustard.
And for pizza? Sriracha sauce.
They shoulda made the little container out of potatoes so we could eat it afterward.
REally they could make all packaging out of food, so then we could eat our garbage. Which really makes sense cause most packaged food is garbage anyway.
.
.
My boyfriend got me hooked on sprinkling pepper in my ketchup. He says its an NYC thing.
salacious - my BH uses mayo on his chicken, like when I cook chicken, baked, BBQ'd, etc, he dips it in mayo.
*pukes*
RANCH DRESSING FOR DIPPING!! Pizza, nuggets, fish sticks, calamari, hot wings, YUMMERS!
Submitted by HollyG on Fri, 02/05/2010 - 2:38pm.
Team BBQ sauce everything! Oh and you people who put fucking ranch dressing on pizza and tell me it's amazing? I can't with you.
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There's also a group of people who put mayo on everything, and I mean everything. Disgrossting *
* Gross + Disgusting
Team BBQ sauce everything! Oh and you people who put fucking ranch dressing on pizza and tell me it's amazing? I can't with you.
"Picking a favorite blog is like picking a favorite crackhead. I don't know if I can do it" (MK, you're my fave crackhead)
I don't know if you have Whataburger up North, but Whataburger has THE BEST ketchup EVER. They have dipping ketchup like that already. This is nothing new!!! AND it taste amazing as well - better than any bottled mess.
I don't really like ketchup. I dip all my fries in honey mustard. Yum.
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Fri, 02/05/2010 - 1:50pm.
But tearing off the corner of the old packets, sticking the fry in and letting the sides of it scrape most of it off when you pulled it out left the perfect amount.
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ME TOO! Yay! My husband thinks I am so weird for doing this. Glad I am not alone in my ketchup habits.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!
i really shouldn't be as excited as i am about this
its the little things...
Submitted by justaguest on Fri, 02/05/2010 - 2:01pm.
Are these things biodegradable?
I read somewhere else that they're claiming it is.
I can tell you that Heinz probably spent over $10 million to develop this new packet.
Whataburger (a burger place here in Texas) already has something similar to this but better and has had it for years.
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Chris Brown needs to like, wow, take that stupid ass bow tie and shove it down his throat. It's like, wow. WOW. --MK 8/31/09
Submitted by Sibsi on Fri, 02/05/2010 - 2:08pm.
I don't like Ketchup.
Is there something wrong with me?
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Yes.
Yes there is, but I am not allowed to tell you what it is exactly. MUWHAHAHAHAHHHAAAA!
If I gave a shit, you'd be the first person I would give it to.
TEAM KETCHUP IS DISGUSTING!
now instead of sucking the left over ketchup from the packet, i get to lick that little container clean.
I don't like Ketchup.
Is there something wrong with me?
Just another sign that the apocalypse is near.
I'm having imaging people having that much trouble opening the packets. Unless your hands are oily, or maybe if your nails are too long (solution: cut your fucking nails), I don't see it.
Probably I dream about a lot of places Ive never been to or seen before then a while later Im there.
I also dreamt about 5 children dying in a house....and well...I don't wanna get into it.
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http://www.cracked.com/funny-3809-internet-argument-techniques/
http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2010/01/reader-photos.html
How am I supposed to stick these behind car tires and watch ketchup explode everywhere when they back up. Yeah, I'm 12 apparently.
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http://rxhollywood.wordpress.com/
Are these things biodegradable?
MK this wouldn't make ketchup bombing *obsolete*, it would make ketchup bombing EASIER! Instead of making one yourself with a bottlecap and aluminum foil, all you'd have to do is poke a hole in the top of one of these and throw it.
KETCHUP BOMB WIN.
It's probably not made it Pittsburgh anymore.
:(
Aha! A more direct delivery system for the high fructose corn syrup *evil laugh*
Submitted by Genny18 on Fri, 02/05/2010 - 1:49pm.
Ppl need to stop reading my mind, I was thinking about this the other day!
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Maybe it's the other way around. Maybe YOU're the one that's psychic!
♥ Threadkilla!
And it isn't in education. It's history. It's poetry...It's in DListed.
~ J.D. Salinger, adapted by caprica six
This is, indeed, a sad day.
Not to mention that fucks shouldn't be dipping their foodstuffs into any sort of sauce whilst @ the wheel.
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"... the wailing lesbian fetus known as Justin Bieber." - Michael K
Dear Arby's,
Please do this for your Arby's sauce.
Thank you.
*dodges judgmental side eyes cuz I still like a Beef N Cheddar & potato cakes*
/\
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you.
But tearing off the corner of the old packets, sticking the fry in and letting the sides of it scrape most of it off when you pulled it out left the perfect amount.
*pouts*
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I ALMOST threw up my grilled cheese sandwich but with Jesus in your life, you can overcome anything. - boobxqueen on Octomom's Star cover
Ppl need to stop reading my mind, I was thinking about this the other day!
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http://www.cracked.com/funny-3809-internet-argument-techniques/
http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2010/01/reader-photos.html
Brilliant! Now it really IS the Devil's Sauce.
♥ Threadkilla!
And it isn't in education. It's history. It's poetry...It's in DListed.
~ J.D. Salinger, adapted by caprica six
if it is easier to open, then thank you Heinz.
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You're still the one I want to talk to in bed
Still the one that turns my head
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
-Orleans