But We Already Know EVERYTHING
Here's the voice of all mothers Kate Gosselin looking as precious as a pimp at church on the cover of her THIRD book. Don't you just want to softly stroke her Bret Michaels weave before yanking it out in pieces to tie around her mouth and hands? I think that's what Kate was going for.
People reports that Kate's new book I Just Want You to Know: Letters to My Kids on Fame, Money and that asshole Jon comes out on April 13th. The book will feature Kate's prayers, selections from her personal journal and letters to her kids. Kate explains:
"Each day the thought crosses my mind that when they get older, my kids are going to look back and think about how they were raised. I know they will have a lot of questions about things that may not make sense because they were raised so unconventionally. I don’t want them to grow up and wonder; I want them to know without a shadow of a doubt how much I love them and how much every sacrifice made was worth it for them."
Touching. But what's even more touching is one of Kate's letters to her baby friends:
Dear my adorablemoney makerschildrens,Why the fuck are you reading this?! Stop dicking around and go make that money! Back alley weaves don't come cheap! Smile really purdy for the cameras too.
Oh, and get momma a cold bottle of Evian. COLD!
Love and Possum Whispers,
Your Boss
Kate's kids will be able to read their mother's letters to them when they save up enough money to go down to the local Barnes & Nobles to buy a copy of her book. Sorry kids, no complimentary copies for you!
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I hate this woman
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Hollywood Gossip
Its a good way to make sure your kids know you love them, write a book that says so (actually, WTF -just have someone else write it). That way you don't have to strain yourself over time acting like you give a crap about the kids.
This fame ho is going to be back to the View to pimp her book. Which will be in the dollar bins with the money spent, before her kids are even old enough to read. That's sad.
she's apparently not making much off the book...i own that sweater...cost me $20 at old navy.
She is doing damage control years in advance... my aunt reinvented her children's lives so they would not know about the dead baby and the institutionalized sister. Some women should not be mother's.
Submitted by ricki lake on Tue, 02/09/2010 - 10:29am.
What the fuck has KUNT Gosselin sacrificed for her children besides her pre-Frankensteinian gunt? She has everything she has BECAUSE of her children! Gee Kunt, you're such a fucking saint because you can force sextuplets on a husband who doesn't want them, use them as bait to finagle a reality show that, let's face it, was basically years upon years of "Let's have Disneyland shut down for us!" and free swag, and continue to exploit them post-TLC years with these shitty, shitty Diarrhea for the Soul maudlin piece-of-shit books to fund your hair, makeup, wardrobe, and plastic surgery expenses. You are one heinous bitch, you soulless, stitched-up harridan fatty. Have fun dying alone!
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Oh sweet GODS how I missed your Kunt Gaslin rants <3 THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!!!
eta:
ubmitted by ricki lake on Tue, 02/09/2010 - 12:20pm.
Cut off this fucking KUNT'S head and serve it on a platter. I know 8 adorable kiddies who would just looooove to rip apart this ugly bitch's face and savor the delicious whore flavor.
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(((((((((SWOOOOOOOON!!!!))))) AHAHAHAAAA!!!
So how will she explain to that whatsername daughter why she refused her a drink of water while mommy drank some oh so zestfully? Is there a touching Xtian parable for that bullshit? This skeezer is a baby pimp and fucking sadist: Joe Jackson in a weave and with panocha.
I don't care. I'm tired and my feet stink.
I really like that chair tho.
♥ Threadkilla!
And it isn't in education. It's history. It's poetry...It's in DListed.
~ J.D. Salinger, adapted by caprica six
Dammit. Now I gotta change my dog's hairstyle. Cunt.
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Droppin Kids Off in the Pool
R.I.P. my baby dog (avatar).
The same brainless idiots that bought the quitta from wasilla's book will buy this one. These types love to speak on "Christian" virtues and easily look down on others when they themselves are the most vile and evil creatures you'd ever see.
I hate to admit it but she looks good here. She's still a vile, testicle-snatching, whip-cracking child abuser. But she looks decent.
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"
http://www.ilads.org/
I just want you to know I REALLY got something out of seeing this photo: the finish on the chair she's posing in just happens to be the exact effect I'm trying to get with a bookcase that I'm refinishing! Happy happy joy joy!
As for the "good Christian" hypocrisy, all I have to say is that yes, two of the most out-and-out twisted evil psycho hose beast bitches I've ever known both made a lot of noise about being Christian*, but I don't judge all Christians by that. In my opinion, it's the ones who go around bragging about being Christian that you have to worry about. The really good people are quiet about it.
*One of them was a preacher's kid!
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Really don't mind if you sit this one out
My words but a whisper, your deafness a shout
--Jethro Tull
What sacrifices? As she sits there in her $20,000 porcelain veneer teeth, $7000 weave in the million dollar house her kids' work (that they never were paid for, she and Jon took it all) delivered for her?
Oh yeah she whelped them. As far as I can see the last sacrifice she made consisted of lying on her back for 4 months while people waited on her.
She "just wants them to know" her side of it in case they ever get curious as to why she's never around, and won't let them see the rest of the family, leaving them with nanny while she's out spending the money she got for exploiting their every bowel moment for a national audience. Let me GUESS - she did everything for THEM and every thing bad is Jon's fault?
This will be anouther ten page coffee table book, photos by TLC, scriptures by the Bible and trumped up bullshit out of her "diary" by Kate's PR team "So sad could not see your precious little faces today as I was working, would not have to go away to work if Daddy wasn't such a cheap prick who made us not have a tv show any more" etc
Barf. Think on this: Your kids have access to the Internet Kate. Who are they going to believe? You or their own eyes? They will be doing talk shows talking about how mommy sold them out long after this self serving piece of exploitive shit has been forgotten.
Best selling author? LMAO! Riiiiiiiiiiight.
fake. bitch. go and raise your unfortunate litter instead of spending valuable time cracking us up with your hilarious posturing of 'love and kindness'.
another delusional ho.
She is a New York Times best selling author? One more reason why I don't take NY Times seriously.
Oh, let the remainders on this one begin now (and let's all help by ripping the covers off at the local Walmart). Who exactly is this bitch trying to fool? "Dear little moneymakers" is right. I have no hope that she'll save any of her advance on this book to cover her kids' future therapy (it's probably all been spent on her ratty weaves and the Photoshopping of this cover) either.
Why can't she just go away? I'm starting to hate her almost as much as I hate Sarah Palin, but at least there's little to no chance that the idiots in this country might elect Gosselin as president. At least I hope not.
I predict that this shitty assed book will be in the 99% discount bin within a very short space of time. Here I am going paperless/online billing to save trees and here's this snarky cunt wasting trees for this load of old codswalloping shit. Your books are shit Kate so stick em up your ass where they belong.
"I told the troot, and I have fate the troot will prevail."
You better not show up in New Jersey, Kate! Remember that Jacqueline's daughter ripped the weave off Danielle's head. She be waiting around the next corner ready to jump!
Kate, I just want YOU to know people stopped caring in 2008.
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http://rxhollywood.wordpress.com/
Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 02/09/2010 - 12:39pm.
Submitted by Anonymous101 on Tue, 02/09/2010 - 11:17am.
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LOL!! That would be great!! You could get the real dirt from their household, write an unauthorized tell-all, and make some REAL $$$$ off that sh!t ;)
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May love love you today <3
LOL@ the B.M hair comment!!
Coma Caca!
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GLAMOUR SHOT FROM MALL
PISS OFF HAG
a legend in her own mind!!!!
I want to meet the dumbfuck that plunks down money for this shit.
If these are letters to her fucking kids, why does she have to make a book out of it for everyone to read? Damn fucking useless PR-hungry whore....
....
...
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
Damn she looks good there, if I didn't know she was a BIG CUNT I might actually think she's not a BIG CUNT.
Submitted by Anonymous101 on Tue, 02/09/2010 - 11:17am.
Dear Master, we mean, Mommy:
We like your new joke book. It IS a joke book, right?? It's so funny!! Ha!! Ha!! We hope that you can make a lot of money from it to pay for your weave and daddy's wh0res, so that we can finally retire.
Love,
Your 8 kids,
Maddie, Cara, Collin, . . . oh, screw it!!
Like you care anyway.
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Ha! You just made me wish I was their nanny for a day.
♥ Threadkilla!
And it isn't in education. It's history. It's poetry...It's in DListed.
~ J.D. Salinger, adapted by caprica six
Cut off this fucking KUNT'S head and serve it on a platter. I know 8 adorable kiddies who would just looooove to rip apart this ugly bitch's face and savor the delicious whore flavor.
ahaa, MK, your letter is hysterically funny!
And, "bestselling author" my ass. Jesus god, the mind of a person who would buy her book...the stupid, it burns.
They REEEEALLY tried to use the Photoshop De-Cunting
tool on her.
/they failed
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Hey baby! Did heaven lose a star? 'cause you've got niiiiiiice cans...
Back alley weaves...funny shit.
"Fuck me running..."
No Kate, No! Go away.
Come to think of it.. this cover has the same look/pose that all of those self anointed self help experts use.. always in soft white, seated leaning forward. If it's male it usually is standing with one arm out, jaunty/friendly pose. Vomits.
Bawwwwahhhaaaa I'd like to meet her at a book signing so I can yank that dead animal off her stupid fat head.
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"His faggy coffee shop poetry reading glasses will go over well in prison. I expect to see them on cumonglasses.com". ~ Dlister Provolone
She probably assumes the same pose when she sits on the toilet for her morning shit...which is probably more interesting than the shit she spews in this obvious cash-grab.
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And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, people do,” but I think the gun helps, you know?
Dear Master, we mean, Mommy:
We like your new joke book. It IS a joke book, right?? It's so funny!! Ha!! Ha!! We hope that you can make a lot of money from it to pay for your weave and daddy's wh0res, so that we can finally retire.
Love,
Your 8 kids,
Maddie, Cara, Collin, . . . oh, screw it!!
Like you care anyway.
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May love love you today <3
Submitted by Freak Speely on Tue, 02/09/2010 - 10:57am.
Yes. It's a faux conspiratorial 'best pals' pose. I learned to loathe/recognize it when our shitty middle managers would do this at the end of a meeting to let us know that our annual bonuses would be 'a little smaller' than expected.. or break some otherwise miserable news. Like it'll soften things. Contrived.
Submitted by tojo on Tue, 02/09/2010 - 10:05am.
"Each day the thought crosses my mind that when they get older, my kids are going to look back and think about how they were raised."
Can't they just watch the reruns?
HAW!
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"No escapin' when I start
Once I'm in, I own your heart"
Submitted by mike on Tue, 02/09/2010 - 9:50am.
I've noticed that, too. The super 'devout' types tend to be most hypocritical in that they live judgmental lives. I see it more often than not..
I hate this picture- she's in all white, 'The softer side of Sears/Kate Goseelin...' and in this studied friendly/casual/let's have a cup of coffee and dish, GIRLFRIEND!' pose.
The miserable housewives who buy into the cult of Oprah will eat this shit right up. Who else would buy this?
I think she rifled through Babs' closet to get that outfit.
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"I truly don't like you as a person. Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?"
Submitted by Freak Speely on Tue, 02/09/2010 - 10:57am.
Her posture in that picture irks me. I hate when people lean close to tell me something like I'm deaf.
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On the contrary, she is personifying how real and intimate she wants to be with her readers. However, we know the real truth, this position straightens out her neck rolls.
Submitted by tojo on Tue, 02/09/2010 - 10:05am.
"Each day the thought crosses my mind that when they get older, my kids are going to look back and think about how they were raised."
Can't they just watch the reruns?
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LOL! But seriously...
♥ Threadkilla!
And it isn't in education. It's history. It's poetry...It's in DListed.
~ J.D. Salinger, adapted by caprica six
I would like to know what her untouched picture looks like for when I need to induce vomiting.
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"I truly don't like you as a person. Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?"
Her posture in that picture irks me. I hate when people lean close to tell me something like I'm deaf.
-.-
The internet, where the men are real men,
the women are real men, and the children are the FBI.
Submitted by Supertramp on Tue, 02/09/2010 - 10:48am.
I'd like to write a book about my adventures on Dlisted and what I've learned.
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I'd buy that as long as it doesn't make the New York Times Bestseller List.
♥ Threadkilla!
And it isn't in education. It's history. It's poetry...It's in DListed.
~ J.D. Salinger, adapted by caprica six
Dear Kids,
You all look like mongoloids. Blame your father, I do.
Love, no wait, like,
Your Pimp "Mom"
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"I truly don't like you as a person. Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?"
Want to know how much mommy loves you? Crack the piggy bank and buy the book! Did you not hear me you ungrateful little mongrels? I'm not repeating myself 8 times - READ.THE.FUCKING.BOOK!
(raises glass) Here's to hoping those 8 kids simultaneously going berserk and the only thing left of Kate is her weave.
I Just Want You To Know how irrevocably I've fucked up my children?