Tiger Woods Will Say He's Sorry This Friday
Recovering sex addict (do you hear my eyes rolling?) Tiger Woods will give the performance of his life this Friday afternoon when he says he's sowwy for sticking his peen in every cocktail waitress with an unlimited text message plan. This is from Tiger's site:
Tiger Woods will be speaking to a small group of friends, colleagues and close associates at 11:00 a.m. EST on Friday at the TPC Sawgrass Clubhouse in Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla. Tiger plans to discuss his past and his future, and he plans to apologize for his behavior.While Tiger feels that what happened is fundamentally a matter between him and his wife, he also recognizes that he has hurt and let down a lot of other people who were close to him. He also let down his fans. He wants to begin the process of making amends, and that's what he's going to discuss.
His remarks will be open to a press pool for live coverage. It is NOT a news conference.
Tiger's affairs are between him and his wife's golf club, but he does owe all of us an apology. He needs to apologize for introducing the world to Rachel Uchitel, Jaimee Grubbs, Jamie Jungers, Cori Rist, Holly Sampson, Joslyn James, etc...etc...
And I have a feeling Tiger's apology serenade is going to be full of the bores. Tiger should spice things up a bit by taking an Ambien before the press conference so we can see what all the fuss is about.
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I don't understand why he is doing this. He doesn't owe anyone an apology except his family.
Sorry Lesbo but he does need to apologize to the millions of dollars he bilked out of his "image" with Nike and with Gatorade and with Buick. His upstanding image got him those endorsements..not his golf...his image.....it would be like paying money to go to Disneyland and finding out that Walt was didling kids behind Cinderella castle...so yeah he does need to eat shit cuz he is a phonie!
11:00am! I hope they don't interrupt my Price is Right tomorrow morning.
Mad Cobra vs. Mad Lion
The transcript from the conference has already been leaked, and it's sort of hilarious. He isn't even sorry: http://bit.ly/d1ug3u
"speaking to a small group of friends, colleagues and close associates" ... yes, that's why there will be cameras there and why it will be made available to the media ... and everyone in the world is a "close associate." People who write press releases for a living are just clowns without the red noses and big shoes. They don't care how ridiculous they make themselves or their clients look as long as the newspapers and blog pick up the story. Personally I think they'd look more dignified straight-up begging for attention than they do sending out sanctimonious lies like this!
It's pretty ironic that the venue where he's making this 'apology' is called the TPC Sawgrass Player's Club, home of the Player's Tournament.
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I'm here for a good time, not a long time.
Tiger, what I want even less than to know the roster of skankosauruses and spleezeballs you've diddled behind your wife's back is to be ear-raped by your so-called mea culpa.
Fuck off. Go hit some balls or something. And please...please don't try to sell me a car or razors or Gatorade again...I don't know where that car or razor or Gatorade has been. :-P
And at the end of hıs 'apology' there wıll be a epıc sıgh lamentıng Ellıe's decısıon to stay wıth thıs skankbıscuıt.
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http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:
xadesmultimedia@gmail.com
Holy shit -- my roommmate works at TPC Sawgrass! This should be interesting...
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"Help control the pet population: Teach your dog abstinence." -- Stephen Colbert
I guess I'll watch this, but it's going to be boring.
He'll say nothing and take no questions.
I suppose it's all about sponsorship because only men watch golf and I sure they support his getting all that outside ass.
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"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."
He's only sorry that his ass got CAUGHT! And now he's humilated in front of the entire world. Fuck you, Tiger.
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"No escapin' when I start
Once I'm in, I own your heart"
I don't understand why he is doing this. He doesn't owe anyone an apology except his family.
I am not a lesbian but my girlfriend is.
Maybe TMZ will be able to sneak a camera in there or something.
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http://rxhollywood.wordpress.com/
This "conference" might only be semi-entertaining if Phoebe Price shows up or some waitress carrying a child with an Alice in Wonderland grin shows up to say he the baby daddy....otherwise it will be snores.
Me so solly...please let me continue to make millions for playing a stupid ass game.
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Submitted by suckandfuck on Wed, 02/17/2010 - 8:42pm.
Submitted by SpiceDong on Wed, 02/17/2010 - 8:32pm.
On topic, this song...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5OPMI13qng
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BTW, tanks for da link. I fucking love this song and video. Bitch could not sing her way out of a wet paper bag when she first started out so her top-notch production got her going, but now I give big props for stepping up her game and working on her actual singing and musical skillz and has just been a force because of it since. esp with her always amazing showmanship.
oh and also a lot of fucking hard bodies in that vid - get it girl!!! lol!
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Just here for the fun
Sen. David Vitter
(This pig loves to visit prostitutes and wear diapers while they treat him like a baby) ---(sick motherfucker)
Sen. John Ensign - (fucking around on his wife with his best friend's wife)
Unlimited text message plan! Bwahahahahahahaha
@Eileenie: Oh yeah, nice, he likes the polyester lace on that one. I hope he calls soon so I can mess up that Robert Pattinson doll and sell it to Tigerlilly for some ka-ching. Wish me luck dear, sweet Eileenie. You are a good Pimp!
Buddi, cut him some slack! He's practicing his speech! I sent him the one of you in your faux black lace nighty from Fredricks with the bolt on bewbies and edible crotch!
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living." Submitted by suckandfuck 12/14/2009 - 3:05pm.
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All that I'm after is a life full of laughter as long as I'm laughing with you.
All this PR shit is weird. It'll be interesting, indeed... I don't buy much of it. If she stays, well she deserves everything that's coming to her... He's a fucking asswipe, but it's her stupid ass decision. Professionally? He'll recover, because sports people only think about the sport and nothing else (think Michael Vick - only HE did real time).
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Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 01/27/2010 - 5:42pm.
This site should be fun only. The petty shit fucks up my buzz.
You don't want that. Or maybe you do, you sucio fuck! MK
@Eileenie: He hasn't text-sexed me yet? Maybe he's working on his speech? Yeah, that must be it! Did you send along a photo of me in my sexy lingerie from Walmart too?
I got your back, Buddi! I'm even giving you my rollover minutes for the sexting!
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living." Submitted by suckandfuck 12/14/2009 - 3:05pm.
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All that I'm after is a life full of laughter as long as I'm laughing with you.
@Eileenie: You is a true friend... I better charge the phone!
*texts Tiger to give him Buddi's digits*
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living." Submitted by suckandfuck 12/14/2009 - 3:05pm.
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All that I'm after is a life full of laughter as long as I'm laughing with you.
Also, to put in my two cents here *drying eyes* I prefer my celebs to go at it full tilt and not apologize for anything! Sid Vicious style...hell, 70's Punk style!
I have an unlimited text message plan, I drink in bars where cocktail waitresses serve, I have large hooters, blond...What Tiger, no game thrown my way?! * crying softly and feeling left out*
Let's not forget Larry Craig and John Edwards. Loved that fucker until I found out what a fucker he was. Mark Sanford, too.
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living." Submitted by suckandfuck 12/14/2009 - 3:05pm.
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All that I'm after is a life full of laughter as long as I'm laughing with you.
be gentle...
A Ninja that cheats on his white wife?
Never heard of it before....keep up the good work!!!
Anyone care to add to the list?
Your idea is fucking brilliant. Mel Gibson, that dude that got his whore preggers while his wife had cancer, uh, Gaycrest owes us a huge apology for foistin Wonky, the Kardashians and all those other useless reality whores....uh.....lemmie think..
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Okay, how about Newt Gingrich for serving his wife divorce papers while she was in the hospital being treated for cancer? And of course, Jim Bakker fucking Jessica Hahn while married to Tammy Spider eyes, and Jimmy Swaggart who "sinned against you my Lord"????
Yeah. Turn around and around in a circle, and everyone you point at has done something stupid and something they regret (esp. if they got caught). Including me. But some of us stand up,put on our big-kid pants, and take responsibility. But this is going to be a shitshow, mark my words.
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Some of my best friends are Canadian.
"Tiger Woods will be speaking to a small group of friends, colleagues and close associates" + "His remarks will be open to a press pool for live coverage"= insincerity to a factor of 45.000.
Reminds me of when Lucy bought a whole bunch of gourds to attract the Great Pumpkin. When she asked for Linus's opinion, he spat out in a disgusted tone :"This is the most hypocritical pumpkin patch *ever*!"
You've heard of "Christmas in July", get ready for "Haloween in February". Jack O'LanterNicklaus will cry a river of seeds and relight the flame in his head to Dear Elin. Watch on an empty stomach.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Wed, 02/17/2010 - 8:42pm.
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Um, uncomfortable? Because that's what that video made me feel. Doesn't she feel embarrassed that she could be the mother of all those people in that video?
........
Fer sure maybe, fer sure not, fer sure eh, fer sure bomb...
Submitted by dreamhypnotique on Mon, 06/15/2009
It's like trying to put Herpes in its place, when you're syphilis.
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 02/17/2010 - 8:36pm.
"...But maybe we can keep the Benz,
If we sing this song!"
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lolol!!! nicely done!
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Just here for the fun
Elin should leave his ass. If she "loves the money" so much, she can have some of his, and I'd bet my Jeep she'd be happy to be rid of his cheating scummy ass.
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Some of my best friends are Canadian.
Submitted by SpiceDong on Wed, 02/17/2010 - 8:32pm.
On topic, this song captures exactly what I think about this whole Tiger apology bullshit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5OPMI13qng
Good night, everybody! and sorry for the shameless Vadge plug....but it fits you gotta admit that.
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NIGHT REV. SPICE.
*amen*
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Submitted by Stoney on Fri, 02/12/2010 - 2:17pm.
Sucky, I want to fuck your sick mind, you disgusting God.
*Puts entire cast on Rock of Love Bus and sends them to FLC*
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Famous last words "Lizzy, get off your fat, lazy ass and go chop me some fire wood" Mr. Borden
Oh, I cannot wait for this shitshow to start. What a pile of PR bullshit this is going to be.
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Some of my best friends are Canadian.
Goodnight everyone! Thanks for the laughs!
*herds "Sorry" video cast out the door of her office* Watch your step!
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Famous last words "Lizzy, get off your fat, lazy ass and go chop me some fire wood" Mr. Borden
Submitted by FunLuvinCriminal on Wed, 02/17/2010 - 8:19pm.
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LOL! Very good!
Oh let's add Ted Haggard apologizing to the entire gay population.
Jon Grosslin for not fucking his wife properly.
Conjack for letting his wife suffer unnecessarily and die.
Al Gore for giving us the Interwebs therefore forcing Tila Tequila on our innocent souls.
@FunLuvinCriminal:
We are the Pervs
We are the Sorry,
We are the ones who gonna havta say
"Here, take my Ferrari!".
(VERSE)
There's a choice we're makin,
We're getting our freak on.
But maybe we can keep the Benz,
If we sing this song!"
:)
♥ Threadkilla!
'Ah, the 1980s. A real decade, not like the "noughties" or the "teenies" or whatever you kids are living in now.' ~ photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com
Nighty night, Spicey! Good choice although I despise her!
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living." Submitted by suckandfuck 12/14/2009 - 3:05pm.
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All that I'm after is a life full of laughter as long as I'm laughing with you.
On topic, this song captures exactly what I think about this whole Tiger apology bullshit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5OPMI13qng
Good night, everybody! and sorry for the shameless Vadge plug....but it fits you gotta admit that.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYHxGBH6o4M
The last verse should be for those who just annoy us by their very lives (Hilton, Tila, Hogan, Kardashian, Cast of Rock of Love, Jennifer Aniston, She-Hulk Biel, Gosselin, Duggar, all of you line up in the back. No wait, each of you will get your fifteen minutes and then fucking die"
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Famous last words "Lizzy, get off your fat, lazy ass and go chop me some fire wood" Mr. Borden
Oh yes, he's really sorry that he got CAUGHT
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
The first verse is for the cheaters
The second verse should be for the addicts (chime in Rush Limbaugh, you KNOW you can harmonize)
The third verse should be for anyone making insensitive, racist or other obnoxious comments (I'm talking to you John Mayer, Mel Gibson, Michael Richards, Don Imus)
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Famous last words "Lizzy, get off your fat, lazy ass and go chop me some fire wood" Mr. Borden
ahahahahaha! Well done, LawDog and FLC! Brilliant idea!
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living." Submitted by suckandfuck 12/14/2009 - 3:05pm.
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All that I'm after is a life full of laughter as long as I'm laughing with you.
HEAR HEAR!@Fred Flintstone!
♥ Threadkilla!
'Ah, the 1980s. A real decade, not like the "noughties" or the "teenies" or whatever you kids are living in now.' ~ photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com
Great Verse FunLovinCriminal!!
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Famous last words "Lizzy, get off your fat, lazy ass and go chop me some fire wood" Mr. Borden
Fuck that shit!! He should get up and say " I am a fucking billionaire with a hot, stupid wife who is a $500 millionaire. I like to fuck and have fucked everything that walks faster than three mph and the beauty is my wife does not give a shit because as I said above, she also digs the fucking money. For all you little fuckers out there that actually work for a living and can't afford to play golf at the places they pay me millions to play at - fuck you too!! In summary, I would like everybody to keep buying Nike shit so I can make more billlions and and I would like to shout out to all you horny bitches that what a celebrity fuck and say hey, I worked it out with Ellin and free to fuck around some more. Rock on Homies!!
Submitted by Provolone on Wed, 02/17/2010 - 7:50pm.
Is there some pink mafia supplying all the good steroids to the gheys????
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YES...they come straight from the fountain. completely unadulterated...
but the mafia I belong to is lavender. Pink is so 2002.
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¸.·´¯`·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸. , . .·´¯`·..·><((((º>
`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸.·´¯`·...¸><((((º>·´¯`.¸¸..><((((º>
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYHxGBH6o4M
Provy's avi = YES!!!!! GO TEAM USA!
OT: (You know the tune...)
"We are the Sorry,
We're out our millions.
We are the ones who gonna havta pay,
So let's start shillin'.
(VERSE)
There's a choice we're makin,
we're not screwing our own wives.
It's true the hos will make us pay,
Just wait and seeeeeee...."
lololol...!
Other verses? anyone? :D
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Just here for the fun