How To Get Rid Of Your Batwings The POOPY Way
This week's POOP (nourish the inner asshole) newsletter teaches you how to get rid of your "batwings" using the Tracy Anderson Method. Now, I always thought the Tracy Anderson Method of toning your arms involved shoveling millions of dollars of other people's money into your own wheel barrow. What I'm saying is that bitch is a money-stealing fraud. But for shits, read what Fishsticks has to say:
Many of you may already know of my passion for the Tracy Anderson Method and my investment in it. She has kicked my formerly sagging ass (Ed note: Fishsticks will forever be a giant sagging ass. Nice try, though) into shape and I will be forever grateful. This week, Tracy shares with us a little arm series that I did everyday preparing for Iron Man and that I take on the road. She just made it home-made style for me, lo fi. But it's good. Especially for the batwing problem. Also, some of her dedicated clients talk about why they love her as much as I do. She has some brand new DVD's that I have been doing in my hotel room on location and which I highly recommend.
Could this ho be anymore pretentious? In my hotel room on location?! You LO FI BITCH, stay on location forever. And preferably a location with no wireless internet or any other form of communication (that includes carrier pigeons and campfires).
Anyways, here are the lo fi batwing-biotics Fishy does from her hotel room when she's on location, as presented by Tracy Anderson:
I have a feeling that Tracy The Thief has struck again. Tracy didn't invent this technique. I'm pretty sure this is what it looks like when Fishsticks tries to have sex with Chris Martin.
And don't try this at home or your (fill in the name of your boyfriend, cat, or imaginary friend here) will think you're crazy....er.
via HuffPo
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I saw a piece on Tracy in Grazia and noticed that her head is gargantuan for her body.
The link didn't work - what's the rip-off about?
Joyce Vedral is the go-to lady for workout expertise. She's in her 60s, maybe 70 by now, and looks fantastic. Of course, she doesn't have celebrity clients so nobody's going to pay her any attention.
That butt-wiggling motion Tracy's doing looks like a good way to slip a disc.
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Really don't mind if you sit this one out
My words but a whisper, your deafness a shout
--Jethro Tull
OK - sign me up....Spring is coming and she sure does have some nice arms!! Gawd I hate working out, does she have a video involving lifting wine, vodka or beer glasses?
-"Submitted by CheeryBitch on Fri, 02/19/2010 - 12:47am."
I agree, Tae Bo is pretty good.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
What the fuck is this bitch doing now?
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"Help control the pet population: Teach your dog abstinence." -- Stephen Colbert
I remember a Jane Fonda video in the 80's. It was more challenging and had better exercises for toning arms.
That dumb bitch goop needs to just google her name to find out the list of illegal shit anderson has done. She's a scofflaw and fraud. Why she is still featured in magazines is beyond me.
Who wants to look like a runty angry developmentally delayed junior high kid? Tracey has a gnarled ruddy little apple head. I also have an inordinate amount of hate for those hideous chunky black work out shoes anderson wears.. looks like priest loafers. Stylish!
God forbid there should be one inch of that dreadful blubber visible anywhere at any time!
It looks like everything she is doing is working the biceps. I see nothing working the triceps, which is where the batwing problem comes into play. I think that the only thing that helps that is free weights.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
If you give your boyfriend a really great handjob this will have the same effect except better cos everyone would be (very) happy?
I'll burn that bridge when I come to it....
¡COÑO!
Looks like some really unappealing BDSM porn.
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http://rxhollywood.wordpress.com/
I love these workouts...
http://www.raviana.com/
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If you put on a pair of 3D glasses, this story looks just like Avatar. ~ MK
How weird that GOOP would promote her!
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2009/10/tracy-anderson-is-becoming-an-ou...
http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2009/10/madonna_is_tired_of_tracy_ande.ht...
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If you put on a pair of 3D glasses, this story looks just like Avatar. ~ MK
Wonder if this is true about Tracy and if it was ever resolved...
http://gabsmash.blogspot.com/2007/07/who-is-this-tracy-anderson.html
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If you put on a pair of 3D glasses, this story looks just like Avatar. ~ MK
so basically you move your arms. oh gwyneth. i'm so glad my parents made it a priority for me to go to college.
i guess u could do it this idiots chicks way and look like a spastic dumbass having seizure OR u could invest in some belly dancing tapes and do snake arms and look sexy
Martial Arts will kill your batwings, Ladies!
I REFUSE to get them. I will never EVER EVER have them. I am lucky I do not have fleshy arms to begin with- a good start......*sighs with relief*
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"You know, I kind of like the idea of a sexy little video. I could be naughty."
-Khloe Kardashian
EEEEEEUUUUWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!
Submitted by EvilShoe on Thu, 02/18/2010 - 7:22pm.
Listen whore, can you recommend anyone's workouts who aren't famewhores? I get these dumb ass celebutard workouts and they are all lame. I'm fit, just want to challenge myself and do something different. Thanks!
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Famewhore workouts? No, most all of them suck ass. And I just want to jam my foot into the face of that Turbo Jam chick! My favorite do-at-home DVD workouts are P90X and the Tae Bo Ultimate Upper and Lower Workout - Quit laughing! ;) Do both back-to-back, and you'll drip sweat and burn a shitload of calories. Wear weighted gloves for a more intense upper body workout.
Several years ago, Goopy was in town for a while working on a film. She attended my yoga class and every freaking day I got to look at that huge flabby ass of hers in tight yoga pants. I can't understand how people who have NOTHING to do with their lives except work out and obsess about eating "healthy" can end up with such shitty bodies.
i actually did the routine. it was pretty good, i felt like a fool but invigorated.
hate to say it but it is good.
Snideychick sez:
Looks like some white chick trying really hard to move to "Single Ladies". FAIL!
Submitted by fosho on Thu, 02/18/2010 - 10:07pm.
I do that shit all summer long trying to get the mosquitos away and I've still got batwings...
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LOLZ. Apparently we're doing it wrong. I could have powered a helicopter with my mosquito summer.
It must only work in a hotel room while on location.
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No, now go away before I taunt you a second time.
Oh for the love of fuck. We did that dumb arm whirling exercise in sixth grade.
*rolls eyes*
.
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I do that shit all summer long trying to get the mosquitos away and I've still got batwings...
holy shit you guys I am in TEARS laughing at everyone's comments! seriously it restores my faith in humanity. I needed some cheering up. have to stop reading now... side hurts
What she wanted to write was..."In my hotel suite, in the Penthouse of the Four Seasons...as I sip my Perrier from a crystal goblet encrusted with precious jewels and look down from the balcony at all the pathetic little people scurrying about....I swing my 3-lb weights and contemplate dropping on their dingy, low-class little heads....
does she think people like or would even follow her pretentious shit. She makes me ill, I can't even listen or enjoy Coldplay anymore knowing that Chris married this cunt. Fishsticks..take your pretentious ass away...PLEASE...
I am surprised Paltrow didn't write:" In my hotel suite, in the penthouse of the Four Seasons."
Submitted by aliana.lohan on Thu, 02/18/2010 - 9:25pm.
she's the most pretentious unbearable cunt
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WORD.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
she's the most pretentious unbearable cunt
her program in spain in which she tastes spanish dishes is absolutely unbearable to watch
Christ, doesn't anyone work out to "Eye of the Tiger" anymore?
I laughed out loud for a good 5 minutes! That is the dumbest looking "exercise" I've ever seen. How do you even memorize that? It's so erratic. And why does she shake her butt while doing it? What an idiot.
Dude, you are hilarious. Run your mouse over the picure. Called twodumbfucks. Crack me up every time, Michael K. I had to get a new phone with web in case they ban you at work.
She's totally making that up as she's going along.
Can we revoke her Oscar retroactively 11 years later?
The top picture should be in the dictionary under "skinny fat"... WHY the hell would anyone take fitness advice from the woman responsible for her AND Vadge? Hmm, would I rather look like a bloated overboiled spaghetti noodle or a roided-up shemale? Tough one.
Submitted by Pincheborracha on Thu, 02/18/2010 - 7:30pm.
Bitch, please!!! This just looks like spastic white girl dancing that anyone can do in their own living room (so one else can see this pathetic mess).
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So wrong, yet so funny.
Gweneth you ignorant slut - it is not necessary to do those exercises in front of a *mirror*. BTW your husband is cheating on you and your cross-eyed kids will grow up to hate you. Put that in your blog, why dontcha?
Such unwarranted narcissism. Won't someone volunteer to throw her a beating? Please?
What Lutrell said...
This looks like Workout for WASP's to me. if you have access to any Afro-Caribbean or Latin dance classes, don't hesitate. They do a body good!
Stupid ass bitch.
Bitch, please!!! This just looks like spastic white girl dancing that anyone can do in their own living room (so one else can see this pathetic mess). Stupid gringas actually pay this ho beaucoup bucks for this crap??? It's like PT Barnum says, "There's a sucker born every minute!"
Borrachas of the world unite and take over!
Fishy = fug.annoying. hag.
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I'm countin' on Jesus at this point.
Submitted by CheeryBitch on Thu, 02/18/2010 - 6:14pm.
I'm a certified personal trainer
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Listen whore, can you recommend anyone's workouts who aren't famewhores? I get these dumb ass celebutard workouts and they are all lame. I'm fit, just want to challenge myself and do something different. Thanks!
Back to your regularly scheduled program folks...
Submitted by azgirl on Thu, 02/18/2010 - 7:07pm
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Woot-woot!! Keep it up...it gets easier after the first week. p.s. LOTS of epsom salts in a hot bath really helps with the soreness.
gawd, she's getting fugly.
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Dale Doback: Okay, here's the shot out of the cannon: Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one, go!
LO-FI...what the fuck is that???
I mean I remember HI FI from my gramma's house...she was so proud of her HI FI turntable...
What the FUCK is LO-FI and WHY THE FUCK is Gwyneth talking like that? Is she getting all VATO'D out and shit.
Pretentious People EXHAUST ME...I need to go take a nap now.
I guess I should start working out more, but I find lugging and moving boxes is more effective than swinging my arms around like I'm in heat.
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"The Count on Sesame Street is scarier and more captivating than those preening whack vamps from Twilight." DListed user Master Blaster 6/09/09 (So true!)
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