Hot Slut Of The Day!
Zhora, the alcoholic Russian chimp who has been forced into rehab by his people.
Unfortunately for us, Zhora is one of those shy drunks, so there's no pictures of him in action. Instead I had to use this picture of some chimp sucking on a water bottle in Shanghai. Just pretend that this Chinese chimp is Russian, and that the bottle of water is vodka. If that doesn't work for you, just go to Google Images and type in "Mel Gibson." That will give you hundreds of pictures of a drunk chimp.
Reuters reports that Zhora originally worked as a circus performer, but was sent to live in a zoo in Rostov after he got a little too aggressive. While at the zoo, Zhora discovered life's four greatest pleasures: Sharpies, fucking, boozing and smoking! Yes, Zhora is totally your chimp.
When Zhora wasn't drawing pictures with a Sharpie (aka sniffing that shit behind the cave) or wet humping on lady chimps, he was begging tourists for booze and cigarettes. Since you can't deny a drunk chimp (ask Denise Richards), the tourists regularly gave Zhora what he wanted.
After Zhora got his 6th DUI, was caught with a dead hooker in his trunk and developed a major addiction to smoking banana skins, his handlers sent him off to rehab.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to buy a chimp suit and a ticket to Russia. I mean, a never-ending supply of Sharpies, free booze and cigarettes? We're all in the wrong business.
(Thanks to all who sent this in)
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Not another farking chimp!
Have we not learned yet, children, that chimps are the devil's creatures and will rip out our faces the first chance they get?
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Bottom-feeder.
Gorge your eyes on Gorgeous Georgina : http://sites.google.com/site/gorgeousgeorginashow/home
Is there a Dr Drew vet???
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http://rxhollywood.wordpress.com/
I was wondering what happened to that baby I gave up for adoption in the 90's!? Like mother, like son!
Submitted by Sock-Monkey on Sun, 02/28/2010 - 1:37pm.
Well...this just fucking made my day!
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I'm sure it did....since I found LINT in ALL my liquor bottles in addition to the levels being WAY OFF!!! And don't think I didn't notice those dryer sheets strewn about...and FYI...YES, THEY DO CLOG UP THE TOILET...And stop using my stove to cook up your Borax rocks. You left a mess!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
i HATE drinking after monkeys. The backwash is atrocious...
Al K Hall
Functional Alcoholic Spokesperson
(No, REALLY. Google "Slurperson" if you don't believe me.)
http://pjensi.wordpress.com
Submitted by Whatever on Sun, 02/28/2010 - 4:58pm.
What kind of a fuckwad would give a chimp vodka? Morons.
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The same jackasses that blow pot smoke in their cat's face. People do stupid crap in college.
Hey, It wasn't me! I just heard stories, okay?
What kind of a fuckwad would give a chimp vodka? Morons.
aaaannnnd MK is back! *our personal jesus*
breaking from damn studies (what else is new) to say 'hi' and 'until later' to the crew.
hope all of you (including myself) whom were feeling sads and like crap yesterday, feel better today? *hopes*
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the two year old: "where da milk 'n cooooookies?"
the four year old: "him downstairs...."
Bernie Mac: "...Bust a move!...bust a m-f-ing move!!"
Open liquor is allowed in zoos??
LMFAO@smoking banana skins=))
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2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"
http://www.ilads.org/
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How dare they refuse him booze! Reminds me of the Ice Bear in HDM. ~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~ “Why is it good to die for one’s country? Isn’t it better to live in New York?” - Bar Refaeli
The post is funny, but the story is depressing as hell...
Great post MK, too fun for words. (I like sniffing markers too)
* looks away, confused *
I think it's better to keep that chimp drunk, mellow and happy, at least he's not ripping people's faces off. That also applies to people. If we were all happy drunks the world would be a better place.
Not for nothing, but I'd be fucking aggressive if I was forced to work as a circus performer. Just saying.
You take a wild animal force it to perform for your amusement, it's either he develop some sort of bad habit or he goes on a rampage against his handlers.
Now he's in rehab. *Headdesk*
I blame the humans.
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Live Your Life Like Brian Kinney Said:
No Excuses, No Apologies, No Regrets.
Sad thing is I bet he was a better driver while all boozed up than the guy I was just driving behind.
"After Zhora got his 6th DUI, was caught with a dead hooker in his trunk and developed a major addiction to smoking banana skins..."
LMFAO!!!
On a more serious note, however... it is not enough for humans to fuck themselves up anymore. They must now also spread the love & transfer their illnesses to their captive animals.
Animal rehab. Not so bizarre, considering folks now subject their pets to day-spas, acupuncture, massage, psychoactive medications, as well as an assortment of other therapies.
I tell you, humanity itself is a spreading disease & blight upon this planet.
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"I am going to rock myself in a corner in my Slanket now." - Plecostomus
Well...this just fucking made my day!
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
Forgot to mention he's fathered 9 chimps so far while in Rostov! Those crazy circus monkeys!
That entire post was genius MK!
I hope that the chimp didn't make a monkey out of himself when he was drunk!
*ducks flying shoes and ignores hisses*
Our chimp used to flick caca nuggets and throw stones at visitors. It was hilarious.
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"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way."