Vanessa Paradis Does Not Want To Be The Next Jennifer Aniston
For those of you who guessed March 4th as the day the first "ANGIE IS TRYING TO STEAL JOHNNY" story hit the tabloids, give yourself an extra pat on the nipple! You're a winner! Your prize is a newborn orphan who will arrive via FedEx today or tomorrow (depending on weather conditions). You better clean out the bottom the drawer in your bedroom dresser! Anyways.
In today's New York Post their sources claim that Johnny Depp's partner of a million years Vanessa Paradis really doesn't want to spend her Saturday nights eating lukewarm cookie dough with Jennifer Aniston while playing a fake version of the Newlywed Game with a bunch of cardboard cutouts of their exes. No, that's not how Vanessa wants this story to go. So because of this she has demanded that Johnny quit the movie he's making with Angie Jo, which is filming right now in Venice, Italy.
The source said, "Vanessa found out that there was a real long and intense love scene between [Depp] and Jolie. He's currently trying to [get out of the movie], but I don't know if he's succeeded. But he's trying and they're talking about replacing him with [Jolie's partner] Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio."
The article goes on to read: "The puffy-lipped siren and Pitt hooked up after they steamed up the screen in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. The 2005 picture was largely credited with busting up Pitt's Tinseltown union with 'Friends' actress Aniston. Years earlier, Jolie got her hooks into Billy Bob Thornton, while the 'Sling Blade' actor was reportedly engaged to actress Dern."
ANISTON, stop sending in your creative writings to The Post! Stop. It. Keep it in your dream journal.
But seriously, Vanessa Paradis has nothing to worry about and she knows it. Nobody can gap fuck Johnny like she can. If Angie suddenly shows up to set with a toof missing, then Vanessa can start to set up the bear trap near Johnny's dick.
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yeah dont believe it she has enough confidence to be ok with jon jon working with the living snatch
xxx sorry posted twice...
Don't know too much about Vanessa, but she can't be too bright to let Depp sign any paper to make a movie with that man eating whore. I have a friend like this, nothing tastes better than somebody else's man's cum.
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There's nothing like a little black pussay
Why wouldn't the tattooed skankilina want Depp?
Depp is an actor, Pitt is a celebrity goat.
And Pitt is the insecure one following the whoralina around to the movie set.
Paradis is way classier then the plastic botoxed whoralina.
Why is she worried Johnny only dates little pixies not taller doms like Angie.
Sincerely,
Alana Smithee
She should definitely fix her gap. And straighten her hair. And dye it. And get a tan. And a boob job. And wear lucite heels.
lmao @gap fuck
xoxox
The war isn't working.
Not that I'm losing any sleep over the matter, but consider who Angelina Jolie has gotten involved with.
She's courting Brad Pitt, who, in case no-one else noticed, struggles a severe identity crisis. Brad Pitt's image vacillates depending on who he's with. When he was involved with Juliette Lewis, he was somewhat of a brooding tough man. When he was with Jennifer Aniston, he lightened up his image considerably. I think he made several appearances on Friends. Now that he's with Angelina Jolie, he takes himself too seriously, like how she does.
What I'm saying, is that Brad Pitt always was what I'd consider weak of mind anyway, and Billy Bob Thornton was always kind of...a dick.
I don't think that Angelina Jolie, or her vagina, inherently possesses any power over all men, but that she's successfully pursued the last few because they were weak anyway.
♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣
Believe me, you aren't really that fucking important.
I bet that Angelina Jolie really isn't as great in bed as she lets on. She's probably only good at foreplay.
♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣
Believe me, you aren't really that fucking important.
This video is adorable. Paradis talking about Depp:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7sK3PcLHZ8&feature=related
Paradis didn't strike me as insecure. If anything, in their pictures together he looks like the wimpy one. But I don't blame her. I wouldn't want her claws on my man. But maybe there is something behind the story that has to do with him wanting out of the movie. But I doubt Angie is as good in bed as Paradis. Look at Pardis' eyes-they're lethal! I imagine Angie to be porn star mechanical. Like she'll do anything, but in an animalistic sort of way. You could get that from a hooker.
Angelina is the Power of Grey Skull
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
WHY this won't happen
1. the loonies will lose the she has no claws crusade
2. Depp might like them thin, but he is still likes pretty faces
3. Depp will not let Lily Rose dress like Chaz Bono..
yeah I went there....
LICK IT.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
It'd be funny watching Angelina Jolie throw herself at Johnny Depp only to watch her fail.
HA-HA.
♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣
Believe me, you aren't really that fucking important.
Michael's a funny guy.
For those of you who guessed March 4th as the day the first "ANGIE IS TRYING TO STEAL JOHNNY" story hit the tabloids, give yourself an extra pat on the nipple! You're a winner!
Sheeeet. I'm surprised the tabs held out this long. The speculation did start last fall. These stories make Dumb & Dumberer look like a brilliant work of film. I'd say next, unfortunately it looks like the tabs will milk this with no regard to the lovely Vanessa. Johnny's happy with what he has.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzP5_Ey77dc
No, now go away before I taunt you a second time.
Submitted by bornagainChristian on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 10:48pm.
Agreed. If Jolie is sooo seductive that everyone who has a sex scene with her leaves their significant other, Antonio Banderas (Original Sin) and Ethan Hawke (Taking Lives) would have both have adopted kids with her right now.
And guess what? Men have free will. They are capable of making decisions on their own.
This is so incredibly made up. I can't believe anyone with half a brain would
fall for this crap!
They even discussed this story on 'The View'! Proves how incredibly DUMB those women are. They push the stupid cliche up a hundred notches every time they open their mouthes.
I wouldn't be surprised if Angelina floated that story herself. I just get a seriously shady vibe from this chick. In reality, Angelina is probably super intimidated by Vansessa's Euro-sophisticate ways. She'll deal by trying to swallow Johnny with her vag. Failing that, she'll get back on the heroin.
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
i think if johnny is going to fuck behind his wife's back it will be with a woman from a high end escort service not some skanky gal who doesn't have the good sense or taste to cover her tattoos when wearing formal evening gowns and walking down the red carpet.
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Beyonce is just as much ghetto trash as her sister, she just knows how to hide it better.
Barbado Slim 2008
@EvilCupcake
Oh yeah. She's beautiful and talented. She also seems genuine, intelligent and kind in the interviews. Why would anyone ever think he would leave her for Scrangie?
I'm sorry but Angie has lost her looks. Too thin and too much plastic surgery.
Btw, Vanessa P. can't get her gap fixed. It's medically impossible. But that is part of what makes her uniquely and incredibly beautiful.
OK, I'm done.
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"yes of course you may call me cakey. CAKE FOR EVERYONE. OPEN YOUR BABY BIRD MOUFS AND LET ME FEED YOU CAKE." ~ lifeislikecake
A song from when she and Lenny Kravitz were together.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUyerUzPCHg
I also used to think this was a pretty cool commercial for Coco perfume that she did:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmPl-Q5H3qs
I don't think Johnny Dipp wants to get involved with the child army, but I am SURE he is going to screw Angaloonie.
Submitted by SiennaD on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 4:42pm.
Submitted by Poppus on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 1:02pm.
"Team Joe Le Taxi!"
Hahahah I remember that song
! Remember her Chanel ad? Skankelina has never been that gorgeous, sorry.
--------------------------------
Do you also remember Be My Baby?!
I remember that Chanel ad with her on the swing in the bird cage. She was gorgeous -and her lips! Their kids have won the genetic lottery.
She's also an incredible actress. La Fille Sur le Point is one of my favorite movies.
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Ha. Didn't she also do an English language album with Lenny Kravitz and weren't they an item for awhile? Vanessa is beautiful and doesn't have a thing to worry about -- she's seemingly an attentive mate and still gorgeous, moreso than Jolie IMHO, but I much prefer her with her mouth closed. No one does the gap as well as Lauren Hutton. If Depp ever went for Jolie (I don't think he would), it would have to be out of stupidity and boredom bc I don't think he can get any better than he's got at home.
I give my Johnny more credit than that. He ain't Stoopid.
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I've written a letter to MK...saying...I...love...youuuuuu.
Conspiracy theory: Maybe JD just realized that Skankalina is a horrible actress and is looking for a graceful exit from a possible box office bomb?
Johnny may take a roll in the hay with her, but would not leave his wife and kids and life in France for that famewhore.
BBGemini on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 11:29am.
So, if this were high school (which we all know Hollywood gossip totally is):
Brad would be the hearth-throb quarterback, Angelina would be a biker bitch,
Vanessa would be a hippy,
Johnny would be a greaser,
and Anniston would be the pretty-but-not-beautiful prom queen.
Hm. Don't shoot me, but I kind of like the Angelina/Depp pairing. And Brad's billy goat scruff, social activism, and architecture hobby is taking him from hot quarterback status to pseudo-intellectual social crusader, so he'd do well with hippy Vanessa. (I mean come on, in Hollywood you're required to switch partners every 6 years!) OH! And Aniston with her hips-that-shall-not-be-destroyed-by-pregnancy can become their pilates instructor. See! Happy ending!
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Frak off Angelina.
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"she is lucky to be alive, because that ugly stick almost beat her to death".
hotmess119's dad.
Submitted by Poppus on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 1:02pm.
"Team Joe Le Taxi!"
Hahahah I remember that song
! Remember her Chanel ad? Skankelina has never been that gorgeous, sorry.
--------------------------------
Do you also remember Be My Baby?!
I remember that Chanel ad with her on the swing in the bird cage. She was gorgeous -and her lips! Their kids have won the genetic lottery.
She's also an incredible actress. La Fille Sur le Point is one of my favorite movies.
(I must admit, I like "Il y a" from Vanessa. She sounds like a baby but somehow the song is cute)
Yes! Angie should be tying to make this happen, except instead of cheating on Brad, she should invite him in the bedroom too. After he shaves that beard off of course.
Could you imagine a Brad and Johnny Depp sandwich? Brad, Angelina, and Johnny in bed together sounds hot.
Hey, they could even throw in Vanessa as well. Although she is looking kind of haggard these days.
"a worn out looking Angelina, her busted weave, six kids and a goat"
LMAO!
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Personally, I think Steven is just one of those natural crackheads. You know, those hos who act strung out, but aren't. They are primarily known as "Born-Again Christians."
Jump on his dick vanessa and hold on to it for your dear life!
What a bunch of crap. Even if there is a love scene in the movie everyone knows filming those things are about as romantic as watching paint dry, plus Depp signed on to the movie AFTER reading the script and knew what it called for so why would he be trying to "get out" of the movie now? It's not 1950 kids, don't believe everything the gossip rags cook up.
I seriously doubt this is true. Johnny's not stupid enough to throw away his family/career/the adoration of his fans for Skrangelina, and Vanessa doesn't come across as a shrinking violet in interviews.
I'm biased toward Depp-Paradis though. I'm a bit of a Paradis-loonie. She stars in one of my favourite movies (The Girl on the Bridge), and she's just excellent in it.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
I can't get past Vanessa's teefs. If she did not have a French accent, there is no way in hell he'd be with someone who would likely have the worst teeth in the trailer park.
I can't get past Vanessa's teefs. If she did not have a French accent, there is no way in hell he'd be with someone who would likely have the worst teeth in the trailer park.
Jeez... all this fucking hype and they've only been filming, what? A week??? Makes me think the more this shit goes on, the worse this stupid movie will be! Betcha!!!
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Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 01/27/2010 - 5:42pm.
This site should be fun only. The petty shit fucks up my buzz.
You don't want that. Or maybe you do, you sucio fuck! MK
Submitted by snit on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 3:04pm.
bit of trivia...it is Sherilyn Fenn who ended up starring in that movie. She was, at one time, engaged to Johnny Depp. he wrote her name on the helmet he wore in Platoon.
i prolly need to get out more
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YES! That is her name!
I find it funny that this kinda-sorta came back full circle...small world.
Thank you.
If I gave a shit, you'd be the first person I would give it to.
Submitted by urmomma on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 1:22pm.
Submitted by i_heart_jack on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 12:58pm.
To "get out of a movie" that you've signed a contract to be in would result in a lawsuit (see Kim Basinger and Boxing Helena).
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I have watched that one more than once...Julian Sands and who was that chick? She is NOWHERE now.HA! Oh, wait, he isn't either. Damn, I am old.
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bit of trivia...it is Sherilyn Fenn who ended up starring in that movie. She was, at one time, engaged to Johnny Depp. he wrote her name on the helmet he wore in Platoon.
i prolly need to get out more
If Joker had a baby with a horse,it would look like Jolie when she smiles.
Is there still animosity between the Skankelina and the Chinnifer Maniston camps? We mustn't fight people! Just remember that both of them are self-absorbed, vacuous individuals who would rather die than hold a conversation with you or me. Fuck them both the nasty bitches.
The pr machine has GOT to do better than this!! Angie and Johnny have been in the Hollywood game for yeaaars now. If they wanted to hook up why wait for a damn movie?? I don't see angie as the femme fatale seductress that the media makes her out to be. She seems pretty cold almost asexual-IMO
"It is better to have loved and lost dick than to have never had dick at all."
==Dick Solomon
Third Rock From the Sun
Oh please, it's not like she's the only beautiful woman alive. If you don't have trust in a relationship you're better off alone.
Submitted by de Cosmos on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 11:48am.
I sense more Jolie PR manipulation to make people think that Skeletina is still soooo sexy. NOT
Reading this I was wondering if anybody else thought she was the one behind this story to keep an interest in her. Radar or TMZ? had a pap pic of them shooting their scene and Johnny is looking right at the camera with this expression that's saying, "Who the fuck is that? How did he get in here?" I think Angie's famewhoring and pap buddies trailing them everywhere and the kabillion stories like this is what is going to make him want to quit.
Brad Pitt > Johnny Depp.
Sorry.
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"The Count on Sesame Street is scarier and more captivating than those preening whack vamps from Twilight." DListed user Master Blaster 6/09/09 (So true!)
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I think Depp loves his kids too much to fuck around with someone like Jolie. He might have sex here and there undercover with no name french women. But he would never replace his main lady for a crazy step mom. you can just sense he puts his kids first.
Vanessa is prettier than Jolie, by a long shot. Jolie is hot, but very masculine looking IMO.
icallbs on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 12:13pm.
i seriously doubt this story is true, either way. if i were vanessa, i wouldn't be worried. jolie is a haggard looking chav with baggage dating back to birth.
Not to mention 6 lovely little bag-ettes!! I agree though, he aint about to throw his beautiful family away for a bitch who is a known famewhore with 6 little crumpettes screaming and fussing. Just look at the difference in their kids and you can see whose kids are raised well mannered and whose are raised with serious entitlement issues. That Z and Mad know what's up!
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I'm your huckleberry...