Papa Joe Approves Of This One
If anybody is equipped to handle Jessica Simpson's sexual napalm, it's Jeremy Renner! Dude doesn't even need to wear a helmet or goggles. If he's going to get blown up to Jesus, he's going to go out comfortable (that last line was written by Mark Boal).
Papa Joe is doing the dick slappy dance this morning, because there's a chance that his little girl might start dating an Oscar nominee!!! This is the closest Jessica will ever get to giving a hand job to Oscar! People reports that Jessica and Jeremy "flirted up a storm" at a cocktail party at Guy Oseary's house the other night. Jessica's full-time gay Ken Paves is a regular bottle of Spanish Fly, because he's the one who pushed the two together. At the end of the night, Jessica and Jeremy exchanged phone numbers before going home.
This is actually pretty perfect. Sexual Napalm meets the bomb diffuser! For Jessica's sake, I hope Jeremy turns her hurt locker (thanks to John Mayer) into a tingle locker. Yeah, bring out the cane. I deserve to be dragged off stage for that last one.



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Well if Pussyhound Mayer says she's quality then you can believe she's got something special. Jeremy is a lucky man.
I saw the Oprah clip on TMZ this morning. On one hand she said she was disappointed with Mayer and a little mad, but on the other hand she said her phone is ringing off the hook. What was she on Oprah for anyway? She hasn't released an album or appeared in a movie for years.
Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 8:42pm.
Jeremy Renner looks like he'd be really cute dressed up like a plushie. Notthati'mintothatoranything. I'm just sayin'.
Yeah, Jessica Simpson somehow managed to get some good designers to work on her line. Those shoes and handbags are pretty cute.
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Shocking, I know. I fully agree...the last time I shoe-shopped I showed the girl all the shoes I liked and then didn't like them and was about to leave, she said, why don't I show you Simpson's new line?
I was like, are you kidding me?
She showed me three pairs; I bought them all.
Never can tell.
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"Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities... because it is the quality which guarantees all others. "
Jeremy Renner looks like he'd be really cute dressed up like a plushie. Notthati'mintothatoranything. I'm just sayin'.
Yeah, Jessica Simpson somehow managed to get some good designers to work on her line. Those shoes and handbags are pretty cute.
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
@FlatbushHooker
But she is sitting back like a fat cat (literally) now with her shoe line, right? Isn't it popular with the common folk?
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"yes of course you may call me cakey. CAKE FOR EVERYONE. OPEN YOUR BABY BIRD MOUFS AND LET ME FEED YOU CAKE." ~ lifeislikecake
I feel sort of badly for her, because now a shitload of quality guys are gonna want to get with her just to get a look at the napalm twat that's supposedly worth crawling into....
She'll be planning the wedding, meanwhile they'll be taking a few vacation photos and heading for home.
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"Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities... because it is the quality which guarantees all others. "
Renner better not let her tarnish his image just at the point when his star is rising. She has that effect on men and her relationships don't last for long. Tabloids talk about her fupa, her farting and her fucking! That's it! People do not respect her. How did he let this get out?
Renner needs new representation.
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"yes of course you may call me cakey. CAKE FOR EVERYONE. OPEN YOUR BABY BIRD MOUFS AND LET ME FEED YOU CAKE." ~ lifeislikecake
Lucky biatch. He's really ugly, but he seems like a fantastic lay...
My remark on Ken Paves is just a joke, fool! lol
He's actually a nice guy, people doesn't know since he doesn't do it publicly.....( friend of mine says he does a lot of donation to various charities......
Nice guy! Big Pimp, lol!
Jeremy Renner is not gay.....
Imagine all the thoughts in his head ( Jess supposedly being a sex Goddess ) when Ken Paves introduced the two???
correct me dahrlin... if I'm wrong, Doesn't Ken Paves look like a guy with a bad case of halistosis who's popular in every party since he carries a butt bag full of Party Favors? LOL!
Jeremy Renner is too Good for Jessica Simpson.
She's a Joke that being passed around (not sexually lol)
Damn you, Ken Paves!
I thought she was with the Pumpkin guy.
Mad Cobra vs. Mad Lion
I thought Renner was gay. How can anyone be pissed about being called sexual napalm? It's not as if Jessucka is a nun. She's fucked half the cast of Jackass, so that already qualifies her as an over-the-hill whore.
www.businesslinkshere.com
"I happened to see her on Orcah yesterday and she looked hungover. Her eyes were all glossy and her skin was blotchy especially around the neck area. Anyhoo, she kept saying her weight fluctuates between a size 4 and 6. I think she meant she wears a size 4 plus 6. So she's a size 10. Case closed."
I think you know her mind well. Good maths.
www.businesslinkshere.com
"I'm a judgmental person and pretty much base everything on first impressions. Just the way I am, you don't have to agree or try to get me to see the error of my ways. I'm not mean about it, or rude because people are who they are. If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, and hangs around with other ducks, it's probably a goddamn fucking duck"
Smart people judge. Jessica Simpson's behaved like a slut and deserves the label. John Mayer had sex with her, as has half the industry by now. As far as I'm concerned, the little slut has no reason to act so outraged. She isn't a good little Christian, those ones aren't slutting about. She has no business acting outraged about how men comment about what she's like in bed.
Her outrage is like Marilyn Monroe being outraged that men view her as a sex object. She acts like it, she's going to be called it. Being a 'good Christian' isn't a shield from criticism. It's not something you use to deflect criticism.
Sorry, but that guy is fugly as hell. Reminds me of Avril's husband.
Jessica Simpson wears a size 18 bomb suit: http://bit.ly/bNwFk5
How can Jessicunt be so good in bed? She was a virgin before she married Nick and he popped her hymie. Did she suddenly have all of these urges that she needed to unleash (other than her obvious urge to eat)? I don't get it. Maybe John Mayer has just fucked some boring women in his life.
*peep peep*
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"yes of course you may call me cakey. CAKE FOR EVERYONE. OPEN YOUR BABY BIRD MOUFS AND LET ME FEED YOU CAKE." ~ lifeislikecake
I'm sorry, but if Jeremy Renner goes for JSimpson, I will cry. He is too hot for her.
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"The Count on Sesame Street is scarier and more captivating than those preening whack vamps from Twilight." DListed user Master Blaster 6/09/09 (So true!)
Follow me on Twitter @t_rex_arms
Poor Jessica, she needs to stop trying to get with famous guys and just find herself a nice, simple southern boy, have a couple of kids and let her inner fatty fully out.
Ryan Gosling can be gay on my face.
*****
http://www.myspace.com/luscious_t_999
"I'm good when I'm alone. I'm... I'm comfortable alone. I can sit and do things all by myself - sex included." -Johnny Weir
Ryan Gosling took his mom to the Oscars.
Submitted by Bjork You on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 1:55pm.
Well, if he's not gay now, he will be after sleeping with her.
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LOL!!!
"I like to pigeonhole people and then judge them." - Stephen Colbert
*****
http://www.myspace.com/luscious_t_999
"I'm good when I'm alone. I'm... I'm comfortable alone. I can sit and do things all by myself - sex included." -Johnny Weir
Well, if he's not gay now, he will be after sleeping with her.
I like them as a couple. Very cute together. Hope it's true and it works out for her.
Naked Chick........CHILLAX!! Stop being so serious!! DAYUM!
Dirk - I KNOW!! Nick supposedly waited FIVE YEARS to fuck her, after they got married and now she fucks whatever peen is aimed her way.
See, this is why women AND men, need to get the slut out of them BEFORE they get married. It's easier to accept one peen for the rest of your life, one you have chosen over all other peens, because you have test driven the variety the world has to offer.
*reports self*
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 1:03pm.
Submitted by bambam on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 1:00pm.
Submitted by Naked Chick on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 12:46pm.
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Yeah, what she said M.E. She's not mean about it. She's probably right anyway. She talks like a bigot, probably walks like a bigot, maybe even hangs out with bigots. Doesn't mean she's a bigot. lols
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Whatever:) Replying to you is like trying to reply to someone who speaks Parseltongue. Unreal. Go ahead and you guys can think whatever you want to. Seriously;) Maybe I'm wrong and Jeremy Renner will fuck the shit out of Chestica and then move on to you. Here's hoping:D
Submitted by bambam on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 1:15pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 1:03pm.
Submitted by bambam on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 1:00pm.
Submitted by Naked Chick on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 12:46pm.
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Yeah, what she said M.E. She's not mean about it. She's probably right anyway. She talks like a bigot, probably walks like a bigot, maybe even hangs out with bigots. Doesn't mean she's a bigot. lols
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*flashes boobs*
Shut it bam bam!
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Ohhhhh, I see it now. You assume that showing me your boobs will distract me and shut me up. Who's stereotyping now? Even though it works every time, I am offended.
And showing me your boobage accomplishes the exact opposite result. *wipes away drool,closes mouth manually* ;P
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BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!
I like the way Jessica Simpson went from "no-sex-before-marriage-good-Christian-girl" to "sexual napalm."
But Jeremy is MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sobs
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 1:03pm.
Submitted by bambam on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 1:00pm.
Submitted by Naked Chick on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 12:46pm.
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Yeah, what she said M.E. She's not mean about it. She's probably right anyway. She talks like a bigot, probably walks like a bigot, maybe even hangs out with bigots. Doesn't mean she's a bigot. lols
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*flashes boobs*
Shut it bam bam!
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Ohhhhh, I see it now. You assume that showing me your boobs will distract me and shut me up. Who's stereotyping now? Even though it works every time, I am offended.
And showing me your boobage accomplishes the exact opposite result. *wipes away drool,closes mouth manually* ;P
Submitted by Stoney on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 12:51pm.
I don't understand why she is so upset about the sexual napalm thing. That shit is a compliment. Probably got her a few dates.
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I'd probably be smiling about that for weeks and plotting ways for people I knew to "inadvertently" hear about it.
Hey, Jess, whose jizz tastes better? Your dad's or Jeremy's?
Joe simpson consider himself to be a preacher yet his girls are so sluty. one said she was saving her self for marriage now she is sleeping with every loser than come her way. the youngest one was knockup before she got married to Pete. He should be really proud. Glad Nick got away from Jessica and her family. He deserve a great woman.
Papa, can you hear me?
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I'm here for a good time, not a long time.
"Even in elephant shit a flower can grow"~ Flatbush Hooker
*tattoos "sexual napalm' on dave navarro's right testicle sac.*
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Danny: [slaps Bandy]
Archie: No, no, no, NO. Come on, do it properly, with the back of the right hand.
I remember when Jessica Simpson was Kim Kardashian before Kim Kardashian
running around with paps all over Calabasas ( Kim K store Dash is there aswell :O )
doing her reality show with Nick and branding herself from wigs to cupcake desserts make up line in Sephora..doing charity events and seat filling at every red carpet ! She was the IT girl for quick 5 minutes in era when Paris Hilton was everywhere.
Then she just became irrelevant .... chickenhead of the sea no more!
Point is ... it's sad how she went from everyones wet dream ( or so some mag said) to some rocker junkies who look sleep deprived and soon to be a victim of erectile disfunction ( I'm talking about your half hung banana mister Mayer!)
sadface
<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>
Ball friendly
right Stoney? It is not like he actually admitted that he shit on her! Literally, not figuratively.
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Let's make a toast to those who helped make this occasion
They turned their back on love and that's what drove you straight to me
-Shalamar
*makes I Am Sexual Napalm shirts to sell on the internet*
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
*has baker pipe "sexual napalm" in icing in front of cherry*
Just looking at those two faces merged on a babyfriend would scream FAS regardless of whether drunkery actually occurred.
EPIC FAIL!
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http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes:
xadesmultimedia@gmail.com
Submitted by Stoney on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 12:51pm.
I don't understand why she is so upset about the sexual napalm thing. That shit is a compliment. Probably got her a few dates.
Tru dat! There are FAR worse things to be called than that and at least it wasn't her dad saying it.
Submitted by bambam on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 1:00pm.
Submitted by Naked Chick on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 12:46pm.
=================================================
Yeah, what she said M.E. She's not mean about it. She's probably right anyway. She talks like a bigot, probably walks like a bigot, maybe even hangs out with bigots. Doesn't mean she's a bigot. lols
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*flashes boobs*
Shut it bam bam!
I didn't see 28 Weeks Later, 28 DAYS Later scared the living FUCK out of me.