Friday, March 12th 2010
Open Post: Hosted By Lorenzo Lamas' Indifferent Torso
Here we have the exiled Emperor of Lucite Lorenzo Lamas at Kat Von D's tattoo salon with his newborn baby fiancee Shawna "Not Shauna" Craig. Of course, they got matching tattoos after Shawna gave Kat Von D a signed permission slip from her parents. Basically, I feel the same way Lorenzo's torso feels about this entire situation. I'm just meh-ing all over. And no, I'm not meh-ing because I ate a 5-day-old burrito for lunch. Okay, maybe.
Who does Lorenzo's torso remind me of? The beady eyes, the trout grimace, the Tang-ey skin..... It's Lindsay Lohan! QUICK! Tell somebody to produce a Lorenzo Lamas biopic right away, so Lindsay can play his middle-aged torso!
• 
Why would anyone want to hit that?!
Submitted by TheBreakdown on Sat, 03/13/2010 - 8:42am.
It's after 3pm and I just woke up.
Ah...Saturday trickery!
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Hey Breakdown - you're probs gone by now, but i concur...it's 145pm here on the EastC, just woke up. the "saturday trickery" hit me as well (them mystery drinks and 3am fuckery kills my saturday morning every time). love sleeping in though, especially today, its rainy as hell on the EC.
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the two year old: "where da milk 'n cooooookies?"
the four year old: "him downstairs...."
Bernie Mac: "...Bust a move!...bust a m-f-ing move!!"
It's after 3pm and I just woke up.
Ah...Saturday trickery!
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http://www.myspace.com/triston
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LawDog,
Well, thanks for letting me know I could get into law school...or be President of the United States!
LOL...you're hilarious.
Excellent stories, I've enjoyed reading.
*letting dogs in from doing their poops*
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CSG,
In Catholic high school, my religion teacher nun HATED me, so we had to do this project where we showed creativity, however we wanted to...so I baked a cake in the shape of a pig.
Then, my best friends (who were furious at her unacceptable hatred of me) and I all went to the bathroom, one after the other without flushing, then stuck a plastic fork in the toilet and swirled it around.
We then took the cake to Sister Sue, and said, "Have a piece!"
We gave her the desecrated fork and she ate it.
Next time I come on I'll tell some stories about how many of us used to babysit for the NY Rangers and the shit we got up to in their homes, which was not exactly kosher, and that's being mild.
I'm surprised we weren't arrested.
Maybe I shouldn't tell the stories...there might not be a statute of limitations! :)
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"Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities... because it is the quality which guarantees all others. "
Submitted by lifeislikecake on Sat, 03/13/2010 - 3:38am.
I am going back to LD's first couple of posts.. I have no reason not to believe what she ( a she right? I dunno with some posters ) has written .. interesting life stories. I know I am glad to have had my utter sexual mishaps during the 90's when there were no social websites/webcams or the like.
Atlanta.. I went there for an wedding back in the late 90's and I got lost in the city centre during an event they called freaknick weekend.. like WOW. All I can say was .. WOW,
Best fried green tomotoes I've ever had was out there...
Texan, sometimes I feel like I have too much Dlisted in my life, but then I slap myself across the face because there is no such thing as too much D. oh btw I saw your question about where everyone was from, I'm in Atlanta. I was too mesmerized by LDs skanky stories to reply. LOl
LD i never said your stories werent true! You get your people confused all the damn time. uncross those eyes pwease!
I need to get to bed too, I have to take the kid to gymnastics in the a.m. I don't want to put my FB stuff out there either and don't even know how to do it anyway.
But I would gladly friend you.
Night
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Raising your voice...the next best thing to being right. *Demetri Martin*
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzz.
**popping some Jiffy Pop**
It would be nice to have a dlisted offline experience every once in a blue moon..
Cake, I am friends with a bunch of people from my boarding school on there. All you would need to do is post something on my wall and I can promise you that the stories I have told tonight about boarding school are verifiable.
The police one, I would have to give you my name at the time. Not my last name now. But I am sure that story could be found on the internet.
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Raising your voice...the next best thing to being right. *Demetri Martin*
ok, most of us are on there also and we fuck around with each other during the day on there. i'm not gonna put my link up here right now because the trolls are out. and because the trolls are coming out ima take my ass to bed.
I agree. 2 years is a big commitment. And I would probably get involved with some sexay times with those cute 17 year old boys, lol.
Cake, yes I am.
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Raising your voice...the next best thing to being right. *Demetri Martin*
Teach for America is excellent. They did a 60 minutes or something like that on it in the D.C. area.
Obama is a big supporter of that.
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Raising your voice...the next best thing to being right. *Demetri Martin*
Thanks, sweets, keep up the fiction writing. There might be a career in it for you.
LD are you on FB?
Submitted by LawDog on Sat, 03/13/2010 - 3:25am.
Night CSG, do five hail marys and two our fathers before you go to sleep
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AHAHAHAHAHA, I always do, just to be on the safe side!
Take care LD, have a great weekend!
No one is as flamboyant as you honey. And thanks for the pep talk. I have only been unemployed for one week so I've been smoking the good shit and enjoying sleeping in and fucking around on here. But I have been looking into trying some new things and I start some volunteer work next week. They don't do drug tests do they? Anyway, I would love to go back to school in the meantime. And if BU doesn't work out (which I will know next week), I've been thinking about Teach for America. Who knows. We'll see I guess. For now I'm just gonna hustle the money and see what I'm drawn to.
Night CSG, do five hail marys and two our fathers before you go to sleep.
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Raising your voice...the next best thing to being right. *Demetri Martin*
Sorry you feel that way Juicy, but they are true. I would be happy to give Cake, CSG and a few others here my real name and info so they could verify. Not you though, you are an asshole.
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Raising your voice...the next best thing to being right. *Demetri Martin*
Well I think it's time to toddle off to bed - thanks to all the dlisters for providing so many laughs tonight (yet again).
LawDog - you're hilarious. You really should write a book of memoirs - and congrats on turning things around and going to law school, as well as adopting the kids and the pet army! Stay funny!
Sweet dreams all!
Thanks for the props Cake!
Anyway, the point was supposed to be that you, Cakey, have a personality that doesn't fit into the usual box. Maybe you are not as flambuoyant as me but my point was that you have to find something that you can do that allows you to be you while you do it.
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Raising your voice...the next best thing to being right. *Demetri Martin*
Some of these stories don't seem very kosher, and I know a lot of drama queens who will make up any old story to get attention.
It didn't embarass me because I didn't care, but it was very hard on my parents.
The law has turned out to be an excellent place for me to focus all of that whatever the hell is inside me.
*Alien bursts out of stomach*
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Raising your voice...the next best thing to being right. *Demetri Martin*
Too bad there isn't an ichat with video for dlisted after hours... That sounds kinda pornie.
Good for you LD
Cake, yes I did.
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Raising your voice...the next best thing to being right. *Demetri Martin*
Again, it was humiliating for my parents. That is my only real regret. I don't really regret much myself because it made me who I am today. A Psycho!! No, all these experiences helped me become a good advocate for the people I work with. I am living proof that ANYONE can do ANYTHING
Look at the things I did and I was able to turn my shit around and become an attorney.
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Raising your voice...the next best thing to being right. *Demetri Martin*
LD you had a few threesomes with 2 other dudes?
Was it worth it? No, only because it really embarrased my family because it was in the newspaper
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LD - I'm sorry to hear it embarrassed you and your family, that must have been difficult. So what eventually led you into law? Did this incident have anything to do with your decision?
Were they hot? to a 19 year old getting attention from all these older married guys, yes.
What did I do? I fucked a guy on the captains desk, in the ladies locker room, a couple times in the back of patrol cars, in the mail room. Misc bj and a few three ways. Only me and dudes though, no girl on girl.
No ass fucking either. Even I have standards.
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Raising your voice...the next best thing to being right. *Demetri Martin*
I'd still hit it.
Well I was 19 and they were all cops, 30 and older.
Was it worth it? No, only because it really embarrased my family because it was in the newspaper, when the whole scandal broke. It was tied in with some other stuff that didn't have to do with me or that but my stuff came out during the investigation.
How many? 10 maybe 15
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Raising your voice...the next best thing to being right. *Demetri Martin*
Submitted by LawDog on Sat, 03/13/2010 - 3:04am.
CSG
1. How many? Does that include oral or just sex? I would blow a motherfucker to take the edge off..
*starts typing away beginning the script on LawDog, Supaho: The Movie*
Submitted by GoTexan40mg on Sat, 03/13/2010 - 2:59am.
Submitted by beakers bitch on Sat, 03/13/2010 - 2:55am.
Quite cold where you are I imagine ..I'm from the Lone Star State of course but live in ole Londinium
Yes, but it's a dry cold! Actually it's been around freezing, which is really warming up, things are melting here. It's starting to feel a little bit like spring lately which is good. We've got cabin fever like a mutha.
lol thank you CSG
*leans forward in chair*
*rests chin in hands*
Go on LD
CSG
1. How many? Does that include oral or just sex? I would blow a motherfucker to take the edge off..
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Raising your voice...the next best thing to being right. *Demetri Martin*
Worst I ever did was shoot a guy with a dart gun. The dart tip was covered in dried doggy doo, not something you wanna do. Put the guy in the hospital in serious conditions.
Nite all
P.S. Speaky, I'll be touching meself and thinking of yoooooooouuuuuu. ;)
I swear these stories are totally true. I don't know what was wrong with me but I just wrecked fucking HAVOC. The people in charge at this Christian School did not know what to do with me.
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Raising your voice...the next best thing to being right. *Demetri Martin*
Submitted by LawDog on Sat, 03/13/2010 - 2:56am.
Not all of them were at one time. I was in charge of troup morale baby.
I swear to God these stories are all true. The police fucking one even made the papers because it was a big scandal. This was back in 1985. Many moons ago.
I worked graveyard so I fucked in the bathroom, in the jail, in patrol cars, on the captains desk, in the mail room
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OK, so I'm going to ask for everyone reading this post:
1. How many were there?
2. Were they hot?
3. Exactly what did you do with them (please provide details)
4. Was it worth it?
I haven't even begun...heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over.
My poor mother...
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Raising your voice...the next best thing to being right. *Demetri Martin*
Submitted by speakit on Sat, 03/13/2010 - 2:54am.
CSG, I'll call my dad tomorrow. Hold me to it!
I gotta go to bed. Night all.
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Sounds good Speaky, thanks for checking.
Sleep well!
Submitted by beakers bitch on Sat, 03/13/2010 - 2:55am.
Quite cold where you are I imagine ..I'm from the Lone Star State of course but live in ole Londinium
Submitted by speakit on Sat, 03/13/2010 - 2:54am
Goodnight ! :)
Not all of them were at one time. I was in charge of troup morale baby.
I swear to God these stories are all true. The police fucking one even made the papers because it was a big scandal. This was back in 1985. Many moons ago.
I worked graveyard so I fucked in the bathroom, in the jail, in patrol cars, on the captains desk, in the mail room.
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Raising your voice...the next best thing to being right. *Demetri Martin*
Submitted by LawDog on Sat, 03/13/2010 - 2:51am.
CSG what am I a Catholic priest?
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*Laughs hysterically and falls off chair*
Trust me LawDog, after reading your exploits, you exceed any nun, priest, brother, lay person, substitute CCD teacher I've ever met! You really should write a book and publish this stuff, it's golden!
Submitted by GoTexan40mg on Sat, 03/13/2010 - 2:52am.
So where are y'all hailing from?
Bumfuck, Saskatchewan, Canada here. The arm pit of Canada, or the underboob, I forget which one....
WHOA.. I googled 499858 different things and I can't find the name of the books, but I googled "priests have sex with nuns" and that was scary. Sad news stories. :(
CSG, I'll call my dad tomorrow. Hold me to it!
I gotta go to bed. Night all.
the worst tiime with my dad was when we got into a huge fight on a job site. He yelled at me and called me a bitch (which is very unlike my father) so I picked up this huge piece of underground 5 inch conduit over my head like the incredible hulk and threw it at him and hit him in the back with it.
FIRED
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Raising your voice...the next best thing to being right. *Demetri Martin*
Dangggg, LD, you one bad ass lawyer.