Michael Lohan Had A Heart Attack
Yes, Michael Lohan has a heart. And yes, that heart attacked itself this afternoon. Michael's girlfriend Kate Major (who kind of looks like the kid from Two And A Half Men dressed as Tara Reid) told TMZ that Michael was rushed to a hospital in New York after complaining that his chest hurt. An EKG performed at the hospital showed that Michael had a little piece of karma lodged in his arteries, so doctors will unclog them this Friday.
Kate made sure to make every stop on the famewhore train, because she even called up Radar. Kate told them, “He was short of breath all day. His blood pressure skyrocketed. Right now they’ve told him it looks like he had a minor heart attack but they are still doing tests on him. Michael was in Miami. We just flew back to New York last night. But he didn’t feel well all day today.”
And if you missed any of this, there will be a week-long special devoted to this shit on The Insider. Fire up the artery cam!
• 
Daddy Lohan looks well endowed from this angle. God help me.
My first thought after I read the headline was "Good! Is he dead?" That's pretty bad, even for me.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Chris Brown needs to like, wow, take that stupid ass bow tie and shove it down his throat. It's like, wow. WOW. --MK 8/31/09
No doubt that was karma - it's no wonder Lindsay Lohan is fucked up with idiot parents like these two.
I thought that was a photo of Lindsay with her dad.
"Michael had a little piece of karma lodged in his arteries..."
LMAO!
__________________________________________________
I am not a pussy.
Maybe it's actually Michael who knows he won't be around to see Lindsay as she gets older and not the other way around.
Any updates? Did his insurance reject his heart surgery yet?
LOL @ Fishsticks, that cracked me up!
Omg, that's exactly who his girlfriend looks like too!! Nail, meet head. MK is a god!
I thought he had croaked there for a bit. Dunno if I was just a tad happy that he might be out of the picture.
God help me. I've become cynical
=========
Sorry, my English is not very good looking." Celia Cruz
I think these two are perfect for one another.
AT this point, unless he died I really don't wanna hear about this lowlife.
Submitted by freshfacestripper on Wed, 03/17/2010 - 5:32am.
kate major is britney at 55!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kate major is britney after a shower and in a bra.
That was the first time I shouted 'YEAH!' after reading that someone had a heart attack. That dink brings out the asshole in all of us.
Do ANY of the people have JOBS?
kate major is britney at 55!
Who cares about this guy? He is just an attention gigolo. He's hilarious with the tank top look. I wonder how he can face himself in the mirror every morning. He failed as a father. What a pathetic role model!
None of the kids care or will show up. That's a wake-up call.
heart failed from trying to push blood to that massive face of his
Kate Major is a ho that apparently gets around, no? and I mean NO. blech.
Come on people... Michael Lohan is douchealicious! I just want to eat him up... yummy, yummy, come to mummy! *throwing up in mouth a little bit*
Gross. She's not even really a star-fucker so much as a bottom-of-the-barrel-douchebag-cause-i-have-no-self-worth-and-dignity fucker. How could this skank possibly go lower? Who will she be fucking next? Spencer twat?
Gotta love that pic of michael blowhand trying to flex his douch ass muscles. I feel like he should be wearing a fanny pack with that outfit.
Coke OD anyone?
It seems his heart tried to commit suicide, and you would too if you had to remain attached to this waste of space for life.
And look at this outfit. Good God Almighty.
♪ Why does this guy make every web site `` I read? He's pathetic!!
You know. I was kinda hoping that it would have been a massive heart attack so I could feel even a sliver of sympathy. Alas, no such luck.
I can't wait for the next post so this isn't the first one I see when come to this website. That picture makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little.
*******************************************************
"Most of us walk away hating our exes in the heart, but still loving them in the genitals." -Michael K
Submitted by Centaurious on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 11:31pm.
He probably heard a false rumor that Lindsay got clean.
__________________________
LOLz. He then worried himself into a heart attack on how he could make money on a daughter who is taking care of herself.
His self promotion speed dial is a direct connection to an ATM.
_____________________________________
Too bad Verizon cut him off for non-payment of his bill.
Why doesn't he just make money off himself by appearing at "I Love the 80's" conventions.
I've just never understood that.
__________________________________
"Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities... because it is the quality which guarantees all others. "
Submitted by Centaurious on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 11:31pm.
He probably heard a false rumor that Lindsay got clean.
__________________________
LOLz. He then worried himself into a heart attack on how he could make money on a daughter who is taking care of herself.
His self promotion speed dial is a direct connection to an ATM.
_
_________________________________________
Do you also want a boycot?
No thanks. My mancot is working quite nicely.
He didn't die.
------------------------------------------
POOP (nourish the inner asshole)
SAD :(
------------------------------------------
POOP (nourish the inner asshole)
So are we supposed to care about a sociopath who lives off destroying his troubled daughters life for some income? His daughter, whose work effort paid to support her family for years because Michael Lohan was busy committing crimes and sucking up taxpayers money by being in and out of court and PRISON at our expense. He's a multiply convicted felon! Feel sorry for a dead beat dad who won't get a real job and work? I.don't.think.so. Dying would be the only decent thing this horses ass will have done in his life. Rip Michael Lohan and quit taking so long.
He probably heard a false rumor that Lindsay got clean.
Or that Ali looked 15 again.
________________________________
"Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities... because it is the quality which guarantees all others. "
What a WASTE of hospital resources!
Don't they have better things (people) to attend to??
And this pic says it all.
The representation of the lowest expectations.
Damn... he is still alive. We were thisclose in losing one of the biggest douchebags ever. Ughhh and I am not one to wish death on anyone but he just needs to go away already some way or another!
This makes me wonder if Lindsey will send him a get well e-card.
there are VERY few I wish death on, but I would not have given a crap if he had died.
**********************************************
When you feel down and out, sing a song
-Earth, Wind & Fire
kate major gets a F- for being a star fucker. seriously?
first the shit show that is jon gosselin and then the douchiest of show fathers, michael lohan?! GROSS!
how does she continue living?!
LMFAO I just can't stop looking that dumb bitch, cos' she look's exactly like "Jake" going drag
-----------------------------------------------
"Quentin Tarantino makes me want to wipe my face off, because you know he spits out a saliva tsunami every time he talks" MK
Sounds like Mikey is having surgery on Friday. Lindsay will visit him after surgery but not until he gets home so she can pilfer his post-surgical pain meds. In the hospital, they bring them to you one dose at a time, usually with a witness or two to verify the dose and the patient's identity. Better to wait until he his home to stage a tearful and loving reunion.
Who'd ever touch the chick that even loser sceeve Jon Gosselin dumped?
She looks like Britney must look in her real hair.
♥ Threadkilla!
Heterosexuality is not normal. It's just common.
~ Dorothy Parker
Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 10:27pm.
who cares?
*runs to see if there was a million dollar life insurance policy*
Nope. Your right nobody.
************************************************
Is this the same Kate Major who fucked on Jon Gosselin for a quick minute? Chick goes for the cream of the crop, doesn't she?
The heart attack, on the other hand, couldn't have chosen a better victim. Some people simply do not need to exist, and Michael Lohan is one of them.
****************************************************
"You don't fucking say.”
Submitted by Tamzin on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 10:22pm
I co-sign that!!
who cares?
"pieces of karma". Oh, that is classic.
........
Fer sure maybe, fer sure not, fer sure eh, fer sure bomb...
Submitted by dreamhypnotique on Mon, 06/15/2009
It's like trying to put Herpes in its place, when you're syphilis.
She always looks really "special".
Awwweeee...poor, poor Michael. DIE!
*reports self*
"motherfucker, I lick pits for a living." Submitted by suckandfuck 12/14/2009 - 3:05pm.
************************************************
LawDog on Mon, 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever.
..and on the next episode of Things No One Should Really Be Caring About..
"Canta y Encanta a tu Pueblo Tigresa"
*snort* she does look like that kid from two and half men!
this assclown will live through this like dick cheney lives through all of his heartattacks...
_____________________________________________
what you gonna do? tell mom and dad I put your dick sucking list on facebook?” – "i love facebook like you love cock..."
Can we tag this Who gives a rats ass?
************************************************
@Tigerlilly: If you read my earlier Post, I thought of beheading...but you're right, neutering should have come first!