MOM!!!!!!

If you're sitting at an empty dinner table in the UK somewhere, waiting for a warm plate and a motherly ear, then you better take a good look at the picture above, because your mother is at the London premiere of Remember Me trying to woo RPattz with her charms. Yes, she's wearing the pendant you made her in the third grade. She even signed her name on that sign. THAT SHAMELESS TRAMP! And I didn't know she was allergic to vaginas? How does she touch her....Oh, forget it. We've already gone too far.

Tonight was the big London premiere of that non-Twilight movie RPattz is in. My favorite part of any RPattz premiere is looking at the pictures of the crazies who show up to pop the panty pudding in person. Like these girls:

Bitches screamed so loud in excitement that their "e" shrunk and turned a different color.