Speaking Of Text Messages To Your Mistress....

Submitted by pegasus on Fri, 03/19/2010 - 1:26am.

Stretch-mark ta-tas, is it?
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I KNOW! totally all over her ass! LOLOLOLOL
"You are my fucking whore!"
She did her job. The economy must be really bad to out your employer's.

this bish???

Stretch-mark ta-tas, is it?

submitted by speakit on Fri, 03/19/2010 - 12:06am.
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FUCKING SPEAKIT RFLMAOLOLOOOHGODDAMN!!!

i keep logging out then logging in cause you bitchez come up w/ the funniest shit!!!

loving those 'lost' sexts msgs n shit

That is no longer a community body. If it ever was. She needs to put that shit away.

♥ Threadkilla!
Heterosexuality is not normal. It's just common.
~ Dorothy Parker

speakit, your mad libs are cracking me the fuck up

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"I'm gonna end up back in the gutter, sucking meth for cock." - drunk Naomi in Still Waiting...

"I want to suck your follicles you little wanker"

"You better spread those fingers like the little gopher you are."

"I'm gonna make you step sideways until you do the splits, you cheap hussy"

"Do you want some egg salad?"

"Have you ever painted your toenails with white out?"

"I think I would get crosseyed."

"Don't smell me ever again. You almost ruined my whole 2 hours 47 mins and 3 seconds. If someone would've seen you pull my finger. Fart."

I don't know why you all gotta be disrespectful. That woman is obviously a dedicated educator. She is so deep in thought and so concerned about her student's welfare, she forgot to put clothes on. She also forgot her notebook so jotted some important things on her leg. What bothers me about this pic is "Math is..." Math is what? Now we will never know.

i like the random turkey sandwich bit in the middle of all that sexting.

plus this guy needs to be a little more original with his so-called dirty talk. talking dirty isn't supposed to make you die of laughter.

LMFAO...he's so fuckin lame..ugh, what a dork.

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I like living this way. I like loving this way.

Stage freight--that's the equipment that is delivered by plane for a musician's concert and constructed by hired stagehands, no? Seems as if her tits would be able to carry that weight, so why's she worried?

☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺

She has a corn nut head

elin probably used to be down with doing most of this stuff with tiger before he put a ring on it...she took him back, so who am i to judge...(i'm so full of shit)...
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what you gonna do? tell mom and dad I put your dick sucking list on facebook?” – "i love facebook like you love cock..."

Elin must have zero self-esteem to go back to that pig.

Wow, turns out Tiger is my kind of man! ...or, I am his kind of girl! I might run out and have a t-shirt made from some of those endearments. I am all worked up reading that stuff. Damn boy, call me!

I am thinking the "stage freight [sic]" typo may be due to him...uh wanking and texting.
I've gotten some like that, but worse.

Her boobs look like tumors.

Life needs passion. ___Rich K iss.c om_____ is a private exclusive dating club to meet millionaires, rich and beautiful men and women worldwide. Find your perfect match easier and more effective!

*Swoon*

What a charming silver-tongued romantic devil he is.

*changes name to Jizlyn*

♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
"You sir, have the charisma of a damp rag and the appearance of a low-grade bank clerk."

She's like one of those fuck me like you hate me whores.

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Submitted by MzSassy on Thu, 03/18/2010 - 8:40pm.

Those breasts are beyond the realm of atrocious. I just googled them and in the bare they are simply the nastiest tits I've ever seen. Simply vomit-inducing. Not only are her breasts extraordinarily repulsive,
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link?

:)

.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Internet fakers:
http://tinyurl.com/y94sh4m
http://bit.ly/1rcnEc
http://tinyurl.com/yeo4e9j

Tiger:Sent: 01:32 PM 09/08/2009:
Never done it. I think i would get stage freight

Stage freight? Is TNT any way involved in this?

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BRING BACK the old, glamorous Hollywood!!!

ROFLMAO, who knew Tiger was such a comedian.

The development of "I wanna fuck you in this ass that I own" to "Don't talk to me you almost ruined my whole life" nearly made me spill my dinner.

Men like sluts, that's all. There are some exceptions, but in general this lame sex talk with some woman who is a certified prostitution whore is enough to give them a hard on for life.

Those breasts are beyond the realm of atrocious. I just googled them and in the bare they are simply the nastiest tits I've ever seen. Simply vomit-inducing. Not only are her breasts extraordinarily repulsive, but she has the vacant dead look in her eyes. Who the HELL could be turned on be THAT?!?!?!!? UGGHHHH!!

"People are strange when you're a stranger..." ~ The Doors

Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 03/18/2010 - 3:14pm.

Maybe this trick can get a Subway commercial out of it.

the new Tiger Turkey Club Melt with Special Whore Dipping Sauce (tastes like ass) and a free Mountain Dew

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LMAO.

Tiger should really pay her already. ___________________
LOL! FOOLS! I have 238 ALTS on this site. There is only one other person on this site and it is you! Ah ha ha ha ha!!!! ~ jazzfish_77

Her boobs! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! *runs screaming*

Whew. Ok, I'm back.

It amazes me that these chicks will eff someone so fug and BORING just b/c he has money. And he obviously is a big ass misogynist, to boot. The texts are mean, but some people get off on that...but his last message is just brutal and assholish. It really says a lot about how he views women, when he says stuff like that *outside* of the sex talk.

I will see your Pat O'Reilly and raise you a Prince Charles "I want to be your tampon".

You left out the part about, "I want to pop your eyeball out and skull f*ck you."
PuppyJuice.com

What a piece of trash!

How in the name of all that is Holy can Elin take this piece of shit back as her husband??

There is no way!!! I mean if she takes him back does she really think for one second that he is suddenly going to change to this loving one woman man after reading the texts he sent out to this skank??

no way girl...dvorce his ass, take as much money as you can, move to your little island in Sweden and never look at his ugly face again!! Get a hot 6'4 Swede.......1000 times better than Tiger the toad!!!

I Loled @ "Fuck that ass that i own", and "fuck you till mercy." Who says that? ___________________________________________
Please get the fuck out ---->

Keep in mind, this is the one from the Allred press conference held the same day as Tiger's apology. She wore a mom hairdo and a button-up shirt, and cried because she thought their relationship meant more to him. I laughed then, but now? Now, I understand. I mean, obviously these are the tender, smitten missives of a man in love. If texting had existed during Paul Newman's courtship of Joanne Woodward, these are the messages HE'D have sent. *single tear falls onto keyboard*

I wonder if all his hoes are planning an Augusta ambush? You know, as he's putting and sweating and trying to block out the jeers, a parade of petri- dishes-in-pumps will walk onto the green carrying giant blow-ups of his text messages like trashy card girls. That would guarantee the biggest t.v. audience in recorded history.

Submitted by QueenieBK on Thu, 03/18/2010 - 1:53pm.

Who ever expected Tiger would be so FREAKY?
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Not me!!! Tiger is a freak just like Ron Howard. He is an undercover freak.

Mad Cobra vs. Mad Lion

what is this? Mistress Whore Magazine: Extreme Faces of Meth edition?

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"I'm gonna end up back in the gutter, sucking meth for cock." - drunk Naomi in Still Waiting...

I dont believe this lowlife, her own family said she is a pathological liar, she doesnt have custody of her son and owes tons of back child support. Her family even said when she first said she screwed Tiger that she was doing anything for money. Then she tried to sell the texts and no one would buy the story (see radaronline)because she wasnt believable, that's why she had to have her own site. She is trying to get him to pay her to shut up, he paid the ones that could hurt him and not her. He would've cashed her out if this was true at all. Where's Allred now in this, something tells me she realizes the bitch is crazy and cut her loose.

I feel like I saw that bra in Wal-Mart... *taps chin thoughtfully*

You know, gently biting and hair pulling can be super arousing during fucky fuck times, but being slapped, choked, etc.

Not so much.

Whadda a sicko! Who the fuck lets someone stick their dick in your mouth after it's been in your ass? That is disgusting! Tiger is aaaaaall mixed up. Mouth first, then ass and never the inbetween. Sheesh, this guy hasn't read The Joy of Sex has he? Coma Caca! Yum Yum!

Well, well well Tiger's got a little kink in his club, don't he?

♥ Threadkilla!
Heterosexuality is not normal. It's just common.
~ Dorothy Parker

One positive for Tiger: he obviously rejected her demand for a few million dollars to stay quiet.

He should have joined the Church of Scientology; they're very good at keeping sexual indiscretions private.

Louise I guess cuz Mt Dew reminds
me of pee aka golden showers!

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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"The Falcon and the Snowpiece?" Plecostomus
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown

Submitted by kanderso on Thu, 03/18/2010 - 3:46pm.
*props up tittays and draws some veins on 'em, hikes up skirt*

what skirt? :D

is Tiger fucking sammiches????WTF???...I need to stop with this fuckery...but this shit is just too damn twisted....all he had to do was hit a round ball in a hole and get paid billions...then he hooked up with the skankiest skanks on the planet...and TEXTED them...then wondered gee whiz...I guess I am okey dokey...they LOVE me...and will never turn on me...(and Jesse James did the same fucking thing) they are SKANKS..worse then the worse WHORES...they will turn on you on a dime....now a Whore might be discrete but these are Skanks...that "bombshell" and this slut are just skanks...who really don't give a fuck and demand respect....too damn much...I need to stop commenting today, but I just can't these men are so freaking stoopid....it just hurts....rich stoopid fucks...

"...to choke her out, slap her ass, bite her body and pull her hair. You know, basically the same kind of text messages your boss writes you when you're running late to work.

Who knew Tiger was a turkey sandwich kind of dude? I figured he was strictly roast beef." ~MK
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flmo. golden shit, MK. unintentionally spat my food out laughing at MKs statements in this post. Michael K should become a screenwriter or something (but don't defunct the D doing so, please - we'll all die) =)

She's so gross... blech, Woods' taste is seriously fucking questionable.

Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 03/18/2010 - 3:14pm.

the new Tiger Turkey Club Melt with Special Whore Dipping Sauce (tastes like ass) and a free Mountain Dew

I don't think it would come with a free Mountain Dew, that's too classy. It would come with Green River.

damn any man that wants you to give him head after he put it in your ass is truly disgusting. Tiger makes my stomach churn...I bet he never EVER used a condom, can you imagine the diseases this asshole is carrying...**shudder**...I mean he makes a crackhead whore who hasn't had a bath in a month look positively hygenic....dayum, Elin get with the program and leave this perverted, misogynistic, abusive pos...for the love of humanity and your kids...he is no good...same goes for Jesse James that fucktard. I hope Cinnabun is with Sandy and I hope they never go back to there abusers like Elin did....Assholes and Tigers will never change their ways....once a prick always a prick....(and not the nice kind of prick)

HAPPY WHORE THURSDAY, WHORES!

*tattoos penis on face; tattoos "PP" on back of legs (penis power)*

*props up tittays and draws some veins on 'em, hikes up skirt*

*looks for married celebrity or spouse of celebrity*

work~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Kanye west is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me." ~ Pink

Ha. Wow. I have that same bra, but it's about 4 sizes too small for me. I knew I liked it.

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Lindsay Lohan: the hardest working non-worker in the business.

And illiterate to boot.

Back in my younger, and cuter, days, I wasn't able to go out much because I was working full time and caring for a sick baby without help from my ex. Some of my married friends' husbands thought this would be an opportunity to do us both a favor: If I would sign on to an affair, I'd get schtupped once in a while and they would get to act out their misogynist fantasies. Losers. One of them died of an aneurysm about an hour after leaving me a filthy voicemail. Ain't karma a bitch
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If they start sending freaks to jail, I’m guilty as charged.