Jennifer Aniston Is Going To Give Birth To Herself Again
Jennifer Aniston is taking Lamaze classes and pulling out the birthing pool, because she's about to give birth to herself once again. And you know she's going to throw herself a baby shower and shit.
Jennifer tells Harper's Bazaar UK that she's spent the last five years throwing out useless shit (i.e. Brad's bath water, her first death threat letter from Maddox, etc..) and is ready to begin anew. Tell the band to the play the theme song to Starting Over. Jen said, "The last five years have been about spring cleaning for me. Now it's time for my rebirth. I love trying new things. I can't just be put in a box."
What is this rebirth shit?! Just try not to throw Jennifer an obvious side-eye when she stops you on the street to show you pictures of her reborn self. Just do what you normally do in a situation like that: lie and say "HOW ADORABLE!" before moving on.
Jennifer also talked about her beauty secrets, which don't include Botox, "I could do it, and I mean these lines are getting deeper every day, but when I tell you what's happened to me - these lines are just about living. Look I eat really well and I work out, but I also indulge when I want to. I don't starve myself in an extremist way. You're not taking away my coffee or my dairy or my glass of wine because I'd be devastated. My advice: just stop eating shit every day."
Stop eating shit? I could make a joke about Gerard Butler's asshole hunting finger, but I'll let you do the honors.
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BORING. So are Brad and Angelina.
This girl needs yoga in a big way... plus, charitable work to help others or animals, anything but more of this rebirth crap. Her therapist has got to be ready to call it a day listening to the same issues come up over and over and over...GO AWAY!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How were they able to take a photo through cheesecloth like that? Or was it vaseline on the lens? Very Joan Collins/Linda Evans, circa Dynasty period, only less classy.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"This reeks of a big gay coverup."
Oprah & Gayle & Tyler Perry
She is stale and desperate.
i just did a rant on the bounty hunter. yes i watched it. no i did not pay for it.
i am so sick of hollywood trying to convince us this bitch is significant. she'll always just be whiny kiss-ass rachel green to me.
-----
you seem spritely.
watch me rant: http://www.youtube.com/user/gineriella
Oh STFU Whiniston. GAWD she is so focking annoying.
www.poopreport.com :)
<3-------------------------------<3
RIMADYL KILLS
Submitted by sunny on Thu, 04/01/2010 - 9:41am.
Good grief...
could the cover photo be any more 'hazed' out?
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Jesusfuckinchrist, i hope there's a Friends-rerun somewhere and if not please shoot me, cause when i read that i was thinking Chandler would have pronounced it:
Could the cover photo _be_ any more hazed out?
;)
that cover is SO cosmo 1979.
...
but, then again, what do i know?
I think she looks fabulous - I'm gonna do a rebirth too, this weekend.
Ah so that's why she's trying to dress up sluttier.
A ho shouldn't need an excuse to do whore stuff, but it's nice that she feels entitled to do it by calling it her "rebirth". Sounds very distinguished -we should all call it that.
Ugh..someone should of slapped all those dumb bitches that made an appointment with their fabulous gay hair stylist and wanted to get 'The Rachel' haircut. I remember the hysteria over that fucking hair. When the hysteria died down, those same bitches went crazy over the Kate Gosslin 'possum' hair.
*************
Don't hate me cause I'm DLeautiful
Betch puhlease.
All you need to do is look at her face pre and post *Marley & Me* to know she had work done.
Fucking liar.
Shut up you ugly poo-faced git!
sounds a bit Goopy to me!
****************************
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"snowpiece is officially to be known as hopiece from here on out." TheBreakdown
"Where the anti-social come to socialize with other anti-socials." redvelvetcake
Good grief...
could the cover photo be any more 'hazed' out?
come on, we know that's a still shot from 20 years ago in the scene from FRIENDS where Ross tells her he wants to be on "a break" from their relationship
wake me when it's over
Jenn's definition of "rebirth" is having her hairdresser add 2 inches of ash concentrate into her hair color mix.
No need to alert the planet.
"stop eating shit all day" you say...well how bout u stop using a personal trainer everyday and see how hard you have to work then....
Why does she always have to sound so crazy in every interview she does...
here is an example http://www.jewelry.com/2008-11-cn-jennifer-aniston-vogue.shtml
we know you were sad when Brad left, hey we cried too, but get over it already and move the fuck on.
And I notice how she didn't mention she is a two-pack a day smoker.
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I'm not a coke addict - I just like the way it smells.
http://www.modestneeds.org/
Wow. She looks gorgeous!
Eff You, h8trs.
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I'm not a coke addict - I just like the way it smells.
http://www.modestneeds.org/
At least she's going to give birth to something! *rim-shot*)
I suppose when you are rich you have organizers/professional help that come and help you get rid of things, it must be easy to "give birth to your self". Not to mention she has the time in between movies and the $$$$$. But good for her. But really no one cares. People have real problems.
I cannot believe people actually think she is "beautiful"...It seriously baffles my mind. Sure she has healthy hair & a good body, but I honestly cannot see anything beyond that in terms of beauty. Her eyes are too close together, she has a potato nose, grimacing lips with massive smile gouges, a masculine shaped face & chin...She shines up nicely enough to make people think she is pretty, with the face framing thick, perfectly highlighted hair, strategic make up & tanned, healthy body, but all in all she is dull & not that appealing.
And what is all this about coffee, dairy & a glass of wine?? She is such a food rebel! How does she stay so fit while indulging so luxuriously? Idiot.
I don't know why, but I really like her. Same with Goopy. I think it's the fact that they are so serious about shit that nobody else really cares about. They are like a stamp collector or trainspotter that go on and on and can't see when people's eyes are glazed over - or worse, when people leave. They merely see that as proof of their own brilliance that others 'just don't get it.'
Jen's problem is that she's so focused on not showing that she's hurt that she's hurting herself even more. Your man left you, scream, bitch, cry, burn his shit and move on. How is she throwing out shit for 5 years? One clean swoop and you'd have been fine years ago.
Pfft, the man I thought was the love of my life cheated on me way back when, I cried for a couple of hours then realised he was shit and not worth it. Plotted a revenge that took me about 3 months to execute, ruined his life and moved on (he still emails me and this was 10 years ago). Silly, silly Jen. Enrol into my break-up school and I'll help you for free, since I don't very much care for the stick lady.
Well a cat has nine lives after all.
Jen, we'll all stop eating shit if you promise to stop filming it, mmmm-kay?
**********
Shiitake happens...
Submitted by dementa on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 9:43pm.
Part 1: People talk about how boring and unattractive Henistan is.
Part 2: Holie fans drag her into the conversation, because Jen isn't interesting enough to sustain it.
Part 3: Henistan fans freak out at the insults directed at their chinny goddess, insisting that she's gorgeous, happy, successful and clearly has an awesome life that the Holie-Pitts MUST envy (despite still wanking about how she's moved on from her divorce even now).
Part 4: Loonies for both the chinned hag and the skeleton have mudslinging matches while everybody else leaves.
azgirl, same here. She's had that same hairstyle for at least six years now, and it was boring even when it was newish.
--------------------
You forgot:
Part 5. The real loons claim everyone is a loon except for them, however, they make incomplete lists of shit no one cares about just so they can pretend that they are normal when in reality they are pulling their pubes with their bare hands in order to avoid cutting themselves over how mean people can be to their saints the JoliePitts...
NOW it is complete...
_______________________________________________
Let me dirty up your mind.
"... I can't just be put in a box. ..."
Hear hear, Rachel Green.
Either she milks her Rachel Green legacy in EVERY movie she's in, or she is really that bad an actress to solely play one character.
Let's assume both.
BTW her problem aren't the lil ageing lines. It has always been her buttface. She has a nice body (possibly not natures work) but her face is simply unattractive.
No botox or fillers? Bitch, please.
Don't try to kid a kidder. I worship at the altar (voodoo style) of botox & restylane, and I know a true believer when I see one.
Your doc is good. Real good. Keeps things looking fresh, but not too tight ala Joan Rivers & Pricilla Presley. But then that's why you pay him the big bucks, non?
jt
here we go again...Aniston talking about her simple life. bitch please. not pretty, can't act/never has to work another day in her life. and remember, Brad left this nut job because she chose her "career" over giving him children. neurotics like her don't want to get knocked up because they fear it'll ruin their body. now everybody take their meds and GO TO SLEEP!
yeah, "i dont starve myself in an extremist way, only in this pathological, moderated way as dictated to me by my agent and big hollywood execs".
Who are they kidding with that crap? No one looks that way at 41 b y indulging on a regular basis.
..
.
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
OMG, she's had so much work done she can barely crack an expression. In the trailers for the Gerard Butler thing she's using Goldie Hawn's old trick of letting her hair cover her face to obscure the work, and in the Owen Wilson dog movie trailers her face looked like rigid Silly Putty. It's completely disingenuous for a woman like her to maintain that she's never had plastic surgery (oh, pardon me - she's never had Botox). If Maggie Gyllenhaal has had work done, so has Aniston.
she's airbrushed and strategic spray-tanned for the cover. don't NOBODY at 40 looks 19 w/o 'technical assistance'. that said, she does have nice eyes (if the eye color wasn't enhanced; who the hell knows nowadays).
all in all, she's doing well for 40s. and, for the most part, she accepts herself (notwithstanding the john mayer episode).
She a light shade of boring brown.
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...
I don't care what anyone says - this woman is gorgeous. She could have anyone she wants - I think she should go for the gold and forget the billy goat. He deserves all the unhappiness he gets.
Part 1: People talk about how boring and unattractive Henistan is.
Part 2: Holie fans drag her into the conversation, because Jen isn't interesting enough to sustain it.
Part 3: Henistan fans freak out at the insults directed at their chinny goddess, insisting that she's gorgeous, happy, successful and clearly has an awesome life that the Holie-Pitts MUST envy (despite still wanking about how she's moved on from her divorce even now).
Part 4: Loonies for both the chinned hag and the skeleton have mudslinging matches while everybody else leaves.
azgirl, same here. She's had that same hairstyle for at least six years now, and it was boring even when it was newish.
I hope part of her rebirth is a new hairstyle. I would love to see her do something new. She looks the same all the time.
She is fantastically gorgeous, footloose, fancy free, and totally shagging Gerard Butler. Meantime, Brad has his balls in a vise while Trampolina leads him around on a leash. I love how the loonies denigrate Jen's looks while their idol resembles a store mannequin, icy personality and all.
♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
"You sir, have the charisma of a damp rag and the appearance of a low-grade bank clerk."
Well kids, I'm out.
TeriAnniston, please include us in any birth notices you and Jen will be sending out. I'm sure every Dlister would LOVE to have a baby shower for you two!!
Submitted by Lory on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 9:02pm.
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 8:57pm.
Submitted by Lory on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 8:55pm.
Submitted by TeriAnn on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 8:49pm.
Chin should stick with Norman.
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Who's Norman? Your imaginary boyfriend?
=====
Dammit, Norman was the little mouse doorman. Who was the imaginary rabbit?
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Paxil Gemmeouttathisshithole JoliePitt...
----------------------------------------
Jazzy, the imaginary rabbit is Harvey.
TeriAnniston's imaginary bf is Big Buck. He comes in a box, is about 7 inches high, and, I suspect, can be purchased on Craigslist.
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 8:57pm.
Submitted by Lory on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 8:55pm.
Submitted by TeriAnn on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 8:49pm.
Chin should stick with Norman.
--------------------------
Who's Norman? Your imaginary boyfriend?
=====
Dammit, Norman was the little mouse doorman. Who was the imaginary rabbit?
---------------------
Paxil Gemmeouttathisshithole JoliePitt...
_______________________________________________
Let me dirty up your mind.
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 8:57pm.
Submitted by Lory on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 8:55pm.
Submitted by TeriAnn on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 8:49pm.
Chin should stick with Norman.
--------------------------
Who's Norman? Your imaginary boyfriend?
-------------------------------------------
That's the name of one of the kids she adopted with Maniston.
Submitted by Lory on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 8:49pm.
Submitted by PeachPie on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 8:45pm.
I've got it! TeriAnniston! Perfect for your first.
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LMFAO!!!
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: )
It's just a ruse. TerriAnniston really likes Jen.
What's the saying "thou doest protest too much, me think?"
The more she rants on Jen, the more convinced we are she's secretly sending her fan mail.
Submitted by Lory on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 8:55pm.
Submitted by TeriAnn on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 8:49pm.
Chin should stick with Norman.
--------------------------
Who's Norman? Your imaginary boyfriend?
=====
Dammit, Norman was the little mouse doorman. Who was the imaginary rabbit?
Submitted by TeriAnn on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 8:49pm.
Chin should stick with Norman.
--------------------------
Who's Norman? Your imaginary boyfriend?
_______________________________________________
Let me dirty up your mind.
Submitted by PeachPie on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 8:45pm.
I've got it! TeriAnniston! Perfect for your first.
---------------
LMFAO!!!
_______________________________________________
Let me dirty up your mind.
Chin should stick with Norman.
She is so much prettier than the wicked witch that lured her husband away.
She gets more attractive while the Jolie-Pitt pair drowns in their misery,looking more like shit with each passing day.
I've got it! TeriAnniston! Perfect for your first.
Submitted by TeriAnn on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 8:38pm.
could you imagine the huge snout and chin on jennays kid? I'm thinking jay leno, barry manilow and barbara striesand. I'm sure that kid would look so purty.
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See there? I was right. You're already picturing what your children with her are going to look like.
Have you picked out names yet?