How Fishy Got Her Body Ready For Iron Man 2
At the very beginning of her POOP newsletter this week, Fishsticks Paltrow writes, "traversed the globe," so you know this shit is going to be a new kind of pretentious. Fishy writes that so many people (aka nobody) asked her how she got her body ready for Iron Man 2.
No, Fishy didn't prepare by only nibbling on oxygen and sniffing organic pieces of lettuce. She actually put herself on a 5-day diet and exercise plan to lose the extra "winter weight." "Winter weight" is what the rest of us call "our bodies year fucking round."
Here's how Fishy got the sexy body of a piece of fax paper. It helps if you read this while eating a slice of pizza or birthday cake. Or a piece of birthday cake wrapped in a slice of pizza. This shit really does explain everything:
7am: Wake up, rotate the stick in your ass so it points towards the sun, drink green tea
Breakfast: Eat a Think Thin bar or a shake made of almond milk, blueberries and fancy powder
8am: Look like an idiot for 90-minutes while doing this workout from the sun-dried goblin known as Tracy Anderson
9:30am: Clean up the shitty mess you made after projectile caca-ing everywhere from working out after drinking a blueberry shake
Post-workout: Drink kale juice
1pm lunch: Eat a vegan wrap with Jicama slices or boneless grilled chicken or a lock of your hair
Afternoon snack: Eat a handful of almonds, kale juice or a shake made of distilled ice chips
Dinner: Eat turkey kale soup and a chopped salad
Fishy did that for five days. No wonder she's so terrible. Bitch is HONGRAY. Your stomach isn't chanting, Fishy, it's growling because it wants a delicious piece of fried cheese!
Seriously, at the end of day one, I'd be at the nearest McDonald's begging them to serve me a hamburger bun covered with the contents of their grease bin.
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@AprilReign I'm not sure if Michael K came up with the Fishsticks thing because I thought that Ted Casablanca had been calling Gywneth that for years too. But I give big ups to Michael K for his name generator! He is the KING of it. Our Lady of Cheetos, The Empress of Lucite, and my personal favorite Rojo Caliente - MK is the man!
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Nourish the Inner Asshole
Borrachas of the world unite and take over!
Submitted by Gweb on Sat, 05/08/2010 - 11:44pm.
Please. Someone tell me. Why do they call her fishsticks?
I'm wondering that too. Lainey Gossip calls her "GOOPy," which makes sense, but why fishsticks?
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I'm wondering this too, so i hope someone responds...
i think it's something MK probably adopted at one point that "had legs" -- so if you read the initial post for context.... still - some are easy to figure out, like i am pretty sure he came up with "ceiling eyes" and that is obviously Audrina from the Hills and when he comes up with this stuff - it's like I can't look at that person ever again w/o that NAME in my head -- which is great.. like Paris/Wonky McValtrex -
but fishsticks paltrow....that one, i would love to know the etymology of
Submitted by bedlam on Fri, 05/07/2010 - 6:58pm.
"7am: Wake up, rotate the stick in your ass so it points towards the sun, drink green tea"
If I'd been drinking anything I would've killed my laptop. MK, you're amazing.
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I know!! isn't he - ?? sorry to keep going off this way but really the entire post is another example of great writing by M.K. -- i loved a lot of the comments here, he attracts some pretty witty/cool people - sorry i sound so stupid/nerdy -because I am not witty or cool - but I do love the comments of regulars, mainly because they really are regularly worth the time to read.
And when I consider how prolific MK is to generate all these posts, yet writes in such a way they are worthy of preservation in a book even. The guy can write. I hope he's working on a book in his "spare time" to make him rich - that is i guess when his dog isn't licking "purple drank" off his face while he's passed out in the hallway -- and I am kidding of course. Personally, I think MK is so hard working that I can't imagine he does all the badass shit he claims -- it's just he has a rep to maintain.
GOOPY forgot to mention the explosive diarrhea that she has after dinner til about midnight that makes her lose extra pounds and winter water weight.
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Nourish the Inner Asshole
Borrachas of the world unite and take over!
Please. Someone tell me. Why do they call her fishsticks?
I'm wondering that too. Lainey Gossip calls her "GOOPy," which makes sense, but why fishsticks?
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"That gives me wood."
What are the measurements on a 0 anyway? Is it one of those vanity sizes that is all over the place because of differences between stores?
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Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you you gonna bite?
for as much as she does, especially working out, her body is lame. I'm her age and height and my legs look ten times better from spinning 2X per week and eating at mcdonalds.
Seems like she is so worried about her diet she forgot to hire a stylist.
Eating like that, she must be in a foul mood most of the time.
She is just as bad as Giuliana Rancic (who starves herself because of Hollywood beauty standards despite the fact that she isn't a star but a loser who reports on them) anyway google her food journal its fucking ten times worse then this. You are not supposed to look like a real life bobble head with bones protruding out. They take it overboard what's wrong with being a size 2? Hell a size 4 or 6 isn't even bad.
Why are these actresses so hell bent on being a size -0? Good lord like she needed to lose any more weight its quite ridiculous they must think average size women are whales. So annoying live a little and enjoy a slice of pizza every once in while.
Oh Mikey, I *never* like the stuff written about our Gwynnie. She's my icon. She may sound pretentious to you but GOOP is a realllllly good newsletter.
Oh Gwynnie u always make me chuckle.
If that is what constitutes "tree trunk legs" in LA, you guys are way more fucking crazy that I previously thought. Her legs are rails. There is no shape to them at all. Hardly what I would call a tree trunk.
I'll stick to protein, weights, and sprinting tyvm.
I'm not sure what she thinks is odd or spectacular about wearing shorts when you're almost 40 or if you've had kids. My mom is over 50, still wears shorts, and has the good sense to pair them with something that's not a blazer or fugly ankle boot "sandals."
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Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you you gonna bite?
It's the angle the photo was taken. Gwyneth has a fantastic set of legs. She also has plenty of muscle tone, so I don't know who you people are looking at.
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I don't steal and I don't lie, but I can feel and I can cry- a fact I bet you never knew......but to cry in front of you, that's the worst thing I could do
Submitted by kokoskitten on Sat, 05/08/2010 - 12:25am.
she probably holds her farts in for weeks until she dutch ovens herself to near vomiting...
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lmao, you guys are truth-seers; facts right here. her lack of muscle tone (despite her religious "exercising") is probs due to her digestive system constantly punching/stabbing itself.
and what this she-goop should do w/ the leftover kale juice is make a damn enema. that'll clear out her certain constipation and, hence, realign that no-no sun dial (hilarious, mk). this bitch probably spends AT LEAST 25 minutes examining two nearly identical stalks of kale at the amish market. ugh, she crazy.
=== "...Find...And Fulfill...Your Destiny..." ===
WTF? Meat, carbs, veggies, fruit, workout. Building muscle? More meat. Building stamina? More carbs. Wanna get thinner? Less carbs. Wanna get bigger? More carbs. Make those carbs complex and eat more fruits and vegetables than anything. Every day. There's a plan for you.
♥ Threadkilla!
BRING BACK THE BOOT MOVES!~:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Boot%20Moves
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fv3AvJtWuUA
STFU, uneducated, anorexic twat.
Die, elitist, die.
I loathe her.
The making of Pepper Pott's. Bitch, please! Is she fucking so annoying???? OMG!
oh cmon...her legs are long. How the hell do you see stumpy in that? Fug shoes, yes, but stumpy in a woman who's kind of tall?
Back in LA we call these tree trunk legs, Gwyn.
You're not too slim anymore.
Btw, for a girl who didn't attend real college (not acting school) you sure do know it all..
she probably holds her farts in for weeks until she dutch ovens herself to near vomiting...
And this idiot probably thinks she has a belly because she doesn't realize it's just from starving herself. Her face is so much bonier than I've ever seen it. Judging by the rumors I heard that she was kind of contentious with SJ during the filming (which I kind of smelled from the screen since SJ was supposed to be the sexpot), I'm guessing she's insecure about aging.
And side note: ScarJo CAN NOT ACT. I mean, ridiculous!
I just saw the movie also, and her collar bones are horrific, and they were sticking out like weird pointy shoulder pads. She also has that starvation belly-the same one Winehouse has. And ScarJo is also carrying a lollypop head. She's supposed to be hot in her catsuit, but the first scene in which she's wearing it looks so scary. Her head looks big, and she's already so tiny-framed. They're both starving themselves for this film, and ScarJo must be naturally kind of bigger, like a size 6, judging by her head. Blech. I wonder if the director put them up to this, but he's so chubby himself. I have no idea, but these two womens need to EAT.
I would jump her fishbones, just because I never had it that way.
So, basically, 600 cal a day and some exercise. Fucking genius.
this post really made me laugh
as someone said this chick is constantly talking about food...she's the kind of person that smells her own farts and looks at the toilet after she's done number 2...
Submitted by madam s. on Fri, 05/07/2010 - 4:58pm.
I guarantee the reason Chris Martin is constantly "traversing" the world with Coldplay is to avoid spending time with this nightmare. I bet she says "making love" instead of sex, and I bet she says things like "Christopher, it's important that we make love every other Tuesday because it is healing and helps to regulate my bowels". Making Chris immediately call his bandmates to book a tour.
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That was hilarious because I can truly imagine those words coming out of her mouth.
i just saw iron man 2 and she's a stick in it. Every time i saw a full body shot i thought walking stick so i don't know why she had to lose weight.
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"that's the first time i had dick in my mouth, and that's the last time i'm going to choke on it.." Dani
Please. Someone tell me. Why do they call her fishsticks?
Good God all this chick talks about is food and how to lose weight. She is like a women's magazine with pix of meals and recipes next to ads for weight loss companies and the latest diets. She has all the complexity of pond scum - full of DNA but short on conversation.
Submitted by im mom on Fri, 05/07/2010 - 5:33pm.
looks like a devils tail coming out of her butt
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good dog it does!
mk posts amazing pictures.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Internet fakers: http://tinyurl.com/y94sh4m http://bit.ly/1rcnEc
I tried to read that newsletter, but I went cross-eyed. My mind won't even let me try to comprehend that twat language. MK's version set me straight, though. Thanks, MK!
Submitted by Manimal5 on Fri, 05/07/2010 - 8:18pm.
*passes the grey poop-on to Tigerlilly*
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*making Goop inspired pate with it...Serving it to Dlisters on toast points*....WHAT? WHAT? Where are you whores going? I've got goose pate...well, er...poopte...but it's GOOP INSPIRED...with walnuts and figs? Anyone? Anyone?
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Please talk to my ass 'cause my hand stopped listening.
*passes the grey poop-on to Tigerlilly*
someone probably mentioned it earlier (and sorry i am lazy) but this tracy anderson chick doesn't even have a degree in nutrion, excercise physiology or an of those type of subjects.
Fishy... Angus Young did it first and did it better...Step off your feminized GOOPED "mother of the bride" version... okaaay...Not working now...not working ever....And finally please realize there is something awkward and ungainly about you that PREVENTS you bringing on the SESSAY...yes, you are very, very pretty in a patrician WASPY sort of way, BUT imagine a swan with certain neurological deficits, narcissistic tendencies and a twig shoved up its asshole...THAT'S YOU...Deal...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Fishy is trying to make "short-suits" with booties happen...bitch looks a mess every time she steps out because this shit is all she wears. It makes her legs look like gargantuan stumps.
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THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764, in walking with my
Submitted by Miami on Fri, 05/07/2010 - 7:02pm.
@Romal:I don't think it is right to be doing what Goop is doing, I was just saying my two cents psychology about it. She didn't "need" to lose weight. But her industry is very competitive. No, they would not have fired her from IM 2 but vanity and pressure caused her to go on the bacon double cheeseburger, hold the bun, hold the bacon, hold the burger, hold the cheese diet.
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No doubt (though my $0.02 is that it's still more vanity than anything), but that's her problem. If she wants to live off of kale juice for days on end, that's a-ok with me but keep that shit to yourself. It's not a healthy thing to put out there. And before anybody says anything, yes, there's a lot of other/worse shit people should keep to themselves. Really, I wish all celebrities would stop thinking their words are gold and STFU about certain things.
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We're officially outnumbered: 03.03.10
Honestly Fishy? That outfit is the 'mullet' of fashion... Business up top party down below...No, just no...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Seriously, ¡COÑO!
more fucked-up shit @
www.myspace.com/msdianadeath
I would have bet it was the goop enema regime
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I am a film aficionado
I drink fine wines and eat stinky cheeses
My bowel movements are exquisite experiences
I have Gwyneth Paltrow to thank for my sublime and lofty perspective
Embrace the Goop Lifestyle
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@Top: In the Jewish religion it's bad luck to call the baby anything until it's born.
@Romal:I don't think it is right to be doing what Goop is doing, I was just saying my two cents psychology about it. She didn't "need" to lose weight. But her industry is very competitive. No, they would not have fired her from IM 2 but vanity and pressure caused her to go on the bacon double cheeseburger, hold the bun, hold the bacon, hold the burger, hold the cheese diet.
"7am: Wake up, rotate the stick in your ass so it points towards the sun, drink green tea"
If I'd been drinking anything I would've killed my laptop. MK, you're amazing.
Ya know, she's really not that great looking or at least not as wonderful as she thinks she is.
everytime MK uses "hongray" in a post it just kills me. i hear him saying it in my head and i just start laughing! i love it!
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Miss your fucked up ways on my fucked up days.