Tyra Banks Strikes Again!
Ty Ty the Terrible will not stop until she has raped and pillaged every single industry on this planet. That is why she is releasing a book. And no, it's not called The Truly Tyra-ized Version Of The Tyra Banks Story About Tyra Banks As Told By Tyra Banks For Tyra Banks. It's worse.
Ty Ty is writing a young adult fantasy novel that is being described as Harry Potter meets America's Next Top Model. Ty Ty's fantasy book takes readers into a magical world where superhuman supermodels called "intoxibellas" learn to perfect their powers at an exclusive academy. Ty Ty seriously needs to switch to a less toxic brand of wig glue already.
Here's the press release from Ty Ty via People:
"It's my novel called Modelland (pronounced "Model Land") that takes you to a fantastical place you've never seen, or heard about, or read about before ... Where dreams come true and life can change in the blink of a smoky eye.Modelland has always been a part of my mind and my heart. I'm excited that you'll be able to read about this magical world that's been living in my dreams for so many years."
Dear Zeus, please release the Kraken on Modelland:
Why bother reading Modelland when you can read Everybody Poops instead. It will leave you with the same taste in your mouth and it has less words. That's the same thing I tell my mom when she says she doesn't have the time to read Dlisted.
• 
The baby vid is freaky. Mummenshanz (sic?).
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I'm embarrassed to admit that I had no idea what 'Release the Kraken' meant and had to Google it.
I always thought it had something to do with farting.
*blushes*
and, i really like this...
and, i really like this...
tyra, you're way annoying. I've seen u, way with your five head
I don't like tyra. she's one annoying half-breed. consider me a half-breed, she likes to consider herself as african american, so do our presidemt.
when do we consider is as a half breed? I'm not white but if our president is half there. and halle berry is an oscar winner and she sees herself as half-black, She sees herself as the first black person to see an oscar. heh, Kinda weird,
Yes, if there's anything young girls should strive for, it's to become models. For only if you are a model can you be worth anything. How about sticking to her word and having normal girls and models in the book instead of some future "Showgirls" type film in the making. Wait, actually, this might become a pretty fun movie to watch while stoned.
I can picture her talking about the new crap series..
puurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,
moosh
http://teacupsandcouture.wordpress.com
Now that is the most hilarious gif I've ever seen- we... US, you've got the whole house rolling on the floor - and crying buckets - and it's twice as hilarious used in this context!
Tyra you are a great business woman, but enough already.
Come on ease on down
ease on down the road...
Since when did Tyra have freckles?!
www.theinfamouslife.com
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
ugh, doesn't she remember her mega-flop as a recording artist?
Is she trying to be like wino with the freckles on her nose? She should pay more attention to ANTM. This season is the worst one yet.
Monstrous Tyrannasaurus Banks
I wish she would stop trying so hard to be some sort of mogul and just enjoy all the money she has already accumulated. Ugh. At least she fixed the dent in her nose from her first nose job I guess.
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...
Can't Tyra just go away already?
I can't wait for the cliff notes.
Sex and the City 2 Early review WITH Betty White!
http://bit.ly/9pkCoW
she just keeps going and going.......like the damn energizer bunny.
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"If a lady treats other people as she'd like to be treated, she's allowed to roll in the grass if she wants to ..."
Lena Horne
I hate her and hope she dies with her Bankable Productions company folding before she dies so she can die on the inside too.
And that Gif of that baby has got me mesmerized.
Has Tyra's nose gradually been getting smaller and smaller, or has she just been photoshopped beyond all reason? She looks like a Jackson in that photo.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Ahahhaha... she is truly one of the stupidest humans on the planet. Seriously, I think she's functioning at about 2nd grade level... with the concept of that book as Evidence A.
Submitted by sugar free on Tue, 05/11/2010 - 2:14pm.
I agree with you that considering that a woman who is not married, does not have kids or both is unfulfilled is bullshit but in any case, there's nothing wrong with being a lezzie.
She has the same fucking face in every single picture! WTF is up with that? Then she has the nerve to tell her top models not to do that! Just go away Tyra, go away and get fat. Its the circle of the supermodel!
Submitted by Flatbush Hooker... on Tue, 05/11/2010 - 12:34pm.
I got this feeling that Tyra is a lezzy
she's gorgeous but she got no man or kids WTF?
homegirl is shy away from big 40 and got no chirruns
something is up and it ain't her wig!
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not buying that if you're unmarried w/o kids, then something must be wrong with you. just another myth perpetuated by society that pressures women while allowing men to make their own decisions free of people's judgments.
oh, but i do loathe Tyra.
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♫ I never really felt quite the same since I've lost what I had to gain ♫
I would read this book only when doing poopy times and that is because it sounds like a poopy time book or something to put you dead to sleep...oh Tyra you Tyrant just give it a rest already...tv shows, books...you ain't no Oprah, and you basically suck...so hang it up already...damn, I am tired of this bitch!!!
The longer I look at that gif, the funnier it becomes to me. Dear lord, I need a holiday.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
what is that thing in the GIF?
does not compute.
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And the thing that you're hearing is only the sound
Of the low spark of high-heeled boys
I hear what you guys are saying. Some of you knew more than I did with the cold McDonald sandwiches and no Cristmas bonus for her staff and shit ("But.Seriously.Folks"). But as "angel_i" said, she did do something with her life and career despite the obstacles. And I agree, the bitch needs to chill with the sell, sell, sell of her soul.
[GROAN]
The Kraken baby fixed everything though :)
Well done.
Submitted by fishsticksfan on Tue, 05/11/2010 - 12:24pm.
HI aunty CENTY!! I couldn't wait for the OP so I posted my problem in the Powderrom in the forum.
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Haha! Seriously, I would swallow glass and set my hair on fire before I'd go anywhere near that forum...from what I've seen only the biggest dicks and cunts emerge from that hellhole, well, Fishy, you are obviously an exception...:)
We should write a book. Anyone can write some crap book these days...it can be something like, "Spinster Aunty Centy Tells Young Fishy WHAT NOT DO."
I feel it will be a blockbuster.
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"I can resist everything but temptation."
Modelland? Whatever.
Few Words, do you mean the film "Lifesize"? Lilo takes her Eve (black Barbie), and a magic book, and makes it come to life (as TYRA!!). And then Eve gets all sexy with Lilo's dad, even though Eve can't cook, type, or do anything. And then Lilo finds out there is like a day left til Eve dies... Shit happens, and Eve turns into a doll again. LOL! Don't ask!
Submitted by Flatbush Hooker... on Tue, 05/11/2010 - 12:34pm.
I don't see Tyra willing to share her space with a lil'attention stealing diaper pooper. Or maybe she just doesn't care for kids. Not everybody does.
I can't decide whether that animated gif is more funny or more creepy.
I got this feeling that Tyra is a lezzy
she's gorgeous but she got no man or kids WTF?
homegirl is shy away from big 40 and got no chirruns
something is up and it ain't her wig!
<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>
Where art tho Mr Big!
Modelland? She couldn't come up with a better name?
"Modelland has always been a part of my mind and my heart."
Because that's where crazy self-absorbed bitches live.
Once upon a time
there was a little girl named Tyronella
she had everything imaginable and was a very lucky little girl
then one day a lady in tight zebra dress and padded underwear came up to her
she said - Hi ! i'm Kim ...would you like some diet pills?
Tyronella tried those magical pills and then .... POW!
She started hearing trees talk to birds and cats making love to other cats
Tyronella was so lost in this magical world of talking trees and sex hungry cats
as she was walking down a road she noticed someone who looked like a human with ginger dreads and newports cig buds all over the body like ornaments on a christmas tree. Tyronella was scared to touch it but had no other choice
-Ah!!!!! Who are you? Paparazzi? Who paid you? got coke?
- I'm Tyronella.... Im lost
- Oh hunny I been lost once but then my
mother bought me this GPS that has all my dealers on list
- What is this place?
- Modelland! I'm Lindsay and I can be your guide
- Modelland? Does it pronounce like Mode Land ?
- No like Model.... land
- Oh
- Yeah its a really magical place...
Lindsay grabbed a stick , light it on fire and started smoking in Tyronella's face
- What are you doing!?!
- Standard procedure....you will get used to it
- So this place is really that magical?
- Yup
-Do you have any special powers?
- I can do a line of coke in a veil hooked on my clitoris
- Wow
- Yea my mother wanted me to join chinese gymnastics team once
- But you not chinese
- You tell that to my mother! She even tried to sell me as fresh Tijuana import named Haji but noone believed I had a penis before so we settled in Hollywood
- Your mom sounds wonderfull
- So where you from Tyronella?
- Im from Tyriland , Tyromania of Tyralala Mountains of Tyra
To Be Continue.........
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Where art tho Mr Big!
"Dear Zeus, please release the Kraken on Modelland."
Kraken! Kraken!
I resent the hell out of the fact that a lame-ass idea like "Modelland" (glad for that pronunciation guide) landed a multi-book contract.
I'm also fighting my urge to go off on a rant about how teenage girls (and boys, for that matter) don't need to read shit that will make them feel even more insecure and physically imperfect than they already do. But instead I'll trust to the intelligence of the small percent of people who actually read and buy books--an unusually astute segment of the general population. After all, does anyone even remember Nicole Richie's "novelist" phase?
I wonder how many "Modelland"-themed ANTM shoots she'll squeeze out of this to try to pimp the books.
HI aunty CENTY!! I couldn't wait for the OP so I posted my problem in the Powderrom in the forum.
ONTOPIC the sad thing about this is that people will actually buy that crap.
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POOP (nourish the inner asshole)
Doesn't "intoxibella" mean "pretty drunk" in Italian?
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"I can resist everything but temptation."
I was hoping her book was the 'A-Z Drag Queen Manuel.' Chucks.
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Don't hate me cause I'm DLeautiful
Why hasn't someone either on her talk show or Next Top Model punched her in the face yet? I cannot watch her on TV for more than 30 seconds. She has no intelligence or anything interesting to say!
Submitted by luscious_t on Tue, 05/11/2010 - 12:08pm.
I love how she assumes we the people can't figure out how to prounounce fucking "modelland."
*side eye* (pronounced "Side Eye")
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LOL!!!
Obnoxious (pronounced Tyra)
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
I wonder what Jem and the Holograms have to say about this
Coma Caca!
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I love how she assumes we the people can't figure out how to prounounce fucking "modelland."
*side eye* (pronounced "Side Eye")
*****
http://www.myspace.com/luscious_t_999
"WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS FACE?"
-my 11 yr-old son, upon seeing a recent picture of Brad Pitt (yes, my kid IS the awesome)
Is Modelland really worse than Sweet Valley High?
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POOP (nourish the inner asshole)
Submitted by HoityToity on Tue, 05/11/2010 - 11:52am.
I often wonder if we are being haterz cause Tyra is extremely successful when other ex-models like her are now a has been? Or, do we hate on her cause she is truly a self-absorbed cunty cunt?
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She's a slimeball cunt.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
@Hoity Toity: (since this full-on procrastination mode I'm in gives me both the time and the inclination)
There are some things I LIKE about Tyra. I dig that she did what she wanted to do no matter what the obstacles and made a name for herself. I think she's beautiful. I think she's really great with those ANTM kids. She doesn't make Top Models but she does offer some really good basic life experience and guidance in a fun setting...and she's silly so that engages them.
But then - The Tyra Banks Show, The Tyra Banks Album, The Tyra Banks Movie, The Tyra Banks Book, The Tyra Banks Tour, The Bank of Tyra Banks...it just gets a little fucking retarded.
And this way she has of speaking. She needs to learn some more words, for one thing. And she needs to stop SELL SELL SELLING! She's like a Stepford Wife but she's married to herself. It's cute for ANTM but then I would really like to know that there is a real person in there somewhere. But I believe that person may have been shanked out of that body and replaced by some kind of automaton.
O yeah, and I'm pretty sure she's a cunt.
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Submitted by HoityToity on Tue, 05/11/2010 - 11:51am.
I often wonder if we are being haterz cause Tyra is extremely successful when other ex-models like her are now a has been? Or, do we hate on her cause she is a truly self-absorbed cunty cunt? Hmm! I think it is a little of both. What do you guys think?
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She's a cunt. Trust this. Just ask the staffers she treated to cold McDonald's cheeseburgers at her X-mas party. Multi-millionaire Tyra also did not see fit to give any X-mas bonuses, either. But hey, those little people aren't supermodels so they really don't deserve anything, right?
And what is a "has-been" supermodel?? One who actually retires? One who leaves the spotlight and goes on to do something else with her life (get married, have kids, start a business)?
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON