Dumb Bitch Of The Day
This morning, former Food Network star Juan-Carlos Cruz is trying to make a healthy low-cal jail house breakfast out of roach meat, cock queso, and prison porridge so that he can be ready for his first court appearance in Santa Monica today. That's because CNN reports that Juan-Carlos was arrested for trying to hire three homeless guys to kill his wife for $1,000. Somebody lost too much weight in their BRAINS.
The trio of homeless dudes, Big Dave, Little Dave and Shane (no, they aren't a country music group), told TMZ that Juan-Carlos approached them and offered up $1,000 if they cut his wife's froat. During their first meeting, Juan-Carlos gave Little Dave a box cutter, a prepaid cell phone, gloves, a pocket watch and half of the money in hundred dollar bills. Because hiring homeless people to carry out an elaborate murder plan isn't dumb enough, Juan-Carlos showed the dudes a picture of the other half of the money. Juan-Carlos said they would get it as soon as they killed his wife.
That's the shit that really gets me. The dumb fuck whipped out a shiny picture of a stack of money and dangled it front of their eyes like it meant something. Now Jon Gosselin is going to do the same thing with a picture of Tommy Lee's dick.
Big Dave says that during the second meeting with Juan-Carlos, he showed the dudes a picture of his wife and went over the plan. Juan-Carlos said that he picked up his wife from the same place each day and wanted one of the homeless dues to stab her as she got into the car.
The jig exploded after Big Dave got arrested for loitering. He spilled everything and cooperated with the cops to catch Juan-Carlos. And now Juan-Carlos is sitting in a cell on $5 million bail...
This is why Juan-Carlos needs more cells in his brains. Bitch didn't need to hire three hobos or bother his camera by taking pictures of a few $100 bills. If he really wanted to cause physical harm to his wife, he should've just sent her to have a meal at Sandra Lee's house.
• 
he is kinda hot
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Well, in his defense, creating job opportunities for the homeless is quite admirable.
Wow, THAT guy? I remember his show on the Food Network, and he was thinner in the show than how he looks on the cover. Never tried any of his recipes.
Why couldn't be that orange-looking, low-carb chef they had on years ago?
his lasagna looks f'ing nasty
I watch Food Network all the time and never heard of this guy. Their Hispanic of the moment is Aaron Sanchez, who is a judge on "Chopped!" a lot and one of their stars on a Sunday night chef show that is sort of a combination of Amazing Race and Fear Factor. They have to eat disgusting things and Aaron last week had to eat a dozen chicken wings cooked in the hottest peppers known. I just thought the whole time how he was going to be screaming the next day when his no-no was on fire. Now THAT they should have had film of.
That is just unbelievable...new lows. I guess his recipe for murder wasn't kitchen tested, and that's a good thing.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGF7GF0p6ek&feature=related
"I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away." ~Phyllis Diller~
People like this really need to get a fucking brain and weigh out their options logically. I'm sure his thought processes involved 'divorce and losing a shitload of money' vs. 'kill my wife and get off scot free.' Braindead idiot. The reality is 'divorce wife and lose a shitload of money' vs. 'attempted homicide and spend most of my life in jail (getting raped)'. Is the money really worth it?
For once, I am speechless.
Maybe he can befriend the Menendez brothers in the pokey. Family is such a blessing. He should have just hired Dr. Conrad Murray for a physical.
Nail me to my car... then I'll tell you who you are...Joe The Lion
dude got fucked by three homeless - i have three new heroes.
OMG. What an idiot. So instead of DIVORCING his wife, which would have only cost him half his fortune under CA law and probably allowed him to keep his career, he's now going to jail for 25+ years for conspiracy to commit murder? What. An. ASSHOLE. Even if he gets off, his lack of work will force him to join the guys he tried to hire to do this. What a clown.
they were interviewing the homeless guys, and one of them said that after he showed him the inside of his house and gave him the key to open the door he took him back to where he had found them and only gave him a dollar for the bus. The buses in Cali cost $3...and it was hilarious because Big Dave said "I could tell right there he was a cheap bastard"...not only that...this foolio cut the money in half...and as I told somebody these guys may be homelss but they are not stupid. They interviewed another homeless guy who said $1,00o is not enough money to go to prison for. This asshole is beyond stupid, and he thought his wife originally had inherited some money but that turned out not to be true either, but if you are stupid enough to want to kill somebody you best have more than a grand, even the homeless dudes thought that was pathetic, and you best not hire three people who will tell three more, and so on and so on. He should have hired a drug dealer but nobody in his or her right mind would take a murder rap for $1,000. Stupid has a new name, and it is Juan-Carlos Cruz!!
Hahahhahahahah! I will show him a picture of the cell he will be occupying and a photo of his new prison wife. Who will NOT stand for being shanked by three homeless guys for $1000!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!
This cretin is too stupid to live. I hope his wife divorces his ass while he serves his time AND takes off with all his money. Turnabout = Fair Play.
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"You, sir, have the charisma of a damp rag and the appearance of a low-grade bank clerk."
Otherwise, totally deserved time in jail for that ballbag who has not heard of divorcing.
A meal at Sandra Lee as a murder tactic LOL
"A half a capful of this nuclear cheese spray concentrate gives LLLLLLLots of FFFFFFFlavor"
I like the little blurb on the top left of the cover: "Including 150 Delicious Recipes".
I sure hope so. Considering it's A COOKBOOK!!
OMG freaky! He looks EXACTLY like an older latin version of my ex.
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Douchechill!
Speaking of Sandra Lee, I read the other day that NY Attorney General Andrew Cuomo is dating her.
WTF?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She could end up being the Governor of NY's wife!!!!!!!
ETA: I just reread the article and it was from 2 yrs ago. Anyone know if they are still dating?
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"I wish I had more sense of humor
Keeping the sadness at bay
Throwing the lightness on these things
Laughing it all away......."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7o4x3UzofUY
This is some Criminal Minds shit
damn why would someone go hire to kill someone else
dude must be really greedy thinking 100 steps ahead how much chunk of his money his wife coulda get away with if he divorced her
or maybe he's one of those control freaks with attachment issues
and a mentality of a 5 year old
" If I can't have her noone else can"
but then again typical behavior wouldn't lead for someone to go hire a hitman
So I'm guessing it was a money thing
Greed ruins lives...why don't people understand a simplicity of everything that in order to get something you need to first GIVE something
Smh smh
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Where art tho Mr Big!
I would call him a psychopath but that would imply that he has some brains. Homeless dudes for a hit indeed. tsk tsk
Um, a paltry $1,000 for THREE HOMELESS bums to split (for murder of all things) is bad in and of itself, but showing a mere PIC of the rest of the money to the down & out, in this funking economy?? That's like giving a cracker to the malnourished and famished, and then showing a pic of a steak... I... I can't. I quit.
"There's something you don't know about me Joe Rogan. I smoke crack-rocks!"
why do people do stupid shit like this? did he really think this would work?
I think Lindsay Lohan is looking for work and money. She would have probably done his deed for some crack.
KD WTF is he serving? It looks like a big hunk of pimento loaf!
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►I hate you, Darlton. I hate your freaking sadistic guts◄
i'm thinking juan carlos would've gotten those homeless dudes to follow through if he had offered them each their own shopping cart...
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what you gonna do? tell mom and dad I put your dick sucking list on facebook?” – "i love facebook like you love cock..."
Looks like he was too lazy to cut up the strawberries for this shortcake, and spread the whipped cream out. Here's an idea, maybe not being so lazy will help with weight loss, too.
JACK HAT
i told my whorey ex wife
to take her fking pocket rat &
goddamn shit outta my house cause i
was gonna have a weinie roast with it
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
WANNA MEET MY MOM HERE SHE IS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9HJSolyhpg&feature=related
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 11:55am.
LMFAO!!! yea, but what those dumb bastards don't know is I have about $1,200 in BOOZE!!!!!!!
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$1,200 in BOOZE, dayum, send me the bitch's picture.
Submitted by Sluttsville on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 11:42am.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 11:11am.
what a fuckin idiot. Nothing is worth rotting in a cell... ESPECIALLY your WIFE!! kick that bitch to the curb, give her half your shit and CALL IT A DAY!! Hell, I gave EVERYTHING to my ex-wife... new beginnings and shit. I hope you scream her name everytime you're getting dry fucked in the ass by bubba in the shower you stupid fuckhole.
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LIARMOUF....you couldn't get them to do it 'cause they wouldn't accept your $715 and some food stamps offer.
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LMFAO!!! yea, but what those dumb bastards don't know is I have about $1,200 in BOOZE!!!!!!!
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"Your appalling choice in women is well-known to us dlisters." Momus
@TITS: I'd give a bum $5 for all that. It would be a fucking miracle if he ever made it back and you'd lose the five either way but, especially as an experiment, totally worth it! I'd do that!
The Darryls were so hot! I didn't realized I missed those guys til just now.
♥ Threadkilla!
Tupac is ALIIIIIIIIVE! ~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KvLZ3gdBhw
Every hoe ha dem stick a bush!~Jamaican Proverb:)
Juan-Carlos, put this on your mp3 player.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrLRe6bpMfU
That is Juan HYPHEN Carlos to YOU!
WTF
Submitted by WallyRaffle on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 11:18am.
I hate all this new fat fighting culture. Kids are fat cos organized excersise is boring and too many people sued schools when their kids broke themselves on fun playgrounds. So now they cant make fun playgrounds cos they cant afford the insurance. kids need to break stuff cos risks=fast learning and casts are fun. overprotective parents are ruining the entire world.
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You totally have a point. I can remember the playground at my elementary school...it had this three story tall tower with poles that you could slide down from the top. Eventually they chopped the tower down to like 1-1/2 levels because of the injuries(nothing serious). Not to mention the HUGE jungle gym was torn down too. A few kids did break their arms climbing on that...but honestly all the fun was taken out of that playground! *stomps foot*
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We smoke while we flip the bird.
Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 11:46am.
The trio of homeless dudes, Big Dave, Little Dave and Shane (no, they aren't a country music group)
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O yeah? Prove it!
Also, LOL@Arrested for loitering.
What did he do? Say: You think that's bad? I'm gonna kill someone later!
*
put me in mind of the darryls on that bob newhart show.
and... I'd try this out with homeless people - take this half bill and go wash up, then come back for the other half but the lowest denomination of bills we have left is the 5$ Price too high.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Internet fakers: http://tinyurl.com/y94sh4m http://bit.ly/1rcnEc
Submitted by mcnightmare on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 10:52am.
"Now Jon Gosselin is going to do the same thing with a picture of Tommy Lee's dick"
now *that's* why i read Dlisted.
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Ditto.
That tickled me in all the right places.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Internet fakers: http://tinyurl.com/y94sh4m http://bit.ly/1rcnEc
Submitted by little_rascal on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 11:10am.
@ Mother Superior
That's what I said when I saw Dr.Phil's diet and exercise book on the shelf in my local library!!!
His smug photo, all 300 lbs of him, was on the cover! I couldn't beleive my eyes.
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Me, too! And my hatred for that motherfucker went up ten fold upon seeing that fucking book!
You so ugly, you look like you got superpowers
The trio of homeless dudes, Big Dave, Little Dave and Shane (no, they aren't a country music group)
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O yeah? Prove it!
Also, LOL@Arrested for loitering.
What did he do? Say: You think that's bad? I'm gonna kill someone later!
♥ Threadkilla!
Tupac is ALIIIIIIIIVE! ~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KvLZ3gdBhw
Every hoe ha dem stick a bush!~Jamaican Proverb:)
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 11:11am.
what a fuckin idiot. Nothing is worth rotting in a cell... ESPECIALLY your WIFE!! kick that bitch to the curb, give her half your shit and CALL IT A DAY!! Hell, I gave EVERYTHING to my ex-wife... new beginnings and shit. I hope you scream her name everytime you're getting dry fucked in the ass by bubba in the shower you stupid fuckhole.
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LIARMOUF....you couldn't get them to do it 'cause they wouldn't accept your $715 and some food stamps offer.
OMG this shit is stupid and funny. Ofcourse murdering is not cool or hiring someone to kill someone but for reals this shit should be made into a movie.
Coma Caca!
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Oh my, this made me laugh waay too hard.
Well, it's nice that homeless people are getting some work.
You get what you pay for, dude.
mmmmmmm wranger beard
\m/
Submitted by WallyRaffle on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 11:25am.
jack. \m/
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lololol!!!
cool \m/
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"Your appalling choice in women is well-known to us dlisters." Momus
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 11:26am.
Submitted by Happy Hour on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 11:23am.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Me, too!
*considers whipping out boning knife*
No kidding! LOL
Submitted by Happy Hour on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 11:23am.
oh and on the chin topic.. fucking hate it.. don't matter how skinny I get double chin never goes away.. NEVER!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Me, too!
*considers whipping out Ginsu*
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Even a small star shines in the darkness!
http://www.modestneeds.org/
Submitted by WallyRaffle on Mon, 05/17/2010 - 11:24am.
scuse my tangent but...is anyone else finding conan super duper omg sexy since he's ditched the suit in favor of leather jekkets and jeans.....?
i wouldn't say sexy but he does look better with the beard.
They've lost their equilibrium because they've lost their faith in love. - The Countess DeLave in "The Women"
jack. \m/