Nicolas Cage Will Only Eat You If You Have Dignified Sex
The next time you're dining at a fine establishment like Carrows, let's say, make sure to ask your server if the animals they are serving had dignified sex before they were slaughtered and butchered. When they grab your arm to escort you to the parking lot, tell them Nicolas Cage gave you the tip. It should all make sense to them after that.
Nicolas Cage apparently will only eat creatures that curtsy, bow and say "good morning" (ala The Red Shoes) before taking their genitals out to get their fuck on. Nicolas tells The Sun, "I love all animals. I have a fascination with fish, birds, whales - sentient life - insects, reptiles. I actually choose the way I eat according to the way animals have sex.
I think fish are very dignified with sex. So are birds. But pigs, not so much. So I don't eat pig meat or things like that. I eat fish and fowl."
Of course. Would you expect anything less from a crazy bitch who used to live in a haunted castle surrounded by a moat filled with albino alligators and dino skulls? But you know, I don't understand Nicolas' logic. Wouldn't animals who have polite sex be more wound up which would make their meat tougher? I'd like to think that all the animals I eat had hoof curling, tail yanking, utter squeezing, beak slapping, gill throbbing, dirty ass sex before they were sent to the butcher's block. Going out with bang, you know.
And I guess Nicolas' preference for animals who only fuck like dignitaries isn't that strange. Dr. Laura will only eat animals that weren't born out of wedlock.
via Popwrap
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Come on, it's just a convoluted way of saying he only eats fish and bird meat. He avoids mammal meat because he's worried about getting fat in his middle age or getting cancer or something. But being Nicolas Cage, he's desperate to find an interesting and wacky way of describing his dietary preferences. The dude's not crazy, he's just an extreme attention seeker who's desperate to stand out and be perceived as a unique individual - probably because he feels deep down that he doesn't deserve most of his fame and he only achieved it anyway by being born with the silver spoon in his mouth due to having the last name "Coppola". There, I said it. Still like him though.
What an interesting man.
No isn't Nic Cage the one who was obsessed with Elvis Presley so much he had to have Lisa Marie? I guess he felt if he was banging the King's daughter he was banging the king.
He really has a frequent rider pass on the crazy train.
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"You are fucking bitches, this is my prom!"
I like Nicolas, but he is a bit odd.
Come on ease on down
ease on down the road...
NIC CAGE ONLY EATS ANIMALS
ACCORDING TO HOW THEY HAVE SEX
SO HOW THE FUCK DOES HE EXPLAIN EATING HIS WIFE?
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
WANNA MEET MY MOM HERE SHE IS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9HJSolyhpg&feature=related
Omagoodness. LOLOLOL.
I do like some of his older movies, like Raising Arizona, and Moonstruck. It's so sad to find out someone you think might be cool, is absolutely batshit crazy. And not even in a good or interesting way.
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 12:06pm.
He reminds me of the crazy cat lady in my office who is way too interested in the extracurricular activities of her 8,000 pets. We got daily reports on all the parrakeet action that she was watching.
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Sounds like a former colleague of mine - always watching her birds on webcam.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Fuck! I think I hemmoraged laughing at the animal sex description!
"Fuck Math, do you want me to suck your cock or what?" Angel_i channeling Porntanna via Brit-Cheese
He is bats.
"hoof curling, tail yanking, utter squeezing, beak slapping, gill throbbing, dirty ass sex"
bwahahahaaaaaahahaaaaa!
if it weren't for MK i'm not sure i would ever have a good computer screen induced laugh.
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And the thing that you're hearing is only the sound
Of the low spark of high-heeled boys
What an ugly crazy UGLY dude!
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
They maintain the illusion of sanity for many years, but eventually the nuttiness must come out.
He's really losing it and I feel bad, cause I liked him alot once.
I agree MK, if Im going to get dignified sex, I'd rather just play with myself and my Pollenex.
I dont care I'd still hit it. I love the crazy talk.
I'd like to know what happened to him as a child to make him so crazy.
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"Bieber's crazed fans threatened to shank her with their rattles"
This might be the funniest sentence MK ever wrote:
"I'd like to think that all the animals I eat had hoof curling, tail yanking, udder squeezing, beak slapping, gill throbbing, dirty ass sex before they were sent to the butcher's block."
and that's saying something!
"Beak slapping sex" is going to be my new favorite phrase for a while....
Me too. Yep, if Nic changed careers and became, say, a financial planner. I would totally trust him with my investments too.
He reminds me of the crazy cat lady in my office who is way too interested in the extracurricular activities of her 8,000 pets. We got daily reports on all the parrakeet action that she was watching.
Submitted by Mother Superior on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 11:42am.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 11:39am.
Submitted by Mother Superior on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 11:36am.
I've never heard of dignified sex.....
:D :D :D
^^^^^^^^^^^
It's what Skankelina and Billy Goat have because Skankelina is so dignified and better than everyone else.
Are you buying this?
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Of course not. I don't buy rubbish :)
But seriously....what is dignified sex? And why if plug A and slot B are involved, it's not dignified any more? I mean....right at the moment, the plants are having sex and make people with all them pollen thingies ill. Is that dignified? :P
^^^^^^^^^^^
Animals do have dignified sex. They just get on with it. They don't worry about how they look, they don't worry about whether or not their partner is satisfied, they don't want to know if it meant anything, and they don't expect a phone call the next day.
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Even a small star shines in the darkness!
http://www.modestneeds.org/
Loves the tag "I Can't With You". He's a weird, ugly fucker, fo sure.
The animals I eat don't have sex.
NICHOLAS CAGE EATS CLOACAE!
Dirty cunt.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 11:39am.
Submitted by Mother Superior on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 11:36am.
I've never heard of dignified sex.....
:D :D :D
^^^^^^^^^^^
It's what Skankelina and Billy Goat have because Skankelina is so dignified and better than everyone else.
Are you buying this?
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Of course not. I don't buy rubbish :)
But seriously....what is dignified sex? And why if plug A and slot B are involved, it's not dignified any more? I mean....right at the moment, the plants are having sex and make people with all them pollen thingies ill. Is that dignified? :P
okay...so we're all a little kookoo in our way....BUT.....Nicolas Cage is fucking certifiable.
God I feel sorry for his wife & child. This guys needs to take a nice long rest at Happy Acres Home For Spoiled & Insane Actors
Submitted by Mother Superior on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 11:36am.
I've never heard of dignified sex.....
:D :D :D
^^^^^^^^^^^
It's what Skankelina and Billy Goat have because Skankelina is so dignified and better than everyone else.
Are you buying this?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Even a small star shines in the darkness!
http://www.modestneeds.org/
I've never heard of dignified sex.....
:D :D :D
@seeyounexttuesday
Ok... I can kind of get fish as being "dignified" since they don't even really interact with each other when they mate, but birds? Has the man ever seen birds copulate? Its aggressive and violent and quick and sometimes repetitive.... and can be loud. It is horrible. No, I don't watch bird porn, we had chickens and ducks when I was a child. And ducks are truly nasty critters. They are the rapists of the animal world... its true, look it up, some ducks have even developed specialized "parts" to prevent rape from other duck breeds. True story: Years ago, while sitting by a pond, I saw a male mallard duck jump on a white duck and start furiously humping it. Then another male mallard hopped on. Then another... until there were 5 male mallards all furiously humping on each other, and the first few ducks in the pile where being pushed under water. I seriously thought they were going to drown.
Ooh, this is getting me so hot. Please talk sessy to me some more.
Submitted by Secret Original on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 11:22am.
Probably. But since Lee is like 90 years old, that isn't a good sign.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by Raul Duke on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 11:02am.
So if Raul was stranded on an island with Nic it wound be alright to eat him since he's been fucked six ways to Sunday by the IRS?
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Yeah, but you'll have to overcook him so he's all dry and moistless since the IRS is doing that shit without lube.
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I ALMOST threw up my grilled cheese sandwich but with Jesus in your life, you can overcome anything. - boobxqueen on Octomom's Star cover
I'd fuck him. He's a creepy weirdo often rumored to have a snuff film collection/have MADE HIS OWN SNUFF FILM...but whatevs. I don't put up much of a fight.
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19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764, in walking with my
Did he start looking like Christopher Lee to convince people he wasn't in the shittier Wicker Man?
Worst fucking actor in America.
This is the first time in years I've seen a decent photo of this ass. Those jeans fit well.
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You know, he's probably dynamite in the sack. Those crazy fuckers usually are - *cough* not that I would personally know or anything...
Ok... I can kind of get fish as being "dignified" since they don't even really interact with each other when they mate, but birds? Has the man ever seen birds copulate? Its aggressive and violent and quick and sometimes repetitive.... and can be loud. It is horrible. No, I don't watch bird porn, we had chickens and ducks when I was a child. And ducks are truly nasty critters. They are the rapists of the animal world... its true, look it up, some ducks have even developed specialized "parts" to prevent rape from other duck breeds. True story: Years ago, while sitting by a pond, I saw a male mallard duck jump on a white duck and start furiously humping it. Then another male mallard hopped on. Then another... until there were 5 male mallards all furiously humping on each other, and the first few ducks in the pile where being pushed under water. I seriously thought they were going to drown.
"Small and broken..... but still good..... mostly...."
What a nutjob.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
"PIG MEAT!!!!?" Who the fuck says pig meat except the Cyrus family? IT'S PORK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!
But I think Ka-El is an awesome name. Also he was hilarious as big daddy in Kick Ass.
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"We're all in the gutter, but atleast some of us are looking up at the stars..."
Don't pigs' orgasms last 30 minutes?
(I think someone sent me that info in an email once)
He's got it totally backwards. I saw a couple of pigs the other day and the male bowed and said "Pahdon me dahling, would you mind terribly if I stuck my hoo-hoo in your ho-ha?" and these ducks were all shouting "Yeeah baby woooo! Get you some!!"
So if Raul was stranded on an island with Nic it wound be alright to eat him since he's been fucked six ways to Sunday by the IRS? *********************************************************************************************** Have a Donka Doo Ball Day! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvvvIm6OhHc
He's crazier than a shit-house rat. Plain & simple.
when i was growing up eons ago we had a black cook and housekeeper named Buela from the time I was born until about I was 40. she hated cockroaches, lobsters, pork, and anything else that was in her opinion unclean. my brother and i would go out fishing and bring home some great grouper and Buela would have the frying pan ready with 2 inches of crisco and toss them in there and my brother and I would squirm as the fish were still flopping around and she would affirm "they ain't going to be feeling nothing once that grease hits them." she really ran the show and always sat at the head of the table in our household. she as a rock to our family and was totally and completely cared for until the day she died.
Does he have those deep thoughts while meditating in his pyramid crypt??
((double side eye))
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
Just say you don't eat red meat or pork you pretentious fuck!
Does anyone else get irked when people start using the word "sentient"? It's a signal the crazy is about to fly.
You are so hot, let's get crazy, do some coke
-Pat O'Brien
Here's what I am going to do, I am going to read up on how to be a Buddhist, and I am gonna pray to Buddha that he is going to reincarnate me so when I kill myself I can come back and be cool as fuck like you.
Was Nick ever considered sane? I mean, he named his kid Kal-El for Christ sakes!!!
I only animals who are future Manolos.
*sniff*
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Even a small star shines in the darkness!
http://www.modestneeds.org/
This post is making his character in "Moonstruck" look somewhat sane and normal compared to the fuckery he's spewing out about animals fucking.
May no go soldier unloved...adopt one today at soldiersangels.org.
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