Lindsay Lohan Needs Better Excuses
A judge has already threatened to throw Lindsay Lohan into a jail cell if she doesn't show up to court in Beverly Hills tomorrow morning for her DUI progress hearing. LiLo should work on her perfecting her perp walk, because there's no way she's going to make it to California by tomorrow morning.
TMZ says that LiLo is still in Cannes and is claiming that someone stole her passport. LiLo tried to get on a flight yesterday, but it was impossible seeing as though she didn't have a goddamn motherfucking passport! And they even refused to let her board the plane when she screamed at them, "You are fucking bitches! This is my prom!" The nerve.
LiLo's lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, tells TMZ: "I was on the phone with Lindsay's assistant the entire night and we're doing everything we can to resolve this issue and get her back to L.A. Lindsay is distraught because it was her intention to get back to L.A. today to do more alcohol education classes today and appear in court tomorrow."
LiLo is supposed to go to the U.S. Embassy tomorrow to get a new passport. We'll see how that goes.
Nobody stole that bitch's passport! What happened was that LiLo couldn't find a spoon or a dollar bill, so she rolled that shit up to get a snort in. She's resourceful like that. Well, LiLo's nostrils got more suction than a power bottom's b-hole, so it sucked her passport right up. Yes, her nostril ate her passport! Someone just needs to hit her in the back of the head and that shit will come shooting out along with Ali Lohan's youth and White Oprah's common sense.
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Thank you MS and Island Girl...let's see in a few hours how this "hearing" will go... (sets alarm for countdown on TMZ and hangs head in shame...)
BRAAAAVA!!! Kokoskitten! Well done! :D
what is she on?? how many drugs? she looks like hell.
Someday I'll wish upon a straw??? HAHAHA!! Nice.
WARNING: I'm a little drunk so I decided to expand my earlier 'somewhere over the rainbow' made for lindsay lohan song (tigerlilly started it with the songs)
Somewhere over the coke bloat
way up high
There's a drug that I heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the xanax
pills are blue
And the drugs that you dare to dream
Really do come true
Someday I'll wish upon a straw
and wake up where the press is far
behind me
When troubles melt like Ali's look
and white Oprah makes ex-cuuuses
That's where you'll find me
Somewhere over the lez bar
Sam Ro's there
She is my favorite target
Why oh can't she stalk me?
If crack rocks fall from my pockets
beyond the dealer
Why oh why can't I
I'm in a stupid/silly mood right now so eeeh whatever...counting down until tomorrow though
Submitted by kokoskitten on Thu, 05/20/2010 - 12:51am.
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It just gets better and better, doesn't it? :)
*cackles with glee*
The fuckery of it all is that she'll eventually show up in court with the "poor me syndrome" and probably get a slap on the wrist. I wonder who she blew to be able to pay her lawyer's fees? Because that woman is working over time!!
Don't forget her alleged "accidentally" leaked e-mail BEGGING to make it to LA by thursday...good PR work Dina
http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/05/exclusive-read-lindsay-loh...
THE lamest excuse ever.
I cannot wait until this freckled fuckery is in a cell!
***************************************
Facebook: Triston
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Ahahaha!!
http://x17online.com/celebrities/michael_lohan/confirmed_lindsays_a_nosh...
I hope somebody did steal this worthless cunt's passport.
_____________________________________________
"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 8:28pm.
I just read this gem:
“My passport’s been stolen,” Lohan tells Gossip Cop. ”It’s clearly an inside person who works with my father that has been sent to set me up.”
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OK, not a fan of Michael Lohan, but there's nothing in the man's admittedly odious behavior that makes this make sense. He doesn't want Lindsay in jail, he wants her in rehab. Stealing her passport makes no sense.
And I'm shutting up now, because I'm being all logical and this is Lilo we're talking about. The only way she'd recognize logic is if it she could roll it up and sniff it.
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I will be super pissed if she doesn't get thrown in the clink, this skank has been getting it too fucking easy for too fucking long, thrown the bitch in Jail. The of course if this happens White Oprah will be on the war path, but blohan needs to learn to respect the fucking law, and the only way to do this is hard croe time like 5years min.
Who really cares if she goes to jail or nit she's not even relevant any more. I am sick of seeing this on every site
The blind continues trying to lead the blind...
http://misstilaomg.com/2010/05/19/open-letter-to-lindsay-lohan-part-2-li...
Lying bitch!
Whatever happened to the "too much ash in the air from the volcano in Iceland" excuse?
I hope the judge sends her directly to jail without passing GO!
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 8:07pm.
Coke drops from noses
and liquor from 'kittens'
law suits that settle
and fame dicks I bittens
white paper bindles my drug dealer brings....
These are a few of my favorite things..
Tigerlilly, you're MARVELOUS! Hahahaha
HAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
she's going to serve time. i read somewhere the judge was issued a report that she was 'booked' for shit (aka events in Paris) throughout the week, hence, 'a plan'. lmao. tomorrow will be interesting. INTER-FUCKING-ESTING.
=== "...Find...And Fulfill...Your Destiny..." ===
She didn't LOSE her passport - she just can't see it
Meanwhile, if u horz are writing press releases, I needa couple of drinks first, then I can get in a Lohan state of mind and come up with something (like any PR whore does)
I sincerely want to punch Dina Lohan in the face.
Lindsay must be supplying her with drugs too- that is the only way she can be defending Lindsay. As much as I despise Michael, I actually agree with what he is doing- whatever his motives are.
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whatcha gonna do when they come for you
work ain't honest but it pays the bills
what we gonna do when they come for you
gave me the life that I came to live
-Erykah Badu
Cue Dina saying that she has summoned INTERPOL and Scotland Yard to investigate this very important matter..."INTERPOL is working round the clock to figure out what spies were paid to steal my innocent daughter's passport"
This thread is killing me tonight !!
kokos - and a Judy Garland nod! *swoons*
@ mani and psl..."my Dad's people are clearly out to sabotage me" is the new black. kiddidit. Holy crackhead.
@ Hekki - that was eerie!! You're clearly schooled in Lohanese.
ahem. *throws blond extensions, bobbles head, looks vacantly pleasant* "I mean, seriously, you're going to judge this kid for following her dreams and going to Cannes? It's her CAREER. She's the victim here, possibly even of identity theft. I am so tired of people taking the dozens of photos of my daughter caught every night at bad times when she was in mid blink, but CLEARLY not drunk, and placing judgments on them. By the way, I haven't gotten child support payments for two months now." *slowly exhales* *itches*
If she does go to the clink you know WO is gonna be wahh wahhing to the media like Paris' shit mother. "Poor Paris got a rash from those itchy sheets. She's not used to cheap sheets." I don't think it was from the sheets, lady.
Submitted by kokoskitten on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 9:27pm.
I'm so glad I've got the day off so I can watch TMZ's (and hopefully a cable news channel's) countdown and five hour analysis after the verdict.
I haven't been this excited about a verdict since OJ was found not guilty.
*admits I'm a loser*
I'm so glad I've got the day off so I can watch TMZ's (and hopefully a cable news channel's) countdown and five hour analysis after the verdict.
Tiger and Crawford: Thanks. Now don't leave me flapping in the wind - I thought everyone present was required to write an essay. Hope I'm not the only dork who did!
My mistake on the post between Hekki and me.______________________________________
"When I watch you eat...When I see you sleep...When I look at you lately, I just wanna smash your face in!" --Barbara Rose, THE WAR OF THE ROSES
Submitted by Hekki: That's awesome! I loved your rant and you really nailed W.O. at the end:
Lindsay will be fully vindicated. Just wait and see."
______________________________________________
"When I watch you eat...When I see you sleep...When I look at you lately, I just wanna smash your face in!" --Barbara Rose, THE WAR OF THE ROSES
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 9:00pm.
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DAYNUM! *pokes Hekki wif Tiger claw to make sure it ain't a Dina in Hekki clothing*...That was some impressive Lohan channeling there...Do you have cotton mouf and are your nostrils inflamed and bleeding?
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by kokoskitten on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 8:56pm.
Somewhere over the coke bloat
way up high
There's a drug that I heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the xanax
pills are blue
And the drugs that you dare to dream
Really do come true
Sorry...I'm not that creative
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*wipes tiger tear...*
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Crawford67: "I'd like to see what all of the DListers could write for a White Oprah press release to excuse this mess. Consider it an essay on being the greatest actress in the world who is constantly framed by the media for being a Party Girl."
OK, I'll go first.
"Lindsay is being persecuted again. This is political; I've been around a long time and I know how Hollywood works. Apparently someone has it in for my daughter and they are working on a vendetta against her. There are lots of ambitious young actresses who want to tear down my Lindsay instead of working on their own careers.
What the judge needs to understand is that Lindsay is promoting an upcoming film in Cannes. Not going to Cannes is practically taking food from her mouth. Can they prevent her from furthering her career?
Honestly, some people should just mind their own business.
Lindsay will be fully vindicated. Just wait and see."
Like that?
Submitted by Manimal5 on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 8:49pm.
Submitted by TITS on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 8:39pm.
http://laineygossip.com/Lindsay_Lohan_with_Dominic_Cooper_in_Cannes_miss...
Somewhere over the coke bloat
way up high
There's a drug that I heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the xanax
pills are blue
And the drugs that you dare to dream
Really do come true
Sorry...I'm not that creative
I'd like to see what all of the DListers could write for a White Oprah press release to excuse this mess. Consider it an essay on being the greatest actress in the world who is constantly framed by the media for being a Party Girl.
Pencils Up!_______________________________________________
"When I watch you eat...When I see you sleep...When I look at you lately, I just wanna smash your face in!" --Barbara Rose, THE WAR OF THE ROSES
Submitted by TITS on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 8:39pm.
all flights are booked?
this tells me she didn't plan on coming home, because... what for it.... wouldn't she have had a reservation? you know... to come home.. in the first place ... BEFORE her passport grew legs and ran away?
Drugs don't just make you stupid, they after your lying skills as well.
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 2:45pm.
from the article in the Crumbs
"And curiously enough, on the advance tip sheet for a party happening tomorrow night, her name was ON IT. So if she was supposed to be back in LA, how come someone told the party organisers that she’d be showing up?"
Great point TITS...I'm going to look for the article snowpiece was mentioning.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 8:28pm.
I just read this gem:
“My passport’s been stolen,” Lohan tells Gossip Cop. ”It’s clearly an inside person who works with my father that has been sent to set me up.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean that they're NOT out to get you!
More BS!
I'm thinking Jingle Bell Rock (because that was her Mean Girls sexy Christmas performance) has some wonderful potential for a Lohan song...I'M trying but I just can't think YET...
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 8:28pm.
I just read this gem:
“My passport’s been stolen,” Lohan tells Gossip Cop. ”It’s clearly an inside person who works with my father that has been sent to set me up.”
Regarding Michael Lohan, Lindsay continues, “He’s been threatening me,” though she wouldn’t specify with what.
And while Lohan is scheduled to get another passport tomorrow from the U.S. Embassy, there’s another issue.
“All flights [are] booked,” she tells us.
*
all flights are booked?
this tells me she didn't plan on coming home, because... what for it.... wouldn't she have had a reservation? you know... to come home.. in the first place ... BEFORE her passport grew legs and ran away?
Drugs don't just make you stupid, they after your lying skills as well.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Internet fakers: http://tinyurl.com/y94sh4m http://bit.ly/1rcnEc
Submitted by Sweetas on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 8:31pm.
Roll, roll, roll your bill
Gently up your nose
Snortily snortily snortily snortily
I get fucked in the butt for blow!
Hahaha...classic!!
Submitted by Sweetas on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 8:31pm.
Roll, roll, roll your bill
Gently up your nose
Snortily snortily snortily snortily
I get fucked in the butt for blow!
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I see no problem with Blohan doing some childrens' theater....Ali had to learn and so should the rest of our chirruns....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Tigerlilly, I couldn't resist!
ok, off to Karate....see y'all in a bit.
**********************************************
whatcha gonna do when they come for you
work ain't honest but it pays the bills
what we gonna do when they come for you
gave me the life that I came to live
-Erykah Badu
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 8:31pm.
Tigerlilly:
when I snort white, I feel nothing, so I'm feeling glad.....
I simply remember my Mother will lie to save the careeeeeer I haaaaaad!
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AHAHAHAHAH! See, don't write her off, who could star in this mess other than LiLo? BORN FOR IT!!!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
She could go stay with roman polanski while she's getting it sorted out.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Internet fakers: http://tinyurl.com/y94sh4m http://bit.ly/1rcnEc
Submitted by Sweetas on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 8:27pm.
Tiger, ita with Mamimal...that was beautiful. *blows nose*
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See, we CAN save Blohan's career...one Dlisted toot at a time...SNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT....Oh, yeah....this is Lohan quality no doubt...Sweets, Mani? No really, Dina would die for this...*wiping bloody tiger nose with tiger paw*...What? What? It's good shit....
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Roll, roll, roll your bill
Gently up your nose
Snortily snortily snortily snortily
I get fucked in the butt for blow!
I'm no TL, dammit, but I tried. *breaks down at TL's paws*
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 8:28pm.
_________________________________
CLEARLY it is her father of course. I'm liking the whole cloak and dagger angle of this. I hope she's spotted partying tonight.
Tigerlilly:
when I snort white, I feel nothing, so I'm feeling glad.....
I simply remember my Mother will lie to save the careeeeeer I haaaaaad!
**********************************************
whatcha gonna do when they come for you
work ain't honest but it pays the bills
what we gonna do when they come for you
gave me the life that I came to live
-Erykah Badu
I just read this gem:
“My passport’s been stolen,” Lohan tells Gossip Cop. ”It’s clearly an inside person who works with my father that has been sent to set me up.”
Regarding Michael Lohan, Lindsay continues, “He’s been threatening me,” though she wouldn’t specify with what.
And while Lohan is scheduled to get another passport tomorrow from the U.S. Embassy, there’s another issue.
“All flights [are] booked,” she tells us.
**********************************************
whatcha gonna do when they come for you
work ain't honest but it pays the bills
what we gonna do when they come for you
gave me the life that I came to live
-Erykah Badu