Lindsay Lohan Needs Better Excuses
A judge has already threatened to throw Lindsay Lohan into a jail cell if she doesn't show up to court in Beverly Hills tomorrow morning for her DUI progress hearing. LiLo should work on her perfecting her perp walk, because there's no way she's going to make it to California by tomorrow morning.
TMZ says that LiLo is still in Cannes and is claiming that someone stole her passport. LiLo tried to get on a flight yesterday, but it was impossible seeing as though she didn't have a goddamn motherfucking passport! And they even refused to let her board the plane when she screamed at them, "You are fucking bitches! This is my prom!" The nerve.
LiLo's lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, tells TMZ: "I was on the phone with Lindsay's assistant the entire night and we're doing everything we can to resolve this issue and get her back to L.A. Lindsay is distraught because it was her intention to get back to L.A. today to do more alcohol education classes today and appear in court tomorrow."
LiLo is supposed to go to the U.S. Embassy tomorrow to get a new passport. We'll see how that goes.
Nobody stole that bitch's passport! What happened was that LiLo couldn't find a spoon or a dollar bill, so she rolled that shit up to get a snort in. She's resourceful like that. Well, LiLo's nostrils got more suction than a power bottom's b-hole, so it sucked her passport right up. Yes, her nostril ate her passport! Someone just needs to hit her in the back of the head and that shit will come shooting out along with Ali Lohan's youth and White Oprah's common sense.
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Submitted by babybunny on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 1:13pm.
more bullshit excuses...typical addict behavior. If this judge lets her walk I am done with the justice system...she needs to go down for real...this whole thing makes me sick cause I know already she will walk. I hate Hohan with an undying passion, but for realz, if she would just quit partying for one measly 24 hour period she would probably be amazed at how good she can feel. Come on slut, get your shit together before your another too young to die corpse...even though your face is starting to look 50-ish...laying off all the drugs and booze will help...worked for me!!
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Actually, she would feel worse. Her prolonged drug and alcohol abuse has severley retarded her brains dopamine production. When drugs and alcohol are used, dopamine is released into the brain. Dopamine is the "feel good" neurotransmitter in our brains, that produced naturally, is the "reward" neuron. But drugs and alcohol, when used, promote the release of dopamine in higher quantities than when released naturally, and prolonged drug/alcohol use and abuse retards our brains from releasing it ourselves, hence the urge to use again, to "feel good".
It takes a recovering addict 180 days to start to self regulate again. This 180 days is crucial for recovering addicts because in those 180 days is when an addict is most likely to relapse.
So...just because you quit taking drugs or drinking, does not automatically mean you're going to feel super, great and your best ever. It takes time, especially in Blohans case where use is prolonged.
M.E. love that video
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►I hate you, Darlton. I hate your freaking sadistic guts◄
This whore is like 25 or 26 right? Why the f does she look so damn old? I think her skin is just going to fall right off her face one of these days.
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"Kanye west is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me." ~ Pink
Hekki, I've tried everything: hydrogen peroxide, alcohol, lying on my side, more water (recommended by eHow), a mixture of vinegar & alcohol. I'm going to keep trying and hope for the best.
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"Bieber's crazed fans threatened to shank her with their rattles"
Oh man, I hope she goes to jail.
"My passport was stolen" = Crackie version of trading it for a baggie.
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I ALMOST threw up my grilled cheese sandwich but with Jesus in your life, you can overcome anything. - boobxqueen on Octomom's Star cover
Right, right ... assistant = one of her drunk friends. What do you think the judge would do if it was one of us drunk horz? Yeah - he wouldn't give a shit.
thanks -
I am looking at this situation in a whole new way now....CREATIVE, SPECIFIC SENTENCING:
Charlie Sheen: No hookers
Lilo: 3 Broccoli and Liver smoothies a day; No Tanning shit.
Paris: No Blackberry; no sex; can only wear orthopedic shoes.
Jesse James: Can only drive a 1999 Volvo S-70 sedan (Nautic Blue); no sex; no Nazi toys; 8 broccoli and liver upper-colonics per day.
Tiger Woods: Has to use a "Mashie-Niblick" for every shot; can only golf at the "Putt n Play" in Teaneck, NJ.; no sex; 12 Broccoli, Liver, and Ambien Milkshakes per day.
Mariah Carey: I can't even think about where I would start.......
"vaya con huevos mi amigos"
more bullshit excuses...typical addict behavior. If this judge lets her walk I am done with the justice system...she needs to go down for real...this whole thing makes me sick cause I know already she will walk. I hate Hohan with an undying passion, but for realz, if she would just quit partying for one measly 24 hour period she would probably be amazed at how good she can feel. Come on slut, get your shit together before your another too young to die corpse...even though your face is starting to look 50-ish...laying off all the drugs and booze will help...worked for me!!
After RDJ got out of jail, he was in the video for Elton Johns "I want love" song.
Him singing those words, spoke to me in volumes, and it was evident that those were HIS words at the time being after having his life torn inside out, and now starting over again.
*goes to youtube*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gdAWlPMw1s
LOL...who's her "assistant?"
The Curious Case or WO?
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"I can resist everything but temptation."
ah yes - RDJ!!!!
An actual success story - he would DEFINATELY be dead by now if someone on the bench had not said "ENOUGH"!!!!
Might be the saving of lohan -
Don't get me wrong - I still think RDJ is fucked-up - but he has channeled-it into behavior that we can ENJOY. Everyone in Hollywood is certifiable, but some of the survivors learned about "limits".
"vaya con huevos mi amigos"
Lindsay's sentence would be to have to tell the truth for a year. That will kill her.
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Ooh...and I like it
You send chills up my spine every time I take one look at you
- Debarge
Jeepster, actually sentence Paris to NO Blackberry, No PR team, and no sex.
THAT will take care of her!
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Ooh...and I like it
You send chills up my spine every time I take one look at you
- Debarge
Madam Pince: Have you tried pouring a whole bunch MORE water in there? Well, at least pour some hydrogen peroxide in so it gets disinfected.
Had I been the judge in the Wonky McValtrex case, I'd have hit her where it HURT:
"Paris Hilton - I hereby sentence you to 6 months labor, to be served in THE STOCKROOM OF WALMART, COLUMBUS, OHIO!!!!!"
Lilo - I would send to an "Arby's".....'Drive-through attendant" working the 1am shift.
"vaya con huevos mi amigos"
Poor Lez-lo. I used to really like her. And I still kinda like her despite all her fuckupedness. What I DON'T like is that her face is starting to look like a road map and she did that Melanie Griffith crap to her lips. Dayum. What's she going to do to herself and what's she going to look like when she's 25 -- the multi-surgically-altered Cat Woman? STOP IT! Be a fucked up spoiled rotten bitch all you want (cuz I'm one, too) but stop fucking with your face, gurrrl!
Jeeps - made an example like RDJ, the court system only took so much of his bullshit and relapsing before they put him in jail for...2 years was it?
Let's just put her on an island and leave her there.
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*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-Hat 04/27/2010
"Kirstie Alley ate my passport"!!!!!! - Jeepster 5/19
Reeter -
I think they're gonna throw the book at her...the public is getting pretty pissed at Hollywood "antics" - whackoffs like Hilton, Charlie Sheen, etc, doing illegal shit, and not having to (fully) pay the price. Lohan will be made an example - she has simply run out of time and the public's patience.
They ought to send her to jail and fine the living shit out of her parents for good measure.
And while they're at it...they should collect Wonky's ass AGAIN. Tell her it's a "do-over".
"vaya con huevos mi amigos"
Submitted by DonkeyPunched on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 12:32pm.
I'll lick them off.
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I'LL LICK YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 12:17pm.
I hate this piece of shit with the heat of a thousand crack pipes.
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HA!! awesome...
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As long as people are still having premarital sex with many anonymous partners while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!
Oh she'll totally get away with it. or she'll get 2 days in prison like Paris "waaah the prisoners are mean to me and I have herpes" Hilton.
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*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-Hat 04/27/2010
This bitch will not go quietly and she will not take responsibility for her actions, because with the help of WO, she is diluted into thinking that it's not her fault, she's being treated unfairly and she has done no wrong because, she completed "some of her classes".
Imma be really pissed if she gets away with this.
The best part about Wonky McValtrex getting hauled off to the clink was when she was sobbing: "It's not fair...it's not fair"!!!!!!
It ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY WAS FAIR, and thats' why it was so SATISFYING.
I won't be so jazzed about Lohan though - for reasons that I cannot fully explain, the situation does not feel quite the same to me.
I guess it's because Paris Hilton will be around a LOOOOOONG time to annoy and disgust us. She has too much money to fully suffer the affects of addiction and stupidity.
Lohan - not so much, though she has had better luck in outrunning her fate that ANY of us regular folks would have.
"vaya con huevos mi amigos"
Submitted by Zonko on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 12:36pm.
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 12:29pm:
I missed the day Paris went to jail:( But there's no way I'm missing this one! No way, no how!
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The day Paris was dragged off to jail was a MAGICAL day.
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Right?!:( I had to watch it on replay:(
And ICK NAST! I was there for the day she got out!:(
♥ Threadkilla!
Tupac is ALIIIIIIIIVE! ~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KvLZ3gdBhw
Every hoe ha dem stick a bush!~Jamaican Proverb:)
Jesus. I've seen footballs with better complexions.
And "stole her passport?" I'm guessing it was used as collateral for drugs.
That poor girl, in a foreign land with no friends. I hope the U.S. Embassy charters a jet for her. Can you believe the audacity of people to steal a poor girls passport? I will never go to Cannes. I once lost my passport in Europe, it was at the bottom of a toilet in a Hostel, you can try checking there.
I wish someone would hit me on the side of the head and the water stuck in my right ear would come out. None of the usual remedies are working.
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"Bieber's crazed fans threatened to shank her with their rattles"
This loser needs to realize that nobody is buying her stupid-ass excuses. Fuck off, Blohan.
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"Here comes the fiesta, bitch!"
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 12:29pm:
I missed the day Paris went to jail:( But there's no way I'm missing this one! No way, no how!
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The day Paris was dragged off to jail was a MAGICAL day. I laughed, and then i laughed some more. And when i saw her crying in the back of the cop car, i almost peed my pants laughing.
If Lindsay gets her ass thrown in jail, my bladder might not be able to take it.
Lindsay needs to do something completely different now - something that will truly be shocking. She needs to get on a plane, go to court, and quietly accept whatever harsh ruling the judge will hand down.
no dramatics
no fashion-show shit
look sober and CLEAN
no posing for the paps
Look like a responsible adult. Shit - she used to be able to act a little - surprise us with a truly good impersonation of a grown-up.
THAT would be something....
"vaya con huevos mi amigos"
Momus - OH! SHIT!!!! I forgot about that gem, so, now, again, she is clearly in violation of ANOTHER term of her probation!
Haaaaaaaaa! BEAUTIFUL!
Submitted by suckandfuck on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 12:28pm.
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I'll lick them off.
OT
Fuck you Lindsay! lol
Go to jail, get some reality finger banged into you and then see if we still give a fuck about your acting.
Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200, Go Directly to JAIL!
I don't think they'll ever put Lindsay in jail, they give her such special treatment...and even if she did go, they'd probably release her after like 2 hours. It's a shame because she really needs to be somewhere where she's forced to get clean and remain clean for a long time and away from her crazy ass family.
I missed the day Paris went to jail:( But there's no way I'm missing this one! No way, no how!
♥ Threadkilla!
Tupac is ALIIIIIIIIVE! ~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KvLZ3gdBhw
Every hoe ha dem stick a bush!~Jamaican Proverb:)
OH MAN SO CLOSE
WARRANT WARRANT
THE TEARS WILL BE DELICIOUS
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
What part of "Don't leave the United States while you are in violation of the terms of your probation" doesn't she understand?
Oh, yeah. All of it.
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Happy Bealltainn.
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She lost her passport, yeah right! Fucking bitch should stop acting like a child of 5 years.
Hopefully this episode will end with ago directly to jail, do not stop at a bar or drug den and do not drink on your way there. Kick her ass in a cell and throw away the key.
THIS CHILD is trapped in France! Somebody STOLE her passport because everybody wants a piece of her! It's sick! Why can't people just leave poor Linds alone? Her father is psychotic! She's sober and people are spreading lies! SHE IS A CHILD!
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19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764, in walking with my
All she needs to do is say its because of bad parenting and then everyone will understand.
M.E. on Wed, 05/19/2010 - 12:17pm.
zomay - yep, including MK!! We all had our cocktail glasses raised in celebration!
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What an orgy!!!
:D
Yup that cunt had his planned ALL the time. Passport stolen my ass.
I hope the cops are waiting for her ass at LAX and they drag her off the jail kicking and screaming.
Then White Oprah will be all up in the media crying her fake ass off.
To hell with all of them.
New excuses for Lilo:
1. "Mea Culpa Your Honor......I was finishing my University of Phoenix Thesis on the Unified Field Theory, and became SO distracted with the possibility of a constantly expanding universe, that I temporarily lost all notion of time".
2. "I cannot POSSIBLY attend my hearing as I am distraught over the situation on "LOST". I mean - if Hurley does not save the island, what hope is there for humankind"????
3. "Kirstie Alley ate my passport"!!!!!!
"vaya con huevos mi amigos"
Which of course presents a moral dilemma for Lilo- should she abstain from returning to California like Roman Polanksi or should she check in with the French to see if they will put her up in some crack den off the Champs de Elysee?
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2010/05/will-lilo-make-it-to-court-tomor...
PUT LINDSAY IN JAIL! PUT LINDSAY IN JAIL!
♥ Threadkilla!
Tupac is ALIIIIIIIIVE! ~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KvLZ3gdBhw
Every hoe ha dem stick a bush!~Jamaican Proverb:)
Is it possible that this whole "drama" was rigged up by her or whomever handles her publicity. That they are trying to "keep us on the edge of our seats" wondering "will she show up at court?" If so, it's kind of a brilliant little game. It keeps her in the blogs and I bet she'll even get a cover of one of the tabloids with this story.
zomay - yep, including MK!! We all had our cocktail glasses raised in celebration!