Cookie Puss vs. White Oprah
(start of fictional dramatization) Yesterday afternoon, White Oprah was passed out in the bushes of her front yard from drinking too many Sea Breezes when Nana Lohan woke her up by spraying her in the face with the garden hose. Nana Lohan threw Ali's Carvel Black Card (more on that mess later) at White Oprah and told her to go get her son Cody a birthday cake. White Oprah knows not to question Nana Lohan so she washed the mysterious substances out of her mouth with the garden hose, pulled up her pants, got in the car and headed over to Carvel to get her boy a cake! (end of fictional dramatization)
White Oprah picked out a cake at Carvel and handed the employee Ali's fancy Carvel Black Card. The Carvel Black Card is for VIPs only and it gives them free ice cream for 75 years. Well, the employee knows all about White Oprah's low-budget tricks, so he asked her for an ID. That's when the Fudgie the Whale hit the fan.
While holding back tears, White Oprah gave Radar all the emotional details of her trying ordeal:
“The shop assistant said, ‘Do you have I.D.?’ Next minute he he grabbed my arm and took my card and held it hostage and wouldn’t give me the cake! This guy was crazy! I couldn’t believe this guy... it’s a family card, it just didn’t have my name on it. Next minute, four cop cars showed up, there’s a police helicopter over head and this guy makes it seem to the cops that I’m trying to use a stolen credit card -- and for what? Over a free ice cream?! He wouldn’t give it back... not even to the cops! Finally he gave up and gave me my card back. But he told me, ‘You can have the card, but you can’t have the cake!’ It just shows how we get treated so much worse than regular people. Just wait until Lindsay and Ali hear about this. When Ali gets back, I’m going to bring her in everyday to this store -- and you can print that!”
Oh, boo hoo in your big nostrils, you dumb bitch! You can print that out on paper, roll it up and then shove it up your ass. I swear. At least that horrible family has a Carvel Black Card. They should be thankful for that. Every time I want to lick on Cookie Puss or give fellatio to Fudgie the Whale, I have to pull out my Body Glove wallet like a common john!
"We get treated so much worse than regular people." Regular people pay for birthday cakes, you idiotic pig with the self-entitlement of a billion Kanyes. How dare that hag. She has yet to earn the right to sit next to such beautiful creations as Cookie Puss and Fudgie.
If I was that employee I would've snatched that card, snorted up the coke residue White Oprah left on it, sprayed whipped cream on top and then shoved it down her froat! Without a cherry, thankyouverymuch.
And yes, I always get this angry when dumb bitches fuck with Cookie Puss.
• 
Best regards for you all,
Looking forward to your visiting.
http://www.shoes2.us/
All in all a wonderful adventure, and a testament that White Oprah will forever live off the back of her cuckoo daughter Lilo. That said, it wouldn’t be a bad idea if they made that wretched woman wear her own scram device- that way she wouldn’t feel left out. Bitch must have made Lilo throw up...
No more ice cream or white stuff for White Oprah. Ever!
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2010/06/dina-lohan-wants-her-free-ice-cr...
Yikes I think MK got his period today! I hate that bitch too, you summed that dumb hag up in entirety but you're usually not that vicious, even when it's deserved. I love it!!
I mean everything I say. It's my besetting sin
To the usually rhetorical question "have you no shame," i guess her answer would be, "Huh?"
there are so many things wrong: her kids get a free card for being "celebrities"; she is outraged because it's a "family card" (wtf?!); she actually makes a public fuss instead of slinking out of the shop and crawling under a rock; to get even, she threatens to come back every day with her teenage daughter (bizarro on a number of levels). No wonder Lindsay is like a ship without a rudder AND controls. I almost feel sorry for mom too. what is wrong with these people?
damn, she does have some big ass fucking nostrils doesn't she? those are some cokewhore nostrils.
its bruce bitch.. Mk.. get mad more often... it suits you!!
its bruce bitch.. Mk.. get mad more often... it suits you!!
its bruce bitch...regular people also have jobs and bills.. these Carvel stores aren't run by rich well off people.. dumb bitch is right!!! This "woman" has enough money to pay for ice cream.. prob what... 15.00?? fuck off... the person you are trying to take the ice cream from is prob making minimum wage!!!
its bruce bitch...regular people also have jobs and bills.. these Carvel stores aren't run by rich well off people.. dumb bitch is right!!! This "woman" has enough money to pay for ice cream.. prob what... 15.00?? fuck off... the person you are trying to take the ice cream from is prob making minimum wage!!!
i gave up reading perez hilton 2 years ago (that's like, 15 in internet years) to read MK. i am so glad i did. this post was ACE!
I agree with everyone else; WO is a self-entitled pig. However, I find it equally shocking that Carvel considers Ali and LiLo "celebrities." That's news to the rest of the world.
This was such a GREAT rant, MK, that I am no longer a lurker. I registered just to tell you how much I LOVE YOU! (also love the great posters here!)
maybe you can find answers here:
http://www.shoes2.us/
50%off ca,ed hardy t-shirt$15 jeans,coach handbag$33,air max90,dunk,polo t-shirt$13,,lacoste t-shirt $13 air jordan for sale,$35,nfl nba jersy for sale
free shipping
accept paypal
lower price fast shippment with higher quality
http://www.shoes2.us/
BEST QUALITY GUARANTEE!!
SAFTY & HONESTY GUARANTEE!!
FAST & PROMPT DELIVERY GUARANTEE!!
Packing: All the products are packed with original boxes and tags also retro cards/ code
numder
@chewinsmoke
*sings* Willkommen,bienvenue,welcome!Please keep posting.
Norwaygirl,your children will never forget the taste of birthday cakes made from scratch...with love.
Submitted by chewinsmoke on Thu, 06/17/2010 - 3:43pm.
thank you to MK for always lightening up my day with his brilliant writing ability and to the rest of you for leaving such entertaining comments. I'm happy to be on the Dlisted board now. -
-------------------------------------------------
Welcome!!! :D
..............................................................................................
Sometimes you just want to slap a kitten in a tiny hat. - MK
How low can she go? Pitching a fit over ice cream is barely tolerable behavior from children under the age of 7 when the temperature is over 90 degrees.
Trying to bully someone in a customer service job,not planning ahead for a child's birthday,hustling,demanding services or goods as a right based on "celebrity" status,AND making a scene?
SHE NEEDS KILLING.
Submitted by justincase on Thu, 06/17/2010 - 6:43pm.
Back in the day (1980's) when my in-laws still lived in central New Jersey and one of them had an extended family member who managed the local Carvel's it was free ice-cream cake for EVERY function. I can still recall the late-night Fudgie-The-Whale commercials with old man Carvel hisself. Good times!
___________________________________________________
Ahhh yeah Fudgie The Whale & Cookie Puss.
The Fearless Four Are Rockin' It...
Chewinsmoke~ your rant was perfect! Post more often, PLEASE!~
**Time flies when you're a drunken whore.** Michael K
She can't pay for a fucking ICE.CREAM.CAKE? Is this seriously for real? She gets treated worse than 'regular people'? REALLY? Because she wasn't comped for the cake? Because she was asked for ID? The delusional Lohans need to be shipwrecked on an island somewhere - forever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LOL at MK's most excellent rant!
"And you can print that!"
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
So fucking GHETTO
..............................................................................................
Sometimes you just want to slap a kitten in a tiny hat. - MK
There are so many things that disturb me about this. WO's massive sense of entitlement? Check. Blohan (& her family's) massive disregard for rules, privileges, & consequences? Check. The fact that it's Cody's birthday, & it's not even the cake she's pissed about; it's the fact that she was not recognized/questioned? Check. I can only hope this is the beginning of the end for this wretched embarrassment to humanity. Maybe everyone will start calling BS & refusing them. I can only pray.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
I never knew a Carvel Black Card existed.
The Fearless Four Are Rockin' It...
The Lohan's are a funny bunch. I wonder what they talk about when they are alone; how much everyone dislikes them and how it is everyone else's fault and not their responsibility?
Chewinsmoke, my pug thinks you are cool.
But we both hate all the Lohans.
Submitted by Toonkinstein on Thu, 06/17/2010 - 6:45pm.
DAMN HER, DAMN HER TO H-E-double hockey sticks!
---------------------
Toonkinstein, must you be so vulgar? :)
Fuck Dina Lohan and her self-entitled, coke-encrusted nostrils.
**************************************
The new year approaching, click in. Let's facelift bar!
Is there no end to this woman's cuntery, fuckery and bitchery?! Pay for the fucking cake, you gremlin looking cokewhore.
***********************************************
And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"
DAMN HER, DAMN HER TO H-E-double hockey sticks!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Yes, you should always make a wish before you blow anything. Know this!" M.K. 05/10
Carvel released a statement and it was Dina who called the cops. The police had the clerk return the card to her, but gave Dina instructions not to use it again. Carvel turned around and canceled the card.
Poor Dina, people don't recognize her for the parent of the star she thinks her daughter still is.
**********
Shiitake happens...
Back in the day (1980's) when my in-laws still lived in central New Jersey and one of them had an extended family member who managed the local Carvel's it was free ice-cream cake for EVERY function. I can still recall the late-night Fudgie-The-Whale commercials with old man Carvel hisself. Good times!
Submitted by Viva Mexico on Thu, 06/17/2010 - 2:10pm.
"Don't you know who I AM?"
"Please go to the end of the line."
"I'm Dina Lohan and my daughter is a megastar! She's an A-list actress!"
"Go to the end of the line, ma'am."
"HOW DARE YOU! You're going to regret this when my daughter wins an Oscar! I'll have you all fired!"
"Security..."
*********
I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Helicopters For a family card in carvel!? Lmao acid is a hell of a drug
You know what?? I was born and grew up in a town in New York where we had to DRIVE 40 miles to get to a freakin' carvel. Needless to say, my cookie puss was melted on the way to my party on many an occasion. And we had to pay for it.
Stupid bitch. I hate her and I hate Carvel for giving that drug addled, piss yellow haired daughter of hers a free card. They should have given them to firefighters, policemen, etc. and people that don't have a job. So now, when I visit my hometown from California, I say piss on Carvel and pass me the Hershey's Ice Cream. It's better anyway.
~~~~~~~
It is possible blondes also prefer gentlemen. -Mamie Van Doren
Submitted by YourCuntiness on Thu, 06/17/2010 - 5:46pm.
Carvel says the Lohans are cut off on free ice cream. They abused the card for large orders on the regular since Lindsay got it. Leeches.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
They're good at abusing things. Drugs, the "normal people", each other. Yuperooney.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm a winner. I'm a sinner. Do you want my autograph?
http://www.modestneeds.org/
Carvel says the Lohans are cut off on free ice cream. They abused the card for large orders on the regular since Lindsay got it. Leeches.
It's sad when even your Carvel ice cream card won't be honored. The awesome part is that this STILL isn't rock bottom for this bunch!
kanderso, thank you so much for using the underutilized "teefuses" and making me lol, literally.
***********************************************
Personally, I think Steven is just one of those natural crackheads. You know, those hos who act strung out, but aren't. They are primarily known as "Born-Again Christians."
The big difference is cookie puss is twice the sugar and half the cocaine.
Although I don't like the fact that celebrities are already WAY too entitled to be getting more free stuff in the first place, I have to say I understand Carvel's motivation. These people don't really eat this stuff on a regular basis. Give that card to some "regular" people, and they'd be there EVERYDAY, lol. I mean, free ice cream on demand for 75 years??? That's too much power for one person.
"Regular people pay for birthday cakes, you idiotic pig"
Hahahahahahahahahaha
***********************************************
Personally, I think Steven is just one of those natural crackheads. You know, those hos who act strung out, but aren't. They are primarily known as "Born-Again Christians."
These pussy crumbs are making me itch! Aaahhh, B-E-A-S-T-I-E go!
When oh when will someone give this bitch the beatdown she is so desperately in need of?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Wait a minute - she was asked for I.D. And then went on to say look how we're treated worse than other people? They didn't know who the hell she was. Pay for your shit like the rest of us, lady.
So you can front massive amounts of bail money to keep your daughter from going to jail (where she should be) but you can't just pay for an ice cream cake for your son's birthday? Oh. My. Damn.
I am totally with MK on this--worse than "regular people"!? I would have cut her a new asshole with that card to speak out of.
I have to say, WO has a very nice nose.
Sounds weird, but I notice these things because I shnozzally challenged myself.
************************************************************
Pakistani Suicide Hotline:
Caller: " I'm so depressed, I feel like committing suicide"
Operator: " Vokay, can you drive a truck?"
@chewinsmoke
Welcome to the D, We can already see that you'll fit right in.
************************************************************
Pakistani Suicide Hotline:
Caller: " I'm so depressed, I feel like committing suicide"
Operator: " Vokay, can you drive a truck?"
The poor woman! Imagine having to actually pay for an icecream cake. Life can be so cruel to people sometimes. If she wanted to overdose over the stress of this we would all understand.
Oh for crying out loud, delusional bitch. NCMC East Meadow is a trauma center and people are airlifted there all the time. The helicopter was probably doing just that, airlifting a patient. Stupid bitch.
Why is it that the people who already have too much money for doing nothing get things like free ice cream for life? Meanwhile, us hard-working people work TOO much for too LITTLE pay and have to pay for everything we need and want, including ice cream cakes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK