Jasmine Waltz Did Not Punch That Crackie
Jasmine Waltz, the cocktail waitress at Voyeur who allegedly delivered a blow-han to Lindsay Lohan's face the other night, took a break from going through the thousands of cards and "thank you" fruit baskets from around the world to give Access Hollywood her side of the story. Apparently, Jasmine will have to return the humanitarian award given to her by Carvel, because she swears that she never delivered a Happy Birthday punch to Lilo's face. Jasmine says that Lilo's chewed up brain must have been burping out another hallucination.
“All I have to say is that disturbed little train wreck is delusional. I didn't hit her, but I'd like to."
But a bunch of bitches who were at Voyeur that night claim otherwise. They say that Jasmine did smack that bitch up. Voyeur is thinking about pink-slipping Jasmine, so she's probably just denying shit to keep her job.
Witnesses claim that the punch wasn't over Doug Reinhardt as was previously rumor. Apparently, it was over British rugby player Danny Cipriani. Jasmine used to fuck on Danny and she was jealous that Lilo was trying to get a piece of him. This is what Danny Cipriani looks like:
So, Jasmine had that shit in front of her and she chooses to make physical contact with Lilo instead?! Don't get me wrong, trying to smack some sense into Lilo is an important task, but Jasmine could've told that crackie to wait one minute while punched Danny in the crotch with her tongue first. Priorities: Jasmine needs to rethink hers!
Here's Lilo arriving at Beso last night while her assistant got a traffic ticket from a cop. The look on her tortured assistant's face tells a million stories. That girl is asking the pap for something sharp so she can put herself out of her misery already.
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He might be British, but I wouldn't kick him out of a naked scrum.
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The waitress is absolutely gorgeous and Lohan is, well, an ugly cunt. Why any fine piece of meat like that ruby player would want boney, freckled, loose-twat Lohan over the waitress is unfathomable.
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Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 07/04/2010 - 8:55pm.
Submitted by A.cotw on Sun, 07/04/2010 - 8:53pm.
Submitted by get serious on Sun, 07/04/2010 - 7:18pm.
If someone was to get arrested for repeatedly punching BLOWhan in the face, I would contribute to their "get out of jail" bail fund...
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Don't tempt me.
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That would be so great in court.
"That's right, yer honour, I punched her. Repeatedly. Now name your price - I got a fund for this. I got supporters - they wanna see me get home safe." :D
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LOL! Want to be my bodyguard?
I've seen other people with her level of addiction. They are so broke they can't pay attention,homeless or about to become so, and DESPERATE to enter rehab instead of jail. I said earlier that no one could hit Lohan just once.I'm no one,ambidextrous and ready to go full on Tasmanian devil on her ass!
Submitted by A.cotw on Sun, 07/04/2010 - 8:53pm.
Submitted by get serious on Sun, 07/04/2010 - 7:18pm.
If someone was to get arrested for repeatedly punching BLOWhan in the face, I would contribute to their "get out of jail" bail fund...
############################################
Don't tempt me.
********************************
That would be so great in court.
"That's right, yer honour, I punched her. Repeatedly. Now name your price - I got a fund for this. I got supporters - they wanna see me get home safe." :D
♥ Threadkilla!
"How does one go from the Air Force to the Bunny Ranch?"
O - it's only, like, an hour away." ~Judge Jeanine Pirro and complainant.
Talk Yuh Talk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEH-v5dxdhQ
Submitted by get serious on Sun, 07/04/2010 - 7:18pm.
If someone was to get arrested for repeatedly punching BLOWhan in the face, I would contribute to their "get out of jail" bail fund...
############################################
Don't tempt me.
If someone was to get arrested for repeatedly punching BLOWhan in the face, I would contribute to their "get out of jail" bail fund...
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Cards and thank you fruit baskets! LMAO!
Jasmine is an even hotter slut, because she is a slut that can knock a ho OUT.
Yeah, if Hohan was trying to dip into my hot stockpile, I'd have to whoop a trick's ass too!
Jasmine for Prez-O-dent!
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Damn, if I'd hit Lilo, I would have admitted it!
Holy shit, that guy is hot. *slurp*
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Lohan may indeed be a disturbed little train wreck but she looks a helluva lot better since being forced to remain sober.
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Submitted by LMA618 on Sun, 07/04/2010 - 12:16am.
She didn't even do any damage. no blood, no swelling, no bruises..c'mon.
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And that's the tragic part.
Danny Cipriani is cute but for a little taste of heaven google Sean Lamont-Dieux du Stade (gorgeous naked Scottish rugby player-NSFW:)
I have no comment on Lilo, she bores me.
By saying: "But I'd like to" means... she DID!!
________________
I Love You More
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Kelly Brook to that Megan Fox wannabe? Danny, you FOOL! Also, GlitterKitty, if he started acting sensibly he would be a great asset to the English Rugby Team BUT now hes gonna be in OZ i think hes blown it! Hopefully i'm wrong :(
*note* Dont blame Danny Cip for going with pigs cos its impossible to upgrade after dating Kelly Brook.
She is gorgeous! *The waitress*
Danny Cipriani however is a bit of a joke. Cannot even make the England rugby team, because of his arrogant attitude. He is a grad A prick. I thought he was supposed to be with Kelly Brook until recently so wha.. wha.. wha? Actually everyone involved here is solidly C list but the waitress gave an amazing quote.
Lohan.. so bored of her.
Submitted by norma_desmond on Sun, 07/04/2010 - 2:08am.
that woman....is .....a ......waitress??? wha?
Actress/model/waitress/bikini waxer/low budget video stylist/record store clerk/cosmetic salesgirl/graduate student...
Been to LA recently?
that woman....is .....a ......waitress??? wha?
She didn't even do any damage. no blood, no swelling, no bruises..c'mon.
*golf claps* to Jasmine...whether or not she hit her, she's an American hero..happy 4th everyone.
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
Submitted by Manimal5 on Sat, 07/03/2010 - 11:22pm.
So then Lindsay tweets:
"how could the cops accuse that face of anything!"
Maybe the cop actually saw her go through the stop sign!!
Hohan still seems to think that good looks can get you out of anything.
True Fact: July 6 is only 2 days away!!
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Her version of "justice" is blowing cops and doing anal with their nightsticks so I don't really think she has a real concept of cops/the court system/justice etc...as much as I want her to get in trouble I think she will walk away unscathed with no punishment, and then be found dead of an overdose in a Motel 6 (IF THAT) in a few years with white oprah still complaining about her "innocent, hard working, business woman, BABY"...
So then Lindsay tweets:
"how could the cops accuse that face of anything!"
Maybe the cop actually saw her go through the stop sign!!
Hohan still seems to think that good looks can get you out of anything.
True Fact: July 6 is only 2 days away!!
that waitress is gorgeous. she's a lying ass tho, i believe she hit her. lohan may be a coked out mess, but i have a hard time with her just randomly claiming some woman decided to try and knock her out.
"I'm not crazy - I just don't give a fuck!"
I thought her assistant quit. Lindsay must have begged her to come back and hopefully get more money for having to put up with her.
Jasmine Walz didn't punch that Lohan wretch. No one could hit her once with a fist.
Anyone would lose control after the first hit landed, and keep on beating until Lohan crawled out on her hands and knees with blood streaming from ears,nose,mouth, and eye sockets,one catch me fuck me shoe without a heel on one foot,the other shoe sticking out of her head,and half the tricks in the club filming it for youtube.
Can't stand Lowdown Lohan.
theres a bowl in the ashtray.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sat, 07/03/2010 - 9:21pm.
I totally have a position for her if she gets fired.
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On all fours ? Or just on her knees ?
I totally have a position for her if she gets fired.
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Nuuu! The ice cream man that cakeblocked Lilo's mom. They are my new heroes. As for that man above, he is how I picture Sucky in my dreams.
You are so hot, let's get crazy, do some coke
-Pat O'Brien
Here's what I am going to do, I am going to read up on how to be a Buddhist, and I am gonna pray to Buddha that he is going to reincarnate me so when I kill myself I can come back and be cool as
fuck like you.
Submitted by Jana on Sat, 07/03/2010 - 7:47pm.
as opposed to lying fuck heads of course.
Seriously, I don't believe a word out of the Lohans clan. It may, or may not be true, but I'd gladly put in a punch in her face any day! For no reason! I wish she'd just go away, finally.
I agree!! Actually I just wanted to say it's nice to see you posting about something else other than hockey!
Either way, Lohan just made this woman's life. Now Jasmine will get huge tips from everyone in town as long as she's working there.
Either that or some big-time director will notice her head shot and cast her in a movie as a reward for her generous contribution to humanity...thank you, Jasmine...
-.-
The internet, where the men are real men,
the women are real men, and the children are the FBI.
Submitted by Manimal5 on Sat, 07/03/2010 - 9:10pm.
Jasmine is hot...and I don't really care why she gave Hohan a beat down like other posters have said there are so many reasons.
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We're all (aka 7 of us) in agreement. Watch this bitch get a reality show now. Also watch for her to fk up her 'mystique' and shit with stupid quotes. Let's hope she stays silent so that we can still see her as hawt (and not a tard). Let's see how long the mystique lasts. Anybody wanna put in on a pool w/ me? teehee.
=== "...Find...And Fulfill...Your Destiny..." ===
Jasmine is hot...and I don't really care why she gave Hohan a beat down like other posters have said there are so many reasons.
Submitted by SarahR. on Sat, 07/03/2010 - 9:05pm.
I want this waitress and the Carvel dude to adopt me.
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lmao. I was just going to write that this waitress bitch would give me a run for my money with my fiance lol. (although my fiance knows I will beat a mfer down, so I get extra points and devotion from him over that waitress bitch). Can't hate though cause she is hawt (she looks like my cousin, that bitch).
The carvel dude, though, needs to lose the bull ball and get a more intense stare.
=== "...Find...And Fulfill...Your Destiny..." ===
I want this waitress and the Carvel dude to adopt me.
You are so hot, let's get crazy, do some coke
-Pat O'Brien
Here's what I am going to do, I am going to read up on how to be a Buddhist, and I am gonna pray to Buddha that he is going to reincarnate me so when I kill myself I can come back and be cool as
fuck like you.
...took a break from going through the thousands of cards and "thank you" fruit baskets from around the world to give Access Hollywood her side of the story.
^^^^genius!!!
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I like the tubby, hapless looking cop in the last two thumbnails. Hehehehehhehe, he looks like Cliffy from Cheers.
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Submitted by Spiffy McSpitshine on Sat, 07/03/2010 - 5:40pm.
A.cotw, I just read "performing Tchaicovksky in a small town rectal factory" I need to put my glasses on.
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LMAO,Spiffy! A dirty mind is a joy forever.
"Jasmine Waltz" reminded me of two things:1)Julianne Moore's character in _Boogie Nights_ 2) What a nightmare it was to understudy Waltz of the Flowers in Nutcracker.I spent three years in the student corps of a minor ballet company,and never liked dancing with props.
"Recital factory" is how students at company ballet schools describe the places where several types of dance are taught ( badly )and parents are constantly reamed for costume money.
ha guys, you gave me lots of laughs tonight, but I must be sadly departing to bed...you know responsibilities and stuff.
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In night time we succeed - Hello Kitty
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Sat, 07/03/2010 - 8:13pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sat, 07/03/2010 - 8:10pm.
Jana, you simply CAN'T punch a Lohan in the face for 'no reason'...because there are WAY TOO MANY reasons to do so...
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Tiger, please in your own Tiger-style, list the reasons...
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In order NOT to crash MK's site with the voluminous list of reason to punch a Lohan in the face and for the sake of brevity, I'll instead submit a list of reasons NOT to punch a Lohan in the face.........
Um, er....
Somebody help me out here....
*sound of crickets chirping*...
--end of list--
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sat, 07/03/2010 - 8:10pm.
Jana, you simply CAN'T punch a Lohan in the face for 'no reason'...because there are WAY TOO MANY reasons to do so...
__________________________________________
Tiger, please in your own Tiger-style, list the reasons...
Submitted by Jana on Sat, 07/03/2010 - 7:47pm.
as opposed to lying fuck heads of course.
Seriously, I don't believe a word out of the Lohans clan. It may, or may not be true, but I'd gladly put in a punch in her face any day! For no reason! I wish she'd just go away, finally.
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Jana, you simply CAN'T punch a Lohan in the face for 'no reason'...because there are WAY TOO MANY reasons to do so...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
as opposed to lying fuck heads of course.
Seriously, I don't believe a word out of the Lohans clan. It may, or may not be true, but I'd gladly put in a punch in her face any day! For no reason! I wish she'd just go away, finally.
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In night time we succeed - Hello Kitty
Fuck EM, I was gonna go with TEAM Waitresses!
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In night time we succeed - Hello Kitty