Monday, July 12th 2010
...And Then His Back Broke
Ken Paves can cancel his standing appointment with his chiropractors and take off his bedazzled weightlifting belt, because Jessica Simpson has found a new man to jump on and kiss on like a delicious Jabili. Jessica just couldn't contain her crotch throbs so she straddled her new piece, former NFL player Eric Johnson, while vacationing in Capri. And while Jessica's labia lips are clapping like a seal on speed, Papa Joe looks like he's the headlining float in a sad parade (see thumbnail #1). Even Papa Joe's titties can't hide the fact that they are sad that Jessica is hugging on a different trick.
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She and Snuffleupagus are probably friends.
www.ferald.com
@Slutsville I'm never turnin back,baby! Love M.K.!
@Vidz I feel ya. Went to a important party with all of my kids teachers and had the cutest,Hawaiian dress. After years and years, i finally fit into it. Got all ready, get in the car and bust the ass right outta it. DEVISTATED! Guess it didn't fit like I thought it did!!! ha ha.
Submitted by wilfred dierkes on Tue, 07/13/2010 - 8:01am.
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Welcome wildred, what took you so long to find us?
The COMMENTS let alone M.K. are not even in the same league as that beast P.H. Just compare the comments on that pigs site (which rivals with my third grader in a fight with his friends) and the comments on this site (Einstein, and its hard to get me to laugh) Makes my day. (By the way, someone from P.H. site bragged about M.K. thats how I found out about him. too funny.)
No wonder Nick left this trick!
Why is her daddy HOvering around her ass all the goddamn time?
She is thirty now, NOT thirteen. Why is it that you never see her mother (and HIS wife) with them? Why don't you ever see him with his OTHER daughter?
Yeah, something stinks in the state of Incestia!
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Is it normal nowadays to go on a vacation with your dad and dry hump your boyfriend in front of him? I'm old...
Who jumps on a man like that in front of their DAD? Gah.
--=Girls, find your man on TOTALLY FREE CLUB Men-Mart.c/o/m where women control the dating .
Is she dumb and needy? Sure. Is it creepy that her dad is always with her (and where is mom, by the by)? Definitely. But after learning about what Mel and Oksana have been up to, people like Jessica seem harmless and I can't find it within me to hate on her. I hope she finds happiness with a good guy and fades into obscurity.
Good god, why is her father on vacation with them?! UGH!
How do you go from headlining a Strawberry Festival in Rayne, Louisiana to a yacht in Capri? Ten bucks says Papa Joe rents out his daughter as a "celebrity" to European trash with money who want a little paparazzi action.
Johnson has to go for the big prize and bareback her kooch. I hope we get to see their video some day, it should be fun.
Call me a snob,but i think Capri is TACKY.
Submitted by rukiddingme on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 10:55am.
Trust, the last thing a guy getting out of a bad marriage wants to do is tie the knot again right away.
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Huh. So, what about guys that actually do that? You know, get divorced and remarried two months later?
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And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 10:57am.
I firmly believe that when married, even if you have seperated and are filing for divorce, you should NOT enter into another relationship, fuck people or even date until the divorce is finalized.
You are still fucking MARRIED until then.
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I understand your point, but try being seperated (as in, not setting eyes on) from your husband for TWO YEARS.
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And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"
She'll never get pregnant cause 50 percent of her sex life involves the wrong hole, and the other 50 is spent wiping shit off her face
what a pathetic skeez - passing herself around the locker room all in the name of publicity -
when is she going to realize that her "career" isn't helped by the hooker routine?
and what's this tool's problem? what self-respecting guy would want to be in the same room for even 2 minutes with this dullard?
and isn't she about 50 lbs. too heavy to get away with the flying crotch shot she's trying in this pic?
she is one nasty, skanky middle-aged woman!
Submitted by Rocket on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 3:17pm.
"Maybe it's the anal that John Meyer bragged about. Very few women give up the no-no, so I assume it's all about the anal with her."
Word was she was a virgin when she married Nick because she only let men have anal sex with her prior to her marriage.
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that's part of her programming. her father had her singing gospel music until Britney and Christina debuted their successful pop tart images, then he turned her into another cut-out blonde bombshell. Papa Joe always gave me this sinister, greedy, sexually possessive vibe over his daughters. many Monarch slaves who are groomed to be high-end prostitutes in the industry, learn many of their "talents" by practicing on their fathers. Billy Ray and Miley have a similar spine-chilling relationship.
this girl is an idiot, so was a fat joke really necessary, MK?! don't be like Perez!
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 12:54pm
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lol, I did practically the same exact thing when I saw her shoes in a Macy*s! (Some of them are super cute, but I WILL NOT buy that shit!)
I bet she's already preggo. I don't understand how she could bring her father with her on vacation like that with a new dude. How long have they been dating!?!?
Also, the only reason she looks fat is because she's 5"2-5"3. You can be 110 lbs, and you'll still look fat/stumpy in photos. We're just used to looking at photos of women with different(tall) body types, so when we see a short girl we automatically assume she's fat. She's probably tiny in person.
"ZOOEY DESCHANEL, etc are way higher on my annoying celebrity list."
Word. I know Zooey seems nice, and she probably is, but what the fuck is the big deal with her?
In celebrity world she's way lower on my list of ones I can't stand...she IS dating a married man though (yes, he filed for divorce blah blah). Lohan, Paris, ZOOEY DESCHANEL, etc are way higher on my annoying celebrity list.
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and I was helping children in Morocco, it wasn't like a vacation...
It's not fair that this sub 70 IQ idiot gets to be on a damn yacht on vacation and I get to be at work. mumble mumble grumble
"Submitted by Rocket on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 11:25am.
Her shoe, handbag, , fragrance, jewelry and clothing at Macy's brings in millions and millions of dollars. That's been very successful for her - and daddy.
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People actually buy her shit????
Well, shame on them. I don't remember the last time I was in Macys."
I don't buy products with any celebrity's name on them. They have enough money without getting mine.
I don't think Macy's is the only store that sells her stuff - I do know they are the ones that advertise her merchandise the most on tv. In their commercials, they go out of their way to show off her DUMB image.
"Maybe it's the anal that John Meyer bragged about. Very few women give up the no-no, so I assume it's all about the anal with her."
Word was she was a virgin when she married Nick because she only let men have anal sex with her prior to her marriage.
"And while Jessica's labia lips are clapping like a seal on speed, "
OMG YOU KILL ME, MK! LMFAO.
And why has she been wearing mumus lately? Is she pregnant or something? Well, that's probably what she wants us to think.
Jessica's got a thick, boxy figure and she doesn't help matters by dressing SO DAMN FRUMPY. She just looks dowdy no matter what.
And this guy will be outie in a few months.
She is vapid, below average in appearance, unhealthily eats buckets of KFC and stacks of pancakes just because, brushes her teeth on the inside of her shirts and takes whorebaths with washcloths. Maybe it's the anal that John Meyer bragged about. Very few women give up the no-no, so I assume it's all about the anal with her.
"And while Jessica's labia lips are clapping like a seal on speed"
OMG, MK. BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
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“Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.” -J.H.
Submitted by JapJay on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 12:39pm.
Someone probably all ready made this comment but being a former NFL tight end, I'm sure he's completely used to grappling with 300 pound defensive linemen. This situation is a cakewalk for that guy
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The dude wasnt that great in football anyway thats why he retired early. What I dont get is that..THIS DUDE IS STILL MARRIED!!! why isnt anyone calling out Jessica's desperate ass on that. She is THE THICK VERSION OF JENNIFER ANNISTON!
*Where did he go to medical school?
-He went to Northwestern
and Johns Hopkins.
*I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.
You don't know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.
*It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Ketteringand they were blazing that shit up every day.
_-
I don't understand what guys see in her. She's not very smart and has a very annoying voice. He'll tire of her soon.
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Because she puts out and then pressures them into marriage and kids and really doesn't understand the concept that most guys that fuck her just want to hit it and quit it.
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If you shoved a vuvuzela into a dog's ass and asked him to fart into a fan, the sound he produces would be more pleasant to the ears than this shit! - Michael K
She's such a moronic attention whore. "Look at meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I have a maaaaaaaaaaaaan!"
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"69ing while driving is only for professionals" --MK
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 12:54pm.
I saw a pair of shoes that were really cute. Then I picked them up and saw they were by Jessica Simpson, so I put them down. When the store owner asked me why, I told her I would never buy anything by Jessica Simpson (or any other worthless celeb). She asked why again, and I replied, "If we keep giving her money, she will never go away!"
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LOL! That was brilliant. I've seen ads where I thought the shoes look cute but I heard they're poorly made.
Eww, daddy was there to make sure Jess has her sexual napalm powers to the fullest. This is one she is not letting go without a fight.
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
Submitted by caprica six on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 1:15pm.
WTF. Jessica "is that chicken or tuna" doesn't even know how to jump on a guy right! You wrap your legs A R O U N D him or you look like you are hanging off air-missionary humping him - and you DON'T want to air-missionary hump. A BIG NO. FUCK! JEEZ
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Totally agree. She never gets anything right. She is a 'tard about everything.
Submitted by Centaurious on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 1:10pm.
She probably brought her ovulation kit on their first date.
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BBBHWWWWWAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
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"Mel needs to smoke a bowl out of a bong made of Valium while getting a Valerian enema..." - MK, 7/12
...I'd add, if I may, a horse tranquilizer to Mel's throat into that bong mix...
Submitted by caprica six on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 1:15pm.
WTF. Jessica "is that chicken or tuna" doesn't even know how to jump on a guy right! You wrap your legs A R O U N D him or you look like you are hanging off air-missionary humping him - and you DON'T want to air-missionary hump. A BIG NO. FUCK! JEEZ
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LMAO!!
I will say one thing... she knows how to spread her legs wide.
Wonder if her daddy taught her that...
Ohhhhhh, okay, even I think that's crossing the line. *LOL*
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"I am going to come and burn the fucking house down... but you will blow me first."- The Deliciously Insane Mel Gibson- 7/1/10
Poor Jessica. She wants somebody to love and love her back.
WTF. Jessica "is that chicken or tuna" doesn't even know how to jump on a guy right! You wrap your legs A R O U N D him or you look like you are hanging off air-missionary humping him - and you DON'T want to air-missionary hump. A BIG NO. FUCK! JEEZ
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"Mel needs to smoke a bowl out of a bong made of Valium while getting a Valerian enema..." - MK, 7/12
...I'd add, if I may, a horse tranquilizer to Mel's throat into that bong mix...
Pathetic!
She is ALL OVER this dude.
Give him some space, for Crissake!
She probably brought her ovulation kit on their first date.
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"I can resist everything but temptation."
snowy, she does have some cute stuff- but you did the right thing, and DID NOT BUY. So, don't be ashamed! :)
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Do you really want to hurt me?
Do you really want to make me cry?
PSL I'm ashaned to say I think a lot of her shoes and bags are cute, a lot of people say that, still I have never gone as far as to purchase anything!
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►I'm a free bitch, baby◄
"Why doesn't anybody think of the sluts?!!!" MK
I saw a pair of shoes that were really cute. Then I picked them up and saw they were by Jessica Simpson, so I put them down. When the store owner asked me why, I told her I would never buy anything by Jessica Simpson (or any other worthless celeb). She asked why again, and I replied, "If we keep giving her money, she will never go away!"
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Do you really want to hurt me?
Do you really want to make me cry?
aww,, thanks snowy
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" Girls who are fat, please don't wear 2 piece, that's why the world has no world peace"
" ...These fat Malay girls can wear HIPSTER some more. How did she find her hips, I also don't know
Submitted by Rocket on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 11:25am.
Her shoe, handbag, , fragrance, jewelry and clothing at Macy's brings in millions and millions of dollars. That's been very successful for her - and daddy.
*********************************************************************
People actually buy her shit????
Well, shame on them. I don't remember the last time I was in Macys.
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"I am going to come and burn the fucking house down... but you will blow me first."- The Deliciously Insane Mel Gibson- 7/1/10
I don't understand what guys see in her. She's not very smart and has a very annoying voice. He'll tire of her soon.
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
I had not noticed dad was with them. YUCK! There is a very strange relationship that she has with her dad. Ashley, I guess because she does not have the funbags, was spared. Good for her. ____________________________________________
I miss you Sparky:
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Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strenght.
An Eye for an Eye Leaves Everybody Blind!
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Someone probably all ready made this comment but being a former NFL tight end, I'm sure he's completely used to grappling with 300 pound defensive linemen. This situation is a cakewalk for that guy.
MOOO
MOOO
MOOO
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
"MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken"
- Louis Black