Pulpo Paul Is Retiring
Before Dateline NBC can send in an undercover crustacean with a hidden camera to try and expose Paul the Octopus' psychic secrets, his aquarium has announced that he is officially retiring from predicting shit. Paul is crawling off of his stool and leaving the casino while his record is still perfect.
A spokeswoman from the Sea Life aquarium (or "aqworium" as Sandra Lee says) in Germany says that Paul will not predict another sports game, political election or anything else. Don't ask Paul to confirm if your Magical 8-Ball is right, because he will give you the tentacle. Nostradamus better not try to contact Paul from the dead, because the octopus is simply not interested. The spokeswoman went on to say that Paul will go back to doing what he loves the most: playing with his handlers and entertaining kids.
She also said that the aquarium has received several offers to buy Paul, but he's not for sale.
Okay, yes was one of those offers came from me, but I only want Paul to live in my bath tub so he can tell me who's the stupid saboteur on stupid Big Brother. And then he can tell me who's going to win Top Chef. And Work of Fart. And Design Star. And The Next Food Network Star. And The Bachelorelette. And then Paul can let me know if I'm going to go out from choking on corn dog chips (this will exist in the future) while watching Big Brother 50 or if my brain is simply going to combust from overexposure to reality shit shows.
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Throw the bitch in the deep fryer.
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
First of all, anybody who refuses to make a lot of money by selling an octopus is nuts.
I am not the only one here to noticed it always picked the right side (our right, not his). ;)
I figure it they had someone making the guesses which were put on the right. Could have been a fake mussel on the other side or whatever.
Brilliant gimmick, though.
Pulpito Paul, you will be surely missed!!!!
I was looking forward to hearing more about him in the next world cup = (
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BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
I know they want us to believe it's the Deputy Sheriff, but I think it's WeHo!
deep fried octopuss
tasty
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
"MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken"
- Louis Black
HAHAHAHA LMAO!
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Bullshit... they should have put all the world cup teams in the tank and let him predict the 2014 winner
Give the little freak one more shot at glory
I'm the ONLY one on Dlisted... *sads*
"Ek is tans besig om fucking die wêreld en die heelal gee my damn tong.."
I lOVE OSCAR AND PAUL....edited.
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and I was helping children in Morocco, it wasn't like a vacation...
I STILL LOVE PAUL !!!!
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and I was helping children in Morocco, it wasn't like a vacation...
Goodbye, testicle face.
Sluttiestttttttttt octopus evahhhhhh!
ATTENTION whore just like all the OCTO creatures...Octomom, octosana...all of em!
hehe! Night!!!!
Coma Banana Caca!
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THANK GAWD! I HATE THIS NASTY UGLY CREATURE! I'M SO SICK OF LOOKING AT HIM AND READING HIS BORING STORIES!
Just sayin'
♥ Threadkilla!
"How does one go from the Air Force to the Bunny Ranch?"
O - it's only, like, an hour away." ~Judge Jeanine Pirro and complainant.
Talk Yuh Talk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEH-v5dxdhQ
Maybe Paul can live the rest of his life in peace. The reason why they retired him is if he really can predict things it would reek havoc on the gambling world.
Ha! That would be helpful if all 8 of the Gosselin kids end up on there! Let's hope they end up with dignity, though.
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"Regular people pay for birthday cakes, you idiotic pig with the self-entitlement of a billion Kanyes." -MK
LOL @
Submitted by Sexy Pants on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 10:18pm.
He just wants his chance at reality shows, DUI's and the prestigious Hot Slut of the Month D-Listed award, just like every other famous person.
Maybe Paul wants to go on Dancing with the Stars. He can be the partner for 8 of the female dancers.
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I'M DONESVILLE!
Nourish the Inner Asshole
Borrachas of the world unite and take over!
He just wants his chance at reality shows, DUI's and the prestigious Hot Slut of the Month D-Listed award, just like every other famous person.
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"Regular people pay for birthday cakes, you idiotic pig with the self-entitlement of a billion Kanyes." -MK
Girls, find your man on TOTALLY FREE CLUB Men-Mart.c/o/m where women control the dating .
Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 8:57pm.
Submitted by moomarse on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 7:52pm.
too chewy to eat... fun to look at tho......
lesson time! Mario Batali sez: the secret to cooking non-chewy octopus is to put a cork in the boiling water. It really works! anyone can make some delicious scungilli fra diavolo :D
I'm watching the Real Broke-ass Howives of NJ. them bitches is PSYCHO!!
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Your reply was so perfectly timed in so many ways....
Batali - thanks for the hint!
Bitches of NJ... just happenede to have a moment of their time due to TV left on in the room..... ca-razy buncha bitches there, indeed!!!
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It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - November 2008
Here I was thinking that they were making him retire because of the death threats.
Footbol won't be the same without you Paul.
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
I have enough to re-name you Betty Crackwhore! - Submitted by TheBreakdown
Miles is totally going to win Work of Fart.
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"It`s so weird that I went to rehab. I always said I would die before I went to rehab." - Lindsay Lohan
good job, paul! enjoy retirement, you lil' sucker.
Submitted by moomarse on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 7:52pm.
too chewy to eat... fun to look at tho......
lesson time! Mario Batali sez: the secret to cooking non-chewy octopus is to put a cork in the boiling water. It really works! anyone can make some delicious scungilli fra diavolo :D
I'm watching the Real Broke-ass Howives of NJ. them bitches is PSYCHO!!
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"Gallina vecchia fa bon brodo" ("The old hen makes the best soup")
- chef Lidia Bastianich
Submitted by I heart Natalie on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 8:47pm.
He will be replaced...
Discussion of Illuminati involvement to follow
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*dies* wait! *resurrects and begins a round of frantically searching the web cause SOMETHING UNEXPLAINABLE is occurring w/ "Paul"*
Could Paul be a Grand Master?? *cue x-files remix here*
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"Mel needs to smoke a bowl out of a bong made of Valium while getting a Valerian enema..." - MK, 7/12
...I'd add, if I may, a horse tranquilizer to Mel's throat into that bong mix...
NOOOOOOOOO! I wanted Paul the psychic octopus to tell me when Brad and Santa Angelina will finally breakup and the winning numbers to the next superlotto. Damn
+++++++++++++++++
I'M DONESVILLE!!!
Nourish the Inner Asshole
Borrachas of the world unite and take over!
He will be replaced...
Discussion of Illuminati involvement to follow
Paul is "retiring" to a dinner plate plate to be served with butter, lemon, and capers.
I'm watching the first Sex and the City movie...it SUCKS. Why would yo get back with your on again off again boyfriend after he left you at the alter?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
"Draw a chalk outline of your vagina on the floor, because I'm going to murder it tonight! Cooch Scene Investigation!" MK
Ha! I love that Sandra Lee video! Never did I ever think I'd see a "recipe" on the Food Network that stops at crushed ice. Wow, that's why they're there.
About a month ago, I introduced my 6 year old to calamari. She fucking LOVED it. The next day it occurred to me that she didn't know what it was. So I told her. She was totally cool about eating squid and wanted to know why it wasn't inky.
Today I introduced her to the concept of rescued greyhounds and muggers. Bless her, she is so mature, she takes it all in stride.
I think MK has ZERO interest in predicting anything with Paul the Octopussy in his bath tub.
.
MK just wants to be tickled with 8 tentacles, while playing with his rubber ducky!!!!!
He had a damn good run. Miss Cleo could take some pointers from Paul.
Did you guys click the link MK posted to the Sandra Lee Aqworium vid? The comments there are almost as funny as you bitchez!
Also, here is a very very cool octopus link. I promise you will be astonished and in awe:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmDTtkZlMwM
I can proudly say (as I do in every Paul post) I have NEVER eaten octopus or calimari.
*Steps off self righteous soap box*
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and I was helping children in Morocco, it wasn't like a vacation...
There's a rumour (courtesy of my 14 year old brother) that clams were being hidden in the team boxes and that is how Paul was "predicting" the teams. I shot that down real quick....do octopuses even eat clams and that would mean that person who is placing the clams is also psychic for hiding them in the winning teams box. Watever.
"No One Makes Me Bleed My Own Blood!"
I read that this type of octopus has a life span of 2 years, so it's okay for Pulpo Pablito to retire.
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
Suspicious.
Submitted by mcnightmare on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 7:57pm.
so MK DOES watch Top Chef!??
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most of the HGTV shows rock.... well, since "Prime Time TV" went to fucking HELL!!! sure! what else is there???
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It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - November 2008
NOOOO we need you Paul! :(
Enjoy your retirement Paul.
so MK DOES watch Top Chef!??
where are the hollandaise discussions?
PS: paul makes me think of that kinky Japanese octopussy sex....
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I didn't ask to be hated
I just don't mind being a bitch.
(Courtney Love)
Farewell perfect Paul
PAAAAAUUUUULLLL ! I love you...there's tons of people in Spain who want to buy him and treat him like a king...he would be ROYALTY there.
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and I was helping children in Morocco, it wasn't like a vacation...
too chewy to eat... fun to look at tho......
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Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 01/27/2010 - 5:42pm.
This site should be fun only. The petty shit fucks up my buzz.
You don't want that. Or maybe you do, you sucio fuck! MK
How do we know he's not going to be deep-fried? *side-eyes the aquarium*
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"In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled" - Michael K, who else?
I was hoping he would predict next years Oscars :(
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"This is America Liz, none of us belong here."
mr. moo told me he's had death threats. WTF??? He's just an octopussy that got reallllly fucking lucky...
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Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 01/27/2010 - 5:42pm.
This site should be fun only. The petty shit fucks up my buzz.
You don't want that. Or maybe you do, you sucio fuck! MK
he needs a hot squid gf ;)
www.myspace.com/vienna_rossi
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