Lindsay Lohan Will Go To The Chokey, So Says Robert Shapiro
When Lindsay Lohan checked herself into Robert Shapiro's House of Sober Living, my ass figured it was just her way of trying to get out of sitting in a jail room. But her lawyer Robert Shapiro says this isn't so and tells UsWeekly that LiLo will start serving her 90-day jail sentence on Tuesday morning. Robert said:
"I have agreed to represent Ms. Lohan on the condition that she complies with all of the terms of her probation, including a requirement of jail time that was imposed by Judge Marsha Revel. Ms. Lohan is suffering from a disease that I am all too familiar with (FYI: Robert's son died of a drug overdose in 2005). Hopefully, I can be of assistance to Ms. Lohan and Judge Revel in implementing a treatment approach recommended by medical professionals for Ms. Lohan’s long term recovery and sobriety."
What were you saying, Robert? I was too wrapped up in the image of me lounging on one of your brows in front of a roaring fireplace with a glass of Andre in one hand and a chocolate covered strawberry in the other. I don't mind the rug burns.
But seriously, Robert is actually telling us that LiLo has a serious craving for the bad shit and needs to get that mess worked out. Can somebody please put a mic under White Oprah's mouth and then hit her with it? After you do that, ask her what she thinks of Robert's statement about her sober child needing help. "OH! He didn't mind THAT kind of disease. He meant that he sometimes suffers from the delusions like all of us!....Oh and fuck Fudgie the Whale!" - White Oprah
Here's Robert and Enablerham Lincoln visiting LiLo yesterday afternoon.
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Bitch has less than 24 hours to turn herself in.....where is TMZ chasing ambulances??? Because this bitch is going to OD, or do something to hospitalize herself before tomorrow morning.
The milk of Lohan is not clean. Unclean is the milk of Lohan.
You are so hot, let's get crazy, do some coke
-Pat O'Brien
Here's what I am going to do, I am going to read up on how to be a Buddhist, and I am gonna pray to Buddha that he is going to reincarnate me so when I kill myself I can come back and be cool as
fuck like you.
screw shapiro and his gougery.....long live LILO!!!!
these capitalist moralists are the height of humbug
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/
"I don't want Michael Lohan Sr. anywhere near me, no matter where I am. I am in a great place and he only brings negativity in my world."
about 2 hours ago via UberTwitter
I guess she's tweeting about this:
http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/07/18/2010-07-18_lindsay_lohans_d...
Michael Lohan says "First of all, hurt for her, and hurt that I saw the same people around her who enabled her, all sitting right up in front of me and behind me. It was sickening."
What about LiLo's hair extensions? Don't they have to come off before she goes to jail?
If Shapiro has an ounce of sense, he'll not try anything flashy at the last moment. LiLo must pay for her actions. That means standard jail time. That means ninety days of real rehab. The bitch needs to be pounded hard so she'll learn the real lesson.
Mikey may be arrested if he acts up in court. Loved to see him tasered by a bailiff! Serve that bum right.
Gee, I wonder how Ali is looking at all of this?
of course lilo's frequent cries of "i've fallen and can't get up" have nothing to do with the sweet nectar that you were called after, whiskey tango. *wink..wink*
you're on, precious magpie. and your utlization of those gynormous words and legitimately-like authenic medical terms is exciting and impressive. i wuv your big powerful brain. yes, magpie-kins, your grey matter, matters to me.
good luck in our wager!!!!!!!!!!
---------
Don't try that mush on me--this game is ON and I share NONE of the spoils!
tick tock motherfucker.
"But what of all those sweet words you spoke in private?"
"Oh that's just what we call pillow talk, baby..."
I cannot believe she is gonna go to jail so easily. Something ain't right in the milk here
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
Submitted by Manimal5 on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 5:13pm.
Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel has issued the following restrictions for her court room on July 20:
• Cameras must stop rolling when the judge announces she is remanded and the bailiff is instructed to take her into custody.
• No one is allowed to shoot Lohan
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Damn! There goes my vacation!
♥ Threadkilla!
To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid,
you must also be well-mannered. ~Voltaire
Hot for Words!: Filibuster
http://www.youtube.com/user/hotforwords#p/u/7/V1_kwlhh_hg
Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 7:01pm.
Thanks for the warning.
N.Y...Jersey...Philly
Sayonara, it's a shirtless, sweaty Robert Shapiro boxing. Not for the faint of heart.
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
"Ewww"
Why did you say Ewww? I am afraid to look at the image.
N.Y...Jersey...Philly
Submitted by Enzi55 on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 6:38pm.
Ewwwwwww
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
http://www.jewishjournal.com/images/photos/7da_mon_shapiro_060807.jpg
ツ
Submitted by Snarf on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 5:16pm.
Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel has issued the following restrictions for her court room on July 20:
• Cameras must stop rolling when the judge announces she is remanded and the bailiff is instructed to take her into custody.
• No one is allowed to shoot Lohan being handcuffed.
• Photos of Lohan must be restricted to when she’s at the counsel table.
I want the handcuffed pics!!
_________________________________________
An just like that, the first pix of Lindsay in handcuffs are worth tens (if not hundreds) of thousands of dollars.
OK who on this site can get in the courtroom with an iphone camera and would be willing to commit a misdeamenor offense...for the sake of humanity of course?
Below, some special perks we hope to see at The Lohan House, or whatever she decides to call it.
1. The Lohan House facilities must always be attached to a private beach or lake to make it feel more like being on vacation. And Dina will always be there … tagging along.
2. All patients are given 10 complimentary pairs of 6126 leggings and SCRAM ankle bracelets once they are admitted.
3. Therapy sessions are conducted over Twitter and meeting times are extremely flexible.
4. Lindsay Lohan movies like “Labor Pains,” “Georgia Rule,” and “Mean Girls” play around the clock in common areas.
5. Orderlies push around carts filled with important toiletries like bleach, eyeliner, spray tanner, and FU nail art.
6. Everyone gets released on Friday night for club hopping.
Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel has issued the following restrictions for her court room on July 20:
• Cameras must stop rolling when the judge announces she is remanded and the bailiff is instructed to take her into custody.
• No one is allowed to shoot Lohan being handcuffed.
• Photos of Lohan must be restricted to when she’s at the counsel table.
I want the handcuffed pics!!
_________________________________________
An just like that, the first pix of Lindsay in handcuffs are worth tens (if not hundreds) of thousands of dollars.
**********
Shiitake happens...
Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel has issued the following restrictions for her court room on July 20:
• Cameras must stop rolling when the judge announces she is remanded and the bailiff is instructed to take her into custody.
• No one is allowed to shoot Lohan being handcuffed.
• Photos of Lohan must be restricted to when she’s at the counsel table.
I want the handcuffed pics!!
Submitted by precociousmagpie on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 2:22pm.
Lurker and sweet, I'll see your asthma/claustrophobia and raise you one Necrotizing Fascitis of the Ankle Due to Unfair Braceletization.
If her ankles are indeed being eaten away, that explains why she keeps falling down a lot.
*******************************************************************
"Gallina vecchia fa bon brodo" ("The old hen makes the best soup")
- chef Lidia Bastianich
the ol' suicide watch schtick - brilliant, angel! i love me some holy watertini's. you're in, and i better win!
Submitted by sweet disposition on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 1:32pm.
okay, lurker baby, i'll take your wager. i'll bet ten internet smoochies and a month of cuzzi brain that lilo trots out claustrophobia as her get-out-jail-cell-and-into-the-infirmary card.
may the best ho win!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 1:07pm.
Also, who wants to take bets on what medical aliment LL will use to get-out-of-jail and possibly spend time in a medical facility instead?
**********************************
Ooooh! I wanna play!
She's going to say: I want to kill myself. I want to die. It's simple and efficient.
And I'll raise you a pitcher of Holy Watertini's!
♥ Threadkilla!
To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid,
you must also be well-mannered. ~Voltaire
Hot for Words!: Filibuster
http://www.youtube.com/user/hotforwords#p/u/7/V1_kwlhh_hg
you're on, precious magpie. and your utlization of those gynormous words and legitimately-like authenic medical terms is exciting and impressive. i wuv your big powerful brain. yes, magpie-kins, your grey matter, matters to me.
good luck in our wager!!!!!!!!!!
Lurker and sweet, I'll see your asthma/claustrophobia and raise you one Necrotizing Fascitis of the Ankle Due to Unfair Braceletization.
Did someone say Mel Gibson? Yeah, he needs to be stomped to death.
_____________________________________________
"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
okay, lurker baby, i'll take your wager. i'll bet ten internet smoochies and a month of cuzzi brain that lilo trots out claustrophobia as her get-out-jail-cell-and-into-the-infirmary card.
may the best ho win!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"we didn't get a fair chance at fairness!" - white oprah.
Also, who wants to take bets on what medical aliment LL will use to get-out-of-jail and possibly spend time in a medical facility instead? Trust me, even if she has to go to jail Tuesday, she will go kicking and screaming (and use every trick in the book to take her pills in jail)
I'm going to go with her "asthma". We haven't heard about that in awhile, have we?
Apparently Lilo supposedly wants to open her OWN rehab facility; waiting to see what MK has to say on that one...
**********************************************
Remember, the early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...
Submitted by Cowjam on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 7:33am.
Submitted by LawDog on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 12:20am
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I gotta agree w/ Cowjam on this one. All my Persian lady friends have THE BEST waxing techniques. I'm also pretty sure they're the first ones to have perfected it way, WAY back when. And a Palestinian gf of mine has the most amazing honey/citrus "sugaring" recipe (handed down from generations of females in her fam) Seriously, it's not messy, you can eat it, it takes hair off better than waxing, and hurts 1/10th less than waxing. And it's cheap as hell to make, too!
In general, I think the coarser and darker your hair is, the more manic you will be about it's removal/grooming. Also, in hot climates, you have to have higher hygienic standards or else you're more likely to get infections/feel like a gross, sweaty pig. Just sayin'.
As for covering up, yes, I know it seems counterintuitive to cover yourself in layers when it's 100°+ out, but if you wear breathable, light-colored materials like cotton it actually keeps you cooler. At night in the dessert it gets cold as fuck and protects from insects/dust storms. I find Burkas to be extreme, restrictive, and outdated, but a regular headscarf (which both men and women wear) is just NECESSARY out in those desert-y climates.
Sorry to go all history lesson on you, and I know LD was trying to make a joke, but that was just ignorant and insulting.
OT: Lindsey Lohan is a dumb piece of shit, and I hope the judge bitchslaps Shapiro for wasting her time, and adds more time to Lindsey's sentence.
Finally an adult that may help this chick get it together.
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Dear friends, please temporarily stop your footsteps
To our website Walk around A look at
Maybe you'll find happiness in your sight shopping heaven and earth
You'll find our price is more suitable for you. Your presence is our greatest pleasure.
http://www.fashionclothe.com
Maybe, just maybe, by having lost a son to drugs Shapiro won't be an enabler to Lindsay, like everybody else around her.
Shapiro's eyebrow situation is making everybody nervous. He looks like a shaved grandpa version of those Patrick Mohl models from last week. When in the schedule will LL be shaving her head so that she can attack the paps with an umbrella-ella and don a pink wig?
I really wish they would send Blowhan to the Peruvian prison so she can be cellmates with Joran Vandersloot.
*pokes El Bastardo with a stick to see if he's still breathing*
♥ ♥ ♥ El B ♥ ♥ ♥
Submitted by Manimal5 on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 10:25am.
Lindsay is just awesome! Dina is awesome! this whole post is awesome! Wow...awesome!
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You forgot Robert Shapiro. SO awesome!
...Oh and fuck Fudgie the Whale!
♥ Threadkilla!
To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid,
you must also be well-mannered. ~Voltaire
Hot for Words!: Filibuster
http://www.youtube.com/user/hotforwords#p/u/7/V1_kwlhh_hg
Lindsay is just awesome! Dina is awesome! this whole post is awesome! Wow...awesome!
Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 10:21am.
FUCK YOU, EL_B - LIMEY BASTARD!!!
What did i do? :o( < Me.
FUCK YOU, EL_B - LIMEY BASTARD!!!
I AM SO FUCKING RESTRAINED AND RESPECTFUL!
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW SHIT!
♥ Threadkilla!
To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid,
you must also be well-mannered. ~Voltaire
Hot for Words!: Filibuster
http://www.youtube.com/user/hotforwords#p/u/7/V1_kwlhh_hg
Submitted by Manimal5 on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 9:53am.
Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 9:06am.
LOL! LawDoggy got bitchslapped! LOL!
(sorry -but it IS funnay! And I'm still tryna live down the Mel thread where I was EVER-SO-SLIGHTLY in the wrong at one point;p)
I find myself getting beat down on this site of late too...everybody is so sensitive lately!!
Sensitive? Ooooooooooooooooooo everybody is SO sensitive! WHATEVER! Wanna make something of it? HUH? Bring it on!
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!
:o)
Submitted by little_rascal on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 9:38am.
@ angel_i
Angel, you acted with dignity, restraint and respect to others
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADIGNITYHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAARESTRAINTHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARESPECTHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Angel-I? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASTOP IT! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Cant Breaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatheeeeeeeeeeee HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
RESPECT RESTRAINT DIGNITYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????
Angel-I??????????????????? HAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MY RIBS!!!! HAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAA RESPECT?????????????????????????
Oh God i think i'm dying. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
@lil_Ras and Mani: Yeah, it gets to be a tough crowd when the celebs really lose their shit, huh?
And@lil_ras: I'll be honest - I'm not even sure that's a woman. It took her a long ass time to say so, nawmsayin'? But thank you:) I'd felt bad cuz I really did skim over the part where "she" said Mel was nuts but then it doesn't really matter, I guess, cuz that wasn't the point anyway....
♥ Threadkilla!
To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid,
you must also be well-mannered. ~Voltaire
Hot for Words!: Filibuster
http://www.youtube.com/user/hotforwords#p/u/7/V1_kwlhh_hg
Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 9:06am.
LOL! LawDoggy got bitchslapped! LOL!
(sorry -but it IS funnay! And I'm still tryna live down the Mel thread where I was EVER-SO-SLIGHTLY in the wrong at one point;p)
I find myself getting beat down on this site of late too...everybody is so sensitive lately!!
Submitted by LASux on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 4:20am.
Lindsay needs a complete detox and a minimum of 9 mos in rehab. And she needs to detox from her mother too.
Agrees and in a land far far away from Hollywood.
Sorry...I was watching some Shrek last night.
@ angel_i
Angel, you acted with dignity, restraint and respect to others. Some crude nasty person was attacking others on DListed whose views on Mel Gibson drama were different from hers and that person was such an obscene, full of anger and itching for a fight misogynist that we all thought it was a man. It turned out to be a woman! A miserable unhappy angry woman. I think the joke is on her.
@ cowjam
As for your other ignorant comment about people in hot climates covering their bodies, have you ever considered that the reason is that both men and women do it to protect themselves from harmful sun radiation? Yes, it is hot as hell, but skin cancer is infinitely more uncomfortable, wouldn't you think?
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wouldn't it also have to do with religious views and sexism. I have arab friends and they say the women there must even cover their faces as not to attract other men and if a woman gets into a car with a man who is not her husband she's automatically a prostitute.
*************************************************
Actually the Gestapo picked her up.
LOL! LawDoggy got bitchslapped! LOL!
(sorry -but it IS funnay! And I'm still tryna live down the Mel thread where I was EVER-SO-SLIGHTLY in the wrong at one point;p)
♥ Threadkilla!
To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid,
you must also be well-mannered. ~Voltaire
Hot for Words!: Filibuster
http://www.youtube.com/user/hotforwords#p/u/7/V1_kwlhh_hg
I am intensely curious as to what disease Shapiro will tell Da Judge that LiLo has. She may have more than one? Alcoholism? Prescription drugs? Illegal drugs? HIV? Genital warts? Genital herpes? ADD? ADHD? She could have all of them! If so, it would not surprise me.
Da Judge is not going to cut slack or show mercy to LiLo. You know Da Judge has been following what been happening via Internet. She's definitely no dummy!
Tuesday will be so much fun! LiLo in jail! Bet she looks great in International Orange!