Lindsay Lohan Is Turning Denial Into An Art Form

Lindsay Lohan, seen here Photoshopped to Fuck U and back on Complex Magazine, is living in a fantasy dream world where she thinks that she's going to skip into court tomorrow morning and Judge Marsha will tell her that Fudgie the Whale has agreed to serve her 90-day jail sentence for her. Fudgie will tell LiLo that he owes this to her for wronging her family. Then Judge Marsha is going to snap her fingers and LiLo's Scram anklet will explode into a cloud of whiskey-coated Adderall pills! Yes, this is what's going to happen.

A source tells TMZ that even though LiLo's lawyer Robert Shapiro has told everyone that she will start serving her jail sentence tomorrow, she still doesn't think that she's going to spend a second behind bars. LiLo's thought bubble of delusion is carrying the idea that Robert Shapiro will convince Judge Marsha to magically erase her sentence.

Meanwhile, instead of doing internet research on how to make fake tanner out of prison cheese and roach guts, LiLo is Twittering about her ex-father:

I don't want my ex-father anywhere near me no matter where I am. He is crazy and scares me.
about 16 hours ago via UberTwitter

I don't want Michael Lohan Sr. anywhere near me, no matter where I am. I am in a great place and he only brings negativity in my world.
about 16 hours ago via UberTwitter

IN A GREAT PLACE?! Did she Tweet that from the bottom of a Jack Daniels bottle? I mean, this trick is going to jail and she thinks everything is just pink dildos and pretty lalalalas. Although in her defense, being locked up without White Oprah around to sniff your asshole for a quarter does sound kind of great.

Here's a few more pictures of LiLo getting molested by Mickey Mouse (symbolism) in Complex.

Posted by: Michael K

•

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Submitted by SaveTheAmpelman on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 12:31pm.

She looks good...as long as she's photoshopped to look like Katy Perry.

Submitted by nana30 on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 10:44am.

http://www.fashiongoods.us

Submitted by TexnDoc on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 5:37am.

I read Robert Shapiro quit already. Poor Michael K, having to deal with this mess all day. But lucky us.

"the only "bookings" that i'm familiar with are Disney Films, never thought that i'd be "booking" into Jail... eeeks
about 8 hours ago via web"

LOL - "eeks" !

Submitted by RememberNovember on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 5:29am.

She calls her dad Michael Sr. because her brother is named Michael.

Submitted by norma_desmond on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 1:18am.

did they photoshop ann margaret's lips onto whoever this is?

Submitted by Chirio on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 12:43am.

hehe! will there be an MK live stream? lol! night and morning to all! see ya laters! Much love and spanks!

Coma Caca!
----------------------------------

Submitted by Picasso1 on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 12:37am.

Ok watch Lilo fail to report for Jail tommorow, surprised there is no countdown to her getting thrown in the slammer.
So she fails to show up they'll go looking for her, and hopefully they'll add more time.
But I could be all wrong and she will show up.

Submitted by Manimal5 on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 12:08am.

A source told E! that it may have been Lohan’s brief stay at Shapiro’s sober-living facility that made things worse and that Shapiro was not happy with her behavior there.

“She was unruly,” the source says. “She was having people over at all hours of the night. She acted like she ran the place.”

Can't she do anything right...what an idiot.
No wonder she was saying she's in a "great place".

Submitted by Chirio on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 12:07am.

did anyone notice how she calls her dad Michael whatever Sr.? as if...being a Lohan is part of some royal family name? heheheehe . hey linds...remember this song? I even cried when this song came out and I felt bad for you. I cant with you anymore!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yJqDTSufBE

Coma Banana Caca!
----------------------------------

Submitted by Chirio on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 12:00am.

Angel this song makes me wanna drink or smoke something...hehe! * slides across the room in socks and dances* well...dances laying down by rolling self

Coma Banana Caca!
----------------------------------

Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:52pm.

LOL! It's a good song. Kids these days - they think they invented angst. They don't even know.

What else could she say:

There is no pain, you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I cannot hear what you're saying

When I was a child, I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone
and IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

have become

Comfortably Numb.

O wait a second - Lindsay doesn't know that many words. Nevermind.

♥ Threadkilla!
To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid,
you must also be well-mannered. ~Voltaire
Hot for Words!: Filibuster
http://www.youtube.com/user/hotforwords#p/u/7/V1_kwlhh_hg

Submitted by Chirio on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:46pm.

oh! I was being ummm sarcastic...the police? where???!!! * grabs shit and jumps to neighbors yard*

Coma Banana Caca!
----------------------------------

Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:42pm.

@Chiri:

Haha! The Police wrote that! LOLOLOLOL!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKViTJE-nFA

Submitted by Snoogle on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:41pm.

Shapiro done quit her ass - http://www.mamapop.com/2010/07/breaking-robert-shapiro-quits-lohan.html?...

♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥
Twilight. A girl's choice between necrophilia and beastiality.

Submitted by Chirio on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:40pm.

angel brought out some poetry and shiiiiiiiit! fuckin' awesome! you got more? I am reading...hehe

Capriiiii: *hugs*

Coma Banana Caca!
----------------------------------

Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:39pm.

Submitted by Chirio on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:02pm.

the only "bookings" that i'm familiar with are Disney Films, never thought that i'd be "booking" into Jail... eeeks
about 1 hour ago via web
********************************

O please. Like she's never done THAT before!

Submitted by caprica six on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:36pm.

Hey Chirio. Srrsly, your posts simply put a smile on my face; especially when you post w/ "ooohhhaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" and shit lol

_____________________________________________

"Fuck an ugly man! Fuck the jacuzzi why don't YOU!! *HEAVES HEAVES SIGHS GROANS* YOU took MYY SOUUULLL!!" - Mel "I need a woman" Gibson, 7/13

Submitted by caprica six on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:35pm.

heya Manimal5

Loraz is generic to ativan. anxiety shit. my tabs are the lowest ridic dose, 2.5 mgs, so no worries. I only take two when I am under stress and I have real shit to work on the next day. my Stress is that fiance wrote that he missed an ex in a recent email. I saw it only because I asked to see the email of 'said ex-gf writing to him'. I flipped. He has been txt/phone/email bombing me all day. Have not responded to any of it. I fucking can't with ppl that lead bitches on. Just cant and i am depressed about it.

Whatever. How are you at 1 am (almost on the EC)?

_____________________________________________

"Fuck an ugly man! Fuck the jacuzzi why don't YOU!! *HEAVES HEAVES SIGHS GROANS* YOU took MYY SOUUULLL!!" - Mel "I need a woman" Gibson, 7/13

Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:34pm.

I guess this is our last good bye
And you don't care, so I won't cry
But you'll be sorry when I'M DEAD!
AND ALL THIS GUILT WILL BE ON YOUR HEAD!

That's what she's gonna say:)

Even Shapiro coming in and going out. SO staged...she needs a reason to feel hopeless. How was she gonna pull that off with Shapiro at her side?!

Submitted by Chirio on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:31pm.

haha Capri! way to go on calling your boss. ahaha! I am not sleepy... so I am chillin up in here and there...wherever!

Coma Banana Caca!
----------------------------------

Submitted by Manimal5 on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:30pm.

Submitted by caprica six on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:25pm.
can't even damn sleep w/ 10mg loraz.

Hi cap six! Is that like ambien? Your mind muxt be full of worry...is everything alright?

Submitted by Manimal5 on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:25pm.

Submitted by Chirio on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:15pm.
well she sure isn't claustrophobic inbetween samro's legs and whoever her lovers are :

Haha...Chirio!

Submitted by caprica six on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:25pm.

can't even damn sleep w/ 10mg loraz. *spins up angels and demons dvd (not blueray; roll old school like that). ugggharama i'm lost.

Only thing keeping me pos is the upcoming trainwreck tomorrow. I've just called my boss' work phone and left vm "i've got some stomach bug and shit". *sighs*

Any new developments on anything? How's everyone and shit

edited, frak I meant to put this in OP.

ONT: lilo will probs come up w/ some emergency medical shit, just watch.

_____________________________________________

"Fuck an ugly man! Fuck the jacuzzi why don't YOU!! *HEAVES HEAVES SIGHS GROANS* YOU took MYY SOUUULLL!!" - Mel "I need a woman" Gibson, 7/13

Submitted by Manimal5 on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:22pm.

There's still time to book a flight to Switzerland. Lindsay and Roman Polanski can hang out together!

Submitted by Centaurious on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:21pm.

When I first heard she was going to jail for 3 months, I thought, it won't be that long. Then I heard it would be a month.

If it's shorter than a week, I'm going to start living on the street and start robbing people, because all hope is lost.

It has to be AT LEAST A FUCKING WEEK!!! :)

_________________________________
"I can resist everything but temptation."

Submitted by Chirio on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:15pm.

well she sure isn't claustrophobic inbetween samro's legs and whoever her lovers are :

http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2010/07/14/lindsay_lohans_mom_sh...

Coma Banana Caca!
----------------------------------

Submitted by Chirio on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:12pm.

LOL@ uncle! true dat!!

Coma Banana Caca!
----------------------------------

Submitted by Mitchymitch on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:11pm.

poor bitch.

********************************************
http://mitchmode.blogspot.com/

Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:07pm.

Submitted by Manimal5 on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:03pm.

I got a feeling, White Oprah is going to take her there.. being the concerned mother and all... and then japp about :please respect our privacy in this difficult time..."
------------------------------------------------

I fixed dinner, i get bottom. I called it!!

Submitted by Manimal5 on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:03pm.

Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 10:58pm.
It says she has to report at 8.30 am, what fucking timezone is that???

I'm on East Coast so i'm figuring 11:30 for me.
I'm hoping that she won't surrender and they have to come and drag her ass to jail!!

Submitted by Pearl_Necklace on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:03pm.

Submitted by Chirio on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 10:58pm.
No Problem Pearl! :0

Coma Banana Caca!
----------------------------------
muah! 'night all & happy Lohofest tomorrow <3

Submitted by Chirio on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:02pm.

Check this out I just went to see what she was twitching abooooooooot...twitting check out the 3rd twit:

lindsaylohan
@kingsleyyy do you have an ipad
21 minutes ago via web in reply to kingsleyyy

RT @iansomerhalder: If anyone runs a shelter and can help check out: Thanks http://abcnews.go.com/US/bp-oil-spill-pets-hidden-victims/st ...
about 1 hour ago via web

the only "bookings" that i'm familiar with are Disney Films, never thought that i'd be "booking" into Jail... eeeks
about 1 hour ago via web

Coma Banana Caca!
----------------------------------

Submitted by Manimal5 on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 11:01pm.

I was just reading this article:

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20403224,00.html

It seems that her first lawyer never officially quit!!

Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 10:58pm.

It says she has to report at 8.30 am, what fucking timezone is that???
-------------------------------------------------

I fixed dinner, i get bottom. I called it!!

Submitted by Chirio on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 10:58pm.

No Problem Pearl! :0

Coma Banana Caca!
----------------------------------

Submitted by Pearl_Necklace on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 10:56pm.

AAAHAHAHA!!! She got the boot from her new-former attorney's insta-rehab, too:

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/07/lindsay-lohan-jokes-about-...

this shit's gonna be bananas tomorrow ***snags one of Chiri's nanas***

Submitted by Chirio on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 10:53pm.

I rescheduled my accounts for this fuckary! I went grocery shopping for this fuckary! I called my "whatever boss and made up a story...well not really, getting my landline shit back but that's gonna take like 10mins but I made it sound like an all day work job"This fuckary needs to end tomorrow!!!

Coma Banana Caca!
----------------------------------

Submitted by Manimal5 on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 10:49pm.

Submitted by Team Valtrex on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 10:27pm.
She'll be out in time for Happy Hour.

It'll cause a riot in LA...LETS LOOT!!

Submitted by Pearl_Necklace on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 10:46pm.

ugh & couldn't get out of a clusterfuck at work to unravel, gonna try to peek in here for LOWHOREGOESDOOOOWWWWN coverage tho!

Submitted by Team Valtrex on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 10:27pm.

She'll be out in time for Happy Hour.

***********************************************
"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"

Submitted by kokoskitten on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 10:20pm.

Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 9:35pm.
LMFAO at this TMZ Comment:

You know what this story needs on Tuesday? A white bronco chase down the highway with LILO in the back and samantha ronson driving lol...3-1 she doesnt show up, and the next we hear from lilo is that she is in mexico, having been kidnapped and forced to do drugs by jeremy london...man she is useless, i mean just how bad a client do you have to be when bob shapiro wont stay on the case, wow
___________________________________

The image of SamRo driving a white Bronco in a slow speed car chase made me cry while laughing so hard. And what did OJ have--like a wig and a bunch of cash? Their Bronco would be filled with pills, Sevyn Nyne, coke, dj equipment, strap-ons...the list could go on.

and I was helping children in Morocco, it wasn't like a vacation...

Submitted by Pilot on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 10:21pm.

I'm such an art fag all I could think of was "Kaws? KAWS? It's 2010 and they are still doing photoshoots with models photoshopped into pictures by KAWS???" *Burns with hate."

Submitted by Pearl_Necklace on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 10:04pm.

I really thought this was a fresh-off-the-whore-truck Disney coochie. Damn but they 'shopped her back to jail bait days.

Submitted by sweet disposition on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 9:58pm.

if bs did quit lilo, how can she be remanded to custody tomorrow? doesn't lilo need a lawyer to legally surrender to the court? will having no legal representative delay her surrender to the court?

i wonder why bob quit, if he did actually quit. damn, lilo, you better go to jail tomorrow or i'm gonna be po'd.

Submitted by Womanoftheyear on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 9:46pm.

SCALAWAG

Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 9:35pm.

LMFAO at this TMZ Comment:

I fixed dinner, i get bottom. I called it!!

Submitted by No Words on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 9:24pm.

*revives*

I have an appointment at 10 MT that I am CANCELLING...I will be glued to the tube!

Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 9:23pm.

Submitted by No Words on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 9:20pm.
TMZ is reporting that Robert Shapiro just QUIT THAT BITCH!!!

*breathless, collapses*
--------------------------------------------
OK, now its official. I am canceling EVERY SINGLE APPOINTMENT for tomorrow..
I need snackfood and shit. This is going to be golden!!
------------------------------------------------

I fixed dinner, i get bottom. I called it!!

Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 9:23pm.

Submitted by No Words on Mon, 07/19/2010 - 9:20pm.

TMZ is reporting that Robert Shapiro just QUIT THAT BITCH!!!

*breathless, collapses*

************************************
HA! *does happy dance!*

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