What In The Hell Kind Of GD Movie Is This?!
This is what happens when a Universal executive drops the wrong kind of acid before trying to complete a "Which True Blood Character Are You?" quiz while his kids play Battleship (just pretend kids still play that shit) on the table and the maid hums the chorus to "Breakin' Dishes" at the same time she's Windexing the plasma.....which is playing an episode of Friday Night Lights! AND BREATHE!
Variety (via Coming Soon) reports that Alien Princess RiRi has joined ASkars and Taylor Kitsch in the film adaptation of the game Battleship. ASkars and Taylor will play brothers who fight together to save the world or some shit. RiRi is the female lead.
Yes, acid definitely played a key part in the decision making for this mess. I know I shouldn't sink this battleship with my hate bombs before it even starts shooting, but how can this work?!
Well, the only way this can work is if ASkars and Taylor's characters are allergic to clothes. And their characters should always greet one another by licking each other's nipples (Hey, I think that's how the Hogan family says hi). And when they get in an argument, they'll settle it by chewing on each other's nipples. Oh, and RiRi's main love interest better be Shy Ronnie.
• 
Everybody and their grandma already thought this movie was a ridiculous idea (although personally i'd still see it cause, well, Askars - don't judge me) but i was willing to give it a chance because look how the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie came out.
Now they go and add Rihanna to the mix? How do these movie execs get hired in those overpaid cushy positions? Cause you know this was not the director's idea. When you have a movie based on a boardgame that everyone's cracking up over, you try to make it MORE credible - good director, actors, special effects etc. You do not cast a flavour of the month pop singer. Who in the hell thought this was a good idea?
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Tue, 07/27/2010 - 9:02am.
Am I the only person on the planet who doesn't get the ASkars hype?
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OMG thank you. I never found ASkars to be even remotely attractive. And I also can't get into True Blood. Everybody loves it, I know, I just don't see the appeal...
Is anyone else tired of the myriad of no-talent Black "musicians" who seem to get a free pass to Hollywood movie sets? Fuck em all.
Meh, I don't think the movie will be any worse than any of the other trash that gets put out as so-called films these days.
That isn't to say I'll actually go see it of course. At $12-15 per ticket where I live there are very few movies actually worth seeing. Especially when you can find deals to plays and other live performances in the $15-20 range.
Submitted by WWJDFAKB on Tue, 07/27/2010 - 2:19pm.
I'd rather watch a movie about Lincoln Logs.
I think suckandfuck's writing the screenplay on that one.
This movie could have just been called The Hunt for Red October II or U Boat II. What the fuck is wrong with these people.
Submitted by Echo27 on Tue, 07/27/2010 - 1:17pm.
What the fuck is next? Monopoly?
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
I think I heard they were starting on that one or maybe it was Candyland.
Who in the hell would ever see this movie.
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"I can resist everything but temptation."
I'd rather watch a movie about Lincoln Logs.
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
What next? A movie about pick up sticks starring an alien hack?
I'm not too worried about it because it's based of a freakin' game. Now if this was a adaptation of a good novel, different story. It's obvious the producers want a high gross in box office, so they hired an overrated, no talent to star. Oh well...
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"I'm too high
I'm too high
But I ain't left the ground"-Stevie Wonder
What the fuck is next? Monopoly? At least they can get that guy from Ace Ventura to play the part of the Monopoly Man. This is completely ridiculous.
"Yes, acid definitely played a key part in the decision making for this mess. I know I shouldn't sink this battleship with my hate bombs before it even starts shooting, but how can this work?!"
...You know what they say MK, "Loose lips sink ships"! In this case, anybody with a half a brain will promptly instigate a mutiny before this battleship even sets sail. So, by my reckoning, you're actually giving them fair warning!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84hhLwLKsN0&feature=related
"It's so ironic. When you finally achieve recognition, you hide behind dark glasses."
~Madhuri Dixit~
The script was pretty simple with phrases like 'I-9' and 'you sunk my battleship!'
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Submitted by LMA618 on Tue, 07/27/2010 - 10:47am.
In other words this 'film' has no script and these were the only souls that would attach themselves to it.
what?
Coma Caca!
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Variety (via Coming Soon) reports that Alien Princess RiRi has joined ASkars and Taylor Kitsch in the film adaptation of the game Battleship.
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All that, when skimmed, looks like Ashton Kutchner to me which is sufficient reason to continue to ignore this post thankuverymuch.
♥ Threadkilla!
To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid,
you must also be well-mannered. ~Voltaire
Hot for Words!: Filibuster
http://www.youtube.com/user/hotforwords#p/u/7/V1_kwlhh_hg
Riri's speaking voice makes me shudder.
In other words this 'film' has no script and these were the only souls that would attach themselves to it.
Submitted by stake_spike on Tue, 07/27/2010 - 10:04am.
+3 to Askars being busted in the face. I can't find a man with that weak of a chin and bags under his eyes to be that attractive, no matter how tall he is.
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True! He's not hot at all. I'm not really into blondes either...
It really doesn't matter who 'stars' in a movie of the game Battleship...
Um, isn't this just a redux of that awful Ben Affleck film Pearl Harbor? Pssh, now just with new actors and an annoying love interest, and named after a fucking board game.
Taylor is HAWT but this is some bullshit.
+3 to Askars being busted in the face. I can't find a man with that weak of a chin and bags under his eyes to be that attractive, no matter how tall he is.
I predict that RiRi will win a golden razzie. She can't show any emotion in real life, how the fuck is she gonna play a character with any pizzazz? Other than a sex bot...
Anyway, Kitsch and ASka are wasting their talents here, alas. Maybe I'll go see it if they take their shirts off.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Taylor Kitsch? With a name like that, he needs to star in all upcoming movies based on the work of Nicholas Sparks.
ASkars is definitely not making good decisions with regard to his newfound fame. Seems like he's going with the biggest (or only check) route instead substance. I guess he'll be one of those quick minutes in Hollywood.
Very weird casting.
On a different note, check out these huge balls on this guy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylk1_3ZXLcc
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Don't hate me cause I'm DLeautiful
Asskars is sooooo damnnn FINE!!!!
Woooooo SHIT!!!!
I she sinks her claws into him I will scream!!!
I don't understand. Like. For real.
How are they going to make this board game a movie?
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Tue, 07/27/2010 - 9:02am.
I totally do not get the Askars hype. Not. at. all.
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
I'm thinking 'Hi-Ho Cherrio' with Noah Cyrus perhaps ?
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and I was helping children in Morocco, it wasn't like a vacation...
vidz:
Exactly.
His Daddy could GET it. ASSkars could get it...with a brick to the cranium!
And how in the hell is Ri-ho-ho gonna act when she cannot even decide in interviews which accent she is gonna use. Her real Carribean one or her fake American one?!
Either way, the most she should EVER be offered is work as Beyonce's stunt double!
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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
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"Oh ASkars, you sunk my destroyer! with your cock!"
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"LiLo is talking like she has swam out of the Jack Daniels bottle, hiked past the coke mountains, dove off of a crack spoon and is now ready to be someone's sponsor or something." -MK
Wake me when they do the movie version of Ants in my Pants....starring Paris Hilton and Gerard Butler.
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Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
OK so . . . What exactly is this going to be about? Besides a "Battleship", obviously. Next we're probably going to see a bunch of idiot celebs climb up ladders and then fall on their asses - "Chutes and Ladders: The Motion Picture".
Aren't there any video games left for them to desecrate? Metroid or Legend of Zelda, maybe?
This is gonna be the Hustler porn version, right?
BTW, I think Rihanna has the biggest dick of the three...
@TB
Everybody's like "ohh ASKARS is so hot". I personally find his dad and his weird accent sexier. I'm creepy like that.
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Bitch please!
Rhianna and female lead should not be in the same sentence. Disaster. "Artists" need to get it out of their heads that they have a talent for all art forms.
Candy Land- starring Lindsay Lohan, Amy Winehouse and Tara Reid
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It's a cucumber, Bitches!
I'm trying to figure out the plot of this shitfest. So, they're going to sit around and yell, "B7!!"
Sounds like Bingo to me.
Well, the only way this can work is if ASkars and Taylor's characters are allergic to clothes. And their characters should always greet one another by licking each other's nipples (Hey, I think that's how the Hogan family says hi). And when they get in an argument, they'll settle it by chewing on each other's nipples.
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someone tell the producers to hire MK as the scriptwriter!!! quick!!
that right there is some gold, MK. perfecto.
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This is exactly why I don't pinky swear on shit anymore. It means nothing. This is why you should bind all your contracts with a peeny swear (or clitty swear, depending on the situation). It's the only way.
- MK, July 4th 2010
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 07/27/2010 - 9:22am.
I can't wait for the film adaptation of Hungry Hungry Hippos starring Kirsty Alley & John Goodman
AAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAAAHAHA I used to love that shit game. They need to make a movie version of Monopoly, creep crawlers and sea monkeys next!
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Bitch please!
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 07/27/2010 - 9:22am.
I can't wait for the film adaptation of Hungry Hungry Hippos starring Kirsty Alley & John Goodman
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LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I ALMOST threw up my grilled cheese sandwich but with Jesus in your life, you can overcome anything. - boobxqueen on Octomom's Star cover
Askars IS busted in the face, and whoever thought up this movie should be shot, THEN stabbed!
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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
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Wow, boring.
I thought that was Tyra Banks for a second.
We want to know why the fish is between two tinymeat homosexuals? We need to see nude pics.
Battleship!?!?! They are making a movie about a fucking board game? Okay, Hollywood has jumped the shark (again).
Oh and I agree that Askars is TOTALLY busted in the face. Actually Taylor Kitsch has a busted face too. Oh...and Rihanna too...
yeah...this whole movie is BUSTED.
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Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
I can't wait for the film adaptation of Hungry Hungry Hippos starring Kirsty Alley & John Goodman
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►I'm a free bitch, baby◄
"Why doesn't anybody think of the sluts?!!!" MK
boring. This sunk my battleship.