Things That Exist: Titanic II
SPOILER ALERT! At the end of Titanic, the ship becomes an underwater motel for fishes, a bunch of people die and Rose grows up to be a crazy old bitch who throws a multi-million dollar necklace into the ocean when her granddaughter is living in a damn dump! THE END, right? Wrong. The fart will go on thanks to Titanic II (pinch that shit, it's real).
In Titanic II, a group of dumb fucks build a Titanic II and launch it on the same day as the original and use the same course......and they probably hit THE SAME ICEBERG! That iceberg has been waiting for a rematch.
The only bitches who would ride on the Titanic II are the same bitches who answer "Jack Kevorkian" to the question "Who would you like to have dinner with the most?"
This mess is going to stink straight to the bottom of a Dollar Tree 4 for 1 bin, where I'll probably fish it out and buy it. Well, I want to know if Sharktopus gets them before the snakes do.
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This should have been in 3D... not real 3d but the clash of the titan air benders fuckery or require blue and green lense glasses. This looks like a freaking SYFY original nightmare.
"This mess is going to stink straight to the bottom of a Dollar Tree 4 for 1 bin, where I'll probably fish it out and buy it."
...Along with Mel Gibson's viking movie eh?
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvPYEZbVtIU&videos=gRkyeQeTnSQ
"Every time they do something pretty...you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are."
~J.D. Salinger~
I kinda already knew about this. And yes, bad idea all around. Surprise, surprise.
Admit it: all of us are going to see a movie called "Titanic II".
Not that we want to. But a movie that is "Titanic II" needs to be checked out. Remember the scientoloshit "Battlefield Earth"?
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Stupid is who stupid does
Haha, Sharktopus!! I love syfy movies! wow.
Submitted by PinkTransAm on Wed, 07/28/2010 - 11:31pm.
I seriously hated that movie. Most boring movie. Ever. I laughed when everyone else was crying. It looked like a human pin-ball machine.
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The group I was with giggled through the entire sinking while stage whispering shit like, "That's gonna leave a mark" and "D'oh!" as people bounced off the propellers.
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I ALMOST threw up my grilled cheese sandwich but with Jesus in your life, you can overcome anything. - boobxqueen on Octomom's Star cover
Here's to Team Hope this is a Joke! LOL.
I just watched a bollywood film on tv and that is sad. The next day, I kept seeing indian people and expected them to break out in song and dance numbers. :P
Tiffany and Deborah got nuthn on this!
*Sigh* Someone has alot of money, and a lot of time on their hands...
I have some air to sell, point me in the direction of the investors of this money :/
Submitted by Random_Pizzaman on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 2:37am.
Wasn't this a movie called Poseidon a few years ago?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Ha! And I was about to jokingly ask if Fergie was going to be singing in this one too, but I totally had forgotten the other movie's name.
It's a snuff flick.
Wasn't this a movie called Poseidon a few years ago?
I'm confused. In the trailer, the Captain says "There's another wave coming", but the titanic hit an iceberg, they weren't hit by a rogue wave. What are they doing here; combining movie plots?
A better tagline for this trailer would have been: "The same name... the same course... the same fate... THE EXACT SAME ICEBERG!"
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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits
Since when was Titanic a thriller?
"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped"
- Elbert Hubbard
Parody of itself.
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Sometimes you just want to slap a kitten in a tiny hat. - MK
@Manimal
Are you kidding me? THat sounds awesome!
Even Worse than House of the Dead!!! Worst horror film EVER!!!, 8 July 2007
1/10
Author: czarnobog from United States
German filmmaker Ulli Lommel has managed a task many horror fans thought was impossible: he's unseated fellow Teuton Uwe Boll for the crown of director of the worst horror film ever made.
Lommel is truly the Ed Wood of the new millennium. This film is as shoddy and laughable as the best-worst of EW. I am both proud and embarrassed to say that I watched it in toto, morbidly fascinated to see just low the bar could be set. The answer is: subterranean; Lommel dug a pit and buried it.
The fun begins with the cast of international nobodies. Only someone who has lived in Los Angeles, where every auto mechanic, doctor and mailman is an actor or screenwriter waiting to be discovered, could easily understand how Lommel managed to find so many wannabe actors willing to spew his ridiculous dialog with a straight face.
The main character, a villainous beat cop, is played by a German actor with a thick German accent. Aside from being a serial killer, he is also the oldest beat cop in LA. Despite the fact that he stops innocent women drivers and takes them into custody, then drags them into his home (which inexplicably is the top floor of a furniture warehouse), and does all this in plain sight of his rookie partners, the LAPD refuses to investigate, going so far as to physically attack one of his accusers in a ninja style raid on his apartment.
The sets are excruciatingly bad. The production designer's budget apparently included just enough money for a can of paint; enough to paint "Precinct 707" on a cardboard wall.
Since the actors were obviously unpaid non-professionals--a sad assortment of European emigres (possibly deportees if they acted in their native lands), bimbos, mimbos, and desperate middle-aged women--and since little if any money was spent on sets, special efx, locations or other production value, it is only fair to mention that they did spring for a few genuine-looking police uniforms. Sadly, they couldn't afford a police car; the uniformed cops cruise the streets in a shiny new Mercury rental.
More than half of the story focuses on the dirty deeds of our deranged German LAPD officer and the futile efforts of two young rookies to stop him. One of these young actors is especially pitiable because he's the only actor in this whole mess with even a vague shot at a real career in the movies. The other fits right in, with a rockabilly hairdo and tortured Brando posing that needs to be seen to be appreciated.
The latter part of the film is where the title gets its zombie, as the victims of our killer are resurrected after he murders a girl who had just visited some voodoo priestesses to have a protective spell put on her. Don't ask why a girl from Romania would resort to voodooism in anticipation of being murdered, just accept Lommel's logic and enjoy the absurd ride.
After much prolonged hand-clawing out of straw-covered roadside graves, the zombie girls manage to make their appearance. They look exactly as they did before death, maybe even prettier, with black glamor make-up generously airbrushed around their eyes. Looking nothing like zombies, they look more like high fashion models ready for the runway.
At this point in the movie Lommel borrows a creative note from his lauded countryman Boll, and injects large doses of cheesy Euro-trash techno into the soundtrack. We're talking prehistoric electronic bumblebee noise. Stuff they might have played in an Ibiza disco when Lommel was still young enough to shake his booty.
Unlike other zombies, Lommel's girls speak and function as normal... er, I mean, as they did before becoming zombified. This gives our auteur ample opportunities to shower us with more of his golden dialog. Yes, a golden shower it is.
I won't spoil anything by revealing the shock ending. All I can say is it's perfectly in tune with the rest of this masterpiece. The spirit of Ed Wood lives on... or should I say his geist.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jg-OHwll07Y
Please watch this gem, your life will never be the same again.
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Bitch please!
@sonah22
Something is obviously wrong witn you! ;) I could never sit through that movie more than once. I was 14 when I went to see it, so maybe I would like it better now
Submitted by sonah22 on Wed, 07/28/2010 - 11:33pm.
Submitted by PinkTransAm on Wed, 07/28/2010 - 11:30pm.
What movie has an intermission?
All Bollywood movies lol!
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I live in a small-ish ciry...they don't even have bollywood movies playing anywhere. So I am totally clueless haha
---oh no prob...most ppl. don't know that! It was just so funny to me because I'm so used to lonnnnggg ass movies. I actually love dramas longer than 2 hours. But Titanic was a bit blah in retrospect, but it's so weird-it's one of those movies that just makes me sit there and watch when it's on TV. WTH is wrong with me? I know it's not that good!
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"But I don't speak liarmouthcuntanese. So who the fuck knows."
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on Tue, 07/13/2010 - 7:40pm.
I've heard terrible things about this sequel -- basically that it's just a writing rush job and that Titanic makes out with Aiden in the middle of the United Arab Emirates just to give added drama to a tired franchise.
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Google me, tramp.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Albert-Kai-Lu/1822227818
Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Wed, 07/28/2010 - 8:21pm.
My Girl is one of my favorite movies ever...funny/odd side note, Mr Rottencrotch and I both went to mortuary school (its actually where we met..romantic, huh?) and this was a required film to watch for one of our classes, so when I was pregnant with our first child we seriously debated naming her Vada because of our love for that movie. But in the end decided against it.
Submitted by sonah22 on Wed, 07/28/2010 - 11:33pm.
Submitted by PinkTransAm on Wed, 07/28/2010 - 11:30pm.
What movie has an intermission?
All Bollywood movies lol!
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I live in a small-ish ciry...they don't even have bollywood movies playing anywhere. So I am totally clueless haha
Submitted by PinkTransAm on Wed, 07/28/2010 - 11:30pm.
What movie has an intermission?
All Bollywood movies lol!
Ugh. I don't even wanna see this shit stoned/pissed drunk, and that's saying a lot considering I'm going to go see "Knight and Day" or "Salt" tomorrow while pissed drunk (one of those movie theaters with couches n stuff).
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"But I don't speak liarmouthcuntanese. So who the fuck knows."
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on Tue, 07/13/2010 - 7:40pm.
NO FUCKING NO! I loved this movie
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
I seriously hated that movie. Most boring movie. Ever. I laughed when everyone else was crying. It looked like a human pin-ball machine. What movie has an intermission? If my ride wasn't such a sap I never would have watched the second half.
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NVM, this trailer was actually the real trailer for a real movie. Well that's just awful.
http://www.slashfilm.com/2010/07/28/lol-the-asylums-titanic-2-movie-trai...
I'm pretty sure I read this was a hoax and it's a fake trailer for a movie that will never happen, but I could be wrong.
If Bruce Davison is this hard up for cash, we should have a charity benefit so he doesn't have to appear in fuckery like this. As Patsy would say, "Abort, abort, abort"!
I spent most of Titanic cheering for the iceberg, so it didn't make me cry.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by vidz on Wed, 07/28/2010 - 9:56pm.
WORST/ Hilariously bad movie of all time: ZOMBIE NATION!!!!
LOL!
This might actually come close:
Spring Break Zombie Cruise
http://www.ugo.com/movies/take-a-spring-break-zombie-cruise
or anything with Spring Break in the title!
Titanic was one of my favorite films... i had a huge crush on leo as a teenager.
www.myspace.com/vienna_rossi
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 07/28/2010 - 9:06pm.
...when Sally Field cries, even though I yell at the TV that she should be glad to exist in a place where Julia Roberts DIES.
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OMG ha ah ah hahahahaahh I feel you, girl. I feel you.
I don't think it takes a degree in astrophysics to figure out how to get someone's unwanted finger out of your ass. - RasKimmie
WORST/ Hilariously bad movie of all time: ZOMBIE NATION!!!!
Here are the IMDB comments to prove it:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0463392/usercomments
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Bitch please!
if this is gonna be how Godzilla is to be awakened again... i could run with it!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
This HAS to be a joke.
the '97 Titanic was a remake of a '54 titanic. goodness how many times does a ship has sink for you to ride a fucking plane!
If they want to throw away that sort of cash, I am willing to take it- would be faster to just send me a money transfer than to blow it all on this waste of time. Regardless of the shitty idea for a plot, the acting and effects look like crap anyway.
That is retarded. The last movie that made me cry like a little bitch was "Evening". Even though I knew that I was being manipulated, that shit got to me hardcore. Like when a bad boy is trying to get in your pants and you know it but you play along and let him in just for the fun of it.
Also, "Steel Magnolias" when Sally Field cries, even though I yell at the TV that she should be glad to exist in a place where Julia Roberts DIES.
Oh, and "Life Is Beautiful". But maybe it was the PMS.
If they really wanted to fuck with the story, they would've had Rose preggo after her backseat romp!
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Curtsy, motherfuckers! MK
I always thought Rose was a huge bitch.
And MST3K rulez. THERE'S NO FUTURE! NO FUTURE! ANARCHY ANARCHY...
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
@ Whiskey Tango OMG I forgot about ''My Girl'' *sniff*
Add the ending to ''The Wedding Singer'' (lame I know)
As a Mystery Science Theater freak, I love bad movies. Ever seen ''Killer Clowns from Outer Space''?
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'' I am Torgo. I take care of the place while the Master is away. ''
From the trailer: Brook Burns looks nervous because she didn't get her child support check from Julian McMahon.
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"Heinous fuckery most foul, lad. Heinous fuckery most foul." ~~Christopher Moore
#Supertramp: I'll have to watch that one. I don't cry during many movies even though I'm an emotional person in general...but there are a few that managed to turn on the waterworks. "Where the Red Fern Grows" and "My Girl" are two more I can think of...damn, My Girl was sad sad sad.
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"LiLo is talking like she has swam out of the Jack Daniels bottle, hiked past the coke mountains, dove off of a crack spoon and is now ready to be someone's sponsor or something." -MK
Submitted by Manimal5 on Wed, 07/28/2010 - 8:03pm.
I saw both Posiedon Adventure movies...and guess what both ships rolled over...shocking.
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At least Poseidon Adventure is a true story. Titanic is a made up story so that they could litter a dirty ship somewhere. And so that tourists would have something to look at when they scuba dive. Just kidding. Seriously, just kidding.
Love can touch us one time and last for a life time. Near, far, wherever you are I believe that the heart must go on.
/sticking songs into your head
Carol Lynley was a true hot slut in the original "Poseidon Adventure," especially singing "The Morning After" in perfect 1972 white Hot Pants (before they all climbed up the Xmas tree). Even so, Mrs. Rosen rocked that boat....literally and figuratively....
Re: Tearjerkers, Lasse Hallstrom got me two times with Once Around with Richard Dreyfuss and Holly Hunter and again with Dear John.
Bruce Davison is a talented actor. What the hell is he doing whoring himself out in this fuckery? Although now I want to see it, because I love bad disaster flicks.
I read the plot summary at imdb, and get this: a tsunami hurls an iceberg into the ship's path. I'm surprised they didn't have the asteroid from "Armageddon" cause the tsunami.
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"Heinous fuckery most foul, lad. Heinous fuckery most foul." ~~Christopher Moore
@ Whiskey Tango & Hello Kitty,
Brian's Song is my tear jerker movie.
Oh crap! I can't take another session of "My Heart Will Go On". Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! (Besides, who in their right freaking minds would go on a cruise ship called The Titanic II, going on the same path as the original--extras that's who!)