Jakey Smokes Pot, Not The Pole
This is what Janet Charlton is saying anyway. Janet says that everybody needs to stop calling Jake Gyllenhaal "Jake Gayllenhaal" or Toothy Tile, because she has it on good authority that he doesn't like a hard peen on his tongue. According to Janet, he prefers a bong on his tongue instead. Janet says this is the real reason why his relationship with Reese Witherspoon didn't work out. From Janet:
"At last the truth comes out. An acquaintance of Reese and Jake acknowledges that they were very smitten with each other for quite awhile and seemed perfectly matched. Unfortunately, Jake had a habit that Reese could not live with, and he wouldn’t give it up. He smoked way too much. And we’re not talking nicotine here. Not only did it rub Reese the wrong way, but she worried about her children being exposed to his bad habits. So, regretfully, she moved on. Note: those of you who insist that Jake is gay are NUTS."
NUTS? Kind of like what Jake likes on his.....Okay, I'll shut my fingers about that already! No more of that shit. Janet would never tell a lie, so I will update my files to say that Jake is straighter than a quick trip to the outhouse (copyright: some hillbilly who said that to me outside of a gas station in Tennessee)! And if Jakey ever needed a quit hit, I'd gladly let him take one off my bong. Anytime!
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*giggle* I need a big fattie from a big daddy and Reese just couldn't abide!
Submitted by TheBreakdown on Fri, 07/30/2010 - 4:57am.
Whatevs.
As if you cannot smoke peen and pole simultaneously?!"
Exactly, he is gay AND a stoner , there's really no conflict in that...
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"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition."
If this is true then Reece made the right decision. Looking out for the kids is the most important thing. It sucks being around someone who only wants to smoke pot all the time. They don't do anything else!
Who cares - TEAM JAKE FOREVAH!
Reese can fuck off.
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"69ing while driving is only for professionals" --MK
Now I like him even more.
So what's the problem here?
Some guy in KY said to me "you sure are a fur piece from home." Those crazy hillbillies, they sure know how to pick a gal up.
If she's against potheads hanging out with her kids, then she better keep their own father away from them. He's a big old pothead himself!
WGAS if Jake smokes doob or dick, I happen to like both so he's ok in my book. :) You go Jake!
Good, we need more people like me in the limelight. Dude isn't gay, that's pretty obvious. TT is Matthew McGoneagay.
So fucking what???? It's weed...it's medicinal ya know :) :)
Whatevs.
As if you cannot smoke peen and pole simultaneously?!
Reese would never leave over a few green sugar crumbs!
There's more to it than that!
*paging Detective Latoya*
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See how rumours start. For the record I never could understand why anyone thought he was gay or why it was conceivable that Reese would have a faked relationship involving her children. So there!
Okay.. Some of you are convinced he is gay. I really don't think he is. he spends a lot of time in London and I saw him twice now. Once was through work and the other time he was sat drinking coffee with Reese in a bar. No paps. No reason to fool anyone, and they were touchy feely. Ted casablancas wants us to believe Toothy has adopted a child with his long term lover and Jakey is hiding all that? Look I am willing to believe that Tommy Girl gets buggered by Miscavige whilst "calling occupants from interplanetary craft" is on loud volume, with Travolta spanking off Will Smith, but Jake is supposed to have hidden a child? Plus keep up an appearance for no good reason, when the paps aren't around?
No sorry I don't care how good your gaydar is. He is definitly not gay in the flesh. Trust. I hear enough rumours in my work, and yes enough gay rumours but Jake. Nope.
TEAM WEED, INDEED!
he's probably just confused
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/
Oh, dang, angel_i even has visual examples!
Submitted by dementa on Fri, 07/30/2010 - 12:35am.
PS can anyone explain the Toothy Tile nickname to me? What does it mean?
Ted Casablanca's gossip column has blind items and some of them are recurring characters with little nicknames he's given them. Like, Slurp-A-Popoff is widely believed to be Paris Hilton. He's talked a number of times about a movie star who was in a showmance who's really gay and calls the actor "Toothy Tile". Everybody thinks he's talking about Jakey G.
@dementa:
The Legend of Toothy Tile!
The storyteller is a total hot slut.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00Ep7zzWLu4
♥ Threadkilla!
"I kissed him sort of hard and totally passionately, which I could tell he liked a lot, so I pushed him away and slapped him so he wouldn't think I was a slut. But not very hard, so he wouldn't think I wasn't interested." ~Abby
PS can anyone explain the Toothy Tile nickname to me? What does it mean?
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Don't see why people think he's gay, but really it doesn't matter. He seems cute and goofy even if I can't pronounce his name.
I guess the weed thing explains why Kiki dated him for so long.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
MK, except for you, i am so over stoners. if only they were HALF as interesting (and/or smart) as they thought they were.
So far the fey suspects are: Jake, Tom Cruise, Mathew, Chase, Zach and anyone else who is cute.
Not gay: Danny Devito. Sorry Danny boy, but there is a "No Toads Allowed" policy.
Dear Mr. K,
I LOVE the links within your articles.
Thank you so much,
-"iMalice"
ditto @CIJ's comment...
I'm still not really convinced one way or the other about his sexual orientation. But whatever. He's hot, he's goofy, he's charming.
He can come smoke bong hits with me anytime, and I won't bitch! As long as he puts out. But I get Reese, she probably doesn't want to lose custody of her children. That's why I'm perfect for him. :)
if he is gay or not i bet he has a big penis
look at his head and hands noooo?
I can totally believe that he's a stoner.
I like him better already.
Submitted by Cat Scratch on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 6:48pm.
I'm not surprised at all, I don't know why everyone's convinced he's this sweetie-pie who'll cook you dinner and get nervous about impressing your family. He dated KiKi Dunst (a major drunk and drug user), he's friends with Matthew McConaughey (total stoner) and Lance Armstrong.
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The only time I thought that he was gay was when he hung out with Matt and Lance, he just glowed with happiness. But thanks for reminding me about the weed, that could explain it, too. Of course, it could be both.
2Candy
I really dont think people "need" to out Zach. He broke me heart, appearing day after day dressed like a faggy homo teink hipster douchefag.
Still think he's as sexy as all hell though.
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Bitch please!
Also can someone clue me in on the whole toothy tile thing? What is that?
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Bitch please!
wtf do people think he is gay? That's absurd.
Zach Quinto is gay if you want to out someone. Jake G aint.
..
.
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
Raul,
I know that MANY hetero-seeming actors are gay, but I have great gaydar and i really don't think they're gay. Hmm...
*whips out ouija board*
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Bitch please!
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 8:14pm.
Jake's not GAY!!!! Sometimes his penis gets a little cold and needs to be warmed up by some toasty hot man ass cheeks...friction helps take the edge off the chill...Doesn't mean he's gay...just cold in the peen....
LOLOL! Oh and A+ for "pussy lovin' fuck sword" in your earlier post.
Jake's not GAY!!!! Sometimes his penis gets a little cold and needs to be warmed up by some toasty hot man ass cheeks...friction helps take the edge off the chill...Doesn't mean he's gay...just cold in the peen....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Sorry, he is gay.
Gay, I say!
I don't think he's at all attractive but Janet needs to lay off HER bong if she truly doesn't believe that he's queer. PLEASE. Jake is gay.
Submitted by Carpe Diem on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 7:55pm.
Welcome to posting!! :) Love your MK Easter avie. LOL
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Curtsy, motherfuckers! MK
I always did think he was kind of gay. I still think he's hot either way. Have you guys seen Bubble Boy? AHH! I love that movie. (I am probably the only one though.)Yay, my first post!
The only thing that Janet did for Jakey was confirm that he is Toothy Tile. Big dummy.
Hes NOT GAY...He just sometimes loses his balance while sportin' wood when there's a naked man around ass side up...yep, he falls right on to the poor fella impaling him with his pussy lovin' fuck sword...a struggle ensues, there is much thrusting, friction and moaning...and biting and pinching...Finally, the two heterosexuals break free of this 'freak accident' and vow never to 'freak' again...but the glint in their eyes and the soft curl of their lips into a winesome smile says otherwise....GHEY!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by suze on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 6:50pm.
Submitted by sushi on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 6:49pm.
Nope - I'm with you on this also.
Tex Perkins.
Google him you dumb fuck!
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Finally someone who agrees!
And Angel, I could see it helping someone who is very OCD. And of course, if it helps people suffering through illness, I have no problem.
People say Jake Gyllenhaal is gay because he IS gay. For anybody with even semi-decent gaydar it is as clear as day. I have infallible gaydar and never do that bullshitty "I think he's cute so he must be gay" thing that I think a lot of people always think is going on when they disagree that a certain celebrity is gay. People seem to get the most rabid over the Jake Gyllenhaal denials. Why, I don't know. I guess he's popular. But he's also gay. So, soooo gay. And so is Hugh Jackman. FYI. It always amazes me when anyone claims either of these two is straight.
Submitted by naylinpalin on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 6:36pm.
I could see the ghey, but didn't the guy that started the Toothy Tile rumours also state he pretty much adopted a kid and all that shit? There's a litttle bit of a limit to what I'm willing to believe.
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Wait, Jake was supposed to be Toothy Tile? I didn't know that. It was Ted Casablancas I believe, but I thought that was years ago.
I don't care about Jake G. either way. But why do people say he is gay? Clooney I can understand. But why this guy?
If it was just her I'd say that's a weird reason (although he'd have to smoke somewhere else other than my house), but she does have 2 young kids.
I always call him Jake Gigglemahballs
For me, it all depends on the person...I used to hang with this couple that was super OCD and probably it was a good idea they smoked all day...but they were clean and busy busy busy - he had three degrees or some shit...and this other theatre twink I knew who smoked all day but I dunno - they smoked outside, they washed their hands, their lives weren't centered on it...becuz THAT environment (and I've even been there...well, not centered - but it was a focal point, fersure)is icky to me...becuz hotboxing all day doesn't give you much space to do other cool things...and while it's fun to get silly now and then: perpetually dopey stoners totally get on my nerves.
So anyweedisnottheone, I'm just sayin' I get it:)
♥ Threadkilla!
"I kissed him sort of hard and totally passionately, which I could tell he liked a lot, so I pushed him away and slapped him so he wouldn't think I was a slut. But not very hard, so he wouldn't think I wasn't interested." ~Abby
Submitted by sushi on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 6:49pm.
Nope - I'm with you on this also.
Tex Perkins.
Google him you dumb fuck!
So...he's gay and smokes pot?
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"Regular people pay for birthday cakes, you idiotic pig with the self-entitlement of a billion Kanyes." -MK
Submitted by QuweenJillian on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 6:42pm.
I never thought he way gay. And I agree, that is no reason to break up with a guy. He's not the lazy, lay around and smoke all day kinda pot smoker, he has a successful career. Never really liked Reese...
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Really? I must be the only one who thinks people smoking pot does not equal coolness or anything admirable. I've smoked it before. It tastes nasty and smells nasty. People act like fucking fools on it. It's as much a turnoff to me as someone who gets drunk.
Maybe she doesn't want her kids hanging out with someone who is purchasing illegal substances?