Cristiano Ronaldo's Peen Is Intimidating
Some tricks fuck for fun, some tricks fuck for any item of their choosing on the $1 menu at McDonald's (GUILTY) and some tricks fuck for published articles in The Mirror. Jasmine Lennard falls into the latter category. Jasmine, a reality whore turned Los Angeles fame fucker, spilled all the details to The Mirror about the time she rode the extra greasy bronzer stick known as Cristiano Ronaldo.
Jasmine writes that it all started when two of Crispy's ho catchers approached her in a club in L.A. and asked her to go back to his hotel for "sexy times." Crispy must save his signature "me you fuck fuck" line for special pieces. Anyways, Jasmine turned down Crispy's invitation, but she gave her number to his friends to give to him.
Jasmine claims that for the next two days Crispy practically melted the screen on her phone with all his text messages, so eventually she made plans to pick him and bring him back to her place. I'll let Jasmine take it from here. Although, it might be kind of possible to read due to the fact that your eyeballs won't stop rolling. Hold them down:
I have an incredibly male approach to sex and this was a game for me. He was a toy and this was a show. I wasn’t interested in wooing him or winning his heart. In truth I wasn’t even attracted to him. His shorts were SHORT, his top was TIGHT and the pink colour of both was …just not for me. As soon as he encountered my German Shepherd dogs and started screaming and waving his crutches at them in total panic and fear I realised perhaps this wasn’t going to be Mr Right.I prefer my men a little rougher round the edges. I don’t like to feel more man than the man I am in bed with. Things went from bad to worse fast. You might well be wondering, why did I do it then? The only explanation is that while I wasn’t attracted to him, I enjoyed the fact that he was so taken by me. Some sort of power trip, I suppose. Soon after entering the bedroom, I did indeed catch sight of the REAL Ronaldo. Now, while a lot of women appreciate a well-endowed man, this was just RIDICULOUS...intimidatingly so. “Oh for God’s sake”, I thought, “let’s get this over with”, although I wondered how long that would take. Not long was the answer...perhaps he was having an off day!
Can Jasmine please dissect the word "ridiculous" for us? How long is it? Is it more like a frozen burrito before going into the microwave or like a soggy churro? Does it have the complexion of a boiled Hickory Farms sausage? Does Crispy gloss up his peen lips too? Is his pubic landing strip as pristine plucked as his brows?
If you're going to broadcast your ho shit on a news ticker, at least give us the details we really care about. Who gives a damn about Jasmine's dumb German Shepherds! Actually, did Jasmine's German Shepherds mistake Crispy's dick for a shaved mole and try to it attack it?
I swear, Jasmine sucks at fuck-and-telling.
Here's Crispy intimidating a soccer ball at a game in Pasadena, CA over the weekend.
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Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 08/09/2010 - 7:00pm.
Submitted by humpalump on Mon, 08/09/2010 - 6:13pm.
...2nd to last pic
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O! LOL! I missed that!
I was gonna say: Well, I wasn't tryna say he was GAY becuz of it!;p
Anyweiner. Still average. But he looks like he's got some big cojones tho!
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Nothing wrong with big balls :P
Crissy is so fine and dandy. He is gay, he wears pink and earrings (at the same time), he has a child, he has a house with mirrors all around, he sucks at administrating his closet situation, it's all fun, I love Crissy Ro.
Submitted by Juiciest Couture on Mon, 08/09/2010 - 4:49pm.
Why would he wear a pink shirt and pink tight shirts for a booty call ???
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Perhaps she wants us to believe she fucked him this day here:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_vdcUq5_lauk/SKdPi_5CxtI/AAAAAAAAAVs/gdmPqz6Ic9...
I imagine her googling CR and picking a certain look that he wore, so we can actually believe her BS story. Why she picked the gayer look ever, well, go figure, the famewhore mind is a wondrous thing.
Michael K, THERE ARE NO WORDS... you just kill me, I have tears in my eyes I have been laughing so hard! Man I LOVE YOU
Please post nude photos of C so we may examine the meat.
Any time I hear people bragging about 15 orgasms in a row or 13" cocks I wonder why they are trying so hard to impress.
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and I was helping children in Morocco, it wasn't like a vacation...
bitch sucks at telling stories I have 2 agree
I'm a lesbo, but have been with guys sexually that I'm attracted to. I know, sounds weird, but I've never been able to fall in love with guys just women. Anywho, I recently was with this guy who was a little over 7inch I consider that a little above average, I wouldn't consider that huge...right? To me huge is like 8inch and above. I think!?!
It's pretty simple, really. If a girl likes a guy, he has a big one; if she doesn't like a guy, he has a small one. Now if she REALLY like a guy...see where I'm going with this?
What I find really pathetic is when a couple breaks up and the girl goes around talking about the guys size (usually saying it's small). It's so ridiculous. Like you said, they don't like the guy anymore so they change their perspective. What's more, it's really trashy to talk about their ex's private parts regardless of it being a "favorable" or "unfavorable" review. Just keep your mouth shut. People these days don't have filters.
Right, he wasn't attractive to you in the least...(insert MKs predicted eye roll here)...and if this has any truth to it, what did you expect him to do while in crutches? I'm sure it limited motion in way way or another. Whatever, filing this under bogus.
Oh how I wish this story was true...I love to hear about RIDICULOUS sized penises. The bigger the better.
I spy a wee lil' love handle!
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"LiLo is talking like she has swam out of the Jack Daniels bottle, hiked past the coke mountains, dove off of a crack spoon and is now ready to be someone's sponsor or something." -MK
Sounds like Mrs Patrick Campbell gave the interview...
ohh and people who say he's small based on his limp mode penis are retarded. I've seen some sleeping baby penises turn into dragons myself.
Submitted by humpalump on Mon, 08/09/2010 - 6:13pm.
...2nd to last pic
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O! LOL! I missed that!
I was gonna say: Well, I wasn't tryna say he was GAY becuz of it!;p
Anyweiner. Still average. But he looks like he's got some big cojones tho!
♥ Threadkilla!
"I kissed him sort of hard and totally passionately, which I could tell he liked a lot, so I pushed him away and slapped him so he wouldn't think I was a slut. But not very hard, so he wouldn't think I wasn't interested." ~Abby
i think he has a very good exterior but on the inside he's all dumb dumb str8 and I'm sorry girls this is what is cut out for you. if he was hot,intelligent and sophisticated he'd be 100% gay and wouldn't come near your jay-jay so embrace the doucheness if you wanna action down there,
Never were these two words so appropriate--ho, please! And I am done.
He is the definition of Eurotrash.
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Use goodsearch instead of google. Each time you search, you can donate money to your favorite charity without having to spend any money yourself! Spread the word.
Why doesn't this guy just come out and admit he's queer already? He's a soccer player, not the pastor of a fundamentalist mega-church.
Sounds like Crispy is doing more PR for himself.
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"Whoever it is needs to come down to the subways in NYC in August. With every ho wearing flip-flops, it sometimes smells like a family of horseflies died in a 2-week-old pot of fondue." --MK
I just can't get excited about this guy. Nice bod though.
Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 08/09/2010 - 4:54pm.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 08/09/2010 - 4:52pm.
http://rodonline.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c6d4753ef0120a5214d67970c-400wi
Ok, thats the best pic we gonna get, and since i m horny and dont have a life, i did an extensive search.
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Meh. Average.
But thanks:)
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Heres another: http://cristiano-ronaldo-gallery.blogspot.com/2008/08/ronaldo-wins-gay-i...
...2nd to last pic
He's just nasty.
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Come join me on a tour of Pennsyltucky!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhFHqNKnfes
Submitted by suckandfuck on Mon, 08/09/2010 - 5:17pm.
Women are retarded when it comes to talking about dicks. Its been my experience that women don't watch porn regularly
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I do. Women seem to find that odd. But I agree that some of us are retarded when talking about dicks. *slurp*
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And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"
I have tried in vain to find pics of the peen, but to no avail. *sigh* Cristiano can get it.
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And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"
Love this guy! *SWOON*
I can answer all these questions. His peeeeen is like the kiss of an angel with rainbow-flavoured arselips.
Meanwhile, Jasmine tastes like leaky colosomy bag dregs.
(kiss this)--------------------------->>> (_!_)
I would like it to be known right now that my earlier post in no way implies that my darling Sal has a small schlong.
Thank you.
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Pesez le matin que vous n'irez peut-etre pas jusqu'au soir, et au soir que vous n'irez peut-etre pas jusqu'au matin.
http://www.modestneeds.org/
"I swear, Jasmine sucks at fuck-and-telling."-MK
Nereida Gallardo who was CR's girlfriend for a whopping 8 months had a little more credibility and a little more revelations to offer up...
http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/showbiz/64942/CRISTIANO-RONALDOS-EX-NERE...
As well as providing some hot photo ops...
http://cristiano-ronaldo-gallery.blogspot.com/2008/07/cristiano-ronaldo-...
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPyWalwxY0k&playnext=1&videos=np2XluW9FFQ
"Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth."
~Buddha~
It's pretty simple, really. If a girl likes a guy, he has a big one; if she doesn't like a guy, he has a small one. Now if she REALLY like a guy...see where I'm going with this?
That said, couldn't this be something orchestrated by the Cristiano camp to bolster his masculinity in the wake of the odd birth of his kid?
WOW!
She's such a liar. If dude can holla at a waitress, why wouldn't he go over and speak to her? That doesn't make any sense, but then I saw her photo. I guess they send bodyguards and friends for the not so hot.
Seriously, we are supposed to believe he kept in contact with her for a couple years and ask for Irina's phone number and this bitch is friends with Wonky!!!!
I "like" him on facebook, he must have known this mess was coming, because he wrote a message stating don't believe that shit out there. Not those exact words but similar.
Y'all had me looking for pictures of this man's peen, there were some that say it may be larger than average, but nothing you couldn't handle without some lube or if you dated black guys.
Women are retarded when it comes to talking about dicks. Its been my experience that women don't watch porn regularly so I think anything bigger than their finger is fucking huge to them. The past year, everytime a chick has talked about a dick she's rode, its either REALLY TINY BABY PENIS or HOLY SHIT IT WAS DOWN TO HIS KNEE. I only once in my life heard a chick identify a dick she's sucked as "Average", once.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Ewww I just saw that pig and he was attracted to that? Definite homosexual tendencies, this is a chick with a dick NO QUESTION!
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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm
damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!
LMFAO KLassy!
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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm
damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!
*scratches crotch*
Meh.
*hopes BH is in sweats when I get home*
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 08/09/2010 - 4:52pm.
http://rodonline.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c6d4753ef0120a5214d67970c-400wi
Ok, thats the best pic we gonna get, and since i m horny and dont have a life, i did an extensive search.
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Meh. Average.
But thanks:)
♥ Threadkilla!
"I kissed him sort of hard and totally passionately, which I could tell he liked a lot, so I pushed him away and slapped him so he wouldn't think I was a slut. But not very hard, so he wouldn't think I wasn't interested." ~Abby
Hmmm...Intimidatingly ridiculous. yup....he's built like a ken doll.
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Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
http://rodonline.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c6d4753ef0120a5214d67970c-400wi
Ok, thats the best pic we gonna get, and since i m horny and dont have a life, i did an extensive search.
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I fixed dinner, i get bottom. I called it!!
Agreed. He has an average pee pee, I'm sure.
♥ Threadkilla!
"I kissed him sort of hard and totally passionately, which I could tell he liked a lot, so I pushed him away and slapped him so he wouldn't think I was a slut. But not very hard, so he wouldn't think I wasn't interested." ~Abby
"I have an incredibly male approach to sex which has nothing to do with the fact that I was born Jeff Lenkowski."
Why would he wear a pink shirt and pink tight shirts for a booty call ??? Was he getting wardrobe tips from Richard Simmons ??? This makes no sense.
I see absolutely no evidence of an anaconda in those shorts.
She's ugly
UBF, well, that's why? Slap a dick out of a man's mouth and it's like you moved his food dish. He is immediately clueless.
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Pesez le matin que vous n'irez peut-etre pas jusqu'au soir, et au soir que vous n'irez peut-etre pas jusqu'au matin.
http://www.modestneeds.org/
DWM, can't you see? It goes up and around the side.
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POOP (nourish the inner asshole)- MK
I call bullshit. WHere has it been hiding while he wears his shorty shorts?
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"Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, hide yo husband they rapin' everbody!"
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-Hat 04/27/2010
It reminds me of that website where people post their stories about fucking famous people. What was it again?
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POOP (nourish the inner asshole)- MK
@Dog
Sal was here yesterday afternoon, i had to slap a dick out of his mouth.
Havent seen him today.
I fixed dinner, i get bottom. I called it!!
Guys like this are extremely feminine in a lot of ways. They like to come across as macho but in reality are about as tough as a kitten. This one here looks like he cums before he gets in halfway in.
Anyone seen Sal? He's been MIA.
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Pesez le matin que vous n'irez peut-etre pas jusqu'au soir, et au soir que vous n'irez peut-etre pas jusqu'au matin.
http://www.modestneeds.org/
"You might well be wondering, why did I do it then?"
Actually, no. Sort of wondered why Christina R. did, though. That is until I saw Jasmine's pics and saw the tuck. It all makes perfect sense now.