Good To Know: Michael Cera Does Not Accept Blow Jobs From Crazy Fans
Michael Cera was standing outside of a movie theater in Los Angeles when a crazy and most likely drunk lady fan (picture this or this) came up to him to ask for a hug. Michael gave her a hug. Then she asked if she could hug his peen with her mouth. Mel Gibson just angrily shoved his wang into a Jacuzzi jet, because he prays to Jeebus every morning that shit like this happens to him and it never does!
Michael tells Rolling Stone (via CM) that he politely declined the lunatic slut's invitation to suck his dick:
"I pulled away from her. And the cigarette smoke was just falling out of her mouth. It was such a scary image. And then I saw her pull her shirt down for some other guy. There was something demonic and terrifying about it. She was completely crazy. All it did was make me put a few more bricks in the wall I already have."
Demonic and terrifying?! Michael Cera needs to stop acting like he's not a famous dude who lives in Los Angeles. This kind of sluttery probably happens all the time to him. The next time this happens, Michael just needs to pass her Mel Gibson's business card and send her on her way.
And that drunk skank must be a special kind of slut if she asked Michael Cera if she could lick on his urethra. I would get with just about anybody who checks the "male box" on the US Census form, and I don't think I'd ever go there with Michael Cera. Michael reminds me way too much of this crocheted mouse my auntie had on her coffee table. It was way too docile and fragile looking. I don't think I ever asked that crocheted mouse if I could suck his dick. Okay, maybe just the one time, but I was 17 and spiked tamarindo was involved so it really doesn't count.
(Image via GQ)
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He came into my work last summer in Chicago. He is just as awkward, nerdy, and passive as he plays in his roles. The employee he talked to didn't even know who he was.
I had to google this guy, I had no idea who he was.
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www.myspace.com/lazeechile
He is so ugly and I just don't think he's funny at all. And how old is he now, like 30? STOP PLAYING HIGH SCHOOLERS, YOU LOSER!!! He's one of those people where I'm like, "Why are you famous?" He reminds me of the "indie skater" guys at my high school who only hung out with the popular girls. The "indie skater" guys were bigger assholes than the popular guys.
Hmm. Michael Cera. Didn't he used to sing for that lame band Chicago? No wait, that was Peter Etc., um, Eczema, um Cetera. I give up, they are both douches.
"What's your motto?" "Kill everyone NOW"
This guy is a very mediocre actor. If that girl was demonic and terrifying he seriously needs to get out of the house more often or watch the news.
he's so fking ugly.. he needs to cut that hair..
and he looks like the spawn of Mr. Burns...
Damn, Rojo Caliente lost a TON of weight.
*******"Curtsy motherfuckers!" - Michael K. 04/30/10*******************
He is corny as hell.
N.Y...Jersey...Philly
Since he has so few fans, should he alienate those he does have?
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I never that it was your fault.
I said that I was going to blame you.
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This quote makes it sound like he's trying to outdo Druggy Whore Tom Hardy in the "TMI" category. Really...no one wants to hear about how this one time you turned down a methface's request for a beej. No one at all.
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"LiLo is talking like she has swam out of the Jack Daniels bottle, hiked past the coke mountains, dove off of a crack spoon and is now ready to be someone's sponsor or something." -MK
Submitted by Echo27 on Tue, 08/10/2010 - 12:41pm.
She was probably really ugly. Otherwise he probably would have said yes!
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She had a vagina, otherwise he would have said yes!
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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm
damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!
"Then she asked if she could hug his peen with her mouth."
i like hugs...can't believe cera would turn down one...lol
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sit your $5 ass down before i make change...
why would anyone want to give HIM a blowjob?
..
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
I'm sorry, what ??
I was too busy laughing at his pixeled-out ding-dong to pay attention..
"All it did was make me put a few more bricks in the wall I already have."
I'm not really a fan, but I can completely relate to this sentiment.
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Sometimes you just want to slap a kitten in a tiny hat. - MK
I am picking up a subtle vibe that ricki doesn't care much for MC. It's a gift that I have.
Mark my words. Someday, Michael Cera is going to loose his mind. To him, all women will be whores and he'll be arrested for kidnapping women and chaining them in his basement. There will be a special "ripped from the headlines" episode of SVU about it and Cera will be played by Jesse Eisenberg.
Submitted by Goldshift on Tue, 08/10/2010 - 12:20pm.
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Tell us the truth. It was you, wasn't it?
It's ok - you can tell us.
We won't judge you:)
♥ Threadkilla!
What's the point of havin' a rapier wit if I can't use it to stab people? ~ Jeph Jacques
Has he come out yet?
He and Mary Elizabeth Winstead share the creepiest kiss in the history of movies in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Dewd does not like girls and can not act around it
He can play one character only, the same guy he's played in everything he's been in.
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"It`s so weird that I went to rehab. I always said I would die before I went to rehab." - Lindsay Lohan
Submitted by ricki lake on Tue, 08/10/2010 - 11:44am.
I am going to make it my life's mission to have Taylor Swift and Michael Cera hook up and make a baby just so I can see what beautiful prose will erupt out of the new-found rage you will discover as a result of their gift to the planet.
vidz all the books are excellent and you have got to get the first movie, it's out on dvd altho IDK about over there.
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►I'm a free bitch, baby◄
"Give me a red velvet with a heaping sprinkling of FUCK on top!" MK
I actually like Michael Cera but this:
Submitted by ricki lake on Tue, 08/10/2010 - 11:32am.
Michael Cera's breath undoubtedly smells like weed and a hot dog factory. Sickening. I want to pour acid on his face and laugh as it melts off into the ground, his mutilated body writhing in agonizing death throes as I piss all over it. My level of Michael Cera hate has reached unprecedented levels. Code Orange, hookers.
made me laugh uncontrollably. Also the comment about his photo being "visually devastating". You bitches are on fire!
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Personally, I think Steven is just one of those natural crackheads. You know, those hos who act strung out, but aren't. They are primarily known as "Born-Again Christians."
She was probably really ugly. Otherwise he probably would have said yes!
@snowy
Of course Sarah silverman! Why didn't i think of that? (slaps forehead dramatically).
Sara Snook or sth? As long as its not scarjo or sth. Never knew of the movies till recently. Will dld them when i get soem time. Is the second one good> I'm just itching to buy it.
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Bitch please!
Bet a lot of these celebrities say no to the groupies in public and whisper to their handlers to procure them for private hook-ups later.
At least that's what I would do if I were famous. ;)
vidz, I agree ithe first one started slow, have you seen the Swedish movies?
El B had suggested some girl who would have been perfect, forget her name but it was S.S.
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►I'm a free bitch, baby◄
"Give me a red velvet with a heaping sprinkling of FUCK on top!" MK
I have only to look at Michael Cera, and i am transported back to kindergarten....art class.....the horrible little nose-miner next to me, painting glue all over his nail-bitten hand, then licking it off......and giggling.
oh God....must stop the images!!!!
"vaya con huevos mi amigos"
REFRESH TO SEE MY REAL PICTURE!
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►I'm a free bitch, baby◄
"Give me a red velvet with a heaping sprinkling of FUCK on top!" MK
Bunnies and chihuahuas, not kittens! And we'll both have Big Gulps. I love a good Big Gulp. And we'll have a bubble machine. Sigh. *Dreams*
chihuahuas? REALLY? If I've never known you, that alone would have given you away as gay man.
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Bitch please!
2snowy
No, Carey said she wont be doing it. i wanted Natport but she's kinda old. Can you believe people were suggesting scarjo? I picked the the first one on a whim (also because it was 50% off) after EL B recommended it. It was really slow in the beginning, but then it got really good.
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Bitch please!
"Submitted by harveyprice on Tue, 08/10/2010 - 12:18pm.
I would like to sit down with ricki lake on a soft quilt in the middle of a meadow sprinkled with a few wildflowers and trees. I would bring a basket of month old kittens that we could pet and a thermos of hot cocoa, perhaps a fountain soda too. We could kick it."
Bunnies and chihuahuas, not kittens! And we'll both have Big Gulps. I love a good Big Gulp. And we'll have a bubble machine. Sigh. *Dreams*
Submitted by Goldshift on Tue, 08/10/2010 - 12:20pm.
a lot of you sound so bitter and mean
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FUCK YOU!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
vidz noooooo where did you hear that? I thought it was the An Education girl?
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►I'm a free bitch, baby◄
"Give me a red velvet with a heaping sprinkling of FUCK on top!" MK
Damn Ricki, I miss your enlightening presence!
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►I'm a free bitch, baby◄
"Give me a red velvet with a heaping sprinkling of FUCK on top!" MK
a lot of you sound so bitter and mean but I'll bet if we all posted pictures of ourselves from FaceBook or whatever, you'd shut the fuck up. get over yourselves. so what if he turned down some random skank with smoke billowing out of her orifices...would you accept a blowjob from some random stranger? *smacks head* I forgot where I was for a second, of course some of you would.
@ few words
I like him, but i'm always confusing him for the zombieland kid (eisenhower sth?), who is also EVERYWHERE.
I seriously fucking hate Jonah hill. His greasy ass is all over the place. He's farted out more movies than Cera. It's like Seth Rogen sharted out a fuglier,incalculably more disgusting version of himself during circle jerk with judd apatow and danny devito.
I ADORE Mclovin though.
Also, since so many people mentioned Juno, apparently, ellen page will be playing Lisbeth Salander. YAY!
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Bitch please!
I would like to sit down with ricki lake on a soft quilt in the middle of a meadow sprinkled with a few wildflowers and trees. I would bring a basket of month old kittens that we could pet and a thermos of hot cocoa, perhaps a fountain soda too. We could kick it.
"And now you hookers and ho's know how I feel..."
- Snoop/Dr. Dre
What a jerk!! I didn't think he would actually tell on me ;p
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kitteh friends make anything look better. Well, maybe not ;)
http://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/the-13-worst-mel-gibson-rant-quotes-pre...
Goddamn, Ricki! Tell us how you really fucking feel!
*opens beer can, makes popcorn*
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"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me." - Emo Philips
Submitted by The Mad Catter on Tue, 08/10/2010 - 11:35am.
That picture of Cera is visually devastating. No one should be forced to mentally fill in the blanks of a Michael Cera dangling-crotch blur
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Aye - I second this, while I wash my eyes out with soap. Seriously - he had to give permission for this weird pic, right? So why is he "shocked" about the "demonic" offer from a fan? Dork!
Submitted by ricki lake on Tue, 08/10/2010 - 11:55am.
douchetacular the way he carries his fugly little pre-pubescent boy body.
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oh yes, this is a good observation. Yes.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
He's an asshole for not doing that movie as a follow up to the Arrested Development TV show.
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POOP (nourish the inner asshole)- MK
@Dog thats otay! I gots my own! :P
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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm
damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!
is that phoebe price with a new haircut? not very flattering
He's gross.
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POOP (nourish the inner asshole)- MK
RICKI LAKE
goddman i love you
you forgot to add:
fking seahorse riding boot licker peckerhead
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Submitted by Pamela on Tue, 08/10/2010 - 11:48am.
@Dog lmao yeah as usual! You spend far to much time in that wayback machine. By the way lets hop in and take a spin!
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Well, all right, but I must warn you the beer tap is wonky and the bubble machine is broked.
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Pesez le matin que vous n'irez peut-etre pas jusqu'au soir, et au soir que vous n'irez peut-etre pas jusqu'au matin.
http://www.modestneeds.org/
Jonah Hill may be a nasty, fat fucking glutton who smears KFC grease all over his 16 chins, but he is nowhere near the levels of douchebaggery and annoyance than this shit-eating little miscreant, who undoubtedly thinks he is The Shizz given the douchetacular the way he carries his fugly little pre-pubescent boy body. From the sad, pale white distended little fupa gut of an abdomen to what are undoubtedly his shriveled, mottled little raisin/cubed ham nipples, the thought of anyone getting down with this pale fugly monkey fuck is simply nauseating. I want to hire a pack of rabid, disease-infested hobos to rape and tear him apart with their moldy old gamey homeless pus-filled-sore-covered dicks. His pasty-fat pig flesh would look amazing, bloodied and shredded from the bone and gracing my mantle. It is time he pay for his crimes. The reckoning is nigh.
@snowpiece you cant have any pudding if you dont eat your meat!!!
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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm
damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!