John Mayer Is Mad
John Mayer's David Duke dick has been quiet for a while, but now it has risen from the ashes left by Sexual Napalm and is shaking its rage at the Huffington Post for posting some shit about its reunion with Jennifer Aniston's vagina instead of important news!
It all started when HuffPo ran some story earlier today about how John and Jen might be back together, because of some crap he said at one of his shows. Anytime anybody writes anything about John Mayer on the internet a special vibration goes off on his cock ring letting him know to check his Google Alerts immediately. After John read HuffPo's piece, he queefed out a response on his Tumblr that is filled with his usual brand of hilarious doucheatry and a few phrases that pay:
Ahh, Huffington Post, the internet Death Star. The world’s first spectator banking website. Come watch a site’s intelligence move in and out like bellows of accordion depending on whether or not there’s ad dollars to be sucked out of any willing orifice.From their front page item “BACK TOGETHER?”:
Are John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston back on? Mayer seemed to indicate they might be when he spoke in front of a crowd of 18,000 at his concert on Sunday at the Hollywood Bowl in LA.
“I believe in second chances!” he said. “You might have been a pain in the ass the last time around, but you can still start over again from home base. Next time you get a text from the one you love just text back ‘come over’ - no matter what happened in the past. If you really love someone, just tell them and be with them.”
Huffington Post, this is reporting? How do you pay your writers now, in Silly Bandz? Do you meet your sources in a malt shoppe? This is equal parts fabricated, cobbled together and misleading. Let’s break it down: I don’t think I ever said “I believe in second chances!” but I can’t be 100 percent sure, as it’s possible I could have accidentally said something succinctly and to the point. The next sentence is from the song “Half of My Heart,” in reference to the idea that meeting new people allows for hiding old mistakes. (Well, for most people at least.) The sentence about texting comes from the show’s encore, “Edge of Desire,” in a moment of giving people permission not to beat themselves down for still wanting someone. Two sentences about different things at different points in a concert.
The reason I’m calling you out instead of all the other magazines that make stories up out of thin air is that In Touch and Star Magazine aren’t concurrently writing pieces about Pat Tillman or WikiLeaks. Those other rags know who they are, and even if they’re obnoxious, I’d rather have to live with them because they (and the rest of the world) know where they stand, which doesn’t make them one tenth as dangerous as you are. You’re a stripper wearing reading glasses. Or maybe you’re an insolvent law student willing to dance for a few extra dollars. Either way, it’s uncomfortable to watch you try to wrap yourself around a pole when you have that C-Span scar.
I’m not a politician. I have no celebrity endorsements. So it is with a clear conscience that I’m able to title your piece on this post, should you decide to try make a few more bucks for whatever body wash or slasher flick you’re hocking today.
JOHN MAYER SLAMS HUFFPO: ” GO F**K YOURSELF!”
Damn. John Mayer is going raw (smells like open sores and melting Summer's Eve bottles). I have a feeling that there's something else behind this, because dude is taking shit way too seriously. Maybe a farsighted stripper with a scar in the shape of the C-Span logo once refused to give John a hand job in a club and he's never gotten over it? So he's throwing up his hurt all over HuffPo. Yeah, that must be it.
P.S. - Bitch said SILLY BANDZ!
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Submitted by Khensu Hetep on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 11:56pm.
Submitted by A.cotw on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 11:43pm.
Haha, actually I would be honored by that title! Thanks very much...I'm glad you liked my post.
I've heard of the "virgin whore" but not the Virginias or Mary Margaret Maidenheads...though I'm pretty sure I can identify each of these types personally. I'm a Mary Margaret, lol. I'd call myself a virgin whore too but I'm not much of a tease. I just obsess over it sometimes. A lot of girls (my sister's friends, for the most part) are a combination of both. Once the virgin whores got into college, they became Virginias. Haha!
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Okay,you're a Junior Hot Slut,or a Nascent Hot Slut. My stepdaughter was Nascent Bimbo.One of the strange girls on that dorm floor came up with virgin-whore as sort of a play on the Virgin/Whore complex. The naughty ex-csg virgins were all 16 or 17 years old. We shared our unillustrated porn collections. Anais Nin,Henry Miller,and some Victorian novels were particularly interesting.(Typo alert-I meant raunchy streak. Blame the painkillers.)Virgin-whores have dirty minds,they don't tease.
" What is the plural of penis,is it a Latin word? Penii?"
The Virginias lived in the all-girls dorm;you're right about the virgin-whores becoming Virginias in college.Especially in LA. I still remember the filthy drinking song about Virginias sung to the tune of "Ach du Liebe Augustin".Pranking the virgin-whores was a sport,liking jumping into every fountain on campus after a night of partying. On my 18th birthday,the wild bunch hired three guys from the water polo team to tell me a bedtime story,tuck me in,and kiss me goodnight. For the next month I was ambushed by the water polo players shouting,in public "Damn,you look so different with your clothes on!"
Submitted by A.cotw on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 11:43pm.
Haha, actually I would be honored by that title! Thanks very much...I'm glad you liked my post.
I've heard of the "virgin whore" but not the Virginias or Mary Margaret Maidenheads...though I'm pretty sure I can identify each of these types personally. I'm a Mary Margaret, lol. I'd call myself a virgin whore too but I'm not much of a tease. I just obsess over it sometimes. A lot of girls (my sister's friends, for the most part) are a combination of both. Once the virgin whores got into college, they became Virginias. Haha!
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R.I.P Ronnie James Dio :(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8GsmcWjT6c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt3gYfEGChs&feature=related
Submitted by Caramel on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 8:06am.
The Daily Beast?
Submitted by bornagainChristian on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 11:00pm.
Funny. John Meyer reminds me of the character in the 80's film _Crossroads_. If you haven't seen it, the main character is a classical guitar student at Juliard who runs off to the Mississippi Delta in search of a blues legend...and a mojo.
Submitted by Khensu Hetep on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 2:41am.
Submitted by sonah22 on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 2:22am.
Oh, god the Tardashian loonies there are unreal. Man, what a bunch of fucking serial masturbating cellar dwellers. Maybe if they spent less time jacking off and more time obtaining an actual social skill, they wouldn't be such passive aggressive sadling perverts and eventually get to have sex with more than their fucking keyboards and be able to handle it.
Pathetic. I'm a virgin, but at least I'm somewhat mature about my urges. If these guys (like the Kumdumpster Tardashian loons) aren't virgins, then I feel sorry for anyone who has slept with them because with THEIR mentality, they're probably too emotionally, psychologically, and physically premature to function.
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Awesome. The phrase "serial masturbating cellar dwellers" is golden.
Would you be offended if I called you a Hot Slut in the Dlisted sense, or would you prefer an alternative?
When I was a teenaged, ex-Catholic school virgin, virgins with a raunchy street were described as virgin-whores, (I was one because I collected erotica without pictures)frustrated ex-csg virgins were called Mary Margaret Maidenhead, (I coined that one)and virgins who suddenly became promiscuous were known as Virginias( i.e.,virgin for short,but not for long.The wild crown in my freshman dorm had a toast:"To Virgins. Fuck them all".).
OT: I still think John Meyer made such a fuss in order to seem like a great musician. Arianna Huffington's biography of Maria Callas was trashy.John Meyer probably knows this,as he dropped out of prestigious music school-either the Berklee College of Music or the New England Conservatory. Britney Spears was born on the same day as Callas-proof that the Depeche Mode song was right.God has a sick sense of humor.
Just occurred to me that Mayer is similar to the Bateman character in American Psycho.
He has this whole not-based-on-reality conversation going on in his head.
and when he speaks out, everyone is saying WTF?
He sounds really defensive. He also sounds like a real misogynist with his references to strippers and dancers. I don't think he has a very healthy view of or feelings for women.
SOMEONE has some MOMMY issues. and he is feeling OUT OF CONTROL because he can't control the rumors.
HE is used to CREATING them.
I say for everyone.....GFY JOHN!
is he still on Twitter?
www.theinfamouslife.com
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
Truth is I went to HuffPo once. There's TOO much going on there. They're tryna get their finger in every pie. The writing is very meh. And yeah - the commenters aren't bright. Even with all this talk (and it started HERE a coupla days ago) I haven't even had the SLIGHTEST urge to click in and see what it's about. What I remember was so chaotic and bland at the same time I totally couldn't be bothered.
PS. John Mayer is still the douchiest douchebag ever walked the earth. The Blues Masters all say it is so - and so it must be.
♥ Threadkilla!
We didn't start the Flame War:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1907543
What's the point of havin' a rapier wit if I can't use it to stab people?
~ Jeph Jacques
He and his racist dick need to STFU already. Looks like he forgot to put his teeth in. DOUCHE!
Fucking good! John needs to call out those assholes
Submitted by zomay on Thu, 08/26/2010 - 7:12pm.
I thought this said John Mayer is dead. By the way. I'm a single lady who is open to new experiences. But I still would not do Mayer.
Aww come on, not even once? Just to get it out of your system?? Hmm maybe that's just me lol :)
It's not Kayne or Courtney but still need a translator just the same.
http://tinyurl.com/2xxhto
You know John, I use to despise you and now, I think I just fell in love! Let's hear it for the fu!cking liberal Huffington Post who doesn't know sh!t about celebrities and half ass reports on politics with her liberal bias.......thank you, John Mayer for calling the slut out!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
tedious twat.....
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
Hey John, your asshole is a wonderland!
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►I'm a free bitch, baby◄
"Give me a red velvet with a heaping sprinkling of FUCK on top!" MK
Jesus, that picture...if Woody from Toy Story was profoundly mentally retarded and spent the last 30 years in a crack den, he'd be John Mayer. Just in case John Mayer's reading, which he prolly is since he's a fucking loser, that wasn't a compliment.
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19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
The HuffPo is one of the best aggregators of news on the internet.. I log on at least a few times a week. However on most of their Op-Eds or entertainment stuff - not a fan.
I bet you a Ford Fiesta that he's read every single one of these posts.
He is such a douchebag, true, but I really agree with him here. Huffington Post is not just idiotic, it is downright undignified. It's so trashy and every dumbass thinks he or or she is an "iReporter". And a (supposed) news site speculating on celebrities or anyone else's personal lives is obnoxious and unethical.
dude looks just like the handicapped chick on Facts of Life.
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"Your appalling choice in women is well-known to us dlisters." Momus
I see that liberal cesspool called the Huffington Post is turning into a regular National Enquirer.
The Huffington Post has been my news website, but I have to agree with everyone's criticism.
Can someone recommend an alternative?
I can't stand the guy, but have to admit that he writes very well and absolutely has valid points about Huff-Po.
fuck this dickcheese
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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm
damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!
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John Mayer looks like Jesco White, the West Virginia dancing outlaw.
...
HuffPo is the left's Drudge Report. Guess I should just stick to Alternet.
The internet will be the downfall of many an artist that might be talented otherwise, but are complete mouth-breathing douches, that needs to share every precious thought that flitters through their heads...
He's making it seem as though this shit was the main headline on the website. It was like a small caption in the fking entertainment section. HuffPo's entertainment section sucks -- especially in comparison to the shrine known as Dlisted.
Oh, bummer. At first glance I thought that said John Mayer is Dead.
Submitted by GinaOliviaMallory on Thu, 08/26/2010 - 9:36pm.
He's the anti-MK. MK says stuff that looks funny at first, then becomes hilarious when you read it carefully.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
@Khensu Hetep
MK is fucking hilarious! And he's ALL CLASS. He never points fingers at Piggez even when he steals blatantly from him. He never even mentioned the gay who directed Milk's nude pics whereas Piggez posted the worst/most intimate ones. And he's a complete sellout. MK deserves every penny of ad money.
And before this turns into an MK circle jerk, MK FUCKING BAN POOPY AND MPC ALREADY!!!
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"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." Oscar Wilde
Submitted by vidz on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 4:24am.
You don't think so? I think a lot of HuffPo members think they're all edgy and existential and stuff.
It honestly surprises me that Perez Hilton had any fans to begin with, and he's so two faced too. He deserves the backlash.
I've personally never been there, but I'm curious to see what everyone thinks of him now. Michael K is successful with his blog because he's not a fake syncophant, and he's actually (wait for it) FUNNY. Scribbling in white on someone's face =/= humorous.
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R.I.P Ronnie James Dio :(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8GsmcWjT6c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt3gYfEGChs&feature=related
Submitted by Khensu Hetep on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 2:41am.
Submitted by sonah22 on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 2:22am.
HuffPo has never struck me as an intellectual site. Perez Hilton got so bad that I had to quit a year ago. But the posters have gotten better. Most of the comments are just vitriol against Piggez. And the hits have gotten waaay down. MK on the other hand just keeps getting better.
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"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." Oscar Wilde
Still searching for his teefs...he looks like a 90-year-old....
http://yesteryearsthoughts.blogspot.com/
Submitted by sonah22 on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 2:22am.
Oh, god the Tardashian loonies there are unreal. Man, what a bunch of fucking serial masturbating cellar dwellers. Maybe if they spent less time jacking off and more time obtaining an actual social skill, they wouldn't be such passive aggressive sadling perverts and eventually get to have sex with more than their fucking keyboards and be able to handle it.
Pathetic. I'm a virgin, but at least I'm somewhat mature about my urges. If these guys (like the Kumdumpster Tardashian loons) aren't virgins, then I feel sorry for anyone who has slept with them because with THEIR mentality, they're probably too emotionally, psychologically, and physically premature to function.
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R.I.P Ronnie James Dio :(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8GsmcWjT6c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt3gYfEGChs&feature=related
Their obsession with the FLOTUS' fashion is also annoying. It is so obvious that she is styled by people who are trying wayyy too hard and don't know how to combine her personal, business-professional style with that of warmth. She's a cool woman (probably smarter than the pres himself), but shit, her clothes SUCK most of the time!
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Madonna needs to stop. These days it's more like Dolce and Your Grandma.
-Submitted by Echo27 on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 5:41pm.
I totally agree with him. Huffpo's celebrity section tries too damn hard to appeal to the lowest common denominator, as in fucking Kardassian lovers. I like the front page for its links to stories, but their headlines are usually sensationalist, with a FOX news type of tone. On top of it all, they try so hard to bombard you with stories that most of them are useless. And their bloggers SUCK half the time. I mean, seriously, that Mercola guy? He's just an herbal supplement pusher who raises fears over things like gasp-mocrowaves!
It totally is crappily headlined, though links to things like Politico, NY Times and Slate and whatnot make it popular. And yeah, the commentators are SUCH IDIOTS. Anytime you question someone like Katie Perry or Kardassian, you get called a hater or someone with a weight problem. Ugh, it really, really lowers my iq to scroll down past the links.
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Madonna needs to stop. These days it's more like Dolce and Your Grandma.
-Submitted by Echo27 on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 5:41pm.
That picture looks like it was taken in 1958. Nice pomador, John-boy.
Submitted by lora on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 12:53am.
Haha! Seriously? I don't think I even lasted there for three weeks. For such an "intellectual" website, many of its users can't argue or explain their own positions their way out of paper bag, hence why they resort to knee-jerk/ad hominems/non sequitirs one after another whenever you DARE challenge their logic.
Moreover, I've also noticed how HuffPo fails to attract posts without including some form of sensationalism on the homepage that would only attract the kind of people who swear by MTV.
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R.I.P Ronnie James Dio :(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8GsmcWjT6c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt3gYfEGChs&feature=related
Submitted by Khensu Hetep on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 12:29am.
.............................................................................
Yeah and remember that dumb model from chile that was gonna streak if chile won the world cup... they had a new story/pics of her on the front page. I wrote on the that it was stupid to have her on the front page and that she had a refund gap. And ppl on there also said I was a "jellis hater"
Submitted by Khensu Hetep on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 12:29am.
.............................................................................
Yeah and remember that dumb model from chile that was gonna streak if chile won the world cup... they had a new story/pics of her on the front page. I wrote on the that it was stupid to have her on the front page and that she had a refund gap. And ppl on there also said I was a "jellis hater"
TEAM ZOMAY!
Submitted by lora on Thu, 08/26/2010 - 7:45pm.
True that.
And then you have the one person who probably keeps registering new accounts whiteknighting the talentless famewhores because no-one else will.
The last time I ever posted on there was whenever there was an article posted on some tranny looking model who happened to be a South American drug lord, something or other. Everyone else was congratulating her, and whenever I posted someone should lock her ass away, I was a "jellis h8r".
Then I realized that if I actually had to explain why she deserved to rot in prison that those people didn't deserve to know why.
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R.I.P Ronnie James Dio :(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8GsmcWjT6c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt3gYfEGChs&feature=related
me thinks not only Jennifer broke up with him BOTH times but he is an avid HuffPo reader, like thats his 6th go-to site, after all his twitter/myspace/FB blogs pages, and he got his widdle feelings hurt.
& xoxo back at ya, Angel <3
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Illuminati Monarch Slave, at your service.
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He looks like a baby bird in that main pic.
GRAWK! GRAWK!
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R.I.P Ronnie James Dio :(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8GsmcWjT6c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt3gYfEGChs&feature=related
Submitted by Pearl_Necklace on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 12:01am.
Submitted by zomay on Thu, 08/26/2010 - 11:07pm.
Poopele on Thu, 08/26/2010 - 9:54pm.
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I have sooooo fucking had it with you.
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Zomay I feel you, but I doubt Provolo-- um, Poopele's beenie weenie dick is up to the job of fucking his own asshole.
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Ha. Trudat.
♥ Threadkilla!
We didn't start the Flame War:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1907543
What's the point of havin' a rapier wit if I can't use it to stab people?
~ Jeph Jacques