A John Travolta Gay Sex Scandal (Insert A Million Exclamation Points Here)
Yeah, yeah, I know that when the words "John, Travolta, gay, and sex" are thrown into the same sentence the word "scandal" does not apply at all, but I needed for it for theatrical purposes so go with it. The National Enquirer brings us this shocking tale that will make you drop the lube bottle (not really). An author who goes by the name of Robert Randolph is about to release a book about the "underground secret world of celebrity gay spa sex" in Hollywood. Fuck The A-List, this shit right here should be a reality show.
Robert is planning to name names, but the first one he has spat up is probably the least shocking of them all. Robert tells the Enquirer that he has witnessed John Travolta humping on several different dudes at several different spas in L.A.
The last time Robert caught John with his tongue in the culo jar was this past October. Robert is now legally blind. No. But Robert did say that John has offered up his succulent nipple to suckle on several times. Robert said, "I met John in 1998, after he had married Kelly. I believe the marriage is a total fraud because John is totally into guys and has been having sex with them behind Kelly's back for years. He came on to me a number of times. I always turned him down. But there was always some guy who was willing to have sex with him. And John didn't stop cheating on Kelly after either of their children was born. John's a cheating dog. It's just been wrong, because his wife seems like such a sweet woman."
Robert, who passed a lie detector test for his interview with the Enquirer, also said that John's "secret gay life is one of Hollywood's worst kept secrets. He blatantly cruises guys, and doesn't seem to care who sees him. I saw him with his lover and he couldn't get enough. John should come out of the closet already and stop living a lie. His wife Kelly deserves so much better."
My guess is that John has come home with man pubes in his teeth for years, so I'm sure Kelly knows all about it. I mean, why do you think John spend hours in the Scientology sauna "purifying his soul." More like peenifying his hole. This is not news to many, so I doubt it's news to Kelly. Whatever works for them.
And I wish I could purify the image in my head of John with his tongue in the culo jar. Why do I do this to myself?