Kelly Osbourne Takes It Off

If Kelly Osbourne's skin was covered with molten Tang and she had tits the size of Cisco Adler's slinky nutsack, I'd almost mistake her for England's finest rose JODIE MARSH! And that is a comparison that every woman lives to hear. Blame it on the welfare weave and the "I wish this cig was your peen" look.

Ever since DWTS, Kelly has been dropping the chunk and now she's so skinny that you just want to stick her ass in the mouth piece of your clarinet and play a song. It's like all the weight traveled up to her head. Bitch looks like a delicious candy apple on a stick.

And what is one of the first things you do after you lose a bunch of weight? Put on sparkly ho shit and shake your pussy for every lord, of course. That's what Kelly Osbourne did last night with the Pussycat Dolls, Robin Antin, Carmen Electra and Mya. And Mya really needs to settle down, because she's starting to resemble that Giuliana DePandasass creature and that's not a good thing.