Wonky Really Does Have Talent!
Joe Francis, the douchebag with the most punchable face in the world, is trying to cock block one of his former employees from releasing a tell-all which paints him as a "child molester, tax cheat, rapist, coked-out amoral direct marketer, violent thug and sexual predator." You know, all the things Joe's oldest auntie calls him when she pinches his face cheeks at family reunions. "You adorable little coked out tax cheat rapist you.."
The book FLASH! Bars, Boobs, and Busted: 5 Years on the Road with Girls Gone Wild written by Ryan Simkin isn't out yet, but he's been releasing excerpts including this one about Wonky McValtrex's ONE MAJOR TALENT!
Ryan writes that Joe called him from Europe one day and asked him to get twenty hits of ecstasy and four 8-balls of coke from Girls Gone Wild's controller/drug dealer. Joe instructed Ryan to get the bundle of the bad shit to his girlfriend at the time Paris Hilton. Ryan put it all in a Camel ciggie box and met Wonks at Smashbox Studios where she was doing a photo shoot for Seventeen. Ryan went on to write:
I took out the Camel box and handed it to her, and she thanked me. We talked for a minute or two about the apparent difficulty of procuring those drugs in Europe. I asked if she was flying private, and she said, "No, commercial." And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X. She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic.Right after that they came in with her next outfit, and she put it on. She said we could stay for a while and watch, but we were tired, and our work there was done. We hugged, said our goodbyes, and my roommate and I went back to the car to go home. I don't think we said five words to each other the entire car ride. I spoke to Joe a couple weeks later. He thanked me again for the favor and said it all arrived safe.
I guess so.
And I bet that when Wonky pulled out the Camel box in Europe, that shit was empty! Tinkerbell, the army of pussy parasites and all her crotch crustaceans snorted it all up! Do you blame them? Every day, they all sit in Wonky's cooch cavern waiting for some kind of nourishment to come through. When it's a peen, they just stand against her sour walls filing their nails and waiting for it to leave. But when it's a box of something good, they fight over that shit Lord of the Flies-style!
Bitch's pussy is like the opening to Ursula's lair. I would call Tinkerbell and Wonky's crabs "poor unfortunate souls" but they probably snort more coke than all of us combined!
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Will people stop making up pathetic lies about Paris? With this one the person had to be truley bored with their lives. No not everyone hates her. Which is wrong to state i love her and so do millions on her twitter. And fans all over the world.
I so believe this. Dude would be really stupid if he was lying. He has been around Joe long enough to know you cover your ass. Say what you want about those GGW videos but it a heck of a business. This guy knows about Hiltons money and lawyers and hes been in the game long enough to know you don't write something that is not true. At this point I beleive him (God knows she gross enough and wild enough and her vajjay is probably large enough, to have done it).
wow, she looks 20 yrs younger here. Funny she was such a druggie then too, Grandpa Hilton must be so proud. Its easy to crush a box of ciggys into your vag & take it out 5 mins later.
Story sounds legit.
Submitted by babybunny on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 6:45pm.
Wonks is tweeting that she is so darn mad that the paps are stalking her in Hawaii, were she came to relax from doing drugs and being a general skank ho...cause you know that in itself is a full time job! I mean when it comes to skank hos this bitch is clearly the best at doign that. I despise Wonky but I think her cavernous snatch is too diseased and stretched out to hold anything for more than a second. I am amazed she does not urinate on herself with all the men she has had in her...she is disgusting, and I hope she goes down...she seems to think this is a joke, but trust I did 65 days in county and never got in trouble again EVER...this ho takes nothing seriously so just like O.J. and all the other fucktards that think they are above the law, she needs to go down...they don't play in LV, trust me they dont, esp. with drugs. Wonky is going down...soon she will be loveless and incarcerated...we know that may never happen but one can always dream!!
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She can get fk'd in her wonk eye for all anybody cares about her 'relaxing' and shit. Fuck that bitch. How dare she flaunt her needless herpes 'relaxation' treatments and expect us to give a fking shit! Agreed, BBunny. Other than Joe Jackson or Momsen, this bitch takes the hate cake from me. She has done NOTHING - ZERO - for anybody. She will get hers. Karma is a BITCH.
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"Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense. Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan
Wonks is tweeting that she is so darn mad that the paps are stalking her in Hawaii, were she came to relax from doing drugs and being a general skank ho...cause you know that in itself is a full time job! I mean when it comes to skank hos this bitch is clearly the best at doign that. I despise Wonky but I think her cavernous snatch is too diseased and stretched out to hold anything for more than a second. I am amazed she does not urinate on herself with all the men she has had in her...she is disgusting, and I hope she goes down...she seems to think this is a joke, but trust I did 65 days in county and never got in trouble again EVER...this ho takes nothing seriously so just like O.J. and all the other fucktards that think they are above the law, she needs to go down...they don't play in LV, trust me they dont, esp. with drugs. Wonky is going down...soon she will be loveless and incarcerated...we know that may never happen but one can always dream!!
Submitted by Sexecution on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 7:40am
haha, really!?! ohhh, is it a ban for life? I think the only way she makes $ these days is personal appearances in Japan and a few other asian countries to promote her shitty perfume.
I'm sure you could fit a soft pack with a little bit of lube, but why would you do that? Especially since it's probably been in multiple people's hands. I'm sure she just alluded to it and the author is exaggerating.
You would definitely stuff 20 hits of x and a half oz. of coke up your cooter though, it it was wrapped in plastic and the right shape. I mean, come on people, BABIES come out of there, of course she can do it.
That being said, she probably had on of her underpaid abused assistants or vapid starwhore friends do it for her. Why risk getting caught with that shit?!
The next 45 times she flies commercial she WILL be getting a full cavity search. Fun news if she's convicted she won't be able to go to England,Canada,Japan and several other countries due to a felony coke bust. Doesn't she need to go to those places to make loads of cash she squanders. Poor bitch money going bye bye.
Ehm, some of us here actually own a vagina and I can assure you that a Camel box is not going to fit in there. Not even Octomum could pull this one off, so I call BS on this post."
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Are you kidding? This cum dumpster could fit a live camel in her snatch and still have room.
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I smell bananas! Am I back? what's in my ass?
Chirio 8/8/10
Yuck, just yuck! How could she do that? How could anyone do that? Sorry to be really blunt here guys, but I even hate tampons, let alone shoving a packet of drugs up there. OUCH!
Paris just gets grosser and grosser. The sex tape, the prison record, the drugs. It's all so pathetic and seedy. And yet she acts like she is a sweet, innocent angel.
She is a pampered, spoilt, big dumb slag.
Yeah, you know what? Why don't we ship all of these cunts off to an island where they can spread rumors and pull each other's hair out?
I hate Paris Hilton. I hate Joe Francis, but if I was Joe Francis, I'd keep my mouth shut too. Just because this is most likely true, I'm sure he had his share of involvement in some of it, at least, like many of the rats do.
Please, this was just an attempt at another fifteen minutes of fame.
All these people nauseate me.
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R.I.P Ronnie James Dio :(
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This is a stupid point but if I was going to get ridiculous hair extensions I would at least buy the ones that looked full, real, healthy, shiny...the list goes on and on. Her hair looks (in that picture) like she bought a Halloween wig at Walgreens. I mean I am always begging my hair person to thin out my hair but I would never want it that thin with Barbie looking attachments...
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and I was helping children in Morocco, it wasn't like a vacation...
Has anyone called Interpol? I would like this bitch to get the super, internal frisk every time she passes through any customs search she meets in her glamourous life
You know what scares me the most? That one day a child could come out of that gateway to hell.
Poor kid. You don't exist and I already pity you.
Wow, a picture with 2 of the worst people on the planet. Excuse me while I go barf.
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"Life is a long lesson in humility."
-- James M. Barrie
Submitted by TiredofthisCrap on Wed, 09/08/2010 - 3:21pm.
LOL, she must call her cooch The Bermuda Triangle.
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or The Paricuda Triangle.
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Illuminati Monarch Slave, at your service.
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No one has mentioned that due to her latest desperate and criminal grasp for attention, Joe Francis would be an *upgrade* from the bottom-of-the-barrel "star" fuckers whom she'll have to date now. Ho-e-tic justice.
I think we all know how much I hate Paris, and even I don't believe the lobster story!
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Cause when the loving starts and the lights go down
And there's not another living soul around
You rule me until the sun comes up, and you say that you love me
I hope they make this bitch walk through x-rays when ever she flies. Stupid cunt. If I were TSA I would give that bitch a cavity search (give her to some big butch lezzie who gets pleasure from humiliating people and isn't afraid of the leathal shit she might catch while she's down there). She's making a mockery of all their BS security measures we normal folks have to go through. Fuck TSA.
Submitted by Bossy on Wed, 09/08/2010 - 2:38pm.
If a chick can fit a softball in her ass...
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*ass* is a different thang, now. i've seen a whole arm disappear up there.
not up close, mind you....
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milk and cheese - dairy products gone BAD.
Submitted by Meeshie on Wed, 09/08/2010 - 1:56pm.
Didn't ya'll hear the story where Paris masterbated with a live lobster? She crammed the lobster tail up her hoo-haa and took a lighter to it to make it convulse. What she didn't realize is that when she burned the poor creature, it squirted it's eggs inside her rancid snatch. Supposedly, days later Paris had horrible cramps, ran to the toilet and from out her twat came what looked like squirming diahrreah. She passed out, hit her head on the bathroom floor and the maid found her and a toilet full of mud shrimp. So I believe a Marlboro box is no match for her stank box.
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Yep! And we all know it's true too!:) Also - agreed!
♥ Threadkilla!
Hey Cee Lo. There are two sides to every story:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1940830
It's no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti
That lobster story is urban legend. I've heard it told about interchangeable people/hookers.
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I heard that the lobster was what angelina jolie was pleasuring herself with ! WOW - these stories just never end.
Just another Herpes-on-Herpes story. Rodents are better than these 'people'.
What a great story. Ryan seems like a swell guy.
This can't be true! It had to be a soft pack. I believe she and others can fit a camel box up her snatch but why do that? Does she go through airport security upon leaving Smashbox Studios? She could just use the cellophane for goodness sakes. The whole box is just pointless.
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
No, the most punchable faces are the RepubliKKKans who want to continue giving Paris and her rich pals permanent tax breaks. Vote Democratic. Vote for the average person's voice.
Klassy. I'll bet Grandpa Hilton is so proud.
For those who don't think a chick could fit a camel box up her snatch...you don't Google enough.
LOL, she must call her cooch The Bermuda Triangle.
I can barely breathe for laughter! The lower case "j" and the whistle! I can only picture that being the whistle from the Carry On films when someone gives the two finger salute.
--thanks awfully--
"2-girls-and-1-cup" was a traumatic experience indeed. It put me off of chocolate for weeks.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Imagine if this were true and the plane crashed and Paris died and they found THAT in her hoo-ha. Just think how she'd forever be remembered. Sheesh.
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I Love You More
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"WTF?!!!!"
It's like "2-girls-and-1-cup"... A buddy tells you to google something, and you do... but then live the rest of your life wishing you hadn't.
Submitted by BangoSkank on Wed, 09/08/2010 - 1:26pm.
"Ehm, some of us here actually own a vagina and I can assure you that a Camel box is not going to fit in there. Not even Octomum could pull this one off, so I call BS on this post."
It is likely BS, but you clearly don't view much internet porn. If a chick can fit a softball in her ass...
WTF?!!!!
For fuck's sake!
Submitted by yoboo on Wed, 09/08/2010 - 2:32pm.
That lobster story is urban legend. I've heard it told about interchangeable people/hookers.
ITS TRUE!.....in my mind.
That lobster story is urban legend. I've heard it told about interchangeable people/hookers.
Everything she knows she probably learned from mommy. Paris is a nasty bitch, for reals.
Submitted by Meeshie on Wed, 09/08/2010 - 1:56pm.
Didn't ya'll hear the story where Paris masterbated with a live lobster? She crammed the lobster tail up her hoo-haa and took a lighter to it to make it convulse. What she didn't realize is that when she burned the poor creature, it squirted it's eggs inside her rancid snatch. Supposedly, days later Paris had horrible cramps, ran to the toilet and from out her twat came what looked like squirming diahrreah. She passed out, hit her head on the bathroom floor and the maid found her and a toilet full of mud shrimp. So I believe a Marlboro box is no match for her stank box.
JESUS H BEELZEBUB! *second sight of my dinner*
Submitted by Meeshie on Wed, 09/08/2010 - 1:56pm.
Didn't ya'll hear the story where Paris masterbated with a live lobster? She crammed the lobster tail up her hoo-haa and took a lighter to it to make it convulse. What she didn't realize is that when she burned the poor creature, it squirted it's eggs inside her rancid snatch. Supposedly, days later Paris had horrible cramps, ran to the toilet and from out her twat came what looked like squirming diahrreah. She passed out, hit her head on the bathroom floor and the maid found her and a toilet full of mud shrimp. So I believe a Marlboro box is no match for her stank box.
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OK.
That's fucking hilarious.
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19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
Does this mean she can be put on a list now where she has to go into that little room every time she has to fly somewhere? Not that anybody would want to have to look in that rancid thing without wearing a hazmat suit.
OMG too fucking funny, this post is classic. Ive hid a few things up there but never a cigarette box, that is hard w/point edges, if it wasnt in a condom and lubricated to the max, that bitch has a huge HOLE and with plenty of room to sit comfortably during a flight, with all her money, and having that shit on her, this is DUMBER THAN FKN DUMB by not taking a private plane. I wish she would of got x-rayed or that they had dog sniffers there that day. Too bad it didnt happen, god knows how many things shes gotten away with. I really hope the bitch gets punished big time for that little bit that she's denying wasnt her purse, gum??? rolling eyes so hard, come up w/a better excuse you useless piece of shit.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Wed, 09/08/2010 - 1:22pm.
Ehm, some of us here actually own a vagina and I can assure you that a Camel box is not going to fit in there. Not even Octomum could pull this one off, so I call BS on this post.
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I was thinking that too. Maybe she wraps in plastic wrap and he just misunderstood her using a box?
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POOP (nourish the inner asshole)- MK
Didn't ya'll hear the story where Paris masterbated with a live lobster? She crammed the lobster tail up her hoo-haa and took a lighter to it to make it convulse. What she didn't realize is that when she burned the poor creature, it squirted it's eggs inside her rancid snatch. Supposedly, days later Paris had horrible cramps, ran to the toilet and from out her twat came what looked like squirming diahrreah. She passed out, hit her head on the bathroom floor and the maid found her and a toilet full of mud shrimp. So I believe a Marlboro box is no match for her stank box.
Maybe she just has huge flaps and stores things in there.
@Bongo Skank
Ouch, a softball? What have I been doing all those years? A buckload of life-changing information within easy reach and it all passed me by. What a waste.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Nahhh I think she is smarter then some and I am sure she loves it when people know that she is a complete idiot
I remember on that MTV awards she was all jumpy like a kiddo and even snooki brushed her off with a "Bitch wat are u 5 . Side eye
This story seems bogus and Paris herself prolly feeds all those rumors
Kardashian got allot more deals then Paris ever had..... So as any oter respectable biz ho
She needs some negative buzz to get back into rags!
All those bitches are smart... Its not only their handlers who make em rich
They have to portray certain image for us to yap and for others to sell their brand!
Bitch should teach some hoes on how to make your snatch profits ... Hiltons were never as rich as they claimed
They were buttoms of their entire familly ... Didn't her grandpa left her like 20 millions? Bitch made more then that in one year when she hit international
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Justify and purify your lady parts
Be Differemt!!!!
Parasite can list drug mule to her never ending list of talents.
I think we all pretty much knew Parasite was sportin' a canyon vag. I mean, a Camel box? Hard cardboard edges and all? In a world full of used up trash, she may be the most used up and trashiest. I won't even get into the fucking of Joe Francis...she should have killed herself after consummating that most unholy union.
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
I like Lindsay Lohan better than I like this slore. Paris is one of the most stunted human beings to ever have had a vagina.
This bitch really is privileged and clueless.
Any normal person would be terrified of smuggling drugs in their choca. Even professional mules are afraid of the shit busting and killing them while 30,000 feet in the air or whatever-nevermind being arrested and smacked with some exorbitant drug laws bullshit.
I for one will not be defending this bitch when she gets whats coming to her.