Thursday, September 9th 2010

Lou Reed Made SuBo Cry

Pebbles the cat was woken up last night when she got a series of hysterical texts from her best friend Susan Boyle crying about how an evil man with a face like a boiled Scream mask (SuBo's words, not mine) ruined everything! The Daily Mail says that the most famous karaoke singer in the entire world fled Los Angeles in a cloud of sadness last night right after Lou Reed refused to give permission for her to sing "Perfect Day" on America's Got Talent.

Right before he kicked a litter of newborn kittens, snatched a lollipop out of a blind toddler's hand and tied a damsel to the train tracks, Lou told the producers of AGT that he's isn't a SuBo fan so he's not going to let her sing the song live.

A source says that SuBo is as fragile as the horn on a porcelain unicorn figurine, so she broke down into tears and headed for LAX to catch the next flight to London. The source added, "Susan is very sensitive and is genuinely upset. This has really knocked her confidence. She was in a car on the way to the studio when she was told the news and was totally devastated. She's now at LAX Airport sobbing her heart out."

But seriously! Something in the milk ain't clean about this. Obviously, there's a whole lot of confusion going on here. Susan Boyle singing Lou Reed? I'm afraid SuBo's heartache was all in vain. SuBo didn't want to sing Lou Reed's Perfect Day! She wanted to sing Hoku's Perfect Day! The lyrics are deeper and more intense... I mean, if it's good enough for Sandals!


So now SuBo thinks Don Ho's daughter popped the tiny bubble in her heart! Awful.

Posted by: Michael K


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Juno604's picture

God, if this woman really does throw wobblers regularly from being so "sensitive" and "delicate", she should seek therapy. She can afford it.

Submitted by salacious on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 4:24am.
LMAO! Your prediction for Susan Boyle, added to your opinion of Anderson Cooper and Tom Ford makes me wonder if you've been taking Boy Bitch pills like Mr. W! On an Anderson Cooper thread,I told you my theory of his appeal for the ungreat unwashed.Don't forget that his mama is Gloria Vanderbilt. That trick had a scandalous past before she started designing blue jeans and stinky drugstore perfumes.

Submitted by Khensu Hetep on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 3:59am.
Some of us were late bloomers. I lost my last baby teeth in 8th grade. Yes, my mother was pretty cool about giving straightforward explanations to questions about sex and reproduction. ( she is RC,btw.) The best piece of advice the headbanger gave me was to avoid taking birth control pills for any reason including treatment for female problem. It was quite clear to me that her objections were medical,not an attempt to keep me chaste. She told me the family medical history as well the pros and cons of other forms of protection.
Two first cousins learned this the hard way:one had a stroke at 38,the other had breast cancer at 41.
The gorge rises at the idea of venereal disease as a badge!

salacious's picture

Submitted by A.cotw on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 3:17am.

Submitted by salacious on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 3:01am.
Dude,how's it hangin'?
Perhaps Lou Reed thinks this is a fine way show off his druggie artist street cred. If this story is true,it would make sense. Personally, I'm shocked that Dlisters wouldn't have mercy for Susan Boyle's obvious psychological imbalance.
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Hey it's hanging low, real low! I don't have mercy for her, she's harmless. A lot of people are milking her for all she's worth and she's not seeing the benefits. I don't think she'll be famous for much longer, and she'll be happy to go back to a simpler life, probably in a mental institution.

Whatever happened to Paul Potts?

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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.

Khensu Hetep's picture

Submitted by A.cotw on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 3:39am.

Well, while I understand why they held off on the sex talk, I'm assuming that by 8th grade most people would've already been familiar with puberty anyway! :p

It's good to have your own resources though. I think most people are better off learning about puberty and sex education from someone with whom they are comfortable talking to, so I think it's cool that you had your mom to talk to instead. I personally figured out more about sex through the internet. The educational videos were pretty vague, but graphic detail really wouldn't be age appropriate. My friends and I had foul mouths growing up, and sex at that age for us was nothing but taboo and humorous.

Sadly, I think that in Paris Hilton's world that STDs are like scout badges; each one represents a certain "accomplishment" in her mind. It's really kind of pathetic.

♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣

Creepy, fat, lonely, and bitter since 2008.

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Submitted by Khensu Hetep on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 3:27am.
We didn't see those films in 5th grade. I went to Catholic schools from kindergarten until college. That film about entering puberty was shown to us in the last semester of 8th grade. In the meantime,my headbanging mother gave me bunches of books/pamphelets.(The ones about venereal diseases gave me nightmares. Which was probably the point. Even the word has a resonance that STD never will.) She is a Public Health nurse with a teaching credential; asking her any questions about sex and reproduction brought out charts,diagrams,etc.
Hm. Back when STDs were known as venereal diseases,there was shame and stigma attached to having one. Do you suppose Paris Hilton knows how to spell 'shame"?

Khensu Hetep's picture

Submitted by A.cotw on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 3:22am.

Hahaa, thanks. LOL at the Red Menace, and it's always funny how TV shows and commercials glorify it.

Those old sex education/puberty movies we watched in fifth grade were like that, like your first period was something to be excited by or something.

"I'm a woman now!"

The ONLY reason I'd be rejoicing the wrath of the Red Menace would be if I had really wild unprotected sex with some dude. Maybe that's why they always look so happy.

♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣

Creepy, fat, lonely, and bitter since 2008.

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Submitted by Khensu Hetep on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 2:32am.
Agreed.I like your description of commercials for feminine hygiene products. Smiling for no reason is right-as if women rejoice in The Red Menace. {My favorite term for it ever since I did Field Studies in a Communist country.}

Submitted by salacious on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 3:01am.
Dude,how's it hangin'?
Perhaps Lou Reed thinks this is a fine way show off his druggie artist street cred. If this story is true,it would make sense. Personally, I'm shocked that Dlisters wouldn't have mercy for Susan Boyle's obvious psychological imbalance.

salacious's picture

I didn't read this until now and I don't really understand why Lou Reed is acting a like a snob when there's a gazillion versions of this song that he's gotten royalties from. Fuck his double standards.

----
"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.

Khensu Hetep's picture

I don't care to discuss the SuBo vs. Lou Reed drama, but I know I don't like a lot of Lou Reed fans I've personally met, so uh, go SuBo!

And that's who sings that "Perfect Day" song? TheMadCatter (I think, for I don't feel like double checking to see who posted it) is right. It sounds like something straight out of a (Vagisil/Tampax/birth control/ladies' razor, etc.) advertisement. You can't hear that song without envisioning a group of 30 something year old women smiling and jumping up and down for no reason.

♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣

R.I.P Ronnie James Dio :(

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I thought Dlisters had empathy for people who are mental or Short Bus Special? Susan Boyle probably is "an agoraphobic nutjob". She has a great voice and her "Wild Horses" cover is awesome. Lou Reed was a perfect swine at the Montreal Jazz Festival.
Oh well. Dope them both up with anti-depressants and let God sort them out.

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stake_spike's picture

Aw I liked that Hoku song. But in my defense I saw Legally Blonde like 100x when it came out and that shit burrows into your head.

Remember Lou's desperate mid 80's attempt to become hip and relevant by making "edgy" videos for MTV? His "Original Rapper" video makes Yoko's "Hell In Paradise" look like "Thriller". When the android Lou in the "No Money Down" video rips the skin off its face, I actually thought it was an improvement.

Both him and his *way* over-rated wife should just build a wayback machine in their loft and fuck off back to the 70's when someone actually gave a rat's ass about either of them.

I don't care who sings on America's Got Talent. I just want Prince Poppycock to win.

madam ex's picture

That song is a classic that I LOVE!!!

Whamo's picture

Submitted by dlaugher on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 1:07pm.
=================================================
LOL yea I'm not quite sure how it all works I just know I've heard at times people can't do whatever it is they want to do with their own music for whatever reason. As you say, it's complicated.

Whatever's picture

Horrible song.

who loves the sun?
who cares that it makes rainbows?
who cares what it does
since you broke my heart by not letting me sing your song?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
milk and cheese - dairy products gone BAD.

ritzyroxie's picture

Ooh, Hoku! I loved that song! Cool nostalgia trip. But Susan Boyle needs to calm down. I'm sure Pebbles will write her something much deeper.

cprincess's picture

Lou Reed is a miserable fuck-let her sing it-hes probably worried shes not cool enough -dont worry Lou -you havent been cool for 30 years...
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"

JD1985's picture

They're both assholes.....NEXT.

dlaugher's picture

Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 12:22pm.
Submitted by dlaugher on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 11:12am.
i'm not a lawyer, but that seems to be taking it to the extreme. when has that ever happened? (that someone can't sing their own song?)
==============================================
Michael Jackson owns part of the Beatles Catalogue, Paul McCartney can't do whatever he wants with those songs, songs he wrote because of MJ’s ownership. For instance if MJ’s people want to use one of those songs to sell a meat products let’s say ( Paul McCartney being a staunch vegetarian ) there is nothing Paul can do about it. In other cases he may have to pay a fee to MJ to sing his own songs live because he no longer owns them.
There are actually many many cases were people don't have the rights to their own music and must pay a price to play it live.
Perhaps some fellow Dlisters have other examples they could let us know about.
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well, there are publishing rights and recording rights and license fees and musicians being screwed left and right. nothing new. not defending it! but it would be whoever has the recording rights to sir paul's songs--i think--that would control whether or not the song could be in a commercial.

it's all very complicated.

but still, in your example, you're talking about advertising. if she is singing a song on a show, even if lou hates her and hates the show, i think it's silly. i guess he's pretty shrewd though, if he does have so much control over his music. or maybe the producers of the show were just being polite in asking him. who knows. maybe the story isn't even true.

at any rate, you raise some interesting points.

Jeanneee's picture

This poor lady is an agoraphobic nutjob who rues the day she got famous. She'll probably attempt suicide soon, most likely by putting her head in the oven.

LisaRose's picture

I never realize Hoku sung that song. There are so many songs that I sing and never stop to think who sings them. Hoku has beautiful hair and whatever happened to her??

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I Love You More
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ILovePapaSmurf's picture

"Perfect Day" used to be my jam. No joke!
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.

I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."

I'll never understand the world's fascination with the Velvet Underground.

Whamo's picture

Submitted by dlaugher on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 11:12am.
i'm not a lawyer, but that seems to be taking it to the extreme. when has that ever happened? (that someone can't sing their own song?)
==============================================
Michael Jackson owns part of the Beatles Catalogue, Paul McCartney can't do whatever he wants with those songs, songs he wrote because of MJ’s ownership. For instance if MJ’s people want to use one of those songs to sell a meat products let’s say ( Paul McCartney being a staunch vegetarian ) there is nothing Paul can do about it. In other cases he may have to pay a fee to MJ to sing his own songs live because he no longer owns them.
There are actually many many cases were people don't have the rights to their own music and must pay a price to play it live.
Perhaps some fellow Dlisters have other examples they could let us know about.

Talula's picture

I love this. You can here Perfect Day in some stupid commercial(all the time), but Lou Reed won't let cat lady sing it! What a little bitch, and I do think he was awesomely talented. And I think the song was perfectly used in Trainspotting.

Tyroan's picture

That sound you hear is millions of confused SuBo fans Googling "Lou Reed" in dark basement apartments as their cats walk across the keyboard.

I bet Leonard Cohen ripped his attorneys a new one when he heard artists can deny permission to these shitty music contests.

mharker's picture

Lou Reed's a dick. There was a Spin interview with him a few years back and even he knows people just bear with his grouchiness because of his music. I love him.

eat.pray.vomit's picture

Right before he kicked a litter of newborn kittens, snatched a lollipop out of a blind toddler's hand and tied a damsel to the train tracks, Lou told the producers of AGT that he's isn't a SuBo fan so he's not going to let her sing the song live.
/////

J.H.C. that was hilarious.

Lou Reed's in L.A.? I thought he lived in New York? What do I know? I'm a hack b/c I don't read Rolling Stone.

Submitted by Tyroan on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 11:09am.
TEAM DIRTY LOU! I'm sure he'd let her sing Metal Machine Music
_________________________________________________

LMAO!! Hadn't thought about MMM in years...I think I played it once just to say I had listened to the whole thing. Not one of Lou's better efforts, but I'm sure SuBo could put her own spin on it.

"What's your motto?" "Kill everyone NOW"

Evil_Cupcake's picture

TEAM LOU! Why should that ol bat desecrate that song as well!

dlaugher's picture

Submitted by Whamo =This is exactly what it's all about. Artists fight tooth and nail to keep creative control over their work. When you lose creative control you have to ask for permission to sing or play the very songs you created..how fair is that?

i'm not a lawyer, but that seems to be taking it to the extreme. when has that ever happened? (that someone can't sing their own song?)
and of course there is a distinction between songwriting and singing. once you publish a song, you have control to a point, but you can't go around telling people they can't sing it at all. (why "publish" it?) but you do get to control it, as in this case. i guess if i were an artist, which i'm not, i would probably even let lady gaga cover my songs. why the hell not? i love hearing different interpretations.

Tyroan's picture

TEAM DIRTY LOU! I'm sure he'd let her sing Metal Machine Music

Whamo's picture

Submitted by dlaugher on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 10:46am.
"it's a bit weird when artists control their stuff to that extent."
==================================================This is exactly what it's all about. Artists fight tooth and nail to keep creative control over their work. When you lose creative control you have to ask for permission to sing or play the very songs you created..how fair is that?

dlaugher's picture

taking a page from mk, if i were susan, i would march right over to a local karaoke spot and sing "lou's song." she just needs permission to sing it on tv or on record, right? besides that, it's out of his control. honestly, it's a bit weird when artists control their stuff to that extent. commercials, yes, obviously. but if you write music, you should expect that people are going to remake it.

Whamo's picture

I'm so sick and tired of this whiny little thing crying like a little baby over everything. She ain't right in the head that's for sure. I can't sing the song.. whaaa time to run home crawl under my bed and sing Pebbles love song because he's the only one that really appreaciates my talents.
WTF? Is there no other song she can sing. Does she meldown unless EVERYONE has wonderfull things to say about her? I'm actually starting to HATE this bag lady. She has a voice....not like a bag ladies but other than that she's got to grow a fucking set or at least let the ones she has drop down. whaaaaa Shut-up and sing you doppy troll.

muffintops's picture

she can sing something else. it makes no sense for her to sing "Perfect Day", but i can see what the fuss is about since a bunch of other people have covered the song.

angel_i's picture

Diva FAIL!

The correct response is:
Whatever. I didn't want to sing that horrid music anyway. They just said I had to sing something "different". Out of necessity, I've been learning more about popular music of late and I've been able to come up with much better choices since I first decided on that one. I'm quite pleased, actually. If he hadn't refused, I would have HAD to sing it due to deadlines and such.*titter,titter, pet cat*

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norma_desmond's picture

come one Susan, you can sing a different song. shake it off, sistah!

TheBreakdown's picture

Fuck SuBo in one of her un-busy holes...which is all of them.

She should pop a pill and keep it movin'!

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LaChaylo's picture

I could only stand to listen to the first 10 seconds of that Hoku song. Goddammit, that is some bad music.

SuBo-everything's been pretty much said. I rather watch Prince Poppycock any day.

johnnysgirl's picture

Why the fuck did I click on that video *gag*

..............................................................................................
Have an open mind - but not so open that your brain falls out.

She may be super sensitive but it sounds to me more like she is a spoiled woman who is used to getting what she wants. I guess this just goes to show you that you can't get everything you want.

WinnieT's picture

Submitted by The Mad Catter on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 9:29am.

It screams "DOUCHE COMMERCIAL" at me. Or some other feminine hygiene thing like tampons.
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Oh Jeez, now that's what I'm going to associate it with now.....tampons.
Although just to add: no day involving tampons is a perfect day...justsayin'

"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped"
- Elbert Hubbard