Dancing With The Has-Beens: 666 For Bristol Palin
"For you, this is virgin territory" is what DWTS judge Bruno said to "teen advocate" Bristol Palin right after she moved around on the dance floor with her partner Mark Ballas. Bruno is truly a gift, because you know that line has been marinating on the tip of his unicorn tongue ever since he found out that Bristol was a contestant. I'm no Sookeh Stackhouse, but I could still read the minds of every trick in that audience. They were all thinking the exact same thing: TOO EASY. And Bristol herself made it too too easy (Bruno wrote that line).
First of all, Bristol danced to "Mama Told Me (Not To Come)." Mama should've told Levi not to cum. IF ONLY. But that song has always bothered me, because what kind of creepy ass mama cares if her child experiences the pleasure of a jizz bust or not? Focus on your own cum, mama!
Second of all, Bristol started off her performance in a bedazzled Sarah Palin-like serious suit and ripped it off shortly after. Bristol is trying hard to shock us, but her execution is shit! What kind of striptease was that?! An amputee turtle could've done a sexier striptease.
I mean, when Bristol let her bun out, she didn't even whip her hair back and forth (Willow Smith is crying into her Converse leggings right now). Doesn't Bristol know that you're supposed to shake the homely out of your hair in order to summon the sexiness? Bristol just stood there like a flaccid dick in a cold shower. She needs to watch more 80s movies where the homely nerd becomes a sex goddess by taking off her glasses and shaking her bun out. This is your homework for the week, Bristol!
With all that being said, Bristol wasn't the worst. I expected her to give us the second coming of Kate Gosselin by stomping around like she's filled with concrete, but she didn't. Michael Bolton took that honor. The judges told Bristol that she showed promise and they gave her a 6-6-6. The Illuminati works in mysterious ways (Second case in point: Sarah Palin used "OVER THE MOON" on her Twitter).
You know who else got a 6-6-6? My personal favorite Florence Henderson! This one's for you, Greg:
As for the rest: The Hoff was as stiff as his drinks, Margaret Cho gave us a remake of the I Love Lucy "Dead Showgirl" episode, Jennifer Grey made me wish she never put her old nose in the corner, The Situation doesn't have smooth moves like Ronnie, and the rest were just fine. And my guess for who won't be picking up a check next week is either The Hoff or Ceiling Eyes.
Here's some pictures from last night's after party. I feel like I need to close the door on thumbnail #1, because I think we're witnessing another conception.
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I TOLD my grandma that the old whore exposed herself. No one ever believes me.
Submitted by Anonymouse73 on Wed, 09/22/2010 - 3:13pm.
Btw, there is something in between being "rich" and being on the dole. It's called the rest of us. Ever heard of it?
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For realz. I'm glad I came back here. For a number of reasons:)
PS. TY;)
♥ Threadkilla!
9/11 is like Christmas for gay people!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1926079
A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.~ William James
Wow. Is there really someone out there who doesn't know that the Republican Party used to the Democratic Party and vice versa? I thought that was pretty much common knowledge...
As for the TEA Party...math, what a drag. Ok, so by your count, they consist approx. 40% of Independents. Fair enough. HOWEVER, they are a very small sample of the actual voting population. 40% of the TEA PARTY may be Independents, but ALL or dare I say MOST of the registered Independents do NOT belong to the Tea party. This Indy, for one, does not. Most people are not that fringe-y. Sorry to burst your bubble, love. Most people are pretty middle of the road/moderate. Your tea party candidates are a pr nightmare...to the point where I at first thought we were all being punked.
As for this chit, lord...she has no passion for dance, that's for sure. That was pretty painful to watch and I'm not going to even give her props for going on there if she's actually making $400k off it. What in the hell?!
I saw the video of her and her mom mocking the lady for saying she's a *gasp* teacher. I SAW her call the camera man an asshole, so whatever. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Whole family is a bunch of opportunists and grifters, bilking people and laughing all the way to the bank. But that's ok, cause I'm laughing myself at the people who are stupid enough to fall for this shit.
And finally, I cannot believe someone would call another human being a moron (omg. what would Palin say about that???) for having to be on the dole. You have NO idea what someone's circumstances are...but in this case, you actually DO b/c she TOLD YOU something rather heartbreaking, yet you are such a heartless prick that you MOCKED her for it!! Something is very very wrong w. you.
Btw, there is something in between being "rich" and being on the dole. It's called the rest of us. Ever heard of it? And please w. the "rich people work harder than everybody else" bs. Rich people have money to work FOR them.
Why are the chicks all wearing the same shoes??
Why are the chicks all wearing the same shoes??
I think Bristol did great, more power to her.
Submitted by julesinSD on Wed, 09/22/2010 - 11:13am.
Fact: You are in the wrong century.
Fact: The RepubliKKKan party of today is the party of Hitler.
Fact: The RepubliKKKan Party destroyed out economy.
FACT: The original targets of the Ku Klux Klan were Republicans, both black and white.
FACT: the first grand wizard of the KKK was honored at the 1868 Democratic National Convention,
FACT: NO Democrats voted for the 14th Amendment to grant citizenship to former slaves.
FACT: Kids of DEMOCRAT liberals are DUMB FUCKS!
They only read d-listed. Enjoy those public schools (that cost us MORE than the entire budget for the military) and enjoy being ranked 25th in the world because our schools turn out DUMB FUCKERS like Boston61 who think the KKK was started by “evil repubublicans.”
Molotov Cocktease on Wed, 09/22/2010 - 12:56am.
Nah Khensu, I see where you were coming from, the whole Republikkkan thing is pretty lame and that's coming from someone with no political affiliation. I read through the whole thread and was actually referring to some way earlier posts and just kinda giggling that such a silly topic could spawn such heated debate.
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*I* think it's pretty funny that we managed to raise loonies from both sides...on a DWTS thread! LOL!
♥ Threadkilla!
9/11 is like Christmas for gay people!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1926079
A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.~ William James
OFF TOPIC:
Paris Hilton is still waiting to hear if she will be allowed to enter Japan or not. The U.S. Embassy has declined to comment.
LMAO! The first political officer probably hung up on Parasite's publicist.
I want to watch this season for the hilarity that is sure to ensue... but what if it doesn't? I think I'll let The Soup and dlisted do my DWTS coverage this year. The Atlanta Housewives might be more than I can handle.
Florence Henderson you child stealing cougar... you need to visit Agent Provocateur if you're going to show your undergarments. : (
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SX2KzqM3qU
Nah Khensu, I see where you were coming from, the whole Republikkkan thing is pretty lame and that's coming from someone with no political affiliation. I read through the whole thread and was actually referring to some way earlier posts and just kinda giggling that such a silly topic could spawn such heated debate.
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Nice Dress. Go die in it.
Submitted by Molotov Cocktease on Wed, 09/22/2010 - 12:39am.
Nah, I don't care much for political debate.
I'm just sick of seeing Boston61 repeating himself the same lines over, and over, and over in any thread that's vaguely political.
REPUBLIKKKANS=THE AMERICAN TALIBAN SCARY WORDS TALIBAN OOGEY BOOGEY
Meanwhile, I've seen him make some pretty close minded statements otherwise on here that would make him appear an ignorant fool too. (Not just the Republican bullshit.)
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Creepy, fat, lonely, and bitter since 2008.
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Submitted by boston61 on Wed, 09/22/2010 - 12:34am.
LOLOLOLOL I SEE WHAT YOU DID THAR
Anyone can parrot political bogeyman terms.
At least unlike you, I can admit that I know or care jack shit about politics. You just keep repeating the same shit over and over again because you can't think of anything on your own.
Yawn.
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Creepy, fat, lonely, and bitter since 2008.
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Political debate on a DWTS thread. Oh the humanity.
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Nice Dress. Go die in it.
RepubliKKKans = The American Taliban
RepubliKKKans = Destroyed our economy!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by boston61 on Wed, 09/22/2010 -
Arguing logic with you is like arguing with a brick fucking wall, but it's passe.
Not all Republicans support or agree with the Palins. The Palins are an example of an extreme political stereotype and aren't taken seriously by many Republicans. Fucking duh.
You're the one so far detached from reality that you blindly subscribe to media stereotypes. People like you are too ignorant to realize not everything in the world is black nor white. If you've already decided to hate and shun everyone who disagrees with your political views, you're going to have a lot of fun in the real world.
Troll harder. It's been done before and better. Unoriginal trolling is unoriginal.
Bigot.
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Creepy, fat, lonely, and bitter since 2008.
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RepubliKKKan = the American Taliban
They are sick and twisted and are destroying our great country. And yes they hate gays and blacks. Anyone who is not very wealthy and identifies as RepubliKKKan is a huge SUCKER. They lie and cheat an endlessly slander good people. How dare Bristol's mother accuse Obama of "Palling around with Terrorists". She is a sick f*ck. As are ALL RepubliKKKans.
Will someone please tell Alaskan Chunk that showing what a whore she is on national TV is not good for the repuklican party? I mean, my dog, didn't she notice the runs in the panty hose coming out of her crotch? She looks like a teenage slut who woke up on some bed in a tenement after being gang banged all night by her favourite boy group and is doing the walk of shame home at 7 am in the same clothes she was wearing at 7 pm. Oh wait, she is a stupid teenage slut. Sorry.
Bristol is doing her mom proud, showing what a white piece of Alaskan trash she truly comes from.
OK, I'm not a Republican (or part of any political party- I don't even like or follow politics that much) but I'm really not fond of the "RepubliKKKan" bullshit.
I think the Palins are famewhores, but so does my REPUBLICAN family (well, most of them are anyway), and believe it or not, they aren't as archaic, fanatical, and bigoted as some people want to portray them.
They are mostly economically Conservative. They are very tolerant and respectful toward all demographics of people. Yes, they are Roman Catholics as well, and they don't have a problem with gay marriage or black people.
This is why the country's so fucked up, because *some people* have tunnel vision and there are several examples on both ends of the spectrum that refuse to find a middle ground.
By calling them "RepubliKKKans" and remarking that they all hate gay people, first of all, is a TREMENDOUS insult to my family because you are insinuating that they are cruel people who advocate hate crimes against people who are different. Second of all, what makes you better? After all, you've managed to label SOMEONE DIFFERENT FROM YOU as wrongdoing without understanding where they're coming from.
No, my family may not always know what they're talking about but their hearts are in the right fucking place, all of the time.
And, Boston61, you aren't a fucking saint. I've read many ignorant posts from you beside from the "RepubliKKKan" remarks.
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Creepy, fat, lonely, and bitter since 2008.
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“RepubliKKKans hate gays.”
The KKK was started by DEMOCRATS - look it up you dumb fucks! Do they not teach you little assholes anything in the public shit schools these days?
Martian Luther King was a REPUBLICAN (look it up you little dumb fuckers!)
DEMOCRATS stopped Civil rights in it's tracks - by fillibustering it - (LOOK IT UP you dumb fuckers) Civil rights would NOT HAVE PASSED without REPUBLICANS.
Democrats: for Slavery, succession, socialism.
LOOK IT UP YOU DUMB ASSHOLES!
YOU FUCKS ARE STOOPID!
Did I hear the Situation state that he didn't even know that there were roads from Alaska to California for Bristol to drive down? Did I hear that correctly?
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I smell bananas! Am I back? what's in my ass?
Chirio 8/8/10
@grapesoder: O I don't know about that!
Bristol's TV Debut:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=la5kAYaHWJQ
The Situation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zT9p1vnBjo
Now that's RANGE yo!
♥ Threadkilla!
9/11 is like Christmas for gay people!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1926079
A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.~ William James
Bristol > the Situation.
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 09/21/2010 - 9:41pm.
Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 09/21/2010 - 8:50pm.
Shut up, really?!? You think they might have started a little farther down the list of 'celebrity'...The Situation, at least...or Bristol...
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I know, right? I thought Brandy or Michael Bolton or that football player would have gone first. I was really looking forward to watching The Hoff's smooth moves.
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Yeah, that's sad. The football guy. We don't even know his name! How can he possibly be better than the Hoff? Crazaze.
♥ Threadkilla!
9/11 is like Christmas for gay people!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1926079
A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.~ William James
Yeah, I see a future for her too... in an inappropriate relationship with that guy.
And that was not awful but it was pretty "meh." The most interesting thing was her very genuine smile throughout.
Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 09/21/2010 - 8:50pm.
Shut up, really?!? You think they might have started a little farther down the list of 'celebrity'...The Situation, at least...or Bristol...
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I know, right? I thought Brandy or Michael Bolton or that football player would have gone first. I was really looking forward to watching The Hoff's smooth moves.
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I smell bananas! Am I back? what's in my ass?
Chirio 8/8/10
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 09/21/2010 - 8:45pm.
They dumped The Hoff from DWTS...how could they dump The Hoff? He's The Hoff for goodness sake! I'm going to get drunk and eat a hamburger off the floor (while shirtless)in memorium. Damn, they dumped The Hoff...
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Shut up, really?!? You think they might have started a little farther down the list of 'celebrity'...The Situation, at least...or Bristol...
♥ Threadkilla!
9/11 is like Christmas for gay people!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1926079
A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.~ William James
They dumped The Hoff from DWTS...how could they dump The Hoff? He's The Hoff for goodness sake! I'm going to get drunk and eat a hamburger off the floor (while shirtless)in memorium. Damn, they dumped The Hoff...
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I smell bananas! Am I back? what's in my ass?
Chirio 8/8/10
Audrina looks great.
Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 09/21/2010 - 7:08pm.
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Seriously Angel... stop being a whiny fuckin' bitch already. And tell your "friend" to go mount THIS !! You have a big mouth but no one is allowed to challenge your opinion? Getting on your high horse about morals and values ... regarding a young girl who got herself knocked up out of wedlock ... Question to you: where are your morals and values when you're attacking someone who did the right thing !?!! She gave life - she didn't take it away. Don't get so caught up in your religious sermon .... no one wants to hear it.
its bruce bitch...what I want to know is how long jennifer grey can bring out patrick swayze??I see a cry a week until she gets kicked off..."If parick were here (sniff) he would call in...I know he is calling in from heaven...(Sob!!!!)
Bristol Palin is famous for being a unwed teen mother and daughter of a wannabe vp and governer who quit during her first term. Yea, real heros to look up to. Doesn't take much to impress people.
I need that bra. Truth.
♥ Threadkilla!
9/11 is like Christmas for gay people!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1926079
A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.~ William James
Submitted by urmomma on Tue, 09/21/2010 - 5:36pm.
WTF happened in hair today?! I came in here looking for Eileenie and all the nasty slut comments about Florence Henderson and her hot, hot meemaw tittays and I get this shit. Damn. Y'all know how to ruin the mood.
Oh.and.stop jackin' with angel_i before I have to mount you verbally and ride you around the room like my own personal bitch-tricycle.
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Aw! Thanks urmomma. I do believe I brought it on myself. Seems I needed a project today:)
But don't hold back yo - there's nothing you could say that's undeserved today...whether it's for me or the population in general;p
Florence hot memaw titties got ignored all day! That IS a damn shame. Lemme collect mahself and see what ah got!
♥ Threadkilla!
9/11 is like Christmas for gay people!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1926079
A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.~ William James
Submitted by K2 on Tue, 09/21/2010 - 5:40pm.
Um..no. You're dumb as hell. The best person to preach about AVOIDING TEEN PREGNANCY is someone who DIDN'T get pregnant. Cuz that's what they need to know - how to be a teen who DOESN'T get pregnant. A teen who does is hardly the best person to teach THAT.
Also, doesn't sex before marriage go against her religion? She has shamelessly disrespected her OWN RELIGION! It ain't my religion, I don't care - but I'm hardly gonna trust a bitch who can't keep her own values straight.
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Listen dumb fuck : the last person a group of kids wants to hear from about teen pregnancy is some authority figure!
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I didn't say it couldn't be a teen.
And isn't "I can do it but you can't" a little condescending?
AND btw , you ignorant ass, what the fuck does her religion have to do with anything? Kids of all religions engage in premarital sex.
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Well, tell me then. What does she have to say to teens about sticking to their values and morals? That she regrets the way her life turned out? On Dancing with the Stars? That she's not afraid of hell, after all, as long as she gets on TV? And how are we supposed to believe that after she's broken her vows? Especially so SOON after she's broken her vows and hasn't really seemed to repent. At no point has she come across as remorseful - resentful, yes, but I've seen very little remorse.
But why are you people such name callers? So angry? I don't get it. You need to go smell a flower already. O wait - I forgot: flowers make you angry too. I dunno - motor oil? Does that make you happy?
Also, ITA@ parkerj: Myself, I'm skirting all kinds of points for sake of simplicity. Which is obviously a good idea.
♥ Threadkilla!
9/11 is like Christmas for gay people!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1926079
A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.~ William James
Submitted by MagnificentChichis on Tue, 09/21/2010 - 6:57pm.
Mag - you should change your avie to feature Mrs. Brady's rack.
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I smell bananas! Am I back? what's in my ass?
Chirio 8/8/10
HA HA HA this one is a CLASSIC! One of the best posts ever. 6-6-6! The Illuminati! Momma told me not to come! One little tear just busted out of my eye. I can't take this much humor in one fifteen minute period.
I know its a moot point by now but where the fuk are the stars??????? I will take a has-been any day but these are people that never were.........hell I could be on that show and no one would notice.
Submitted by K2 on Tue, 09/21/2010 - 5:40pm.
Kids learn by watching their role models. If Bristol is actually on TV preaching abstinence and driving home the real RISKS of having baby as a kid, then sure she could be an excellent advocate. She doesn't have to be destitute or experience all the risks herself, she could point to what the statistics are and/or bring other teen moms into the picture, if she wants to provide real examples.
If on the other hand, Bristol is making lots of money off of her baby (magazine covers) and becoming famous and glamorous just because she is a TEEN MOM, and not because of what she's preaching, then you know what? Not much of a role model against teen pregnancy.
RepubliKKKans hate gays. They just blocked the DADT repeal. Ironic because Bristol's dance partner is probably gay. The Palin family are pure EVIL.
Yeah,I watched a clip last night. She wasn't terrible, but that striptease was LAME. She did look like she was having fun, and I actually found myself thinking, "Get it, girl!"
*dies*
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And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"
Um..no. You're dumb as hell. The best person to preach about AVOIDING TEEN PREGNANCY is someone who DIDN'T get pregnant. Cuz that's what they need to know - how to be a teen who DOESN'T get pregnant. A teen who does is hardly the best person to teach THAT.
Also, doesn't sex before marriage go against her religion? She has shamelessly disrespected her OWN RELIGION! It ain't my religion, I don't care - but I'm hardly gonna trust a bitch who can't keep her own values straight.
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Listen dumb fuck : the last person a group of kids wants to hear from about teen pregnancy is some authority figure! They want to hear it from a peer, someone they can relate to, they want to hear first hand how you might not get to go to college, graduate high school, the struggles of not socializing with friends and going out with the "group" anymore b/c you have a kid at home to nurse, change, bathe, and basically work all day to support! SO, you're missing the point. It's not about listening to someone with values , it's about listening to someone who's been there and can warn other teens about the daily happenings of life when you're 18 and have a child. You dont get to be a kid anymore ... you need to grow up fast.
AND btw , you ignorant ass, what the fuck does her religion have to do with anything? Kids of all religions engage in premarital sex. Just b/c she wears a cross around her neck doesn't mean she was able to fight off sexual urges. She's a teenager !! I can't even believe your stupidity. I'm still shaking my head.
<"the I Love Lucy "Dead Showgirl" episode">
I remember when she danced with the Ricky dummy for the studio executives and his head fell off and she kicked it offstage. That one?
WTF happened in hair today?! I came in here looking for Eileenie and all the nasty slut comments about Florence Henderson and her hot, hot meemaw tittays and I get this shit. Damn. Y'all know how to ruin the mood.
Oh.and.stop jackin' with angel_i before I have to mount you verbally and ride you around the room like my own personal bitch-tricycle.
**I ALT 12 you!**
Submitted by loozer on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 9:05pm.
UrMomma!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyngFurWy14
The obnoxious, fat guy from "That's So Raven" needs to go. I can't stand watching his bowling pin body gyrate around the dance floor. I do think it's funny that they paired his fat-ass with Lacey's fat-ass (and cross eyes).
I hate Bristol and here is why. She's not an advocate for anything other than her own wallet. And I get the sad creepy feeling that she regrets having her child and when he gets older and sees that PSA she did he's going to know it.
bwhahahaha....m.k., you fuggin' slay me!!!!
'she didn't even whip her hair back and forth (Willow Smith is crying into her Converse leggings right now). Doesn't Bristol know that you're supposed to shake the homely out of your hair in order to summon the sexiness?'
hahahahaahaha! maniac!!!!!
Submitted by K2 on Tue, 09/21/2010 - 2:10pm.
And who else would you suggest preach to young girls about teen pregnancy? Someone who has never experienced it ??!Someone who didnt get pregnant as a teen? WTF? Some of you are dumb as all hell.
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Um..no. You're dumb as hell. The best person to preach about AVOIDING TEEN PREGNANCY is someone who DIDN'T get pregnant. Cuz that's what they need to know - how to be a teen who DOESN'T get pregnant. A teen who does is hardly the best person to teach THAT.
Also, doesn't sex before marriage go against her religion? She has shamelessly disrespected her OWN RELIGION! It ain't my religion, I don't care - but I'm hardly gonna trust a bitch who can't keep her own values straight.
♥ Threadkilla!
9/11 is like Christmas for gay people!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1926079
A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.~ William James
Submitted by julesinSD on Tue, 09/21/2010 - 2:38pm.
“JulesinSD, don't tell me, you're part of the whole Tea Party movement aren't you? Yeah, good luck with that.”
The tea party: consists of 41% INDEPENDENTS those who decide the fucking election - FUCKING MORON.
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OMG you came back. Lemme just tell you - if I was a Republican I would hate your ass cuz you are making them look REALLY bad. I'm so sure not all republicans are bad. I KNOW there are Republicans on this board that are pretty fucking terrific. You're a disgrace.
♥ Threadkilla!
9/11 is like Christmas for gay people!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1926079
A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.~ William James