Ashton & Demi Have An Open Marriage, So Says His Supposed Side Piece
Brittney Jones, Ashton Kutcher's rumored one-time couch fuck, has ventured out of her cardboard box on the ho stroll once again to try milk more coins out of this non-scandal. In a new interview with Star Magazine (via Radar), Brittney says that Ashton and Demi's private parts are open to others as long as they play around together. Demi wasn't pissed off because Ashton wet humped on another chick, she was made because he did it without her. That made Demi's vag frown. This is the mess that Brittney said:
“Ashton said he and Demi have an open relationship and have threesomes often. I didn't feel at all like he had just cheated on his wife. It felt normal and OK. He (Ashton) said they share women, but he isn’t supposed to go off and sleep with women on his own. He explained that he and Demi had a deal where they had to share lovers. He felt bad that he had been with me and didn’t share.”
You know now that I really let my brain go there, this does make sense. I can totally picture Ashton and Demi as that skeezy swingers couple from HBO's Real Sex circa 1990s. They troll the club for little young things together and when they pounce on one, they all pile into Ashton's burgundy Cadillac DeVille with tan leather seats and go back to "the crib." Demi sits in the backseat with the girl and strokes her thigh while Ashton brags about how he had lunch with Les Moonves.
When they get back to the house, they take the spiral staircase down to Demi and Ashton's "love den" which is decked out in wood paneled walls, emerald green shag carpeting and a giant round bed covered in a black panther bedspread. Ashton changes into a zebra print thong and tells the girl to choose from a variety of teddies in the mirrored closet. Then Ashton pulls out a bottle of sparkling pink wine (because the ladies love it) from the nightstand/cooler next to the bed and pours a glass for all of them. Ashton and the girl get into bed together and since he can't grow chest hair, he puts on a hair bib for her to stroke while they watch Demi dance on a makeshift stage in the corner.
Yes, you know which dance Demi does. Demi's Dance of the Seven Seizures:
Seriously, that's totally how it plays out. And don't even get me started on the key parties Ashton and Demi go to.