Kate Moss Is A Married Woman Now! (UPDATE: No, She's Not)
The details from The Mirror on Kate Moss' secret August 7th wedding to her longtime line cutter Count Von Count are kind of hilarious. My guess is that Kate Moss is their "source" and she got so high on pink champagne bubbles that she passed out onto the cheese fondue fountain and woke up in an empty bath tub the next morning not remembering a damn thing. So she watched A Midsummer Night's Dream, cut her shit with Pixy Stix and then called up The Mirror and used a foreign accent to give them all the details of "Kate Moss' summer wedding to Jamie Hince." And here they are:
The couple, who met in September 2007, chose to wed in a small, picturesque church on the Mediterranean island of Sicily, away from all prying eyes.With only their closest friends in attendance, and Mossy’s daughter Lila Grace acting as one of three ring bearers, the whole day was relaxed, simple and, for Kate and Jamie, perfect.
“They planned the day for weeks and were so excited. Kate didn’t want a stuffy, formal do, but something spiritual.
“Minutes after tying the knot, the giggling newlyweds were outside the church, dancing under trees.”
Adds the source: “Afterwards locals from the village were milling about, joining in the festivities. It was an incredibly happy day.”
See what I mean. Dancing under the trees?! Who do they think they are? Sookeh in the fairy land? Gay hippies on the right kind of shrooms? Me if the tree's branches were covered with sparkly dildos? There were definitely ecstasy pills in their canapes, or the "source" was eating ecstasy canapes before calling up The Mirror.
With all that being said, YAY for Kate and the man who has promised to hold her hair while she barfs last night's party in the toilet for the rest of his life. And condolences to Dreamboat Doherty who is doing the crackie cry somewhere:
Should've been you, Dreamy! Should've been you!
UPDATE: Will somebody throw an empty bottle at Dreamy's head, because he can stop bawling now. Kate Moss' agent has taken this story, chopped it up, sprinkled it onto a metal spoon and smoked it up! Apparently, the wedding never happened and Kate Moss is not Mrs. Count Von Count.
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It's sad that Pete (or is he PETER now??) is so...so...so...dirty. I can forgive him being a junkie, I can forgive him being a slob. But I'll NEVER forgive him being dirty. There's no excuse. Junkies in the public eye should make a BIT of an effort to at least LOOK clean. There are young impressionable kids out there!
For gawds sake, man!....Clean yourself up for the camera! Used to be cute to look at once, now a dirty shadow of your former talentless self...'Albion' was the only half decent song you ever wrote. Piss off, and EARN the title of 'human being'.
DANG Manimal5, after looking at that last image of her topless, I'm worried Chris Hansen will show up and ask me to have a seat.
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"...it's not called Flapping Noni..."
She and Doherty are equally loathesome; Moss is a former model and her looks and agent are what kept her from looking like a female Doherty.
As far as I'm concerned, she and Pam Anderson need to take a step back and rethink their images as they age.
Submitted by KidL on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 8:49am
UCL is the third best school in the UK after Oxford and Cambridge. Who knew Petey was so smart?
Submitted by KidL on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 8:49am
UCL is the third best school in the UK after Harvard and Cambridge. Who knew Petey was so smart?
Bloody double post. >:^<
That truly is the most disgusting photo of all time. I can't manage to scroll past it fast enough--somehow, my brain records the image, even at top speed, and then I'm dry-heaving again. These yogurt-covered raisins are stale anyway…
The fake doctor in me suspects Ole Petey Boy's got himself a serious case of quinsy. That could earn him his toe tag faster than us all waiting for him to OD. Bright side!
Holy Sh!t! That's the nastiest looking pie hole I've ever seen.
What's at the back of his throat...puss?
I CAN'T REST MY EYES ANYWHERE ON THAT PIC!! AHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
I can smell his breath from here!!
*passes out*
she kissed that?!!!???!!!
Damn! If Dreamboat won't marry you, then that's saying a ton.
I really don't get her appeal. I see better looking woman at the supermarket and Kate Moss certainly isn't the brightest bulb in the bunch. Believe it or not, Petey boy is a University College London dropout. (UCL is a pretty good school.) I would imagine after the crack wears off, he would want someone to talk to about things other than the latest fashions.
Submitted by TheBreakdown on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 12:36am.
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AFUCKENMEN.
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"This is straight up fuckery."
His Holiness MK, 9/03/08
Holy hell, that picture made me barf in my mouth.
is that the official wedding picture of kate and her new hubby...it's so tasteful...
add dreammy to the list of those who make my skin crawl...
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Just wait til your ball sack is jangling around your knees like santa's bells and your brows are meeting your eyelids -stolen from: Urfugginjokin on Holy Moly on 10/13/10
MK, PLEASE add several more posts to this page so I don't have to continue to scroll past this hideous picture.
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"Everytime I lower the bar of expectations, you limbo right under it".
spiritual kate!hahaha!
Submitted by GlitterKitty on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 1:40am
Johnny Depp wouldn't marry her, Doherty proposed but called her a stalker which leads one to believe he didn't really have any intention in marrying her (the fact that he cheated on her doesn't really point to taking marriage seriously either). Not to mention he only ever agreed to the blessing in Thailand. The reports around that time pointed to the fact that Moss was angry Doherty wouldn't commit. And Jefferson Hack wouldn't marry her.
She may be lovely in person but that doesn't mean she isn't marriage obsessed. A normal woman wouldn't be buying herself a ring two months into dating a man.
Damn you MK! I could smell his stank breaf all the way over here on the West Coast. Nasty black tongue and dirty teefs. Ugh. Brush that mess.
Kate always wanted to get married? Ehr.. You can say a lot about the woman but not that. She had plenty of opportunities and never did. I actually think Jamie really suits her. Hope they are happy. Despite all the shit, I always found her to be nice when seeing her around.
Submitted by dlaugher on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 11:05pm
exactly. She couldn't even give her Maid of Honor? Flowergirl?
Kate has always wanted to get married. She's the kind picking out wedding dates on the second date. She's like Kate Hudson, clingy and marriage obsessed. Bitch would have married ANYONE (which is she dumped Dohertys ass. he wouldn't marry her, he only gave into a Thai spiritual ceremony).
Mazel Tov I guess. She's happy cause she finally got that ring and he's happy because he gets to live off her millions (he used to be in a band right?). I don't see this shit working out but hey whatever. Maybe now she'll grow the fuck up (probably not). Let's just hope to fuck she doesn't have anymore kids becuase she's barely a mum to the one she has now.
Kate is one of those that you hit it and quit it, but you most definitely do NOT put a ring on it!
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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
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A simple affair, under the trees, with the locals, and three ring-bearers. Too bad they look like shit.
Pete Doherty looks like the cashier working at my cafeteria.
He's nice, though. I like him.
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
Bathym Belem Gomor
WTHell is going on here!?? Kate and her drunk big hair I can take; Dreamboat, I cannot.
And wow, someone MARRIED someone who rubbed and licked on Dreamboat??????????!??????? Totally fking confused and nauseous.
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"DO AS I SAY AND BUY THE MOTHERFUCKING COCK SHIT GODDAMN FIVE POUND BAG OF THE SODDING WHITE FUCKING POTATOES!" - QBK 10.2010
"LEARN. TO. FUCKING. COUNT. YOU JACKHOLE." - Uvy 10.2010
(...still lmfao!)
They both appear on the brink of death.
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
Bathym Belem Gomor
La Kate Moss always had that je ne seis quoi?
I guess i have to become a real junky to be pretty
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I had to fight like hell to convince people I was beautiful in my own Polish half-breed way.
Janice Dickinson
@salacious
Thanks for that clip of The Count. It makes up for years of having to watch Sesame Street. Nothing says goodbye like a big F-U. If you have a link like this for the Teletubbies too, I'm gonna declare you my favorite D-listed.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
OMG, and to think that she actually kissed THAT mouth! If ever anyone needed proof that drugs are bad for you, well, here it is. Makes me glad to be a boozer.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Maybe the third ring bear was to prop her up while the vows were being read?
*puts on deputy badge* MK, I can't believe you didn't point out the detail that she had THREE RING BEARERS! WTF? how many rings did she have???? (besides the fact that, with all the foolery her daughter has had to put up with, she couldn't shine on her own at the wedding but had to share a duty? seriously, kate?)
now she will be a respectable Mom for sure!
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Fast as you can baby wait watch me I'll be out
Fast as you can maybe late but at least about
Fast as you can leave me let this thing run it's route
Fast as you can......
- Fiona Apple
Seriously, how could anyone want to be with Kate Moss after knowing she fucked on Dreamy?
I even feel sick about dating guys my age now (and to be fair, they should be sick about ME), knowing how many twats their dicks have been in and how kissing them is like kissing every girl they've ever gone down on.
Ick.
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Plato
YOU MADE PETEY SAD!!!1
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"I'm like a tree, I feed the branches of the people." - Kanye West
Submitted by lifeislikecake on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 9:53pm.
I am going to create a diet called the PETE DOHERTY diet, and all I'm gonna do is show you his fucking picture everytime you want to eat.
So run and tell DAT, homeboy.
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lololoollol..... I guess that if they could also show it at gay camps. It would be effective on guys, but I think it would have an adverse effect on women and turn them into lesbians instead.
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"UMMMM.... If only Mama Cass and Karen carpenter had shared a sandwich that fateful day they would both be alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I had no idea she was that fug a long time ago. Nice nose job.
Guess she just decided that she needs a man who bathes.
Yeah, no mention of me??? Kate wishes she were me.
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I'M DONESVILLE!
Nourish the Inner Asshole
Borrachas of the world unite and take over!
damn...that's some nasty infection spreading across dreamboat's face! yikes!
YEAH I AM SPIRITUAL...on friday nights with bottles of liquor by my side. so I totally understand. ahahahahahah wtf she got married??!?!!! *sees fairies...goes and dances under the palm tree on my patio* OH and another wtf moment with "Afterwards locals from the village " wtf does that mean. ahahaahahaha some heavy shit these people were on. ahahahaahaha
Coma Caca!
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I hope he likes coke, toilets full of vomit and the smell of 6month old ladies underwear.
Submitted by dulcecali on Thu, 10/14/2010 - 9:49pm.
Why does she always look so wasted?
I'm only guessing here but....I think it's cause she usually is wasted most of the time.
She made "heroin chic" popular!!!
Some pics of her first photoshoot. She's come a long way!
http://www.glamcult.com/wp-content/uploads/Corinne-Day-Kate-Moss-1989.jp...
http://www.ameliasmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/CorrineDayFACE...
http://www.vam.ac.uk/vastatic/microsites/photography/images/photograph/m...
http://ladylixa.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/mossy029-e1283373615265.jpg?...
http://www.ameliasmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/CorinneDay_KAT...
I am going to create a diet called the PETE DOHERTY diet, and all I'm gonna do is show you his fucking picture everytime you want to eat.
So run and tell DAT, homeboy.
Why does she always look so wasted?
PIXY STIX!!!!!!
Why have a secret, no-paps wedding, then splash the happy deets through your flack months later?
I bet both their careers dry up and blow away in a few short years hence.
Fuck all the pretentious cunts who say they want "something spiritual".
That said, I think she's really fucking hot. Sue me.
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"Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer"
*wipes vomit spots from shirt*
It's called a "tongue-scraper," Pete.
Look into it.
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"...it's not called Flapping Noni..."
Pete has a rug burn on his face?
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The real life horror of Monsanto: David vs Monsanto
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E42ndfjnP1g